Hey guys! This is my third fanfic, and it's going to be a collection of one-shots about the characters listed in the description. Each chapter will have two one-shots centering around one of the characters. It's the same setting, same personalities, etc. as my other fanfics (namely Smash Show: Melee) but you don't really need to have read that fanfic to read this, though feel free to read it! Because that would make me very happy! :) Also there might be a few references (but not enough to make you completely lost).

Very important to read!: You can skip this if you've read my other fanfic- it's just some info about the characters. First off, Marth and Roy are brothers, as are Link and Young Link. Marth and Roy have an apartment in the Temple District of Smash Stadium, like Zelda. Except they have to share a kitchen, which is in a separate building. Oh, and Mewtwo runs the clinic (against his own volition). Also (extremely important) Marth loves coffee. LOVES it. Like Link loves Zelda (to her irritation) and Young Link loves Marth (Marth's his idol).

I think that's it. I'll add more if I forgot something.

Anyways, Enjoy! First up is Marth!

If Marth Weren't a Boy

"You know Marth," Roy said one day at breakfast, "If you weren't a boy you'd be really hot."

Marth nearly dropped his coffee, "Excuse me?"

"Look at you." Roy insisted, waving his hands at Marth, "You'd make the perfect woman! Glossy dark hair, mysterious eyes, a bit of temper mixed with something foreign. Sure, you'd probably be flat chested, but I could maybe somewhat live with that probably."

Marth gaped at him, appalled, "Roy, we're brothers."

"Half-brothers." Roy corrected, then with a smirk, "And if you were a girl, we wouldn't be brothers at all."

"That's because I'd be your sister!" Marth almost shrieked, then quickly calming himself, "Never mind. I should stop being surprised when you say something stupid."

"Now," Roy went on, "If I were a girl, I'd beat you ten to one, and I can guarantee you I wouldn't be flat-chested. Plus I'd be a redhead. Guys love redheads."

Marth slapped his forehead, "Can you please shut up? Or leave? That would probably be easier for you."

But Roy wasn't done, "Then again, Link would make some impressive competition- not to mention Young Link. Oh god." Roy's eyes widened, "Dumb blondes are bad enough, but a dumb loli-con blonde? I can't beat that."

Marth shook his head and sipped his coffee.

"Then there's Mewtwo and Captain Falcon and..." Roy shuddered, "Actually no, I'm not going there."

Marth shuddered too when the images came unsummoned to his mind. What was really horrific was the only thing that changed about Captain Falcon' was his body, and Mewtwo... what was the difference between male and female pokemon anyways?

Then again, he didn't want to know.

"I hate you." Marth snarled at Roy, feeling scarred for life as his mind started to pursue the pokemon question unbidden.

Roy, as per usual, ignored him, "I wonder what Zelda would look like as a boy."

"Sheik." Marth pointed out.

"Wow." Roy said, wide-eyed at Marth, "I never thought you'd compliment Zelda."

"That's not what I-" Marth began, then gave up. He refused to participate in this conversation.

But it continued anyway.

"I bet you two would go great together." Roy pointed out, "You being tiny and dark-haired and Zelda being strong and light-haired... You know I mean the tiny part as in your flat-chest, right?"

"Yes." Marth grumbled, "You've already mentioned that."

"Good." Roy said with an idle nod and went on, "It would be like in Snow White. Except your lips wouldn't be as red as blood, and the prince would have blonde hair, and... actually, there's not really that much in common, I mean, even Snow White must of had more of a chest than you."

"Not me." Marth reminded him curtly, "The female me that isn't real."

"Right." Roy replied with a nod, but Marth got the feeling his brother hadn't heard a word he'd just said, "Anyway, my point is you'd be like the helpless, tiny, useless, damsel in distress and Zelda would come storming in on a white stallion and siege the castle and rescue you from the dragon and it would be just like Snow White."

"No it wouldn't." Marth pointed out, suddenly cross, "Snow White fell asleep because of the poisoned apple that the witch tricked her into eating- it wasn't because she was stupid, by the way, she was very intelligent- and then the prince..."

"Hold on." Roy said, raising a hand, "She can't be intelligent if a witch was able to make her eat a poisoned apple."

"She didn't make her." Marth snapped, "She tricked her. And she was a very clever witch, who wore a disguise, and Snow White had no idea it was poisoned. And besides, she was having an off day." Marth scowled at his brother, "Can I go on now?"

"Sure." Roy said, then muttering into his cup, "If you're done making excuses..."

"That's it!" Marth exclaimed, slamming his hands on the table and making Roy jump, "Snow White wasn't a stupid, oblivious, flat-chested ditz. That's more like The Little Mermaid- who, by the way, was a redhead. Who sells their voice to someone who's obviously a witch- who didn't even bother to disguise it- all so she can walk around naked and mute on a beach looking for her prince who, for all she really knows, could be a dangerous serial killer who was actually on a prison barge being escorted out of the country for murdering the royal family? How does she know, huh? She's not all-knowing, she can't predict things, like what someone would look like if they were the opposite gender, or what their sizes would be!"

By the time Marth finished, he was on his feet, chair knocked down behind him, and panting hard while glowering at Roy. The redhead just blinked.

"Did I... offend you?" Roy asked slowly, unsure.

Marth threw up his hands and stomped out of the room.

Roy settled back into his chair, cast the door a wary glance, and shrugged. As long as Marth realized which one of them made the hotter girl, it didn't matter. And by his brother's reaction, he'd obviously realized it wasn't him.

Marth is Sick

Marth was highly, highly unamused.

In fact, the height of his unamusement was so high, it was almost higher than his fever.

"Give me the bottle." a very sick Marth snapped at Roy.

The brothers were in Marth's room. The blue-haired knight was in his bed, a glass of water on the table beside him, while Roy was a few feet away holding a bottle of advil.

"No way." Roy replied, "You're popping them like pills."

"They are pills." Marth countered.

"No, they're advil." Roy replied, showing him the label of the bottle. Marth made a grab for it but fell short as Roy held the bottle aloft, "You're addicted."

"I'm getting sick." Marth shot back angrily, "More so than I was before. You know why? Because you won't give me my medicine."

"No one prescribed you this!" Roy exclaimed, waving the bottle around.

"It's non-prescription." Marth snapped, to which Roy could not argue.

Instead the redheaded knight returned to his original point, "You're getting addicted!"

"I thought you said I already wasaddicted." Marth pointed out.

Roy frowned at this, "You have to get addicted to be addicted!"

Marth rolled his eyes.

It was at this moment Link, Young Link and Pichu burst into the room.

"Marth!" Young Link exclaimed, "Are you alright?"

"No." Marth said flatly, "I'm sick." then he had a thought, "Get that bottle from Roy. It's my medicine and the only way for me to get better."

"Don't even try." Roy warned when the younger boy looked at him, "He's addicted to these- every time I come in he's swallowing one."

"You've come in twice!" Marth exclaimed.

Everyone ignored him. "He must love them a lot." Link chuckled, "It's like Marth times Advil."

"Madvil?" Young Link asked, "Like Amuto?"

Everyone ignored the fact he'd made a Shugo Chara reference.

"Madvil." Pichu mused, "Mad Vil. Makes me think of Mad World."

"That's a good game." Roy put in. Pichu nodded her agreement.

"Would you all get out!" Marth shouted, "I've had enough of this! Either give me my pills or leave!"

For a moment, they did neither. Then they started filing out the door.

"You need help, Marth." Roy said sternly.

"Don't even..." Marth started to say 'think about it' when Roy shut the door. Slumping back in bed, Marth groaned.

Around a half hour later, as he'd expected, Zelda burst into his room.

"Now before I start 'taking care of you'." Zelda began, hands going from air quotes to her hips, "Let's get some things straight. First off, I won't be cooking for you. We won't have one of those scenes where the girl who everyone thinks is terrible at cooking makes something wonderful, the boy tastes it and says in surprise 'it's good!' and eats it all. Nor will we experience the other scene, where the food is shit and the boy is obviously disgusted, but hides his opinion and eats the food anyways and the girl gets emotional. Also, no way in hell am I dressing up as a nurse. We're not even going there. And lastly, I won't stay in here and watch over you while you're sleeping, sneaking loved filled glances at you and saying/thinking to myself 'he's actually cute when he sleeps'. None of what I listed will happen today nor any other day, understand?"

When Zelda finished, Marth gave her a bored look, then took a breath and began, "Ok, four things. One: if I ate something you cooked, I'd throw up. Two: if you cosplayed at all, I'd throw up. Three: if you watched me in my sleep, I'd throw up. And four: get me a bucket because I'm about to throw up."

Surprised, Zelda shot up and hurried into the hall, returning moments later with a bucket and handed it to Marth. The knight turned away with the bucket and started retching.

When he was done he wiped his mouth and handed the bucket to Zelda, who regarded it with disgust, "No way. I'm not touching it."

Marth scowled at her, "I puked in the bucket, not on it. And besides, 'cleaning up after the sick person' wasn't on your list of things you'd never do."

"I'm adding it to the list." Zelda said, curling her lip unhappily at the bucket.

"Too late." Marth replied, waving the object at her, "Hurry up, before the smell makes me want to puke again."

Gingerly, Zelda accepted the bucket. She sent Marth a final dirty look and left the room.

Marth called after her, "And bring me a wet face cloth!"

He heard a thumping that he assumed was her either informing him she'd heard and would follow his orders, or telling him where to go.

Either way, Marth leaned back and smiled.

When Zelda returned it was with a watery rag, which she promptly threw at Marth, who managed to catch it before it hit his face. He gave her a scowl and started wiping his mouth.

"Anything else?" Zelda growled.

"Advil." Marth said, "My head started hurting the moment you came through the door. I think it's a migraine."

"Oh ha ha." Zelda drawled, sitting in a chair by the door- as far away from Marth as she could get.

"I'm being serious." Marth said, not batting an eyelash.

Zelda rolled her eyes at him, "Roy said not to give you any."

Marth scowled at her, "Since when do you listen to Roy?"

"Since when do I listen to you?" Zelda countered as she pulled herself out of the chair, "Look, if you're about to throw up, I'll get you a bucket. I'm not here to be ordered around."

And with that Zelda left the room, calling over her shoulder, "Shout if you're about to throw up."

Marth rolled his eyes. He was not addicted. He'd had two advil earlier that morning and that was it. Why was everyone being so thick-headed?

Then he thought about the 'everyone' he meant, and realized the question was pointless. It was like asking why his hair was blue. He didn't know why. It just was. All the time.

So Marth sat back and began formulating a plan to get Zelda to give up the advil. It didn't take him long.

If he irritated her enough, she was bound to give it to him. So Marth did the only thing Zelda said she would reply to: called out saying he would be sick.

She hurried in with a bucket, which he accepted, stared at, then passed back to her.

"False alarm." he said apologetically.

Zelda scowled.

Marth had five more false alarms, at least ten minutes apart. On the sixth call, Zelda threw the bucket at his head.

"What do you want from me?" Zelda shrieked, seething at Marth.

"Advil." he replied immediately.

Zelda threw up her hands with a huff and stomped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Marth's next plan came around a half hour after that, when he realized Zelda wasn't going to respond to his calls again anytime soon.

He knew there was some double advil left in the bathroom. If he could get there without Zelda noticing, he should be able to take one before getting caught.

So Marth slowly slunk out of bed and across his room. He listened at the door, but didn't hear anything, so he opened it and slipped into the hall.

He arrived at the bathroom and was just reaching for the doorknob when a fireball came out of nowhere and blasted it right off it's hinges.

At first, Marth could only gawk. Then he turned to the end of the hall.

Zelda was standing there, lowering her arm, looking bored, "Really Marth, I'm not deaf."

Marth glowered at her and lied: "I had to use the bathroom!"

"There's plenty of bushes outside." Zelda replied.

Marth fumed, "I'm sick!"

"Oh. Right. In that case." Zelda walked over to stand beside him and promptly kicked the door down, "There you go."

Marth found himself staring again, then, "You're paying for that."

"I believe not." Zelda said, stepping over the door and opening one of the sink cabinets. Marth's heart sank when she withdrew the bottle of advil.

She regarded the bottle a minute, then shrugged and uncorked the top, muttering, "I really prefer the liquid ones." and proceeded to empty the whole bottle into her mouth.

Marth felt like his jaw could hit the floor. If he was a pill popper, Zelda was a hardcore junkie.

"What?" Zelda demanded, scowling at his expression, "All the racket you were making gave me a splitting headache."

Marth was quiet a moment, then, "You were the one who broke down the door!"

Zelda shrugged, turned to walk away, and tipped over. She fell against the wall and proceeded to slide down until she was in a heap on the floor- out cold.

Marth stared at her a moment then, muttering and scowling to himself, started to drag her into the living room.

Once there he managed to lift her onto the couch. She was still breathing- sleeping, actually. Looked really peaceful- serene almost. He'd never seen Zelda like this before, so quiet and cu-

Marth snapped to attention, all but leaping away from the couch. He gave the sleeping Zelda a withering glare and stormed to his bedroom.

"I won't stay in here and watch over you while you're sleeping, sneaking loved filled glances at you and saying/thinking to myself 'he's actually cute when he sleeps'"

Marth slapped his forehead. The world just wasn't fair.

Back in his room, Marth managed to sleep for two hours. When he woke up, he was feeling surprisingly better. Venturing into the living room, he found Zelda was still asleep on the couch. Except something looked off.

She was sweating, he realized, and frowning in a very troubled way. A bad dream?

She sneezed.

Marth blinked, then scowled.

She'd caught his cold.

-(space)-

When Zelda woke up, it was to a wonderful aroma coming from the dining room (seeing as there was no real kitchen in the Temple District apartments). Pushing herself up, Zelda sneezed (again, but she didn't know it was an 'again'). She put a hand against her forehead. It was sticky and hot.

Damn it. She'd caught Marth's cold.

"Marth!" Zelda yelled, "Get the hell out here and take your cold back!"

She heard footsteps coming from the dining room. A minute later, Marth was in front of her, holding a tray, not looking very pleased.

"Here." he said, shoving the tray at her.

Zelda blinked at the tray, then at Marth, "What is this?"

"Soup." Marth said, "You know, the standard sick person meal. I was feeling better so I made you some."

Zelda gave him a measuring look then picked up the spoon and had a mouthful. Her eyes widened, "This is... good."

Marth's eyebrow twitched, "You know I can cook. Don't look so mystified."

Zelda rolled her eyes, "Just playing the part."

Marth scowled, "Don't."

Zelda lifted an eyebrow at him, then, slyly, "You weren't watching me in my sleep, where you?"

Marth flushed, "No! Why would I do that?"

Zelda chuckled to herself and took another spoonful of soup. "So," she said after swallowing that, "When are you going to put on the outfit?"

Marth quirked an eyebrow, "What outfit?"

Zelda grinned, "The nurse outfit."

Marth was frozen for a moment, then he said, "Go to hell." spun on his heels and marched down the hall. A minute later, she heard his bedroom door slam shut.

Zelda chuckled to herself.

She lifted the spoon again, only to stop. Something was poking her in the leg, she realized. Reaching under the couch cushions, she fished around a moment then her hands wrapped around a metallic object and she pulled it out.

Glasses. Reading glasses.

Zelda smiled mischievously, stuck the glasses into her pocket, and returned to the soup. It really was good.

So those are the first two. Let me know what you think. If you don't get the glasses reference, that has to do with my other fanfic, in which (spoilerish) Zelda finds out Marth has reading glasses and is exetremely amused. On to the next chapter!