Author's Note: Post 7x14. I'm not abandoning my other Emison story, Hold Me Down, but I wanted to write a short fic dealing with the events that transpired in 7x14 because yikes, that episode was tough to watch. This isn't going to be too long, I'd say probably about 3-5 chapters depending on how I end up breaking things up but I hope to get it all done and published in the next couple of weeks and then return to working on Hold Me Down. Anyway here's my attempt at making sense of Emily and Paige and Alison being pregnant with Emily's baby and of course Emily and Alison's feelings for each other.
She wants to offer to stay with Alison, to hold and comfort the devastated blonde as she tries to process the horrible memory A.D. had forced her to unearth in that baby clothing store hours ago, but the words die in her throat before they could reach her lips. What could she possibly say to make this better? What comfort could she offer Alison when her own mind is racing and her skin is itching with the knowledge that someone used a part of her to violate someone she loves?
She feels angry and useless. Angry at A.D. for stealing her eggs and committing this heinous act of violation on Alison's body, angry at Archer Dunhill for conning Alison into thinking she loved him and putting her in that godforsaken mental hospital where she was tortured and forcibly impregnated, angry at Aria for leaving Alison alone in that stupid baby clothing store to be traumatized. Useless because she can't fix this. She can't find the words to make it better. She can't make Alison feel safe and okay or undo the damage that's been done to them both.
But more than anything, she feels guilty. Because it's her eggs that are implanted inside Alison. If she hadn't screwed up her life so badly and been so desperate for money, she never would have considered donating her eggs in the first place, and then A.D. wouldn't have had the opportunity to inflict this particularly cruel form of torture on her and Alison. Guilty because she had once again allowed herself to assume the worst of Alison when she went searching for that damn red jacket in Alison's house when Hanna was missing—the jacket they turned over to A.D. to implement Alison in Charlotte's murder. But they had been wrong about Alison again and she had carelessly thrown Alison into the clutches of a sadistic monster who cooked up this twisted act of retribution to punish the blonde for a crime she didn't commit. Guilty because Alison had been alone when she found out that her body had been violated and her choice stolen from her—after all of Emily's promises to be there throughout this pregnancy, she had been absent when Alison needed her the most.
Instead of being in that baby clothing store with Alison, she had been with Paige trying to recapture the carefree feeling they had shared in college—before her dad died and things got tough. Before life kicked in. Things have been so complicated lately—with A.D.'s sick elaborate board game wreaking havoc on her life and the confusing feelings between herself and Alison resurfacing but remaining unresolved because of the blonde's reluctance to open up—so she had latched onto the idea of a simpler time with a girl who was safe and familiar. But that brief flash of happiness she and Paige had shared in the street only a few hours ago now seems like a silly lie she was trying to sell herself.
Emily paces the floor, tensions high as A.D.'s plan to rip them apart and keep them on their toes appears to be working better than anyone could have imagined. Alison moved back to the living room, where she now sits staring straight ahead, her body rigid and her blue eyes hollow. Aria returns from the kitchen and presses a glass of water Alison didn't ask for into her hands. Alison fails to acknowledge the glass in her hand or the girl who gave it to her and Aria turns to Spencer with a worried expression.
Hanna stalks across the floor angrily, still reeling from being forced to take a second turn at the game when Aria hasn't had to go yet. "Lets go, Emily," she calls over her shoulder as she storms towards the door.
Emily hesitates, her eyes fixed on Alison as she chews on her bottom lip. Hanna is already half-way out the door and she knows she should probably follow because Hanna is technically her ride back to Lucas's loft but her feet don't move. She had ridden her bike straight from the Brew, where she had been indulging in post-pizza cappuccinos with Paige, to Alison's when she had gotten Alison's desperate call to come over and now it's too late to ride her bike back alone.
"Em, it's okay, go. I'll take care of Ali," Aria offers, noticing Emily's reluctance to leave.
Emily knows Aria was already planning on staying with Alison for a couple of days so at least Alison won't be alone, but a part of her wants to insist on staying anyway, because if someone is going to take care of Alison, it should be her. But Hanna is already out the door and Spencer is preparing to leave too, and how could she explain wanting to stay when Aria has already claimed the task.
Emily takes one last long look at Alison who seems to be somewhere else completely. She aches to go over and wrap her arms around the devastated girl, to tuck her soft blonde hair behind her ear and tell her it'll be okay, to wipe the tears from her red-rimmed eyes, but instead she mutters a lame, "I'll talk to you later, Ali," as she follows Hanna out to the car and tries to convince herself that Alison will be okay with Aria for the night.
Alison watches through tired eyes as Emily enters the faculty lounge the following morning. The brunette offers her a small smile before silently moving to the coffee maker to fix herself a cup. Alison turns her head slightly to watch Emily make her coffee—two sugars, no milk—as she absently twirls her stirrer in her cup of chamomile tea.
She doesn't particularly care for chamomile tea but she's trying to limit her caffeine intake for the sake of the baby—the baby she's carrying that's actually Emily's. The baby she had decided not to have just a few days ago. The baby she's now unsure about. Just organizing the thoughts inside her head makes her feel sick and confused because how the hell did she end up in this situation. Well, she knows how—A.D. had made her remember how it felt to be strapped down to a bed, her mind made fuzzy and her body weak by the drugs in her system, as some faceless person behind a mask pried her legs apart and poked and prodded at her most intimate area.
She swallows down the nausea rising in her stomach as she thinks about it and takes a long sip of her tea to try to clear her head.
"Morning," Alison greets softly once Emily places her cup of coffee on the table Alison is sitting at and takes a seat opposite her.
"Good morning," Emily returns, her expression weary. "How'd you sleep last night?"
Alison shakes her head. "I didn't. How about you?"
Emily shrugs, not wanting to admit she spent all night obsessing over the baby—her baby—inside of Alison's stomach.
"So have you thought any more about what you're going to do?" Emily asks carefully as she sips her coffee, eyes flitting up nervously to look at Alison.
Alison frowns, cupping both hands around her mug and letting its warmth spread through her body. "It's hard not to think about it."
"And do you still want… are you still planning to terminate the pregnancy?" Emily prods gently, grateful the first bell of the day has rung and the faculty lounge has cleared out, leaving just the two of them.
Alison's eyes water as she shakes her head and shrugs. "I don't know. Everything's different now. It's not up to me anymore, you're a part of this too."
Twenty-four hours ago she had been so sure of her decision. She was going to terminate this pregnancy and regain control of her life. She was not going to allow her abusive con-man of a husband to continue to manipulate her from beyond the grave. She'd have a baby on her own terms when the time was right and she was ready to start a family with the person she loves. She was not going to bring a child into this world that was combination of her screwed up genes and Archer's evil DNA. But then she had learned the truth about the baby's parentage—it was Emily's, not hers—and everything had changed. Now she could actually see herself having this baby and the thought terrifies her.
"Ali, it's your body," Emily says firmly, because how could she tell Alison what to do in this situation.
"But it's your baby," Alison counters, her voice a raspy whisper as tears begin to form in her eyes. "God, this is all so messed up. What are we going to do, Em?"
She had been so terrified to tell Emily the truth about the baby last night that she had thrown up twice before Emily made it to her house. She was the one responsible for bringing Emily and the others back to Rosewood and setting this whole thing in motion by falling for Archer's lies when he said Charlotte was ready to live a life outside of Welby, and now they were all suffering for her stupidity.
After she had finally managed to force the words out of her mouth, she had expected the brunette to get up and leave—because who wouldn't want to leave her—who in their right mind would want to deal with the mess that has become of her life? But Emily had stayed and nodded in quiet agreement when Alison suggested canceling her abortion appointment until they could talk more about it. But that's the part Alison is dreading the most, because they haven't always been the best at communicating their feelings, which Alison recognizes is mostly her fault, but how are they supposed to reach a decision together when they've never been able to be fully honest with each other in the past?
They had shared a moment after Alison first confided in Emily about being pregnant—a sweet kiss on the couch as they watched an old movie that had made Alison's heart sore with hope for a future together—but come morning time, Alison had started to panic and built her walls back up. Her life was spiraling out of control, she couldn't pull Emily into her chaos and risk losing her for good.
"I don't know, but we'll figure this out together, okay? You're not going through this alone, Ali. I'll be right here every step of the way," Emily tells her, covering Alison's shaky hands with her own and imploring the girl to meet her eyes with a gentle smile.
Alison nods and sniffles, doing her best to return Emily's comforting smile. "I know. Thank you."
"Hey babe."
Alison's head snaps up at the sound of the pet name coming from the doorway. Her eyes meet the source of the voice as she feels Emily abruptly pull her hands away from her. Instantly she feels the loss of the comfort Emily's touch had provided.
Paige slides into the chair on the other side of Emily, grinning happily at the swim coach as she grabs Emily's hand—Emily's hand that had just been comforting Alison. Alison feels her stomach roll with sickness that she doesn't know whether to attribute to morning sickness or the room's newest occupant.
"So I was thinking for lunch later maybe we could try that new Vietnamese place over on Grover," Paige suggests. "Or we could always do pizza again. Although after watching you scarf down 4 slices last night, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd never want to see another slice of pizza again," she finishes with a grin.
"Paige," Emily murmurs, eyes darting nervously to Alison before settling back on Paige and forcing out a tight-lipped smile that looks more like a grimace.
Paige laughs, "I know. Who am I kidding? Like you'd ever give up pizza."
Alison's face falls as she observes the pair, mouth falling open and eyes pulling together as she watches Paige lean into Emily with an adoring look. Her heart clenching in her chest as she's hit with the painful realization and suddenly she feels like she can't breathe.
Emily ducks her eyes to avoid Alison's gaze as she allows Paige to pull her closer and tries not to appear too uncomfortable in the other girl's embrace.
Abruptly Alison pushes her chair back and scrambles to her feet. She can't be in this room with Emily and Paige any longer, not when Emily and Paige are Emily and Paige again and she's just some knocked up, screwed up interloper who's carrying Emily's baby.
"Alison," Paige says cordially upon seeing Alison standing. "How are you?"
The question sounds sincere and Emily finds herself looking thoughtfully between Paige and Alison, eagerly awaiting the blonde's response.
Alison avoids looking at either woman, gathering her belongings and grabbing the last of the exams she had been grading during her free first period from the table. "Fine—good. I'm good. Thank you. I just have to go," she mutters, shoving the papers into a thick blue binder and slamming it shut. She readjusts the books and folders stacked in her arms and swings her tote bag over her other shoulder.
"Ali, you don't have to go. Stay and finish your tea," Emily suggests, feeling Paige's eyes on her as she extends the offer. She can't exactly explain it but she feels guilty for the sudden shift in the blonde's mood and she doesn't want Alison to go without explaining herself. But what exactly does she have to explain? And what exactly does her preoccupancy with Alison's feelings say about her relationship with Paige?
Alison shakes her head and glances at Emily through damp lashes. "I can't."