Still Here [a di Angelo family fanfic]
Author's Note: I wrote this as revenge to thefangirlcorner on Instagram [follow her omg she has good posts]. Her fandom headcannon #1 broke me and since I'm not that good at edits, this fanfic assists my edit in the attempt to break her the same way she broke me. Is that confusing? Ah whatev. I'm basically getting my revenge MWAHAHAHAHA.
By the way, this is a song-fic. I couldnt help it.
Listen to: Still Here by Digital Daggers while reading :) It makes it more torturous er, I mean, enlightens the reading experience :) watch?v=LD9RqOevOpw
Enjoy! if you can haha
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Okay, maybe I own some things, but not all things but-oh screw it. You get the point.
Musing through memories,
Losing my grip in the gray...
Numbing the senses,
I feel you slipping away...
Nico woke up gasping.
Bianca. Bianca.
His forehead was a land of sweat,
His vision blurred.
His eyes a sea of tears,
His senses as numb as death.
Bianca. Bianca.
He had to find her. He had to.
She was the last family he had left.
No. No.
He felt the ringing again. The dreadful ringing in his ears. It was more powerful now. More powerful than ever. NO.
He couldn't lose her.
He couldn't lost her like the first time.
He shadowtravelled to the nearest 24-Hour Mcdonalds, bought a happy meal and didn't even pick up the change.
He got his Stygian Iron sword.
He made the offering.
He summoned the ghost.
No.
She didnt come. She didnt come. She didnt come she didnt come she didnt come.
She has to come. She has to. She will. She wouldnt leave him like lasttime.
NO.
The ringing got louder now. So much louder he felt that his ears would bleed. Felt that he would be deaf. He felt his whole body go numb. He wanted to live. He wanted to die.
For the next countless hours, Nico di Angelo walked through Elysium, Fighting to hold on,
hoping to find the only family he had left.
She was gone.
She had reincarnated.
She had left him.
He was alone.
Alone.
Clinging to just one more day...
Days after that, Love turns to ashes,
Nico di Angelo didn't sleep. He didnt eat. He didnt want to do anything.
It was just like last time.
It was just like last time and she promised it would never happen again and she promised. She promised she promised she fucking promised. She said he would have to move on, he did. He let go of his grudge against Percy Jackson. That name hung in the air. No, his life was messed up it was too messed up, it was so messed up and he didnt know what to do. What was his life about now. He was too afraid. He was brave. He could do anything. He didnt want to do anything. He just didn't get things anymore. He didnt want to do anything anymore. Because everything...anything he did, it just turned out badly for him in the end. Bianca was gone. Bianca was fucking gone and there was no more way to know if he'd ever see her again. All he wanted was Bianca. He wanted his old life. And his old family. And how things used to be.
He wanted his mom to tuck him in bed,
To hug him tight,
To tell him everything would be alright,
To tell him late night fairytales that were just fairytales,
To sing him Italian songs to sleep.
He didnt ask for this life.
And every time he tried to do something right,
everything still went wrong.
Every time he tried to do something right,
People would still judge where his loyalties lie.
Percy didnt even trust him. But he hated Percy. He hated him. He hated his life. He hated Hades. He hated his mother. He hated himself for who he was, HE HATED EVERYTHING.
He saw that Stygian Iron sword.
He saw how calm and peaceful it was.
It was an inanimate object of course it would be that way.
Because only the dead and the inanimate could feel such a peace as so.
He saw how deadly sharp the sword's blade was.
He saw how beautiful the cuts would make on his arm.
He saw how intricate the designs on his arm would make.
He saw his peace.
He saw his finality.
He saw his death.
But maybe, somehow, Bianca did this for him.
And maybe somehow, he'd cling on to every day,
hoping that one day he'd just wake up and finding out it was all a dream.
And maybe, maybe in some twisted way, he'd honor what Bianca had given him.
As her final gift.
Her final blessing.
With all that I wish I could say.
Love. He hated that word. Nico hated a lot of things but love topped everything else. He hated it, it never existed. The only one that cared for him was Bianca and Bianca? Bianca was gone. Bianca had left. She'd never cared enough to stay. Nico hated the word love. It was something everyone else had that he could never have from the one person he wanted it the most. I'd die to be where you are.
Percy.
And he could never admit it. Not even to himself.
I tried to be where you are.
He would die, just to see Bianca again. When I awake,
He tried, more than a thousand times, cause maybe he thought, that maybe if he thought hard enough, focused hard enough, tried hard enough, maybe he could shadowtravel to the place where she was reborn.
Comprehension. He couldnt comprehend what had happened. He couldnt believe it was even possible. He didnt think it would be possible for the fates to break him anymore than they already had. Life wasn't fair. It was like the fates have decided to stop using yarn to entwine his life and use barbed wire instead. You thought your life was hard? His life was harder. It was the eptiome of hard. Imagine never knowing your parents, then all you had was your sister. She was all you had. You never had friends cause you were an outcast. She was the only one that was ever there for you. Your only other source of happiness was a childish game called Mythomagic. And later on, Surprise! You're favorite game comes to life and you never thought that your life would finally turn out right and you never thought you'd finally be happy and you thought: What could go wrong? You thought wrong. You started to have feelings that you were never supposed to have feelings for. Later on, your sister goes on a dangerous quest, you want to come but you cant. You want to protect her because she's the only family you have left but you can't. And your hero, your idol, your love, makes you a promise to protect her and she isnt protected and she dies and she doesnt come back. And now, she'll never come back. Do you really think that with all that's happened, you'll still feel even the slightest bit of sanity? Do you really think that with all that's happened, you'll still feel happy? That word no longer exists in his vocabulary. This was his life and whenever he tried to change it, it just got worse.
There is no happiness, in the word life.
There is no happiness, in Nico di Angelo's life.
Because happiness exists anywhere else but here. Nico couldn't help but think.
Every night,
I dream you're still here,
The ghost by my side,
So perfect,
So clear.
Every night, Nico dreamt.
Every night, Nico dreamt that Bianca was still there. That Bianca was still there and that everything would be alright. But when he woke up, the dreams weren't true. The dreams weren't true why werent they true what did he do to not have the come true?
His dreams were so vivid. She was so perfect, so clear in his memory.
That was the bad thing about being a half-blood, no matter how much you wanted to forget, you wouldn't.
Bianca was his ghost.
The person he wanted to see the most.
Yet she couldnt cheat death,
And one day, death and her met upon a crossroad.
And Nico wished she never walked that path.
Nico wished she never had to do that.
He wished she never took the statue.
He wished it didn't have to be this way.
He wished she didn't have to be so selfless.
This selfless.
That she'd risk her life for other people she barely knew.
He wished this wasn't his life.
Because this life had nothing left to live for.
You'll disappear,
Back to the shadows,
With all I hold dear.
With all I hold dear.
Bianca di Angelo stood outside the doors to her father's throne room.
She trembled with fear with what she was about to do, but she knew it was only right. This was for Nico, she reminded herself. This was for Nico.
She knocked lightly on the wood of the door and it burst open as if she karate kicked it.
She entered and locked eyes with a man that looked human enough, yet if you stole a second glance, you'd see he carried a regal confidence with every stride he took and every move he'd make. If you stole a second glance, you'd sense the aura of power he radiated, as if death was rolling off of him. If you stole a second glance, you'd see he was Hades, Lord of the Underworld.
"Bianca, my favorite child. What are you doing here?" Lord Hades greeted.
"Lord Hades, please don't call me that." She replied, taking a risk.
"Do you not like the title of being my favorite child? It is quite an honor."
Bianca ignored what he said and jumped to the point.
"Father, for the last few days i've been thinking."
Hades raised an eyebrow at her.
"And?"
Bianca hesitated. "I think...I think I want to be reincarnated. I think I want to have rebirth."
"Bianca," Hades said, with a tone of sounding like an actual father.
"Do you realize the consequences about what you are doing?"
"Yes, Father. Yes, yes I do." she said with finality.
"Do you realize what would happen to Nico?! Your younger brother?" Hades said, a tinge of pain, maybe a little bit more than a tinge, in his voice.
"Father, I do. Trust me."
"Why are you doing this?! You're going to break him. Nico, isn't exactly my most favorite child, but he's suffered enough. If you leave, imagine what he'll go through, Bianca! Why would you do this? Even though I am Lord of the Underworld and have all the riches there is, as much as I would want to make Nico's life easier, that is all up to the Fates! But you, you have this choice right now. Laid upon you like an array of weapons to take to the battlefield. You have this choice, you have this little piece to Nico's life. YOU HAVE THIS CHOICE TO JUST BE HIS SISTER AND GUIDE HIM. To not leave him alone, just like countless times! Bianca, what are you doing?!" Hades was practically yelling.
Bianca felt thrown off balance. What was she doing? But she had her reasons. But then again, were they even valid enough?
That's when Bianca realized.
Hades was as alone as Nico. He had this entire realm, yet that was it. It was all his, had no one to share it with. Sure he had Persephone. But that was all. And Persephone didn't even love him. And this, he had to suffer with for all eternity. Hades didn't want Bianca to leave Nico because he knew that Nico would feel what Hades felt. Maybe even worse. You could have all the power in the world, but if you weren't happy, it wasn't enough. Nico, he could experience worse and he's already experienced more than enough. But Nico wasn't Hades. Nico would find a way.
"Dad, Nico isn't you. Nico would find a way. He might feel alone for awhile, but he'd find a way. I know he will. I know him better than you do. I'm sure of my desicion. And I think its for the best."
And Hades, although melancholy, finally agreed.
Bianca knew that once you reincarnated into a new life, you wouldn't carry your old memories with you, you wouldn't carry your personality or looks, would barely even be associated with who you once were. Sure there could be sneaking suspicions, but never could there be any confirmations, if people from your old life saw you. Bianca reincarnated because, she knew that if she stayed, she'd just serve as an excruciatingly painful reminder to Nico's past. The past he could never have, but forever long for. She'd serve as that reminder in the same way the truth is a painful reminder to why Nico prefers to dream among the lies. And if she stayed, Nico would never move on. Would never learn to let go. Would never let a grudge heal. So, she did the hard thing. Just like what they said, there are two paths; the wide, easy one and the narrow, hard one and sometimes you just have to pick which is best. Although its hard, Bianca knew that she had to make her final sacrifice as Nico's older sister and make this final sacrifice. The sacrifice of letting go. Of leaving, for the best. So, she left. She reincarnated. And as she did, she knew how painful reincarnating must've been for Nico. The pain he would go through while she'd go through the process of reincarnation. She made that sacrifice, because she knew she had the right reasons.
It was for Nico to have a new path,
A new crossroad,
A new life,
A new beginning.
And for another reason: because when Bianca was reincarnating, her last thoughts were "I love you Nico. You'll be fine and better off without me. I know you can't hear this, but maybe a heart's cry is louder than a scream a voice will ever make."
I dream you're still here.
[I dream you're still here]
I dream you're still here.Author's Note:
Hope you enjoyed :) And leave a review will you? :)