A/n: I don't own Glee. This is almost entirely dialogue, and it's not entirely clear who's speaking at first. This is not an accident. You're supposed to say, "WTF just happened?" at the end. No offense is meant to anyone through anything said in this fic. Sue's just naturally offensive. Have fun reading!
Sue's Choice
"Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to destroy the United Kingdom?"
"No, sue, but-"
"I was just 23 years old at the time. My parents were stationed in the Kremlin to wipe out some commies, and so I was sent to London to take their place so that I could infiltrate and annihilate that sad, sad excuse for a country."
"Ms. Sylve-"
"Quiet, Ladyface. As I was saying, I was sent to London to eradicate all traces of the U.K. Those disgusting bastards don't even understand how to speak the English language. It's an elevator, asshole!"
"Sue, they created-"
"So I went to the Queen. Told her exactly what I thought of her fallen empire and failed monarchy. She tried to assassinate me. Needless to say, it was a complete and utter failure. After a week, though, I was running out of places to hide the bodies, so I left. Her majesty thinks she defeated me. Little does she know that I have spies everywhere. I know about her plans to colonize France, those countries to the north of Britain, the one below us, and the United States of America…but bypassing Canada because it's kind of useless. But that bitch has another thing coming because I'm going to stop her.
"That's why I won't be in next week. Are we done?"
"Sue, I didn't call you here. You came of your own accord and interrupted my meeting with Mr. Hummel."
"What's the problem? Did he come to school in a rainbow speedo or something?"
"No, Ms. Sylvester. I'm transferring to another school."
"Why the hell would you do that?"
"Well, Dalton has a-"
"An all boy's school? Are you hoping one of them will jump your bones as soon as you walk in the door?"
"I…no…"
"I don't really care about your reasons. You aren't going."
"But-"
"No. I've already lost your sassy hag to glee club. I'm not losing you to the possibility of an all-male orgy."
"Sue-"
"Is that all?"
Figgins sighed. "Yes, Sue."
As she was leaving, Sue shouted, "Ladyface, if you aren't still attending this school tomorrow, I'll have Quinn castrate you. Got it?"
Kurt nodded.
There wasn't much to say after such an impassioned if confusing speech.
"Did you still want to transfer, Mr, Hummel?"
Kurt managed something akin to a negative before dazedly leaving Figgins' office.