This was written for, and dedicated to, my brother. The one person who will never read it. But it's written to a might-have-been who actually cares about my writing…

…I can't explain how much I miss you, but I'm going to try.

Disclaimer: Two words: DON'T. OWN.

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Rose POV

You're gone. I can't quite cope with that yet. My mind's in denial, screaming at me that it can't be so. But my heart knows. It knows because why else would it be lying, shredded, in pieces. You broke my heart, but you never knew you would. I don't blame you, I can't – you didn't know. But…inside I want to blame someone.

I'm alone now. All my life I've had people around me and then you came. More people. Then you went. Now, it's as if I'm walking through a ghost world. No one and nothing touches me now – not after you left. You shouldn't have affected me this deeply, it shouldn't have happened. But it did and you can't turn back time for yourself, can you?

You're gone. And whoever it is now that is claiming to be you, whoever has your things now, whoever took such brutal control of you…… I can't stand to be around him. I can't, knowing every second that he was you, he has your memories and he knows. That's the worst part. That he knows why I simply can't be around him.

So now I'm back home – I'll call it that even though I can't think of it that way. I feel like my real home, my true home left with you. There's a hole inside of me now, and that hole is you. The gap where you should be in my life. There's a massive, gaping hole in me. And holes aren't meant to hurt – they're supposed to be empty. But believe me, this one does. It's a constant agony that I cannot forget. Not after what you did.

When it first sunk in that you wouldn't, couldn't possibly be coming back, I'll tell you that I freaked. Big time. I couldn't live alone, without you, once I'd met you. Is that why you came to me? Did you feel the same loneliness? I had to bite my lip so hard to stop myself from breaking down, I couldn't have explained, not to anyone.

Except one person. And he's not coming back.

Even with my tightest control, I couldn't keep it all bottled up. Despite everything I tried, I began to cry silently; big fat tears rolling down to drip, unheeded, onto my jacket. But I couldn't care. All of my feeling was wrapped into one person. And you're not coming back.

I'm going mad. And I can't keep it to myself anymore. Wherever I go, I think I see you. Whoever's talking to me, if I close my eyes, I can hear your voice saying it to me. At night, I can almost sense your presence, close enough to touch. And I begin to feel okay. You're there, you'll protect me, I need not worry. So I reach out to you.

And when my hand hits nothing my walls come crashing down. I can't help myself any longer and I don't care who's watching. I really can't bring myself to be bothered if anyone knows. I lose it.

I sob, crying your name to myself through the tears. But you're not there. And you can't ever be there again.

NO! I can't go on if I believe that. I know it's wrong and I may end up hurting myself more by believing. But……

I tell myself that you're there. It's the only way that I can keep going. The only way that I can carry on and tell myself that things will come alright in the end. That you're out there, somewhere. And you'll come back for me.

I don't want to think about what'll happen when I find out that I'm lying.

I may go crazy.

If I'm not already.

…

I only wish I could've said goodbye.

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Yeah…

Mediocre? Bad? I think that's the first time I've written my raw emotion into a story, so it may be worthless. Don't say that though. Tell me what you think, unless you're going to be horrible. Then don't. Coz remember, I didn't write this for any of you.

I'm SO messed up right now and this is the only thing I can do.

Tai