This is my version of Frozen where Elsa and Anna kill vampires! Rated T for gore and the frequent use of the word crap! I'm skipping that weird beginning scene. By the way, while Frozen is an okay movie, it's not one of my favorites, and this is just for fun. If you like Wings of Fire, check out my profile and take the poll! – Rime
Little five-year-old Anna could not sleep, so instead she poked her sister, Elsa. "Anna, go away or I will shoot you with my vampire hunting crossbow," Elsa grunted. Then, she shoved her younger sister off the bed.
"But the vampires are awake, so I'm awake, and we have to play," Anna complained. Elsa moaned in her half-sleep.
Then, little Anna was struck with an idea. "Do you wanna kill a vampire?"
That seemed to persuade Elsa, and in moments the two girls were in the great hall.
"You be the vampire this time, Elsa," Anna pleaded. Elsa nodded and ran around the room, chasing her younger sister, Anna squealing like an ill-behaved piglet the entire time.
Elsa caught her sister and tackled her to the floor. "No one can ever love me, so now I'm going to bite you," Elsa said in her best overly-dramatic-pixie-stick-vampire voice.
"No no no!" Anna cried between giggles. Elsa bit her on the neck without drawing blood. Anna passed out and a red streak grew in her hair.
"Uh, Mother? Father? I think I killed Anna," Elsa yelled into the silence. Her mother and father burst through the door as though they had been waiting there the whole time.
"Really? I thought we'd never get rid of her," the King sighed.
"Dear, she's just passed out," the Queen said after checking Anna's pulse. "But ew! There's this gross red streak in her hair!"
The king staggered away from her daughter. "No! The colors clash so horribly! I know what to do, I'll go get a book from the library and then I can lead you to the trolls."
Half an hour later, the King strolled back into the room holding a cup of coffee. "Before anyone gets mad, I forgot about the entire situation, and that's why I'm late. Er, at least the coffee will help me stay alert for the horse ride?" The King gave a sheepish smile, realized that nobody gave a crap about what he had said, and went to get the horses.
Once on the horses, nobody realized that they were being creepily stalked by a blond little vampire boy and a reindeer. The little boy followed them the whole way.
Upon arriving at the clearing where all the trolls lived, a particularly old and stupid looking one approached them. "Born with the burning desire to kill vampires, or fueled by the need for revenge?" he asked, pointing at Elsa.
"Born, and she's getting more annoying," the King said, rolling his eyes.
"Hmm. I take it she bit her sister? Vampire hunter bites can sometimes cause the hair of the victim to become hideously discolored," the troll explained.
"Can you fix her hair?" the Queen asked.
"No, but if you buy the memory wipe package we can totally troll the future," the troll said.
"Deal," the King and Queen said at the exact same time. The troll began erasing memories of vampire hunting and said something overly dramatic about leaving the fun.
"But she won't remember my epic vampire hunting skills?" Elsa asked.
"Naw, sweetie, she'll think you're totally useless like everyone else," the Queen soothed, stroking her daughter's hair.
"Crap," Elsa said under her breath.
"Elsa, I don't know how I magically know your name but I have a grave warning for you that will totally mess up your future," the troll said, taking Elsa's hand. "While Anna's opinion on the matter can be as public as you desire, Elsa, you must keep your vampire hunting a secret or you'll cause enormous political imbalance." Elsa had no idea what these words meant, so she just smiled and nodded.
"It's good to see you're okay with that, Elsa, because now you'll only be allowed to leave the castle in the middle of the night, and you shall never open the gates of the castle unless you happen to have a coronation," the King said. Elsa said crap again.