A/N: Hey! I thought I'd take a break from FA, so I wrote this one-shot as a bit of light-hearted fun. I thought I'd do something different for once, rather than something everyone does. Please read and review, it won't take long!
Disclaimer: characters aren't mine, plot is. Simple as that.
Charimer x
Hermione was just innocently cooking in the kitchen when she heard the large bang coming from the other room. Back when she lived in Hogwarts this would have been a regular occurrence and she would have ignored it. However, she currently lived on her own in a small flat so it was probably best if she went to check out what had caused the explosion. Maybe Rita Skeeter had tried to break through the wards again; you would think she'd have learned her lesson the first time.
Setting down the knife, she made her way out of the kitchen, and stopped dead at the sight of a rather tall, strangely dressed man standing in her fault, looking around very curiously. She briefly noted the sword on his hip, and dropped the vegetable she was still holding out of surprise. He turned towards her, and smiled at her with a very boisterous boyish grin.
"Good day my dear lady. Apologies for startling you. If I may enquire as to my location?"
"You're in my flat." Hermione replied, still slightly in shock.
"Flat? I am not sure if I understand what you are saying, dear lady. Apologies for intruding on your…flat? Though it is not particularly flat. My name is Godric, Godric Gryffindor."
"Oh. I'm Hermione Granger. If you don't mind me asking, are you the real Godric Gryffindor, founder of Hogwarts?"
"Yes, I am, my lady Hermione. You've heard of it then?"
Hermione gaped at him, before shutting her mouth and blinking a few times in shock.
"You lived about 1000 years ago."
"Really? That's strange. So Hogwarts still exists in this time?"
"Yes. But shouldn't you be a little more surprised?"
"Oh, we're all used to strange side effects from Rowena's spells. This is probably a hallucination." He said before wandering into the kitchen she'd just left. "Allow me to be of service, dear lady, a female as fair as yourself should not have to occupy yourself with such menial tasks." He said before taking up the knife and continuing the chopping of her vegetables she had been doing before he interrupted. Hermione blinked, and stood in the doorway extremely shocked, until the sound of her floo brought her out of it. Shaking her head slightly, Hermione slowly made her way into her living room and stopped dead when she saw none other than Draco Malfoy lounging on her sofa.
"That settles it. I have officially gone insane." Hermione stated, and he rolled his eyes at her.
"Granger, you were always insane."
"Then I'm dreaming."
"Dream of me often do you?"
"Argh! More like a nightmare!"
"Are you describing yourself?" he taunted, and Hermione's hand twitched towards her wand, before she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. She couldn't kill him, the blood would make an awful mess of her favourite sofa, and it would never come out of the carpet. Briefly, Hermione wandered when her life had become so confusing. Yesterday she lived a normal life, and now here she was, refraining from hexing Malfoy who was lounging on her sofa, and trying to ignore the fact that Godric Gryffindor was doing her cooking.
"What are you doing here Malfoy?" She asked resignedly.
"Well, that's rude. I might have been paying a social visit." He said, and she just stared at him pointedly. "Oh, alright then." he said, and muttered under his breath 'spoilsport'. Hermione once again resisted the urge to simply strangle him with her bare hands, that wouldn't leave a mess on the sofa at least. "As much as I hate to admit it, you are the smartest person I know. I have a bit of a problem-" he broke off when Godric put his head around the door and asked,
"My dear lady Hermione, I have completed the task with which you had burdened yourself with, would you like me to continue chopping the rest you left out?"
"Yes, that'd be lovely," Hermione replied absentmindedly, and Godric returned to the kitchen. Draco, who had turned to look at whoever was speaking, stared at the doorway with his mouth wide open, not quite believing what he had seen. After a moment, he turned back to Hermione, who was now banging her head against the wall in frustration.
"Was that Godric Gryffindor, in your kitchen, doing your cooking, wearing an apron?" he queried, in disbelief. Hermione stopped her head/wall hitting session, turned and nodded.
"See what I mean about going insane?"
"I think we may have a similar problem Granger."
"What?"
"Well, I currently have Salazar reclining on one of the couches in my house like he owns the place. Arrogant git." He told her, and Hermione raised an eyebrow. "What?"
Hermione took one look at him sprawled over her sofa and muttered 'hypocrite.' Draco heard, sighed, and muttered 'okay, you have a point.'
At that exact moment, the floo started up again. They both turned to look at it, and Luna Lovegood appeared in the fireplace with her characteristically vacant expression. Hermione groaned and sank to the floor burying her head in her hands. Draco distinctly heard her mutter 'just when I thought things couldn't get any crazier, she shows up', before she looked up at Luna and schooled a cheery welcoming expression on her face.
"Hi Luna. I'm a bit busy at the moment."
"Hello Hermione, hello Draco." Luna dreamily said, then drifted over to the window. "Your house is full of Wrackspurts; do you want me to open the window to let them out?"
"Erm… no thanks Luna." Hermione said, and then shot a death look at Draco who immediately stopped his laughter. At that moment, Godric chose to leave the kitchen, still wearing the white apron he had found on the counter. Hermione thanked Merlin that she didn't own any pink and frilly ones. He walked into the room, and introduced himself to Luna.
"My dear lady. May I say, you are most beautiful? I am Godric Gryffindor, and what is your name beautiful princess?"
"Hello. I'm Luna." She replied dreamily, and Draco laughed out loud. Godric turned to Hermione and scowled.
"My fair lady Hermione, who is this… man in your home? I find him most unpleasant."
"That's Malfoy" she said in a weary voice. Meanwhile, Malfoy laughed even harder.
"Beautiful? Seriously, are you blind?" he chuckled, and then abruptly stopped when Godric's sword was at his throat.
"You will not offend the lady. Get up, and draw your sword, vagabond. I will fight you for her honour!"
Draco moved away from the sword and Hermione saw his wand twitch toward his pocket. Immediately she took a deep breath, before letting loose.
"There will be no fighting! Godric put the sword away, now! Malfoy, I can see you reaching for your wand. If either of you so much as think of fighting I will kick both your butts myself!"
"My dear lady! This is most inappropriate behaviour for a female such as yourself!" Godric declared, shocked.
"Newsflash! It's 1000 years into your future, and we females are just as capable of kicking your ass as any male! Times change! You are in my house, so you obey my rules! Firstly, there will be no fighting, so put the damn sword away!" Hermione paused as he did so. "Secondly, I am not 'your dear lady'. So you refer to me either as Hermione, or if you're an annoying prat," directing her gaze towards Malfoy now, "Granger! I fought in a bloody war; I will not be treated like some delicate little girl!"
Godric at least had the decency to look chagrined, and apologised saying,
"My apologies, de- Hermione." Draco just smirked on the sofa and said,
"You really need to work on those anger issues of yours Granger." Hermione glared at him, before smiling evilly and declaring,
"I know the perfect way!" she apparated across the room and appeared before Draco, surprising him, and punched him in the face. She then turned around to look at Luna. Godric opened his mouth to point out that Draco was about to hex her, but it was unnecessary as she shot petrificus totalus at him over her shoulder without even a backward glance.
"Granger! Let me go!" he protested, and began a long string of profanities, and Hermione sighed and cast a silencing charm on him. Now he could only glare at her, and Hermione could practically feel his glare on her back.
"Well, where was I?" Hermione asked calmly, and then thinking she said, "oh yeah. Why are you here Luna?"
"Oh, that." Luna replied absentmindedly, "Rowena turned up in my house and I thought I should find you."
"Why does everyone come to me when there's a problem?" Hermione complained to no one in particular. Suddenly regaining the use of his voice again, Draco chipped in,
"It's because you're clever, everyone assumes you can fix their problems."
"Thank you for that Malfoy." Hermione said scathingly. "You've discovered a new talent, stating the obvious." Upon hearing no reply, Hermione turned to look at him. "Are you sulking?" she asked incredulously. He still didn't reply, and confident he wouldn't try to kill her, she released the body bind. He glared at her, but sat up and folded his arms over his chest continuing to sulk. "Cheer up ferret, at least Salazar didn't see that." Hermione cheerfully told him, and he scowled. Godric, however, finally picked up on the fact that these people knew where his fellow founders were. Noticing that Godric had just twigged, Hermione explained, "Salazar Slytherin is at Malfoy's house, which is appropriate as he's a Slytherin, and Rowena Ravenclaw's at Luna's house, which is also appropriate as she's in Ravenclaw…" Hermione trailed off, and Draco frowned, finally stopping his sulking.
"I think you might be onto something there Granger. After all, you're a Gryffindor, and you have Gryffindor in your house too. You're practically the embodiment of Gryffindor!"
"I am not. That's Harry."
"Let's face it; Potter's too much of a mix. Slytherin ambition to prove himself, Gryffindor bloody recklessness, Hufflepuff sickening kindness." He drawled. "You however, were, and are, the Gryffindor Princess."
"Whatever Malfoy. I wonder where Hufflepuff ended up..."
"Probably with Longbottom."
"Neville is a Gryffindor, Malfoy."
"Really! I never noticed."
"No need to be sarcastic. Anyway, she'd probably with Susan Bones, or someone like that."
"As nice as it is listening to you two bicker, I think we should probably do something before the sexual tension in here chokes us all." Luna stated dreamily, not even sounding vaguely stern. Hermione turned bright red, and Draco spluttered.
"Wh- what?" Hermione said, and Luna just smiled.
"I think it'd be best if we got all the founders together, don't you agree Godric?" Luna said, in her no-nonsense voice which she only used very occasionally.
"That sounds like a productive idea, de- Luna."
"Oh it's fine; you can call me dear lady if you want to. Just not Hermione."
There was a very awkward silence, which Hermione broke by clearing her throat and announcing,
"I suggest we all go to pick up Slytherin, before heading on to meet Ravenclaw at Luna's house." Malfoy frowned at this, obviously not happy with the idea of them invading his home. "Don't even think about objecting, ferret." Hermione told him before he could open his mouth, in a tone that spoke of extreme torture if he dared complain.
"I'll wait for you all at my house," Luna announced, "you know the address, and I don't want to floo more than I have to. Floo-ing too much is very bad for your intelligence, it attracts the nurglewarps to you, and they literally melt your brain." Hermione looked at her, unable to tell if she was joking or not as usual. Draco stood up and whispered in her ear,
"Is she serious?"
"Probably. Just, go with it. Be nice and humour her." She whispered back, momentarily forgetting who she was talking to. When she realised, to her surprise, Draco didn't say anything, he actually followed her advice. Was he actually being nice?
Shaking such strange thoughts from her brain, she made her way over to the fireplace. She was obviously addled from everything that had already happened today. It was only midday, and already she wanted to just collapse into a soft bed and sleep. One at a time, Draco, Godric and herself went through the floo, Draco first so he could alter the wards.
The three of them were spat out onto an opulent carpet in a hallway, and immediately the portraits around them began spitting insults at Hermione.
"Filthy mudblood!" one declared.
"Disgusting Gryffindors!" another spat. To be honest, that one was spat at her and Godric. All the portraits save one of a family were spitting the insults at them, and Hermione saw Malfoy about to shout at them, probably to tell them to shut up, when there came a bang and loud voice coming down the corridor.
"Will you lot shut up? If any of you insult muggle-borns or Gryffindor house again, I swear I will burn the whole lot of you! I don't care if you're the last record of some Malfoy ancestor, I'm Salazar Slytherin and I bloody well do what I want!" the voice shouted, finishing as he rounded a corner and saw the three of them, Hermione hanging back by the fireplace, Draco casually blending in with the wall, and Godric standing in the middle of the corridor beaming. "Gryff!" Slytherin shouted and rushed down the hallway. Sticking his wand back in his belt he embraced Godric, and patted him on the back. "Blimey it's good to see you."
"Same to you Sal!" while the two greeted each other, and chatted about the predicament they were now in, Hermione made her way over to Malfoy who was still leaning against the wall. She leant next to him, and said,
"Did I just hear Salazar Slytherin defending muggle-borns and Gryffindors?" she asked.
"Apparently." Draco said, sounding as though he was entering shock.
"Okay, I can officially state, the world has gone mad."
"Yep."
"And you just agreed with me. Pinch me; this has to be a dream."
"Won't work. If it was a dream, I think I'd have woken up when you punched me in the face."
"Whatever. This is crazier than when I had to stay at Luna's overnight while my flat was being redecorated."
"That must have been fun."
Suddenly the two founders realised they had company, and Slytherin turned too Godric and asked,
"Who's the woman?" Hermione sighed at this.
"The woman has a name, she's called Hermione, and if you dare call me dear lady I will kick you where it hurts."
Salazar visibly gulped at this, and said, "good afternoon, miss Hermione. I'm-"
"Yes, yes, I know who you are. Can we get a move on?"
Godric chuckled, Salazar looked slightly frightened, and Draco just stared at her in shock. Meeting his eyes, she asked, "what?"
"You realise you just threatened the founder of Slytherin house?" her told her, slightly worried for her safety. He was sure Slytherin wouldn't kill her, but seriously injure maybe…
"I don't care if he's bloody god, I'm missing my lunch and my world's gone crazy. This is how I cope."
Sighing, Draco turned to the founders and apologised for her. They just shook their heads, saying its fine. Slytherin looked positively terrified, and after a moment Draco burst out into laughter. Suddenly realising who she had been talking to, Hermione went a pale colour and bit her lip.
"I'm sorry sir." She said in a tiny voice.
"No matter." Slytherin said striding over to her and kissing her hand. I think we got off on the wrong foot. My apologies."
Hermione looked extremely shocked, and leaned against the wall.
"What's wrong with her?" Salazar asked Draco, and Draco (looking rather shocked himself) said,
"I think she's surprised you willingly touched her, seeing as she's muggle-born."
"Well, that's ridiculous. I have nothing against muggle-borns or Gryffindors, I don't know why you lot all seem to think I must do!" he complained, and Draco just shook his head going into shock himself.
"Well, weren't we going to meet Rowena?" Godric asked, and at the mention of her name Salazar visibly brightened.
"Rowena's here? Thank goodness, she's okay isn't she?"
"I'm sure she's fine Sal. You need to stop worrying about her, she can take care of herself you know."
"I know, but I can't help worrying about her."
Draco broke up the two men's conversation by clearing his throat, and gestured for Hermione to lead the way. She told them all Luna's address, and flood through herself with the other three coming after her. She immediately made her way over to the nearest sofa. Luna called from the other room to tell them she was in there, and the two founders wandered into the next room. She could hear the three friends/companions/founders greeting each other and heard them break into enthusiastic chatter.
She felt the couch sink down at the end when Draco sat down at her feet, and without opening her eyes she flicked her wand to wordlessly summon a bottle of firewhiskey. Putting it to her lips, she took a long draft.
"Stop looking at me like that, I can feel your disapproval at my coping mechanisms." She told Draco, and he sighed. "Gimme a break, it's been a long day, and I'm going through emotional trauma already as it is…" she took another long sip, and offered him the bottle. He refused it, and Hermione shrugged before drinking more.
"What's the emotional trauma?" he asked quietly.
"Like you care. Like anyone cares."
"Well, I obviously care, else I wouldn't ask. You can't just make a statement like that and not expect me to ask." He told her sternly, and she sighed before swigging again.
"Ronald." She said, and opening her eyes she saw him looking at her like she'd gone mad.
"My name's not Ronald." He told her, and she shook her head.
"No, I was answering your question. Ronald was the emotional trauma."
"Not much detail there, you know…" he pointedly told her.
"He got me pregnant, then ran away to southern France when I miscarriaged. Happy now?" She told him coldly. There was silence for a few moments, and Hermione realised there were tears on her cheeks. Angrily, she swiped them away and drunk more of the alcohol, relishing the burn it made as it went down her throat.
"Granger… Hermione… I'm sorry."
"S'not your fault." She told him wearily.
"Still. But he's a prat." He said, and Hermione made a small sound of agreement before forcing her legs off the sofa to sit vaguely upright. She took another long drink, finishing off the bottle, and then made to stand up. She stood for a moment, before she began to feel dizzy and her head started spinning. She recognised the feeling, knowing she was about to pass out, and sincerely hoped she wouldn't hit her head too hard on the table on the way down. What an end that would be. War hero survives torture by Bellatrix Lestrange, only to be killed by a coffee table. The papers would have a field day with that one.
She fell backwards, and blacked out, luckily being caught by Draco before she died of coffee table related injuries. He sighed and looked down at her almost affectionately before placing her on the sofa and grabbing the empty bottle and taking it through to the kitchen.
Hermione came to later that evening with a very sore head. She turned and opened her eyes, wincing against the light. There was a small hangover potion next to her head and she grabbed it and downed it in one. Instantly she felt better, and swung her legs around to sit up on the sofa just as Draco came into the room.
"Awake, are we?" he said, smirking, and Hermione scowled.
"Where's my wand?" she asked, irritated. He picked it up and was about to hand it over to her before he suddenly stopped and asked warily,
"Why?" she grinned evilly and said,
"Because I want to kill the evil coffee table." He sighed at this, and shook his head.
"No threatening the furniture Granger. You didn't hit the bloody table anyway, I caught you."
"Oh. Okay then." She said, taking back her wand.
"You don't even seem surprised."
"I'm not sure anything could surprise me now. Anyway, are they all still here?"
"Yep."
"Well, I'll be back in a few minutes, I just need to go change the wards on my house so I don't get any more unwelcome guests when I go back there properly."
He watched her approach the floo and go through it to her house. Five minutes later, he was beginning to worry. It shouldn't have taken that long. He chucked some powder in and stuck his head in the flames.
"Granger?" he shouted, and upon receiving no answer, he went fully through and went in search of her in her house. He came across her slumped in one of the chairs at the table in the kitchen. There was an explosion from a room across the hall, and the sound of someone distinctly female laughing light-heartedly. He sat down opposite her, and poked her. She lifted her head, saw him, and said,
"Oh. It's you." There was another explosion, and Draco glared suspiciously at the door.
"Why does it sound like you have Seamus Finnegan loose in your flat?"
"Because I have Seamus Finnegan loose in my flat. And Helga Hufflepuff, for that matter."
"I thought Finnegan was Gryffindor?"
"Yeah, but his wife is Susan Bones, who is most definitely a Hufflepuff. Why does it always have to be me?" she complained, and Draco shook his head at her before striding over to the room and flinging open the door.
The room was a complete bomb site, and Seamus was obviously trying to fix it but simply blowing things up more as he tried. A woman with long blond hair, a yellow dress, and a wide smile was laughing at his efforts. Seamus looked up, and seeing Draco in the doorway he paled, and gripped his wand tightly. Even Helga's bright smile faltered slightly. Draco addressed Seamus.
"You know Lovegood's house?" Seamus gulped and nodded, not trusting himself to answer verbally. "Good, take her-" he said gesturing to Helga, "there and tell the others I'll be along with Hermione in a minute, while I try to console her slightly." Seamus nodded gain, and Helga looked slightly worried.
"What about the room?" she asked in a soft voice.
"I'll fix that. Just go already!" Seamus squeaked in terror at Draco's malevolent look and ran out of the room. Helga passed him at a more sedate pace, and frowned at him reproachfully. "The other three founders are there waiting for you" he told her, and she smiled again, before leaving more with more enthusiasm.
Hermione appeared behind Draco in the doorway, and surveyed the sight of her bedroom.
"I don't know how he manages it." She said conversationally, looking at the destruction. Draco flicked his wand, and the room returned to normal. Hermione took out her wand and changed the wards so they'd only let in people she actually wanted to see. She wouldn't be so trusting with them anymore, not after all the unwelcome visitors she'd had today.
"Extreme pyrotechnic skill?" he suggested. "Or just sheer incompetence."
"Probably a mix of both. Shall we go?"
"Wait a moment, Granger." He said, grabbing her wrist.
"What now?" she complained at him. He looked at her, as if judging something, then asked,
"Are you sure you're okay?" She blinked at the question, and then replied,
"It's nice of you to ask, but I'm perfectly fine now. I probably need to keep it together more." He chuckled at her admission.
"Probably. Come on." He said, before grabbing her hand and practically dragging her over to the floo. She flood to Luna's house, and he came out of the fireplace behind her. They walked to the other room where they could hear that the founders were still chatting. As they entered the room, everyone looked at them and beamed at them (apart from Seamus who still looked frightened and declared he had to leave). Rowena got up from her chair, and made her way over to Hermione, before shaking her hand and smiling at her.
"Hello. I'm Rowena. You must be Hermione."
"Yes, it's lovely to meet you."
"And hello again Draco."
"Hello Rowena" he replied, almost smiling at her. Rowena made her way back over to her chair next to Salazar and sat down. Salazar took her hand in his, and Rowena smiled serenely. Hermione didn't even bother being surprised, she wasn't sure anything would really surprise her for the next few months.
"Well, now that these two are here, I guess we can say our goodbyes." Helga said, smiling sadly.
"You're leaving?" Luna enquired dreamily. Rowena looked at her fondly, and replied,
"Yes, I know how to return. I said we should wait to say goodbye first though. So, goodbye Hermione, Draco, Luna."
"Goodbye Luna, and Draco, Hermione, I'm sorry for any trouble Seamus and I caused. Goodbye" Helga sadly said to them, before hugging Hermione and Luna and nodding at Draco. Salazar stood from his seat and kissed Luna's hand saying,
"Goodbye Luna." He turned to Hermione and Draco, and said to them, "Don't forget us, alright. Be happy. Goodbye, Hermione and Draco." He shook Draco's hand and kissed Hermione's. he walked over to stand by Rowena and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled at him happily. Godric got up from the table, beaming.
"Goodbye, dear lady. I will remember you, my lady Luna." He said to the ditzy girl, kissing her hand. He turned to Hermione and Draco and grinned evilly. "Goodbye Draco, Hermione. Don't kill each other." He paused for effect, before saying, "don't kill me for saying this, but you two really ought to just kiss already!"
Hermione stood frozen in shock, and Draco's hand twitched towards his wand as Godric grinned and ran over to the other three. They joined hands, and were gone before Draco could hex him.
"You know, he's right." Luna said dreamily from the other side of the room. "I'll let you have some privacy."
Both of them turned to look at each other, mirrored expressions of shock in their eyes. They stared at each other for a few moments, before, Draco growled more to himself, "oh, damn it." Before grabbing her and leaning his mouth down to kiss her. Their mouths connected in a passionate kiss which practically sent sparks flying. When they pulled apart, Hermione grinned.
"Well, who are we to argue with a founder of Hogwarts?" she joked, before pulling his mouth back onto hers.