Summary: ""Make the numbness go away, Cas." Dean begged him" Dean feels broken and needs an angel to fix him. Nothing out of the ordinary, but sweet. Some wing!kink, dom!Cas. Rated M. Complete.
I do not own SPN. (Title stolen from E.E. Cummings, check this poem!)
A/N: Please have mercy on me as english is only my second language.
Enjoy!
I carry your heart
"Dean." That name, that one word that was his everything tumbled from the angel's lips like a prayer, a string of words wasn't needed, just this one name and Cas' world got better because the man in question looks up from the computer screen to face him, his meadow green eyes meeting watery blue and for a second it was all that Cas needed. For a split second he forgot why he had addressed his hunter and just stared at him, marveled at the beauty of his face: the high cheekbones, the straight nose, the pink adorable lips. Castiel could see his soul in his green eyes, it was full of dark colors like purple and deep blue that Cas could read like an open book. His hunter was sad and afraid, he always doubted himself though his whole attitude indicated otherwise. He couldn't fool Cas into believing that everything was okay when it was not. And Dean was never okay, there was always sorrow lingering at the edge of his soul and pain from the past. He had suffered losses that he wasn't able to understand why he was alive and well while others weren't.
Dean missed his mother and father, there was no one left of his family but Sam and his brother sometimes was so cold that Dean feared he had done something wrong while it only was Sam's way of coping with things. Dean missed Bobby and Helen and Jo and he would never forgive himself that he hadn't been able to help them. He even missed Ashe. Cas could see it all so very clear on his soul. But there was more: the need to help people, the need to give all of his heart to those he loved. But Dean had never found anyone he trusted with his heart and so he had to deal with his fears and doubts all alone. Sometimes he would open up to Cas. The angel knew that Dean wanted to trust him and he did, no matter how hard it was for them and no matter what had happened between them, Dean understood that the angel meant well and his trust was never broken. But still there was something that held him back from being too open with him. Maybe it was years of training, years of concealing his real feelings.
Dean had learned this as a boy when his mother had died and his father had dragged his sons from town to town and from motel to motel. The older brother had always been there for Sam, he had cared and done everything to allow Sam to have a childhood. It hurt him that Sam went to Stanford one day. Dean had felt betrayed but he wouldn't say it because he only wanted Sam to be happy. He gave up so much for others that there was nothing left to make him fully happy. Though Dean wouldn't show it, he was a family man through and through and wished for a harmonic life with those he loved. Not more. Being a hunter and losing so many of his friends and family made it harder and harder for him to believe that there might be happiness out there for him but Cas wanted to show him that there was someone who cared for Dean and Dean alone. The angel would always be there for him and if it was necessary he would cradle this broken soul in his arms again and put it back together piece by piece like he had done after he had pulled Dean out of hell. The worn soul of the man had clung to the angel and touched something in that celestial being that he had never known before: love. Deep and pure love. You could say Cas loved Dean from this moment on. Dean was meant for him and in the right moment Cas would claim what was rightfully his.
"Cas?" Dean asked the angel and still looked into those deep blue eyes with a question in his own. The raven haired man came back to here and now. "If I didn't know better I would say you just daydreamed, angel. Do angels daydream?" The hunter was often interested in the small things. He didn't ask Cas what he could do with his angelic powers or how to use the wings or what heaven was like. That were questions that a normal human being asked when confronted with an angel. But not Dean Winchester. The small things mattered to him that others would have regarded as trivial. Dean knew that nothing was trivial and that it was the small things that mattered.
"I was just lost in my thoughts for a moment. I guess daydreaming roughly covers it." Cas answered. "Where's Sam?" That was what he originally wanted to know because Dean was alone in the motel room, he had been sitting in front of the laptop when he had called for Cas' help. He wasn't sure what kind of help it was that Dean needed because since he had arrived here they just sat at the table in a comfortable silence. Dean gave a heavy sigh and his eyes dropped to the keypad of the laptop but Cas had seen it nevertheless, a slight change in his soul when he had mentioned the younger Winchester's name. Something had happened and Dean hurt.
"He left. Again." Dean answered with a bitter laugh not looking up at Cas as if he knew that the angel could read his soul like an open book when he turned his eyes towards him. Cas didn't need to see the hunter's eyes he knew him for some years now and he knew the body language of the man in front of him good enough to know that he was sad. "Another argument. Guess he just needs some time alone. I'm not enough for him, I'm his brother but I guess he's tired of me every now and then so he just leaves." He even sounds crushed when he says that. He had known before but every time his brother went away it hurt again, ripping open a never healed wound. Cas had seen it before.
"And you called for me because…?" His voice trailed off, he needed to hear the answer from Dean's lips, wanted to hear that he was needed. It was selfish but in the end he wanted to help Dean and lure him out of his well maintained cocoon. Stormy forest green eyes looked up into his and again he could see the soul behind. Dean was angry that he tried to get deeper into him than really necessary and also slightly disappointed that they needed to use words instead of their normally non verbal understanding. Nevertheless Dean would answer. After all this was Cas in front of him and he wouldn't hurt that precious angel as well. Part of Castiel enjoyed luring Dean out from his defensiveness.
"I don't want to be alone right now." Exactly what was written all over Dean's soul.
"Normally you go to a bar when you need…company." Though Cas was glad that he didn't go there to hook up with some girl or the other. It felt strange to see him have these flings without any commitments. It just wasn't Dean. He deserved more than a woman with a nice face and a name that would soon be forgotten. He deserved more than trying to drown his fears and angst in meaningless sex. A long time ago Cas had noticed that it hurt him as well when Dean would walk out of the bar with a random girl and a green snake curled in his stomach, clenching around his guts to choke him. It took him a few weeks to realize that he was jealous beyond words. And angry. Oh, so damn furious because Dean was his! Now he knew and he would let Dean know soon enough. Cas didn't even consider the possibility that Dean could deny him. He wouldn't, Cas was sure. He could see it in the hunter's dark but pure soul. Now, Dean looks at him, searching the angel's poker face for any emotions that would give him away, but Cas could create a mask just like Dean. The hunter would see emotions on his face soon enough.
"I'm tired of all this." Dean finally said, resting his head in his hands suddenly. "I never asked for this life, angel. I tried to do my best but I failed. They all died because of me and I upset Sammy and he runs away because he cannot stand it any longer. There's no way to escape. Nothing will make it better, not Whiskey, not women, nothing." So Dean's façade was cracking.
"Dean…" Again his prayer, this time full of sympathy and affection for the hunter. Cas got up from the chair he sat on and walked over to the handsome man, leaning against the table. Dean had often told him about private space but Cas was sure that the hunter knew he invaded it on purpose. He didn't come this close to any other person, not even Sammy. "You're a good man. Sam knows it but sometimes it is just too much for him. He cannot bear it like you can, he isn't as strong as you are."
"I don't want to be strong any longer." He looked up at Cas, green eyes haunted, his soul pleading, begging to be held. With desperation Dean searched Castiel's face for an answer, for help, for reassurance. When neither of them said another word, Dean stood up so suddenly that his chair fell over. "Why don't you do anything? I know you can. I know you want!" He screamed at Cas who didn't back an inch away. So Dean knew. That was why Cas never had doubts that making Dean his for all time was a good decision. The hunter's soul practically reached out for Cas and he let his grace touch it. Dean gasped, felt the gentle stroke in the very core of his being and in an instant he calmed down, felt soothed and grounded again. Everything would be fine. This life held happiness for him and it was so close that he hadn't noticed until now. Realization went all over his face while he stared at Cas who eyed him stoically as he always did. The soul that was touched by his grace actually purred under his touch, a slight vibration in the colors that now got clearer a sign that the hunter reacted to his gentle ministrations. Castiel's grace surrounded Dean's soul, wrapped it up tightly, held it, covered it and stroked it. Cas wanted to do this to Dean's body as well and so he reached out and grabbed his shoulders to pull him into a hug. It was sweet to see how his hunter curled up in Cas' arms, took the invitation to hide from the world. Finally he was safe in these arms and he would never let go again.
"Make the numbness go away, Cas." Dean begged him after they stood like this for what seemed like an eternity. "I want to feel again. Not just pain and fear. I want happiness." He looked up into his angel's bright blue eyes. "Make me happy!" The angel had tried to suppress the urge that was there every time he was alone with Dean. He really tried but he couldn't stand it any longer and so his back arched and with a moan and light ruffle his wings appeared to instantly wrap themselves around the hunter in his arms. It was a natural reaction for a mated angel, an angel who wanted to protect the one he loved and it had taken a long time that they actually showed, he had often thought that they would appear earlier but now was just fine with him. Dean would be his so he should see all of Castiel, all of his body.
Now, Dean was wrapped up completely in Castiel: the angel's arms gathered his body, the angel's grace caressed his soul and the angel's wings protected him from the outside world. At first the hunter didn't notice the fluffy things surrounding them both, he was fully content in Cas' arms for obvious reasons, enjoying the peace and warmth Castiel offered so generously. It took Dean a few even breaths against Cas' chest and shoulder to realize that he was surrounded by feathers completely. Slowly he looked up into Cas' eyes and could see that the angel was proud of his wings. The raven haired man was also proud because he held Dean close to him and that Dean trusted him. So he trusted Dean and when the human reached out to gently stroke the feathers near to him, Cas tried to stay calm. The hunter's hands were ever so careful when he touched the velvety wings and let his fingers glide over them but he didn't know what it felt like for Cas. Wings were the most intimate thing to an angel and only his family were allowed to see them and only one person in the universe was allowed to touch them: Dean in his case. No one had ever touched Cas' wings before, and no one else would touch them from now on.
He couldn't suppress the shiver that went through his body, making his wings rustle a little so that Dean pulled his hand back as if the feathers had burned him. "Did I hurt you?" Cas shook his head, unable to speak, overwhelmed by the need to hold, protect and love Dean. Again the hunter reached out to brush his fingers through the soft fabric of the wings, enjoying the warmth they radiated, wondering in awe why he had never asked to see them before. They surrounded the hunter completely and for the first time in ages all his fears and doubts went away. Here was someone who cared. An angel even! His angel. Dean caressed the black and obsidian feathers gently, playing with them, feeling them beneath and between his fingers. They even smelled great: a mixture of wood and air, so pure that it shook Dean to the core. He had never realized how much he needed the strength of his angel, how much he wanted Cas to hold him. He had always been the strong one, he had always pretended that he could take it all while he really could not. Just letting go, being held, being protected felt better than he could ever have imagined. And the feathers, oh, those wonderful rich feeling of them. The hunter got more daring, gently tucked, caressed, dug his fingers into the fluffy things and realized that this way he could draw the sweetest noises of pleasure from Cas' throat. The angel liked it. A lot obviously.
"Cas…" It was Dean's turn to pray the name of the angel, letting it fall from his lips, because the name, the man filled his head, his soul and his heart. How could he have been so blind all the time ignoring that he was meant for Cas all the time. The angel had raised him from perdition, put him back together, had seen all of him, every dirty little secret and the trust between them was beyond belief.
"Dean… You're mine, you know that, right?" The voice was possessive, this was Dean's one and only chance to stop this, otherwise he would belong to Cas for the rest of his life. His answer was simple: he let his hands glide over the angel's wings, grabbed them and pulled them even closer to himself, making Cas groan deep in his chest. The hunter never knew that his angel would react in such a primal way, driven by his instincts to hold and protect but he definitely enjoyed it. The hands in his wings got more urgent, stroking, pleading for more and Cas was unable to hold himself back any longer. He had waited ages for Dean, had lived through the centuries on his own, never found a mate who was able to raise his emotions but here was the hunter in his arms and he was perfect. His perfect mate.
With swift movements Cas' hands went down Dean's back, lingering on his ass where the angel pressed them closely together, then lower, grabbing his thighs, lifting him so that Dean's legs came up to wrap around the other man's hips while he was shoved back into the wall with such force that the breath was knocked out of him for a few seconds. Cas' wings were now behind the angel's back, raised in a gesture of domination. Despite his attitude, despite his behavior towards all other people on this planet, despite the fact that Dean had always been the tough one, the leader, he wanted nothing more than Cas to dominate him in every way possible. It seemed like Cas wanted to fulfill this wish then and there. Dean was fine with it. He let go completely, gave himself over to the celestial being who held him close, staring into his ice blue eyes that held the promise of love. For a moment both men just stood there, staring into each other's eyes. Dean knew that Cas could see into the deepest pit of his soul and he knew that Cas could see what he felt for him. It had always been there, locked away behind his coolness, hidden under his mask. The angel marveled at the beauty of the Righteous Man's soul, it held him prisoner, he watched it. Dean didn't try to hide anything from him anymore and for the first time the hunter really opened up to him, letting him have everything.
The wings ruffled again, Cas drew them towards him, letting them shield both men from view, though they were alone in the motel room. His movements, his actions were all instinct by now while he could hear Dean's heart pounding hard against the hunter's chest. When Cas moved it was so fast that Dean didn't even see it coming but he instantly melted, when the angel's lips covered his, opening them forceful and commanding entrance that the other man was more than willing to give. The kiss spoke of possession and long suppressed lust, the human's mind got dizzy as Cas did the most wicked things to his mouth. A small part of him wondered where the angel had learned this but it was soon silenced when his world came down to Cas' tongue in his mouth. Slight moan's and gasps from Dean were muffled into the other's lips while he thoroughly mapped the hunter's mouth, tasting every inch of the man who now belonged to him. When their lips parted Cas rested their foreheads against each other and watched his hunter panting hard.
"God, Cas!" Dean breathed out and closed his eyes. He had never been kissed like this and his legs felt weak just from kissing. His body would suffer from overload if Cas wanted to go further. Obviously that was what Cas had in mind because one second later Dean felt his shirt being raised a bit and a warm hand lay flat on his stomach. Fuck. The hunter was breathing hard, every clear thought was gone from his mind and all because of just one single person, an angel who wanted him so much that Dean thought he would shatter from sheer joy. The angel's mouth came down on his for another kiss and soon Dean's lips were red and swollen, so kissable that Cas couldn't resist him if he wanted. He didn't want to. His hand wandered over Dean's soft skin of his stomach, chest and sides, gently massaging the spots that made the hunter insane as if he already knew where to touch him even if it was the first time he actually did.
In a far corner of his mind Dean remembered the reaction when he had touched Cas' feathers and so he reached out to touch them again, he tucked a wing closer, letting his fingers brush through the black feathers, stroking urgently. He was rewarded by little moans and whimpered noises of pleasure and when he tucked harder Cas' hips bucked forward, catching Dean off guard. The hunter's hands grabbed the back of Cas' neck, he held on tight, he would never let the angel go.
"Take me, Cas." Dean pleaded. "Make me yours."
And Cas was more than happy to do as he was told.
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Dean's eyes were half closed when they lay on the bed, facing each other, their fingers laced together between them. The soul in those deep green eyes showed nothing but content feelings, for once the hunter was happy because of Cas and it made Cas happy and proud that he was able to provoke this change in his best friend and now lover. His mate. He would never let the hunter go again. He couldn't, it was just in his nature to chose a mate for life. His heart still beat fast because there was this smile on Dean's face that let him know that the hunter was just fine with being his for the rest of eternity and he suppressed the urge to roll them over again because his lover was so tired that he was close to passing out. But he needed him close and so he grabbed the hunter and pulled him close to him, making his head rest beneath his chin, his nose nuzzling the angel's naked chest while he inhaled the scent of the man next to him.
"Are you happy, Dean?" Some weird indifference within Cas made him ask this question. It was nice to hear it from Dean himself, even if he could glance into his soul whenever the man looked him in the eyes. He could nearly feel the smile grow wider against his skin.
"Of course, Cas. I guess you have seen me a few minutes ago…" His voice trailed off when his thoughts wandered back to the wonderful things Cas had done to his body and soul. He had claimed all of the hunter at once, it was the best Dean had ever felt in his entire life. There was nothing that had ever shattered him like Cas' touches, kisses, movements, small words of affection… With a sigh the older Winchester brother closed his eyes and shivered in the angel's arms. He was tired beyond imagination but he still wanted more, so he placed small kisses to the soft skin on Cas' chest, his neck and beneath his chin, earning a low growl deep in his chest as response. It excited him that Cas liked it.
"Dean…" The prayer came out as a whisper, it was hard for Cas to concentrate on anything, forming words was hard right now when his body wanted to do things on its own. "You're tired."
"I don't care. You are not."
"I don't need sleep. But you do."
"I can sleep when I'm dead, Cas." Dean's voice was hushed, he had shifted, their legs now tangled beneath the sheets and bodies pressed together. He'd be damned if Cas' didn't want to take him, now, for he sure as hell felt that the angel wanted him. "Please..." The raven haired man couldn't resist, he rolled them over so that he lay over Dean, looking down at the man who looked up at him with a loving smile. Cas' stare was possessive, full of lust and longing before he leaned down and ravished Dean's mouth, leaving his pink lips swollen and a deeper shade of pink. The hunter was perfection, God's masterpiece and he was all his.
Cas kissed his way down the other man's neck chest and stomach and ended up by his hip, his tongue sweeping out to lick, tease and taste while Dean's body squirmed beneath him. The older Winchester brother actually saw stars when Cas closed his mouth around him and a scream tore from his lips. He wouldn't last long, not when this was his angel doing this to him. "Cas – oh God, Cas! - please... stop it or I..." He was silenced by a slow stroke of Cas' tongue, shaking uncontrollably under his lips. When Dean thought it was too late, as he was already so close to the edge, Cas crawled back above him, their naked chests touching.
"I want all of you, Dean, everything." The hunter still panted hard, trying to concentrate. "I love you, Dean Winchester." Castiel breathed and watched his hunter's eyes go wide when he realizethat Cas' words were enough to push him over the edge and Dean helplessly came with a loud moan. The angel smiled, loving the noises he made.
"Cas..." His voice broke when he said his lover's name and a single tear slipped from his eye. "Love you, too." He whispered and grabbed Cas around the neck.
He was made for Cas. His perfect mate.
END
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