This is my second fanfic and my first facebook one….I'm writing this while waiting for my science tutor to call me back…I know, just call me Sylvan. Anyway, for this story, I didn't want to just do one series of characters, like the Twilight characters or whoever, because after a few chapters there's nothing else to write. SO every chapter I'm going to have a new series of characters, featuring some from other series. Sound good? Awesome. ;) (Oh, and of course, a surprise visit from Jasmine might pop up once in a while… :D) First up…Twilight Facebook! Rated T for…inappropriateness (Is that a word?)
Enjoy. ;) Jasmine.
Emmett Cullen has changed his profile picture.
JasmineLaBelle What the hell…Emmett, is that a screenshot from our sex tape?
Rosalie Hale WHAT?
Emmett Cullen Ohhhh yeah….. *waggles eyebrows*
Rosalie Hale WHAT THE FUCK?
Rosalie Hale is now single.
Emmett Cullen, JasmineLaBelle, and 6 others like this.
Alice Cullen just saw the Volturi coming and killing everybody.
Emmett Cullen Whaaat? I thought we put those shitbags in their place!
Aro Volturi Bad choice of words…we can hear you….
Emmett Cullen That was scary.
Bella Cullen Why did you even add him to your Friends list?
Emmett Cullen I dunno, it just happened. Just like me and JasmineLaBelle…*waggles eyebrows again*
JasmineLaBella *winks*
Rosalie Hale NO WAY!
Emmett Cullen Um, hello? Not your businesses anymore, remember we're not together?
Rosalie Hale has just joined the group "Suicide Thoughts Therapy."
Katniss Everdeen Wow. That girl's got issues.
Bella Cullen Who are you?
Katniss Everdeen The pot of gold at the end of your rainbow.
Bella Cullen ?
Emmett Cullen ?
Edward Cullen No I'M Bella's pot of gold!
Alice Cullen When did you get here?
Edward Cullen After my therapy sessions!
Alice Cullen ?
Emmett Cullen Freak.
Edward Cullen *runs away crying*
Bella Cullen Oh, God, not again.
Alice Cullen So, about the Volturi killing us…
Jasper Hale They must want revenge.
Emmett Cullen Dude, DUH.
Bella Cullen Didn't need a genius to figure that one out.
Jasper Hale W-what?
Alice Cullen It's okay, Jasper. They didn't mean it.
Emmett Cullen Sure we did!
Alice Cullen wishes her family was smarter.
Jasper Hale wishes his family was nicer.
Alice Cullen So what should we do about the Volturi?
Katniss Everdeen No fear, Cullens-
Jasper Hale I'm not a Cullen.
Katniss Everdeen *virtually gives the finger to Jasper* Anyway, like I was saying, I can just shoot them down with my madly epic archery skills!
Emmett Cullen Uh…
Alice Cullen Uhh…
Jasper Hale Uhhh…
Bella Cullen Uhhhh…
Emmett Cullen, Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale, and Bella Cullen have logged off.
Katniss Everdeen Was it something that I said?
Jacob Black and Quil Ateara have logged on.
Jacob Black HELLOOOOOO LEEEECHESSSSSSSSSSSS!
Rosalie Hale Oh, great. The female dogs are here.
Quil Ateara Hey, babe, we are WEREWOLVES.
Rosalie Hale Do not ever call me babe again or I will personally kill you in your sleep.
Quil Ateara Awesomeness never sleeps.
Rosalie Hale You're right, I don't.
Quil Ateara has just joined the group "I Need Better Comebacks."
Rosalie Hale Wow.
Emmett Cullen just broke Esme's best vase.
Esme Cullen EMMETT!
Emmett Cullen Shit. I thought you were still at your PTA meeting.
Esme Cullen What? I'm not on the PTA!
Emmett Cullen Well you're old enough to be.
Esme Cullen has just disowned one of her sons.
Carlisle Cullen just performed surgery.
Bella Cullen Oh, what kind?
Carlisle Cullen I fixed a heart.
Bella Cullen How do you fix a heart?
Carlisle Cullen I had to pump some love into it. ;)
Esme Cullen ;)
Bella Cullen Oh, ew. I'm not even related to you.
Alice Cullen You think being related to them makes this any less uncomfortable?
Carlisle Cullen I've called this meeting to discuss the dangers of the Volturi in Alice's vision.
Charlie Swan What's a Volturi?
Bella Cullen Um…a unicorn.
Charlie Swan Oooh! I want one!
Bella Cullen They're all dead. I killed them all.
Charlie Swan Bella! No more allowance for you!
Bella Cullen Dad, you don't give me an allowance.
Charlie Swan Oh, yes, that's right, I'm talking about my other illegitimate daughter Peeta!
Peeta Mellark Hey, I'm a boy!
Bella Cullen ?
Alice Cullen Hey, don't look at me, it's not my fault!
Emmett Cullen Um…no one said it was….
Bella Cullen Awkward….
Alice Cullen is freaking out because everyone just found out about her affair with her sister-in-law's father.
Bella Cullen I guess that explains why he was so fond of Alice…
Jasper Hale is not mad at Alice because he had an affair too.
Alice Cullen What? With who?
Jasper Hale Charlie.
Alice Cullen Oooh, isn't he just AMAZING?
Charlie Swan Hey, Jasper, remember in Vegas?
Jasper Hale How could I forget? *winks*
Bella Cullen Um.
Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale have entered a chatroom so they can talk about Charlie without making Bella uncomfortable.
Bella Cullen Thanks, guys, but I don't think that would really help.
Alice Cullen Well, okay then, if you insist! Hey, Jaspy, don't you just LOVE that mole on Charlie's butt?
Jasper Hale Oh my blood YES! I think it looks just like Rosalie!
Rosalie Hale Um, excuse me?
Carlisle Cullen Why is it we can never have a normal Facebook family meeting without someone crying or talking about Charlie's um… "features"?
Renesmee Cullen Because Carlisle, that's what Facebook's for! Talking about stuff with people that would be way too embarrassing to talk about in real life! Like how everybody knows how you have a collage of shirtless Jacob pictures in your office!
Esme Cullen Um…what?
Jacob Black Well, I don't really blame him…I mean have you SEEN these muscles?
Renesmee Cullen Why, yes, I have… ;)
Jacob Black ;)
Bella Cullen RENESMEE CARLIE CULLEN!
Renesmee Cullen What? Don't act like you and Dad don't do it every time we leave you alone!
Edward Cullen Do what? What do we do?
Renesmee Cullen Why are you so stupid? Even Jasper knows what I'm talking about!
Jasper Hale Excuse me?
Renesmee Cullen You know what I'm talking about, Mr. Civil War Major.
Charlie Swan What?
Bella Cullen Um…he plays a Major in a Civil War reenactment.
Jasper Hale Stupid Northerners.
Jacob Black Let's play Guess How Many Sets of Abs Jake has on his stomach!
Renesmee Cullen FOUR!
Bella Swan How do you know that?
Renesmee Cullen Same way you know how many chest hairs Dad has.
Bella Cullen 108!
Bella Cullen Did I really just say that out loud?
Alice Cullen Yes.
Renesmee Cullen That's embarrassing.
Edward Cullen Renesmee Cullen, am I hearing you talk inappropriately on Facebook?
Renesmee Cullen Yes.
Edward Cullen … I was thinking you would be saying no.
Renesmee Cullen And I was thinking you would be less annoying.
Jacob Black YES! I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!
Charlie Swan You know, Nessie, I don't really like you on Facebook.
Renesmee Cullen What! I'm totally likeable on Facebook!
Jacob Black And off Facebook. ;)
Charlie Swan I mean I think it's a bad idea! Some old creeper-
Rosalie Hale Like yourself?
Charlie Swan –could track you down and kidnap you!
Renesmee Cullen Oh, don't worry about that. If anyone tries to take me away, I'll just have my family of vampires rip them apart and burn the pieces!
Charlie Swan WHAT?
Bella Swan She's kidding.
Edward Cullen I'm deleting her Facebook.
Emmett Cullen and Rosalie Hale would like to invite all of you to their wedding.
JasmineLaBelle WHAT? What's this?
Emmett Cullen Sorry, babe, it just happened. Just like me and Effie. ;)
Effie Trinket :D
Rosalie Hale WHAT?
Rosalie Hale and JasmineLaBelle have joined the group "Emmett's a Vampire Idiot."
Esme Cullen and 438 others like this.
Emmett Cullen and Effie Trinket dislike this.
Emmett Cullen Hey, has anybody seen that new movie Twilight?
Bella Cullen Ugh, yes. It was terrible.
Emmett Cullen I thought you kinda look like the main character.
Renesmee Cullen Thanks!
Emmett Cullen No, I mean your mom looks like her! She was pretty ugly.
Bella Cullen WHAT?
Emmett Cullen Oh, you know what I mean.
Renesmee Cullen Did anybody else find that movie kind of inaccurate?
Bella Cullen Yes! A half human, half vampire? Not likely!
Renesmee Cullen HEY!
Bella Cullen Oh yeah, I forgot about you.
Renesmee Cullen How do you forget about ME?
Bella Cullen Oh yeah, you're the thing that ruined my life.
Renesmee Cullen Oh, so now I'm a THING?
Bella Cullen Yep.
Emmett Cullen Pretty much.
Renesmee Cullen I'm deleting my Facebook. It causes me too many problems.
OKAY that's my Twilight Facebook Fanfic! I think my next chapter will either be with The Hunger Games or House of Night characters. And I just wanted to say: Usually I don't talk or write like this. I mean, I say crap like it's the Holy Word and I guess you could say I'm more Pg-13, and when I'm feeling rambunctious I'll move it up to PG-14. I'm definitely not a regular T-rated person. Well I hoped you loooooved it! ;) Jasmine