Like idk if people in snk-verse are aware of extraterrestrial thingies, so pretend that they do. and don't take this too seriously it's like word-vomit and I decided today while procrastinating on my biology work that hey! maybe I should do an snk fic because wow I love the series and I want to do a character study but this isn't really a character study I just named it as such to make me feel smart but it's not really it's more like an Eren/Mikasa thingy that my brain wanted me to write and it's sort of platonic but at the same time not?
this has absolutely no plotline or anything of significant importance I just wanted to play with emotions and dig into the characters' heads a little bit it's probably way off target but just humour a fan, okay?
Based off Shingeki no Kyojin's chapter 50.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my words.
"The world is merciless, and it's also very beautiful." – Mikasa Ackerman.
.
It's so stupid and insane and crazy. They're in the middle of a massacre, blood flying like rain and bones snap and screams echo and it's absolute chaos, but in the middle of it all, with Hannes' body shattering above them and the Smiling Titan's face looming, she says it.
"Eren," Mikasa says. There's an odd smile on her face, a glow that lights up her features in a way he's never seen before. "Listen. There's something I want to tell you."
There's a pain that breaks him. Hannes' blood flecks onto his lips, and it tastes like iron and liquid regret. Eren can barely process anything, his lungs are on fire, mind hazy as it tries to process the fact that Hannes is dead and it's all my fault.
"Thank you," Mikasa says, "for being together with me."
Dimly, Eren hears Armin shouting in the distance. He can't move. He almost doesn't hear what Mikasa just said, because what on earth is she talking about?
Mikasa is staring at him, eyes so filled with gratitude that it almost hurts. Like she needs him to understand just how thankful she is. Her breaths are shaky, uneven puffs of air that brush across his face. It's ludicrous, the way she's almost confessing in the middle of a battlefield. As soldiers die around them and friends are lost and sorrow is an everyday emotion that latches onto the heart with poison-tipped claws and never lets go.
Mikasa, a guardian angel with broken wings and bloodied hands. Always there, always by his side, a shadow that refuses to leave and insistent on protecting him. Sometimes so annoying, because I'm a man! I don't need you with me all the time! She's sitting here with him, injured and hurt, the wings of freedom fluttering at her back, and she's thanking him, like he's the one who's been saving her, not the other way around.
Eren wants to nod. He wants to say something, anything affirmative, so that Mikasa understands that he understands, so that Mikasa can stop with whatever speech he knows she's going to say, because he's going to cry and he can't cry dammit, because everyone is fighting and Hannes is dead and I can't afford to be an emotional wreck right now because that's fucking idiotic.
"Thank you," Mikasa continues, "for teaching me how to live."
Underneath the rubbles of despair and anguish that fills Eren's mind, he disagrees. She's always been alive, but she had just been hiding under the corpses of insecurity all this time.
Mikasa, Eren thinks (and he doesn't know why he's thinking of this at this time, when titans are turning their attentions to the pair and their teeth are stained red and smells of human flesh) was like a dying star. Was. It's been years, but he can still remember that girl he found in the hut in the centre of the forest, eyes hollow and sad and tired, like she had given up and was waiting for death.
Because death is all around them. It's around them and always has been. The Grim Reaper is a selfish fellow, and in a world such as this, he doesn't play favourites. He doesn't have to. Everyone is dying, both inside the walls and outside of it. The Reaper just comes and takes a little of their souls each time there's been a brush with Death; he's come for Eren's more times than he can count. Because the Reaper isn't just a taker of souls, he picks at them little by little, quietly hacking and chipping away like a woodpecker. The first time, he took a huge chunk of Eren's soul on the day he watched his mother die. The second time, it was when he watched his first classmate crack into two in the jaws of a titan. He can't remember who it was; there have been too many losses and he can't keep count.
"Thank you," and Mikasa lowers her head, like she physically cannot lift it up, and then she does, and Eren has never seen anything so beautiful in his life, because the smile Mikasa is wearing is filled with nothing but love, "for wrapping this scarf around me." And she cries, and Eren feels something click in his chest, the final piece of the jigsaw wrestling itself into place. Mikasa doesn't cry, she never cries. But she's crying now.
He isn't aware that his limbs are moving, and his skin shivers when he stands up, the warmth of Mikasa's body leaving and floating into the air.
"Something like that," Eren whispers, voice granite hard and crystallized with resolve, "I'll wrap it as many times as I need to."
And I'll prove to you, Mikasa Ackerman, that a dying star is still just as beautiful as ones that is alive. That supernovae are brilliant and bright and that you're just like that, and I'm truly the one who needs you, not the other way around.
"From now on, as well, as many times as I need to."
Eren stands.
If you don't fight, you don't win.
author's note:
on a side note, I absolutely love snk's soundtrack. it's so beautiful ;A; Hiroyuki Sawano you have my love. I think my favourite theme is the 'Counter Attack – Mankind' because omfg at like 1:56 there's this pause after this guitar or something solo and it's like silent for a beat, and then BOOM all the orchestral music comes in at once and wow the brass is so beautiful and the strings are filling out everything and there's this ostinato that keeps playing but idk what it is I think it might be strings too and the percussion like the symbol crashes and you can literally FEEL the triumph and hope in the music and asdfghjkl i can'tttttt the music fits sooooo welllllll. it sounds especially good at 24:35 in that half hour long soundtrack mini mix on youtube that has like a million views because the song before that is Rittai Kidou which I also love (actually I love all the songs tbh) and it fits so well it's like an eargasm and for some stupid reason I want to analyse this music and write an essay on it.
wow I think I only wrote this fic just so I could fangirl about the ost in the author's note ahahaha I'm such a dumbshit. my author's notes are so stupid omfg my language and grammar has taken a nose-dive I'm so sorry everyone I think I've been spending too much time on tumblr.
btw I kind of hate it when I say 'wow Mikasa really loves Eren' and people are like 'NOOOOoooooooOOOOO WTF EREN X LEVI 5EVER' and I'm just sitting here like 'bitch don't be an ass when i say 'love' it doesn't specfically mean romantic love i could be talking about sibling love or love for a friend or some shit like there's a billion types of love it doesn't just mean romantic love and don't you freaking tell me who i should ship if i want to ship mikasa and eren i will ship them and if i want to ship eren and levi i will ship them hell if i wANT TO SHIP DOT PIXIS AND THE APE TITAN I WILL FUCKING SHIP THEM SO STFU.'
okay no author's note is getting way too long I'll stop now thank you for reading love you leave a review if you want it'll make me happy :D