Cencored Chapter 10: Of Mice and Men

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Content warnings: This is the censored version of chapter 10, free of actual descriptions of animal cruelty. The scene necessarily still contains references to the medical experiments on the mice, but I do not really describe them. I promise you won't miss any character development or dialogue if you read this instead of the original. Shout-out to my sister for making sure this censored chapter happened (and sorry for making you read the original.)

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As the weeks passed, a strange sort of normality returned to the rhythm of the days. Vampires still came to buy blood, Therese still required her regular deliveries and he still went to her for a blood fix every month. On the surface nothing seemed different. But everything was different.

Vandal had never felt this good. Or if he had, he could no longer remember it. It had never occurred to him that Therese's influence over him had reached beyond his adoration for her. He had simply been incapable of recognizing her blood in the whispers in his head when they did not speak of her. He had never been normal, but before her he had been…stable, in control. Now he felt like that again. Like there were no voices in his head other than his own. Nothing or no one to tell him what to feel or what to do except for him. He hated what he hated and he did what he wanted to do.

He did not know what he wanted with Anna though. He brought her Therese's blood and she gave him her vitae. Sometimes she told him about her experiments with it and she was eager to hear anything he had to say about it. About once a week she went home with him and had sex with him and then left for her own place without a care in the world. Very rarely he went over to hers and then he left afterwards, before she had the chance to even hint at him having to leave. When he thought about it there really wasn't anything he would change about that, but it still felt strange. By now he thought more about Anna than Therese. It was like she had replaced her in his head. Only…this was different. He didn't need Anna. He wanted her.

The more he thought about her, the more curious he got to see her at work. She never wanted to let him into her lab when she worked and whenever he asked about her work she tried not to answer, but he could tell she really wanted to talk about it. She was proud of her work and it clearly frustrated her not to be able to share it with anyone. Even so, it was not easy to make her talk about it. He had to pick his moments carefully, waiting for her to let her guard down.

.

"How did your skin regrowth tests go?" Vandal asked nonchalantly.

He and Anna were sitting in the otherwise empty break room. It was around three in the morning and it was unusually quiet at the clinic. Anna glanced at Vandal and he saw she was pleased that he remembered exactly what she was working on. It had been a slow night at the blood bank, Vandal was bored and he had made up his mind that he'd try to convince Anna to show him her work tonight.

It wasn't just that he was curious about her research, he wanted to see her work. By now he was fairly familiar with Anna's different sides. She turned the various facets of her personality on and off with no effort at all. But behind each of them there was a little of that gorgeous darkness, smouldering in the deep. It was a part of her that she kept hidden, but it was not always as far away. It had almost escaped that night he made her talk about her past and he had been looking for it in her eyes ever since. When she was talking to her colleagues, making small talk or discussing work, it was hardly noticeable. When she was in her cool, professional persona it was equally far away. But sometimes when he coaxed her to talk about her past again, or teased her about her experiments, it came bubbling to the surface. And when she was screaming with pleasure in his bed it seemed almost ready to take her over completely. Vandal wanted to see more of that, and he suspected that seeing her at work would give him the opportunity.

"So?" he prompted. "Don't hold out on me, princess."

"It went well enough," she replied modestly.

"Yeah?" he hummed.

"Yes," she said, excitement sneaking into her voice. "The vitae completely restored them, and so quickly too." Her eyes were starting to gleam. "People think of injuries to the skin as shallow and easily healed, but once the wound covers a big enough area it starts to cost the body tremendous energy to repair it. Almost instantaneous regenerating of the skin is incredible." Suddenly she realized what she was doing and abruptly shut her mouth.

Vandal grinned. "Come on, princess," he coaxed. "You're aching to show me. Why don't you?"

Anna gave him a strange look. "No…" she said slowly.

"Come on," Vandal insisted. "I'll keep my hands to myself." He grinned at her. "I'll keep them off you and your work."

She looked at him and he could almost feel her mind wavering.

"Well," she suddenly said. "Why not? You want to see, come up and see."

Vandal made an effort to hide his triumphant smirk. "Lead the way then," he said, getting to his feet.

"Now?" Anna asked, raising her eyebrows.

"No time like the present," he smiled. Like he was going to giver het time to change her mind. No, no. He wanted to see Anna playing with in her lab and he wanted to see it now.

"I'm working on three groups at the moment," Anna said, unlocking the door of her lab. "Skin, muscle tissue and organ damage."

She locked the door behind them and Vandal inhaled the smell of wounds and disinfectant. Three cages, divided into small compartments, stood a little apart on the far counter against the wall. They were filled with mice.

"Skin, muscle, organs," Anna pointed to the different cages, putting on her lab coat. "Here," she held out a spare coat to Vandal.

He put it on and walked over to the counter to study the mice. He stared at them in quiet fascination. The dumb creatures did not even shy away from him. They all had different kinds of injuries. Vandal inspected them with the critical eye of a lover of the art of bodily harm.

"Who gave them the injuries?" he asked, deeply fascinated.

"I did, of course," Anna replied matter-of-factly, putting on her gloves.

Of course she did. Vandal did not really know why he had asked. Anna would never let anyone else near her research. It was just that he couldn't see her doing it. His imagination was failing him and he wanted to see what kind of cruelty she was capable of so badly it ached. Vandal swallowed heavily and looked away.

Anna was talking again. Something about having to make sure a subject had enough nutrients to actually sustain the healing properties of the vitae. She moved through her lab deliberately and gracefully. This was truly her domain, she was completely at home here. Vandal watched her intently.

"Watch this," she said, sitting down at the counter and he did. He watched in rapt fascination as she selected a heavily injured mouse and gave it a very small dose of vitae. It worked even faster than he had expected. The mouse gained strength and health before their very eyes, until it's white coat was smooth and healthy again its skin completely free of any blemish. With a triumphant smile Anna put the mouse back into its pen and it immediately ran to its water bottle to drink.

Anna met Vandal's eyes and smiled. He searched for something to say that didn't involve him asking her to do that again but with less desire to end suffering. It was interesting to see her work, but he had expected to see more pleasure in her than the calm contentment he was seeing now.

"It works exactly as you thought it would," he said. No matter how disappointed part of him was, he was impressed. How could he not be?

"Thank you," Anna said smugly. "At least I presume you meant that as a compliment."

"You can take it however you want it, princess," Vandal said, glancing over the many mice in various stages of suffering. "What are you doing with these if you know your vitae works?" he asked.

"Experimenting with different doses," she answered. "I want to know exactly how much vitae has what effect."

"You're testing that now?" he chuckled. "Does that make me your first test subject?" He was not as bothered by that as he could have been.

"Well, you were so eager," Anna grinned. "But no. Of course I tried the dose on mice first. The last thing I wanted was to accidentally give you an overdose."

"Is that even possible?" he asked.

"That's what experiments are for," Anna said. "I need to see how little vitae still has a desirable effect and how much vitae is too much. Either because it is unnecessary or because it is dangerous. Normally I'd just pump a few mice full of an extra high dose and see what it does, but this stuff is still in short supply and too valuable to waste."

Vandal hummed thoughtfully. He had been thinking of other ways to get Anna her vampire blood. Not that he didn't enjoy using Therese without her knowledge, but it was a slow process. It made him impatient. Short of kidnapping a vampire and strapping them to one of his chairs he couldn't think of another way to get his hands on their blood though, and that was just too damn dangerous. Especially right under Therese's nose.

"So far," Anna said. "I have found out that small doses actually do quite a lot. And the vitae is not hard to dilute either, it's pretty forgiving stuff. Very easy to handle."

"How ironic," Vandal smirked and she laughed.

She took off her bloody glove and changed it for a clean one. Vandal stared at the collection of scurrying little bodies.

"What do you do with them after you are done?" he asked.

"Gas them," Anna replied.

"That's a shame," he said. Scientists, never knew how to have any proper fun.

"Hm? Are you such an animal lover?" she asked mockingly.

"Oh yeah…" he grinned at her. "I was great friends with the rats back at home…" He sighed. "What a waste of a death, using something as dull as gas."

"Hardly anything to waste in an animal's death," Anna said amusedly. "They aren't aware."

"They feel pain," Vandal said, glancing at the cages.

"Sure they do," Anna said, with a dismissive shake of her head. "But they have no concept of either life or death, only instinct. What good is wielding death over something that doesn't realize you control its life?"

There. There it was. Glistening sharply in her eyes, taking possession of the curve of her mouth. It was dark, it was cruel and it was dying to get its hands on the world. Vandal slanted his head and watched Anna with fascinated astonishment. How, he thought, how did she manage to pass for mundane and normal in the eyes of the world?

"I'll move on to diseases soon," Anna said, the darkness sinking into her again. "Blood-borne infections first I think."

Vandal watched her return to her calm and clinical self with a dull ache in his heart. He could not understand how she could just turn off that vibrant, brilliant side of her in favour of sweet little smiles and sensible calmness. And for what? To fit in with the sheep? With the mice? He knew the price of living. He knew the importance of hiding. But why should she hide it now? She couldn't want to be normal, surely? Anna knew her own superiority, it was the first thing that started to show when she was caught al little off guard. She looked down on absolutely everyone. Vandal thought of the look on her face when she had talked to him of her work, things that truly mattered to her… Would she do that if she also looked down on him?

...

Anna bit her lip and stared at her notes without seeing them. Vandal was making her question herself. Around him she did things she didn't mean to do. Not things she didn't want to do, mind, but things she didn't mean to do nonetheless. At least, not when someone was around to see her do it… But it was more fun if he was around to see her do it. She snarled at herself. Wants were all very well, but she needed to get her priorities straight. She was close to proving all her theories. She couldn't allow herself to get distracted now. It was cute that Vandal wanted to know about her research, see her work, but it was a distraction. Involuntarily her memory called forth the look of fascinated respect that had been on Vandal's face when he watched her inject the mice. People looked at her like that all the time, but not like that. Not with so much understanding, not with so much…justification. How could they? Nobody knew what she was really capable of. But even if they would know, they wouldn't understand. They wouldn't appreciate it. Vandal did. Anna caught herself smiling and hissed internally.

What was the matter with her? She was losing control of her situation. That suspicion had been dawning on her for a while now. Vandal was different now he was free from Therese. She never heard him mutter to himself anymore. His eyes rarely glazed over now and in everything he said and did there was something more…deliberate now. Anna liked it, but she knew she shouldn't trust it. He was more in control, which meant that she wasn't. She could no longer direct him as easily as before, her influence over him was sinking. Or…was that true? He wasn't drawing away from her. Quite the contrary. Vandal seemed to want more from her now than he had done before. She was no longer the one constantly carrying the conversation. No longer the one always instigating the contact… And she was so bored without him. She sighed. It was such a damn waste. A guy like that in a place like this. Reluctantly she turned her attention to her notes again, but the frown that had crept onto her face stayed with her for the rest of the evening.

...

The more he tried to find out about the side of Anna he found most attractive, the more puzzled Vandal was by the way she behaved. He could not understand how a contempt like hers could so easily be hidden away. She was so universally liked. How the fuck did she do it? Just the thought of playing the kind of games Anna played to fool everyone around her made Vandal feel like he would lose his mind. All those damn people expecting something from you. Attention, help, sympathy, friendliness, patience. He'd kill himself before he reduced himself to that. Except Anna was not like him. Not really. Perhaps in some ways she was, but she still liked people. Or if she didn't she at least wanted to be among them. Yes, Anna enjoyed being among people. Vandal didn't understand why, but she did.

"I want to go out," she said one evening at the clinic.

"Go out where," Vandal grunted.

"Any place will do," Anna said. "I just need a night out. I've been to the Confession a couple of times now, it's getting old. There's a bar a couple of streets over called The Last Round, I-"

Vandal snarled at her. "You keep away from there. That's a bloodsuckers' den."

"Everything here is full of the parasites," Anna spat. "I'm sick of it. If I want to go there, I will."

Vandal grabbed her by the arm and yanked her towards him. "The Last Round is the Anarch headquarters," he said warningly. "The only mortals you'll find there are ghouls and blood dolls."

"Anarchs?" Anna said, shaking her head in irritation.

"You're kidding me," Vandal snapped. How did she not know about this? "Never mind," he growled. "All you need to know is to stay away from there if you want to keep that pretty little head of yours."

Anna gave him a resentful look and pulled her arm free. Now she was pissed at him. For fuck's sake.

He forced a smile. "Alright, princess, sit down," he said. "I'll give you a lesson in the local politics."

For a moment it looked like she was just going to leave, but then she sat down. Her curiosity was usually stronger than her other emotions.

"You know about the Camarilla, right?" Vandal said.

"Their pretend government," Anna said sourly.

"More like a political sect," Vandal grinned. "But that's exactly what the Anarchs think of them."

"They are anti-establishment?" she said, with equal distaste.

"Hm, and they used to call the shots here. LA's supposed to be the Anarch Free State. Not a pretty sight when the Camarilla first moved in, oh no…"

"I thought there were only two flavours of parasite," Anna said, still in a bad mood. "The Camarilla and the Sabbat."

Vandal shook his head. "The Sabbat aren't normal bloodsuckers," he said. "The Camarilla and the Anarchs both kill them if they have the chance. But we weren't talking about them. The Last Round is where the Anarch leaders of LA hang out to do their hero of the people act."

"So the Camarilla believes in leadership by elders and the Anarchs want, what? A democracy?" Anna said mockingly.

"Something like that," Vandal grinned. "But they mostly want to rip each other's throats out."

Anna sniffed. "And who does the Queen Bitch belong to?" she asked.

"Camarilla, of course," he replied. "But she'll work with anyone to get what she wants." He smirked. "Remind you of anyone?"

Anna refused to answer that.

Vandal grinned. "Her sister sided with the Anarchs," he said.

"Jeanette, right?" Anna said.

"Hm," he grunted.

"What happened to her?" Anna asked. "Some people seem to really miss her."

"Nobody knows except the Bitch herself," he replied. "They couldn't stand each other…"

"What was she like?" Anna asked, suddenly interested.

"Jeanette?" Vandal said, a little suspicious of where this was going. "Not like the Queen Bitch. More like the Whore Priestess."

Anna was searching his face for some sort of emotion and he did not feel like showing any, so he changed the subject.

"The reason you need to stay away from the Last Round is because it's the hole where Nines Rodriguez and Smiling Jack like to bury themselves. Stay away from them. Especially Jack."

"Why?" Anna asked challengingly.

"You're human," Vandal snapped exasperatingly. "Most of the idiots that come to my window are lowlifes, nobodies. You can hear them slithering as they come and go. You have never even looked the Bitch in her face, have you? Do you have any idea what a real vampire can do to you?"

"I'm looking at it," Anna replied snidely.

He repressed the stab of anger he felt and leaned towards her. "If you'd like to find out what it's like to be drained of your blood and free will that can be arranged," he hissed.

Anna stared back at him coldly, refusing to shrink back or even look scared, but he could hear her heartbeat quickening.

"You really think I would risk my life?" she bit back at him. "All the work I've done? I have no desire to end up like those girls at the clinic or Beth." She spoke the name of her friend like it was a curse. "But every damn club in LA is either being run by or full of the filth. What makes these two so special you have to warn me about them and get your threatening ghoul act all up in my face."

Vandal sat back. She was damn lucky it was only an act. With how stupid she was behaving she deserved a proper warning. A proper grip around the throat. Something withheld him, however, and Anna was still looking at him, waiting for an answer.

He shifted uncomfortably. Nines was just a confrontational show off. Dangerous because of his street smarts, but not too interested in anyone that wasn't a threat to him. Jack was a different story. He unnerved Vandal, and that was saying something. The Brujah was always laughing at something and Vandal always got the feeling the joke was at the expense of the entire world.

"Nines is the leader of the Anarchs," Vandal said finally. "Even the Queen Bitch doesn't fuck with him. Hell, even her sister didn't try to fuck him."

Anna's mouth twitched.

"And Jack…" Vandal fixed his eyes on her. What could he say that would persuade Anna to stay away from him? Nobody ever talked about Jack. Not like he was someone important anyway. He hadn't heard Therese mention him even once. But the few time he had come to the blood bank Vandal had known he was dangerous. It had been one of the few things all his voices had agreed on.

"Alright, I get it," Anna said suddenly. "No going to the Last Round."

Vandal blinked confusedly and looked at her. He had zoned out for a second and whatever Anna had been able to read on his face, it had been enough to scare her. She certainly looked unsettled, but now he had pulled himself together she soon regained her composure and even pretended to go back to her former annoyed state.

"Well," she sighed. "I guess that means I'll go to the Confession again." She got to her feet and gave him a meaningful look. "You know, I might not be so bored with it if I had some company…"

"No," he said blankly.

"Fine," Anna said, rolling her eyes.

She left without kisses or squeezes and Vandal watched her leave with dissatisfied feelings he had no intention of sorting out. Not for the first time he wondered how long they'd be able to last. How long they could carry on like this. How long until one of them slipped up and this whole thing came crashing down… Somehow he felt like he had at least bought them some time just now. Time for what? He didn't know what to answer to that question. Time during which they were not dead, he decided. Time during which Anna was not walking to her death because she was bored and stubborn. He couldn't let that happen. Vandal looked up and suddenly caught his own expression in the glass of the window. He looked concerned. Not vexed, or anxious or even nervous. No, that was concern on his face. Genuine, fucking concern.

...

It was funny, really. She ought to laugh at it. He actually thought he could tell her where to go and where to stay away. Anna hesitated. He had been worried about her. Had he? Or had he just been worried she'd be stupid enough to lead the parasites to his door? She scoffed contemptuously, but a moment later she was laughing again. Men. At some point they all either got anxious or controlling. The anxious ones were convenient, so easy to play it was laughable. The controlling ones were more interesting, but hardly more of a challenge. A giggle escaped her throat. She should make Vandal come with her on her next outing. He would hate that and it would serve him right for trying to threaten her. And then she'd make him enjoy it and he would hate that even more.

No. Anna cut her own thoughts short and her smile melted away instantly. No. She shouldn't waste time pressing Vandal's buttons. It didn't matter. It was all background noise. This whole fucking town was full of it. She needed to keep her focus. Finish her research. Make use of Vandal while she could. Build up a supply of vitae and then leave. Find a place where the parasites didn't control half of the local businesses. A place where the hunters and occult scholars were more organized. A place with a less stupid climate. …a place without him? Anna threw her head back scornfully, but she couldn't help the dissatisfied pout in her lips. What she needed to do was focus on work. She would start experimenting on human patients tomorrow. Yes, she had enough data to be almost certain it would work. That's what she needed, some solid, tangible success. Something just for her.

...

Vandal heard running steps coming down the hallway. He had just enough time to realize it was Anna before the door flew open and she rushed in, looking positively elated. She was in raptures.

"I gave the vitae to a patient in trauma recovery, Vandal!" she cried, before he could say a word. "And it worked and there were no side effects."

He looked at her without giving a response. She didn't need one. He couldn't help grinning though. Raw, unadulterated happiness was radiating off her. He could actually feel it.

"I gave her the vitae instead of her dose of morphine," she said excitedly. "There had been so many complications during her operation. Her body should have given out days ago. But after I gave her the vitae she got better. I monitored her closely and she has been off all medications for a while now and there are no withdrawal symptoms or cravings. Nothing!" She beamed at him. "Vandal do you realize what this means?" she said. "It means it's our turn. Now we can bleed the monsters for their life force instead of them bleeding us."

Her eyes were sparkling and her face was flushed. There was something manic in her voice that Vandal liked above everything else. He had never seen her like this, all rash, impulsive enthusiasm.

"Give me a vampire," Anna declared triumphantly. "And I'll bleed them dry and cure cancer."

She was laughing out loud now and Vandal chuckled darkly. "That sounds oddly murderous for a doctor," he remarked, grinning.

"I'm not a doctor," Anna said boldly. "I'm a scientist and I stand by my statement."

Vandal looked at her mouth, curved into a smile full of grim determination and delight and suddenly he stepped towards her and kissed her. She struggled against him in her surprise. He tipped her head back and leaned her against the counter, kissing her forcefully. She moaned into the kiss and he held her a little closer. When he let go she gasped for air. He stepped away from her, enjoying her flustered expression.

"What was that for?" she said, slightly out of breath.

"For your triumph," Vandal replied, standing back with a grin. She looked so damn happy.

She laughed. Her spirits only seemed to be rising. She started talking about kidney disease and blood transfusions and making history and he listened with growing amusement until she stopped and made an incoherent noise. It seemed words weren't good enough for her delight and excitement.

"Haven't you got anything to say?" she grinned widely. "Vandal, you helped me change everything. It's going to be glorious!"

Vandal grabbed her, pulled her against him and kissed her again. She kissed back with a muffled, approving giggle and Vandal kissed her harder. God, she felt nearly electric. He tried to lift her onto the counter, but Anna resisted. He let go, slightly annoyed.

"I thought we were celebrating?" he said.

"I'm sorry," she laughed. "But I'm not having sex with a co-worker in his office."

"Oh…" he grinned darkly. "Worried about professionalism are we?" He really wanted her now and he wasn't going to stop. Her happiness was intoxicating. He pulled her towards him again and pressed a kiss in her neck. "Like the nurses and doctors don't go at it like wild animals in between shifts," he mumbled in her ear.

"Of course they do," Anna said, gently pushing him away again. "But I don't."

"Why not," he said, leering at her.

"Because I don't," she repeated.

He gave her a frustrated look. Why the fuck did she have to be difficult now.

"What?" Anna said. "Are you going to make me, big bad ghoul?"

He snarled. "No," he said. "Contrary to popular belief I don't force myself on women." He knew he had a rap sheet and knowing Anna she had probably managed to get her hands on the police report. That girl three years ago had been a mistake, she hadn't been as stupid as she looked. It was his own fault really, for going after a local, but she had smelled so sweet…

"I didn't think you would," Anna said with a smile. "Not with me anyway…"

He gave her a long stare. "Why do you sleep with me, but no one else in the hospital?" he asked suddenly. He thought he knew, but he wanted her to admit it. That it was not just because of convenience or some shallow attraction, but because she knew that she was just as fucked up as he was.

"What kind of question is that," Anna said, frowning slightly.

"The kind I want answered," Vandal said. He had seen something flicker in her eyes, for just a second. It looked at awful lot like…guilt.

She pursed her lips, searching for an answer to fob him off with.

"You know what you want and you take it," he said. "I can respect that. But why do you want this from me?" Just say it, he thought. Tell me about the darkness. About the longing. She came to him to ramble about her work because she knew he'd understand. Because he'd appreciate it. Like she appreciated his work.

"Maybe I just like to mix business with pleasure," Anna said evasively. She tried for a winning smile. "It's certainly in my interest to keep you on my good side."

"You don't have to fuck me to get your vampire blood," he said flatly. "I'll give it to you regardless." That was true, it stung, but it was. There was no way he was going back to drinking Therese's disgusting blood. He needed Anna's vitae. "And even if I wouldn't, there's no need for all these cosy late night chats…"

"I know," she agreed.

"But?" he said. He was not going to give this up. He was certain it was not just him needing her. No, she wouldn't spend quite so much time with him, wouldn't let him get away with so much if she didn't need something from him in return.

"But you interest me Vandal," Anna said with a sigh. She threw up her hands. "You're the only interesting thing in this damn place. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to find someone I want to screw and talk to afterwards? I spend time with you because I want to and because I would have gone fucking insane by now if I didn't." She took a deep breath and gave him the disgruntled look she always gave him when he managed to make her say more than she meant to. "There," she said. "Happy?"

No, not by far, but it was enough for now. "Come home with me," he said.

"What, now?" Anna said, taken by surprise. "Aren't you in the middle of your shift?"

"Fuck this place," he said. "The hospital supply is stocked up and no one ever comes to the window but filthy bloodsuckers. They can starve for a night."

Anna gave him a strange look and then she laughed. "Okay," she said, her irritation suddenly dissolving into playfulness again. "Does that mean we get to celebrate properly after all?"

"In any way you want," he promised darkly.

...

Screw it. She'd be stuck in Santa Monica for months to come and she refused to stay away from the only person that made this place bearable.

...

A/N: Finally a proper mention for the Anarchs! Forgive me Damsel for leaving your badassery out of this story, but Vandal still tends to underestimate women (go figure).

Now, if you are a person with a very visual imagination, do not feel obligated in any way to look at this, but I've been looking around and if Secrets in the Blood was a movie I know which actors I'd cast to play Vandal and Anna. If you want to see, or want to talk to me outside of FF, check out my tumblr: mysunfreckle :)

I hope this chapter was censored well enough. Please join me again in the next chapter of the main story!