A/N: Plot bunny that wouldn't go away. Angsty and emotional but no other warnings.
[Disclaimer: I own nothing.]
"Well, the worst part was the outfit."
The pair chuckled in unison, clearly avoiding the elephant in the room. In the following ten minutes they would discuss Jane's 'honeymoon', Dominick's delusion and Dr Pike's apparent love for Maura. In those ten minutes, not a word would be said that didn't end in a laugh. But when those ten minutes ended, the two did not laugh again. After all, being drugged, abducted and assaulted was not really a laughing matter.
Jane was the first to grow quiet, Maura quickly catching onto the change in her friend's demeanour.
Maura looked toward the detective, waiting for her to decide the course of the conversation. When Jane didn't do anything, other than to stare off into space, Maura moved forward, gently placing her hand on the woman's upper left forearm, just above the bandage.
The brunette jumped slightly then relaxed into the touch, turning her head to smile at her friend.
Maura didn't need to speak in order for Jane to hear the question.
"I'm okay, Maura. Really, I'm just exhausted."
Maura didn't say anything, just smiled slightly and nodded her head.
"I think I'm just going to turn in for the night. It's still okay for me to stay here, isn't it?"
Maura's other hand rested upon Jane's arm, giving a reassuring squeeze.
"Don't be silly! Of course it's still okay. You're always welcome here. You know that Jane."
Jane smiled tiredly, thankful for her friend's hospitality.
"Okay, well, I guess I'll see you in the morning then."
Before the detective could make a dash for the guest bedroom, she had been pulled into a tight embrace, one that she recoiled from almost instantly. Maura released her as soon as she felt Jane tense, instantly regretting the fact that she hadn't thought before acting.
"Oh, Jane, I'm sorry! I didn't think. Oh, God. How much more oblivious can I get-?"
Jane took the blonde's hands in hers, squeezing them gently, assuring Maura that she had not been harmed.
"Goodnight Maura."
And, as quickly as that, Jane had disappeared. The door to the guest bedroom closed with a quiet thud, leaving Maura surrounded by an unsettling silence. She stood, pacing her living room for a few moments before going to her room to retrieve her lavender scented eye mask.
She wasn't blind. Jane had been fiddling with her hands all evening. She knew that her friend would not sleep, at least not well. She was aware that all Jane 'wanted' was space but she felt the need to do something to soothe her friend – something more than just giving her a comforting place to stay for the night. And, as she knew all too well, when Jane had traumatised, lavender was her 'go-to' scent for relaxation (not that she would admit to that if confronted).
Maura, with eye mask in hand, padded softly toward the door that her friend had disappeared behind. She raised her hand, ready to knock and walk in, when she heard something. Some foreign sound that sent a chill to her spine.
A whimper.
A sound that the doctor heard earlier that day, when a certain deluded individual had her best friend tied to a bed, ready to make her his.
She tapped lightly on the door, calling out softly to the woman on the other side.
When she received no answer she tried again, this time turning the knob and stepping into the room as she quietly called out.
"Jane, are you still in here? Jane, are you oka-?"
Maura stopped in her tracks, abandoning the eye mask when her eyes fell on her friend's hunched form.
All at once, her friend's deep, hidden pain became apparent.
Despite herself, she gasped.
…
As soon as the door clicked shut, Jane Rizzoli felt a weight lift, as if she was finally free to feel everything she had kept pent up since her release. She was not one to burden others, and, in her mind, eliciting emotional support from others was the ultimate burden.
She found herself staggering forward, taking deep, shuddering breaths.
She walked around the side of the bed, hoping to get to the ensuite bathroom before collapsing.
She didn't make it.
Instead, she got halfway across the room before stopping short, dropping to her knees, and vocalising her pain.
Her shoulders shook, her breath came in gasps and her whole body collapsed in on itself. She crouched low, knees rising to her chest, hands gripping her upper arms tightly, body doubled in two.
She didn't hear the first knock at the door, nor did she hear the second. And it wasn't until someone laid a hand on her back that she realised she had company.
The contact stunned her, sending her skirting across the floor on her backside, gasping in shock and panic. She turned toward the person, her unfocused eyes, wide and wild, searched the area, almost convinced that Dominick would be right there behind her, ready to make her his.
By this point, Jane was wheezing, sucking in shallow breaths.
The figure advanced, trying to speak to her.
Jane clambered backward, her back hitting the wall. She was trapped.
Both people stopped, eying each other.
The person was trying to talk to Jane, but, at first, all she heard was a deep murmuring.
Deep like Dominick's voice, soothing her just as Dominick had.
Then she heard a word, a name really, one that made her ears perk up.
In between the mumbling, and the pounding of her heart, Jane heard a word that broke through the fog.
"Maura."
She focused her attention on the voice, still cowering in the corner like a scared child. But as she listened more intently, her shoulders began to relax, her breathing evening out.
"Jane, it's me. It's Maura. You're safe. You're here, with me, Maura. I won't let anyone hurt you, Jane. Jane, please? Please come back to me. Please come back here. Jane?"
"…Maura?"
The croaky voice that was released in that breath was not one either woman was accustomed to hearing. Jane grimaced, hating to sound so weak.
She dropped her head to her arms, mentally kicking herself for dropping her walls so soon.
"Jane? Sweetie, look at me." Maura cooed.
When she got no response, the doctor dropped to her knees in front of the shaken woman, leaning in to gently brush a fallen, tangled lock of hair that had fallen over Jane's knees.
"Please, Jane," Maura repeated, her tone near begging.
Finally, through a mess of dark hair, two hazelnut eyes emerged, locking with those of the woman crouching in front of her.
"Oh, honey," Maura said sadly.
Jane's lip quivered. She looked as if she was about to break down again, when she suddenly shook her head and looked up toward the ceiling.
"Jane, talk to me. Tell me how I can help."
Jane took a deep, shaky breath, allowing herself a few seconds of peace before looking back to her friend.
"You can't. I just…You can't. You can't."
Her words caught in her throat, her head returning to her arms.
Maura moved closer, hands resting on Jane's arm, rubbing small, calming circles.
"Jane, please let me help you. Jane, I can't do anyth-"
The brunette's head shot up, startling Maura, who quickly removed her hands from the woman's upper arms.
"Maura, stop! God dammit! How many fucking times do I need to tell you – you CAN'T do anything! Just leave me alone. Just…just LEAVE!"
Maura's face fell, mouth open wide in shock. She sat there for a moment, not daring to move, barely believing what she had just witnessed.
"Please," Jane whimpered. "Just go."
"No," the doctor said.
"What?"
"I said no. Jane, can you not see that all I want to do is help you. All ANYONE every wants to do is help you! But no, you never let anyone close! You never let anyone comfort you!"
The brunette's eyes welled at her friend's outburst, but Maura was far from finished.
"Jane, just for once, would it kill you to let someone in!?"
Maura stood, beginning to pace.
"I thought I was going to lose you today Jane! I was so scared. I was scared for me, yes. But mostly, I was scared for YOU! I thought that the last words I was going to hear coming from your mouth were ones of pure fear. I was afraid that the last thing you would remember was begging for your life and that the last thing you would see was that awful man's face! Jane, I thought I would never again get to speak to you, see you, hug you, cry with you, drink with you, laugh with you…I thought I would never get to hold you again, and that scared the crap out of me! Jane, I…I don't…what would I have…how would I have…" Maura's voice trailed off, her arms desperately tightening around her torso in a vain attempt to comfort herself.
Jane rose, and took a step forward, wishing to comfort her friend.
"Jane." It was a warning, a cautionary statement, gently asking for her space.
Jane froze.
Maura sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm her breathing.
The next words that came out of her mouth were so quiet that Jane nearly missed them.
"I nearly lost you."
The doctor couldn't control herself any longer, having to crouch low to the ground, arms wrapping around her knees, the sobs finally coming in deep, shuddering gasps.
Jane had had enough. She moved forward with determination, reaching out for her friend. She managed to get Maura to stand and move to the bed before she completely lost it. And when she did lose it, Jane was there, holding her tightly, fighting back her own tears as her best friend desperately gripped at her shirt.
It took a few minutes, but eventually Maura had calmed down enough to sit upright again.
"I'm sorry Jane. I didn't mean to, well, to do that."
Jane nodded gently, casting her glance to her lap before beginning to speak in an uncharacteristically timid voice."
"No, Maur. I'm the one who should be sorry. I just…I…It's not that I don't appreciate your concern, I just…well, I just…I don't know. It makes me feel weak. Like I'm a victim all over again."
Seeing Maura open her mouth to talk, Jane put her hand up, signalling for the woman to hold her tongue.
"I was just…God, Maura, I was just so scared," Jane blurted. "I was just so scared," she repeated, furiously trying to blink back the tears that now streamed down her face.
Maura didn't need to say anything this time. This time, all she did was open her arms, glad when Jane finally burrowed into them, threading her own arms around the doctor's torso and holding her close. The pair lay back on the bed as gut-wrenching sobs began racking Jane's body. They came hard, and they came fast, depriving her of oxygen, causing her body to spasm uncontrollably. Hiccups followed occasionally, followed by even louder, more violent sobs.
"Please…Please Maura," she choked out. "Don't…Don't leave m-m-me…"
Maura pulled her closer, pressing her lips to Jane's hair.
"I won't. I'm right here honey. I'm right here," she whispered. "I'm right here."
A/N: Please R&R!