Well, this is a Crack! fic if I ever met one. I have absolutely no idea where it came from. Actually, thats a lie; it came from this (called Modern Warfare) amazing episode of Community (and if you've never seen Community, you should, if nothing else then you get to watch this episode.) This was written post-said amazing episode, and I was still a little high from how awesome it was, thus creating this crazy Crack! fic. Since I've never been much of a reader or writer of Crack! this came as a bit of a surprise, but I has so much fun writing it that I don't even care. Small note; some characters might seem a little (stress on little) OOC, but I think that when you're in a life-or-death situation, you act a little different then yourself, and whats more life threatening then a paintball war?
I do not own Glee or Community. If I did, things would be a little different (but not too much, cause I really do love both shows the way they are.)
It started out as a special credit assignment. It became so much more.
The game: paintball.
The place: McKinley High.
The prize: the perfect report card. Indefinitely.
The task was simple; whoever was left standing at the end with no paint on their clothes got a perfect report card until they graduated. Supplies were handed out and nobody, not even the disabled or mentally ill, was off limits.
Naturally, everyone was in.
.
At first things were crazy, paint flying here and there, everyone shooting everyone, screaming coming from God knows where. It was chaos, it was madness…
It was war.
For a while, nobody was safe, you didn't know who was armed, who to trust, who would spare you…
But then things cooled down, allies were made, teams were formed. All the useless people had paint on their clothes, were out of the game…
The Cheerios had a team, jocks too. Together, they dominated the playing field, had no mercy. It seemed that it would end with one of them, that they'd wait till everyone else was out, be allies until there was no other choice but to fire at each other.
But there was one thing that nobody else new, one thing that the cheerio/jock alliance was trying desperately to deny…
Deep inside the auditorium the glee kids were planning to strike.
.
"I'll go out and distract them, you guys attack."
"No! We're not letting you give yourself up!"
"What other choice do we have?"
Somehow, and don't ask any one of them cause they couldn't tell you, but somehow, every glee kid still had clean clothes.
Finn, Puck, Mike, Matt were naturally the best, shooting anyone in the blink of an eye who even thought about going at one of the glee kids. Santana and Brittany were good too, the Cheerio inside them showing no mercy to anyone but there own. Rachel, for all her complaining about how getting paint on her pink panda-bear sweater was not an option, was quite the little fighter as well. Turns out winning your first dance recital when you're only three months old has a wide range of benefits.
Mercedes, Tina, and Kurt form a sort of dream team, interrogating gunless students about where the real fighters were, becoming a bit of a 'good cop/ bad cop/ third cop shoots you when you're not looking' type group.
Quinn became the secret weapon, because as it turns out, no one really expects a pregnant girl to be an ass-kicker. Which she is.
Artie is, however, the biggest surprise. Nobody thought he would last long, being in a wheel chair. Nobody thought that with no use of his legs he would have a lot more time to work on hand-eye coordination, play a little Duck Hunt, perfect his paint-shooting skills…
Yes, put together the glee kids were a lethal weapon, destined to be the team that gets everyone else, have to go after each other, have the player with clean clothes…
"Finn, I won't let you give yourself up!" Rachel's tearing up, screaming for Finn to stay…
"I'm sorry Rach but we have no other options!" Finn's trying his best to comfort her, but it's hard, knowing what has to be done.
"Yes. We. Do."
…
"No!"
"I wont let you!"
"Kurt, you can't!"
Kurt steps forward, a different person then he normally is, a fire in his eyes nobody has seen before…
"I'm the least valuable member of our team, of course I can!"
Kurt takes off his Marc Jacobs jacket. Mercedes and Tina start to cry.
"Don't tear up gals, I'm doing the right thing, I'm taking one for the team."
He turns to Finn.
"When I show myself, come up from behind, shoot as many as you can, and then run off in different directions. I'll try and hold them up for as long as I can, but you've got to move fast."
"You're a real hero, man."
Kurt nods, looks back at his teammates, and then he's off.
.
They're ambushed. Big time.
As it turns out, the others had suspected those gleeks might pull something like this, and they had an army of fighters waiting to do them in…
After Kurt (who gets shoot seconds after revealing himself) Mercedes and Tina are the first to go down, followed closely by Mike and Matt. Santana and Brittany try to argue their way out, saying they've been spies, been stealing information, but a good Cheerio always knows when a fellow Cheerio is lying, so they don't last long.
Artie does some good ass-kicking while he still can, getting some of their best fighters, but no matter how good he was hand-eye coordination , being in a wheel-chair doesn't exactly suit well for battle.
And a battle this is.
It's insane, paint flying in all directions; you'd need a miracle for anyone to survive.
But as it turns out, the glee club is pretty wealthy with those.
Finn and Rachel get out, so do Quinn and Puck, and while the Cheerio/jock team did have the advantage of knowing the enemies plan, the glee kids had the advantage of being ten-time more awesome then them, so in the end, only about two Cheerios and jocks survive, making it anyone's game…
.
Once they can't hear the sound of angry, paint splattered popular kids anymore, Quinn and Puck go off to make sure there are no other survivors still lurking around, and Finn and Rachel take refuge in a broom closet for a little while.
"So, things are pretty wild out there…"
"Yeah..."
They're both thinking the same thing, that not to long from now, if things go their way, they could be aiming at each other.
"Hey Rach, I just wanted to say… you were awesome out there."
"…Really?"
"Yeah, the way you shot those three guys in a row and all those cool ducks you did..."
"Well, you weren't so bad yourself."
"Yeah…"
There's an undeniably strong level of sexual tension, brought on by the simple knowledge that at any given moment someone could burst the closet door and shoot them. Giving into it and having sex would be unethical and wrong, allowing the popular stereotypes of movies past affect them in an uninvited way.
This doesn't stop them though.
.
He's zipping up is pants and she's buttoning up her shirt when suddenly they hear a scream.
The scream of a fellow glee clubber. A pregnant one.
They bust out, guns discarded on the floor, to find Puck, kneeling over Quinn, a drop of blue paint sliding down her shoulder.
Within seconds, Pucks shot too.
And it's as though the world slows down for a moment, because for the first time that day, they're really seeing whats happening, the war that's going on…
There are jocks, the only ones who survived from before, lying against some lockers, done…
There is paint everywhere, the wall, the carpet, the furniture, everywhere…
And it's as though hope, peace, and humanity, are gone.
And then, out of the blue, the one last surviving cheerio is moving towards them, two paint guns in her hands…
Becky Jackson!
"Prepare to die…"
.
And she's shooting, and before Finn can tell what's happening, Rachel's jumping in front of him, knocking a gun out of Becky's hand, giving herself up, saving him…
She lies on the floor, drops of paint all over her pink panda-bear sweater…
"Get the gun!"
And Finn lunges, snatches the gun right off the floor and starts firing at Becky, whose is firing right back.
Paints flying everywhere, hitting every surface, sparing nothing…
Except Becky and Finn, who turn and twist, avoiding all the color, until…
A yellow drop of paint hits Becky forehead and slides down her nose…
And the war is won.
There's scream from Rachel, who jumps up and kisses him, rejoicing that he's won, that it's all over, that peace has finally retuned…
Victory never tasted so sweet.
So, what do you think? I know it would make more sense for Puck to be the action hero, but I've been wanting to write a Finn/Rachel fic forever, and since my inspiration has been pretty nonexistent lately, this seemed like the only way.
As always, reviews are loved :)