Survivor: Vampire Island-The Director's Cut

Author Note: I have had the pleasure to work with the wonderful author Lion in the Land on her amazing story. Survivor: Vampire Island. As fun and as great as it is to work with her, sometimes I have to make compromises with her when it comes to my contributions in our collaboration. So it was her idea that I take what I've done and make a director's cut with all the blood, gore, guts and fucking swearing left intact.

The basic premise of this story is that it focuses on a game of the reality TV show Survivor starring the cast of Both Hellsing and Twilight. I suggest you read Lion in the Land's story first, but whatever floats your boat :) And for the record, she does favour the Hellsing cast over the other bunch, except for Jasper. She loves him.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is a non-profit endeavor and Hellsing and Twilight belong to their respective owners. The lyrics used belong to the band Motorhead and is the song called sucker. I do not own that song or Motorhead.

Jasper flinches. He glances toward his brother, and then turns his eyes to his new partner. Alucard flashes Jasper a lecherous grin, and the Unstet feels his impervious skin crawl. For a moment, Alucard lowers his barriers and allows Edward a clear glimpse of what he's thinking. This time it's Edward who flinches. He pities Jasper, but thinks that maybe spending some alone time with the likes of Hellsing's lead vampire will help his brother to be a little more appreciative and forgiving of those who care about him.

Oh who the hell is he kidding? He's praying that Jasper comes out of this experience without having the living fuck raped out of him. If what he's read is true, Alucard is a man who gets a stiff from fear and pain and Jasper is giving off the former in abundance.

"Each team chooses a garbage can," Probst instructs. "On my go, you will run to the can, pull out the map and get started.

"Survivor's ready? Go!"

Deeper in the jungle, Jasper leads and Alucard follows. This is how the dissimilar duo progresses for some time: Jasper doing all the work of navigation and orientation while Alucard is content to laugh, sing and make strange noises. The duo had originally taken off from the beach, running like mad, but through Alucard's persistent effort, they are now slowed down to a gentle walk.

While he doesn't say it out loud, Jasper is puzzled and a little repulsed by Alucard. Before coming to this island, he had expected Alucard to be a strong and sadistic personality, a mighty military leader type. Contrarily, he found Alucard to be craven psychopath with virtually no impulse control. If Jasper were to guess, Alucard has the morality of Calgiula. And now that he's been out of his master's presence for more than two minutes, he's more like a brain damaged lunatic.

Jasper continues to read the map. Behind him Alucard is running in circles and pretending that he's an airplane. The centuries old Nosferatu has his arms held out to the side while he makes buzzing noises with his mouth. He obviously doesn't think that Jasper is worth the pretense of good behavior, so he simply does whatever he wants. The sparkling civil war veteran looks back at his map and reads the next instructions aloud in the vain hope that he can get Alucard to pull his fair share. "Head up stream; when you reach the soyombo in the grass, turn forty seven degrees towards West."

The blond Cullen waits for some response, some sign that Alucard actually heard what he said. Alucard is currently walking forward on his hands and singing some of his favorite heavy metal songs.

Now we are like how we were

Innocence is more than words

Now we are poison and we don't care

We have no shame, we strip you bare

And you're so precious, lost in smoke

Too busy laughing to see the Joke

Nobody knows if you've won or you lost

Into the palace or up on the cross

Into the gravy or into the ground

We just don't want you around, sucker! (1)

Jasper can't help but sneer in disgust. Both of his brothers are in some way stupid and arrogant, but they have positive personality traits to compensate for those flaws. Edward is highly intelligent while Emmett is as loyal as can be. Jasper can't think of a single positive trait to apply to Alucard, except that he's good for a laugh…when viewed from a distance.

Alucard gets off his hands and back onto his feet. Next to the pair is a fast flowing river, roughly two meters across. The river has snaked this way and that for a great distance. Jasper tries to get Alucard's attention once more, "Why can't we run instead of walk? We'd have already completed half the challenge if we could at least jog."

Alucard begins to skip instead, but apparently he has heard the Cullen, because he responds, "I don't like to run. I like to stroll gently and enjoy the scenery."

Jasper irritably shoves the map into his pocket and begins to look for the soyombo thingy, whatever that is. "We're racing against two other teams; time is of the essence."

Alucard offhandedly comments, "Oh right, we're racing for the fate of your family." He really couldn't care less.

Jasper is starting to get frustrated with Alucard and his childlike stubbornness. "You might not care for the sake of my family, but I'm sure I don't need to remind you that you are under orders from your master."

Alucard gets off of his hands and begins to strut alongside Jasper. "I have not hindered you in any way. Besides, you did pretty well on the last fifteen clues. I've never really been good with puzzles."

Knowing that further conversation with the Nosferatu will only fuel his headache, Jasper decides to press ahead until he can find this blasted thing in the grass. He has no idea what a soyombo is. Perhaps Alucard knows, but Jasper doesn't relish talking any more to the Hellsing trump card than he absolutely has to.

Alucard's wide smile is quite genuine; he feels frustration emanating off his partner, regardless of how much the empathic Unstet tries to mask it. The frustration itself isn't what brings him such joy; it's the fact that he's the one causing that frustration.

The tall vampire begins to fiddle with his glasses and his hat in his hands; he'd removed them both at the start of the hike. In a sympathetic tone of voice he starts to ask, "So, how is everything going?"

Jasper bites down on his tongue out of irritation. Rather than answer truthfully, he replies, "Fine."

Against the laws of physics, Alucard's smile widens as he puts his glasses and hat back into his coat. "That's very good. I'd expected you to be almost insane with rage after your mate was wounded and then taken by Nazi scum to God knows what sort of horrible fate."

Ouch, Alucard is hitting awfully close to home. Jasper is intensely worried about Alice. He tries to ignore Alucard's goading and purge all emotion from his system by reciting important dates from the Civil War in his mind.

Alucard suddenly jumps into a tree and runs across the branches like a satanic monkey. Jasper isn't the least bit interested by Alucard's goofy antics. Through a superhuman act of will, he focuses on the task at hand and notices that they're approaching a grassy clearing up ahead.

Alucard lands in front of Jasper as quietly as a leaf. Walking backwards, he shoves his face into Jasper's until their noses almost touch. The Cullen son almost winces; Alucard's breathe stinks. Honestly, it smells like a refrigerator full of rancid meat that was fresh two years ago. It's amazing and very fortunate that he hadn't been able to smell it from further away.

Alucard continues to spout diarrhea of the verbal variety. "Your attitude surprises me; I thought you loved your mate. When Edward lost his little cow, he was beside himself with grief. I'm not an empath, but even I could see that."

Oh, Alucard is hitting really close to heart with these viscous barbs. Jasper can't remember the last time somebody has made him this angry. It's not just the insults about Alice -- it's the fact that this degenerate thinks he's so much better than him. Jasper can feel the gloating arrogance oozing off of Alucard like the stench wafting off of a corpse. He wants to reach out and slap that arrogant grin off his stupid face. Emmett wouldn't have hesitated to smack Alucard, but Jasper is about a thousand times smarter than his robust brother. He knows what Alucard is capable of and that he's expecting him to play at this petty game.

Dramatically turning around and walking ahead of Jasper, Alucard saunters in a way that could be -- if he weren't so powerful and well loved by the audience -- considered gay. "But really, Rose didn't show any grief for her mate, either. I guess you two have something in common."

Jasper almost betrays his emotions on his face; the strain of reining them in is taking its toll. He and Rose are nothing alike! Sure, they both wanted to kill Bella Swan, but that's where their similarities end. Jasper has nothing in common with the preppy, spoiled princess that is Rosalie.

"But you two did almost kiss, didn't you?" Alucard asks with mocking innocence.

The statement shocks Jasper; Alucard has read his mind.

"That's right; I read your mind, and singing The Song of the South is not going to stop me from seeing all your secrets." Unlike Edward, Alucard takes a malicious and voyeuristic pleasure in reading people's minds, particularly when they're thinking naughty or compromising thoughts.

And Alucard is right; Jasper did almost kiss that stupid bitch. God, now that he looks back, what on earth had he been thinking? He almost cheated on Alice, his very reason for living, and for a stupid game? Jasper tries to defend himself. "But…but Edward almost kissed Integra."

This earns him a shrug from Alucard, "Yes, well, my master isn't some horrible witchy woman who thinks her shit is made of pure gold." Some would argue otherwise, but Alucard disagrees. "And also, Integra is not Edward's sister! You damn Cullens say you're a family -- act like it! You can be either a coven or a family, not both! How far are we to the next clue?"

Pleased that Alucard finally has his mind on the job, Jasper allows himself to feel a little relief. "The next clue we're supposed to find is something in that field called a soyombo. Do you have any idea what that is?"

Alucard's answer is maddeningly unhelpful, "Yes I do." He does not elaborate.

Jasper tries to be reasonable while sharing as few words as possible with Alucard. "Would you please tell me what it is or point it out to me?"

Alucard holds up a finger in yet another dramatic pose. "Better yet, I'll find it myself. Follow me, Bubba!"

The southern boy is offended by Alucard's derogatory term for a good ol' boy. "Don't call me Bubba." He is ignored by his partner.

"Whatever, Bubba, just follow my lead." And then the possibly bipolar vampire in red sprints off to find whatever it is that he won't explain to Jasper.

It's nearing dusk, and the search through the field proves to be an endless game of Ring Around the Rosie, with Alucard leading Jasper in perpetual circles. Jasper feels like he's being forced to work with a dog that's not been trained for obedience. At this point, working alongside a real dog, like Jacob Black, would be a pleasure.

Suddenly, Alucard stops and Jasper nearly runs into him. Jasper watches as Alucard bends down and begins to push back grasses that have been carefully woven over an object. Despite the grass covering it, Jasper might have caught sight of the object, if he hadn't been too busy tuning out Alucard's taunts about his speed.

With the grass mesh torn away, Alucard reveals his prize -- a human skull. Drawn in red on the skull is a strange symbol. It's a complex image, which is actually a fusion of several stylized images; chief among them is a flame burning over the moon and a yin/yang symbol.

Jasper gazes on the skull. "That's a soyombo?"

The Hellsing vampire gazes on the skull proudly. "It's a symbol out of Mongolia. I know that you only like to study the Civil war, but if you'd paid attention to history you'd know that far Eastern symbols and religion were all the rage among extreme right wing movements. Both the symbol and the swastika were popular among the Nazis and other occult worshiping groups."

Jasper is unimpressed by Alucard's knowledge; he detects deceitful emotions coming off of him. "How long have you known about the location of this thing."

Alucard turns over the skull in his hands and rubs a finger on the elongated canines. "I knew it was there at least fifteen minutes ago. I could smell the blood that this holy Mongol symbol was written with and feel the power eminating off of it."

Jasper is angered, but not shocked by Alucard's whimsy and capriciousness. For every minute they dally, Alice could be in danger.

He hears a dark chuckle from Alucard. "Little Alice is probably having the time of her life. Those Nazis are likely giving her the good, deep dicking that she so craves."

Jasper can't help himself; he begins to growl.

Alucard is as detached as ever. "I like growling; it's much scarier than hissing." Passing the skull from hand to hand, he squares up and faces his southern companion. "Yes, Alice is most likely enjoying a thorough pounding. It must be hard for her, having a husband with a limp prick."

This time Jasper's jaw drops. How did he-

"Despite my captivity, I still have quite a few connections on the outside. I simply hired a few friends to investigate you and your family the moment I heard about this little contest. These friends of mine proved their worth as investigators; I now know volumes about you and your family. Like how you haven't been able to fuck your wife since nineteen seventy-two."

Jasper is beyond angry now; Alucard has cut to the core of him and found out his dirty little secret.

Like a gladiator with the upper hand, Alucard attacks for all it's worth. "Really Jasper, why do they keep you around? What possible use could your family have for you? You've the weakest resistance to human blood, you've no compassion, you're useless to your wife, and you're useless as a brother and a son. Oh you can fight, but a fat lot of good your skills have done your family on this island."

Jasper is so mad that he's seeing red, and his butterscotch eyes have turned completely black. Alucard can feel Jasper's rage; he breaths it in like a sweet perfume.

Alucard continues to twist the knife. "You're the useless one; the afterbirth of the Cullen children. You're a useless sack of lying,"

Jasper grinds his teeth.

"blood sucking,"

He bows his legs into a leaping stance.

"slave taking,"

The cord snaps on Jasper's self control.

"TEXAS DOGSHIT!!!"

Jasper is so fast that it would require an entirely new type of camera to monitor his trajectory. Even to most vampires, he would only be a blur that perhaps Edward might be able to pass, but not by much.

Former Major of the Confederate Army Jasper Whitlock slams into former warlord and Prince Vlad Tepes with such force that the vampire skull in his hands disintegrates into atoms. The pair of them drives a deep trench into the island, uprooting trees and smashing the bedrock like it is only styrofoam.

Jasper and Alucard finally grind to a halt. Jasper has nothing on his mind but to punish this lustful, licentious son of the devil. He can feel Alucard's emotions, and under all his anger, he wishes that he could not. The emotions of the ancient creature known as Alucard are like a tar pit; it is bottomless, sticky filth that entraps everything that touches it.

But when he gazes upon Alucard's face, the Whitlock's emotion turns to horror. By some ancient magic or innate power of the vampyr, Alucard has adopted the visage of the one he provoked. Alucard's face now exactly resembles that of Jasper. No, not exactly.

Jasper sits stunned, staring at what is a distorted mirror image of his own handsomely rugged, yet somehow almost babyish features. But the eyes, which should be topaz, are now fiery ruby, red as blood, and what is supposed to be a perfect row of white teeth is more like a mountain range of broken bone, stained a sick yellow color. The scars, instead of being luminescent crescents visible only in direct sunlight, are ugly ridges that resemble hideous tumors. The long, blond hair is greasy and matted with sticky rust-colored patches and chunks of bone and teeth.

But even through this hideous distortion, not even a fool would fail to recognize it as a clone of Jasper. That is his small, perfect nose, his lush, dark-blond lashes and eyebrows; even the shape of the thin, pink mouth is his, but the hateful, leering grin that it twists into is all Alucard.

Alucard takes advantage of his opponent's shock to mock him yet more. "Awww, is the wittle baby scarred by his war experiences?"

Jasper is about to throw a fist into the daemon's grimace when he feels Alucard's foot connect with his midriff. All the wind leaves his lungs, and the Whitlock is launched high into the clear, peaceful twilight, which glows incongruously on this ghastly scene.

Higher and higher Jasper spins into the wild purple yonder. Up here it's blessedly free of all emotion except his own. In a way, he enjoys the spinning, disorienting peace of this high altitude. Until all of a sudden, he is blindsided by a powerful blow that sends him rocketing back to the volcanic island's vista.

Like a sparkling meteor, Jasper lands with a boom in the crater of the extinct volcano. Though the smooth volcanic stone around him has been pulverized, Jasper himself is unharmed. His brief rest is interrupted when Alucard lands atop of him, still wearing the face of Jasper Whitlock. Jasper tries to shut his eyes, but finds that he can't look away from the nightmarish mask of himself.

Alucard looks like the devil; his nostrils flare, his breathing is heavy, and he foams pink at the mouth. He sprays Jasper with the diseased rose foam as words explode out of his throat. "You fool! Do you not see it? I want to be taken next. I want to fail this challenge!"

His voice is overpowering and it holds Jasper hostage. "I am Alucard!!! I never run, and none can escape my wrath for long!"

The emotions coming off of Alucard are like a fire: unstoppable, all consuming and gluttonous. The heat coming from his rage and lust is so great that it would send Lucifer and all the daemons of hell to their knees, begging for mercy

He yanks on Jasper's collar so that they can be truly face to face. As he speaks, his neck muscles strain like steel cables against the confines of the red cravat. "You see that fat Major; how he smiles in that smug way? When I get my gloved hands on him, he will squeal like a bitch and beg for me to deliver him to whatever hell awaits him." He grunts and snarls.

Behind Alucard, the afterglow of the sun is the color of war: red. It accents perfectly his coat and his eyes. "He will be my new toy, and I'll break him in doggy style." As he says this, his long, pointed tongue briefly flashes over his chapped, bleeding lips. "Perhaps I'll break him one, two, three or maybe even four times before I decide to get to the good stuff. As I plunder and shatter the fat little turd, we will be watched by an audience composed of the severed and mutilated heads of his most loyal followers. It will take hours for his men to die by my cruel hand and blade!" Only a fool would fail to see how much Alucard yearns to fulfill all his dreadful threats. It would be fun for him.

Jasper finally understands what Alucard truly is. He's not a man, a dog or a monster. He's something else entirely; something worse. He is the rawest savage in the most primitive jungle, feasting on the bones of a defeated enemy. He is the crudest barbarian, raping man, women and babies as the urge takes him. He is an unbroken rabid wolf, fearless, hungry and imbued with all the craft and guile of earth and heaven. Primeval, bestial, vicious, and implacable; these words and more describe just what Alucard is. And right now he's on top of poor, unwitting Jasper Whitlock.

Once more that voice takes Jasper as prisoner. "Do you see this, boy?" Jasper can't help but look as he sees Jaspercard open his coat to reveal the missiles that the gang stole from Leon Kennedy. Though he doesn't express it, Jasper is surprised and impressed. The missiles are all connected by a length of wire. Having studied explosives and demolition without his mother's approval, he can see that Alucard has taken the five missiles under his coat and turned them into one large bomb.

"Did you think me idle? Did you think me a dullard? While you played the fool for this pathetic last battalion, I worked to make mine enemies a little surprise." His features distort into a mordant rictus grin.

Alucard holds the detonator in his hand, conjured as if by a magician's trick. It's a simple device but ingenious, made from a simple household remote control. "I possess the sum power of modern knowledge and all the hellish eldritch magic of yesteryear. My magic words are more potent than any, and my scientific knowledge is rivaled only by my power to will. I am-"

Alucard can't finish his speech, because a small, grey object suddenly flies out of the shadows and begins clawing at Jaspercard's borrowed facial features.

Immediately, Alucard starts to scream like a little girl; high and undignified. "Oh, Jesus! I'm fucking blind!"

Whatever is attacking Alucard has broken Jasper free of Alucard's devilish powers. Immediately, the blond Unstet gets up and surveys his surroundings. They are in the volcanic crater. The fading rays of the dusk are pouring through the hole in the mountain's side that was created by his fall.

Now that he's free of Alucard's voodoo, he feels emotions rolling from across the cave he finds himself in. There at the far end of the cave and just at the edge of the inner wall of the crater is a large wooden crate. Burned into its side is an oversized swastika.

Tune in next chapter for more bloodshed and goodness brought to you by the Master of the Boot. Lion in the Land was good with this except for a few things that have been restored for your enjoyment.

Thanks for reading and remember to review :)