So, in true me fashion, I'm starting yet another story before I finish the ones I should. But this one's a little different, a little AU, and a little… grammatically incorrect, and hopefully you enjoy it anyways!
Background: Let's just pretend Addison's still in New York and Alex is there for some reason…
This is dedicated to Gigi for a lot of reasons, the main ones being for suffering through this (/LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AT ME), and for all but forcing me to write this… And it's our first "collaborative" effort! :p
Text thread between Addison Montgomery and Naomi Bennet
[3:44:15 AM] Naomi Bennett: My legs absolutely HATE me
[3:45:21 AM] You: Kenny stole mu umbrella =(
[3:45:30 AM] Naomi Bennett: I'm sorry
[3:45:38 AM] You: It's purple and awesome...
[4:29:08 AM] Naomi Bennett: Me: We went to Molly Bloom's (the site of me meeting Groper Boy?) And it was SO FUN.
[4:29:17 AM] You: Yaaaaya
[4:29:54 AM] Naomi Bennett: This guy and I danced with each other for like two hours...he kept his hands in neutral territory, but after about an hour and a half he turned me toward him for like five minutes
[4:30:03 AM] You: Aaaaaand?
[4:30:12 AM] Naomi Bennett: And I let him...and it was a lot of fun.
[4:30:24 AM] You: Awwwww... Nay's got a boooyfriend!
[4:30:28 AM] Naomi Bennett: =P HAHA soooo far from it. No boyfriend.
[4:30:51 AM] You: Imma call him Boyfriend.
[4:31:03 AM] Naomi Bennett: Haha why? He wasn't bad-looking, though
[4:31:30 AM] You: Imma call him boyfriend and that is the end of that. The end. Owwwiee, I just scratched myself. Stupid phone trying to kill me.
[4:31:49 AM] Naomi Bennett: Because you're insisting on calling a guy whose name I don't even know Boyfriend.
[4:31:57 AM] You: That didn't ev en make sense.
[4:32:05 AM] Naomi Bennett: Your sympathizes with my plight.
[4:32:31 AM] You: My phone sympathizes with no on because it is a heartless bitch phone.
[4:32:48 AM] Naomi Bennett: Well still. I don't even know the guy's name, even if I did dance with him for two hours.
[4:32:52 AM] You: Oh good job.
[4:33:26 AM] Naomi Bennett: Haha yeah, well Mia hooked up with a guy and didn't get his name. Stephanie asked me if I hooked up with my guy when I turned back around to face her. She was like "good," when I told her I didn't.
[4:33:36 AM] You: I amvery proud of you too.
[4:33:59 AM] Naomi Bennett: Haha I am very proud of me, too. But my legs already hate me...probably more than they did with Groper Boy
[4:34:17 AM] You: I wanna dance... My umbrella! Make me go get it from Kenny in the norning, k?
[4:34:28 AM] Naomi Bennett: I shall...if I'm conscious.
[4:34:36 AM] You: Your morning is later than my morning.
[4:34:46 AM] Naomi Bennett: Exactly. And it's four thirty am now
[4:35:06 AM] You: Sleeeeep. Im safe and sound in my room. Except my shoes keep trying to kill em!
[4:35:18 AM] Naomi Bennett: Hahah I know but I have to shower
[4:35:26 PM] You: Have to shmave to
[4:35:41 AM] Naomi Bennett: ? I have to shave, but I am completely out of shaving cream
[4:35:50 AM] You: They rhyyyme. Duh.
[4:35:58 AM] Naomi Bennett: Not reaLllly
[4:36:22 AM] You: How sadscicles. =( have and shmave toootally rhyme
[4:36:25 AM] Naomi Bennett: OH
[4:36:28 AM] You: Oh whaaat?
[4:36:41 AM] Naomi Bennett: I didn't realize you were rhyming have and shmave
[4:36:56 AM] You: What ELSE would I be rhbyming? Really.
[4:37:04 AM] Naomi Bennett: Rhbyming?
[4:37:15 AM] You: Shhhhh. No fun. I was slutty tonight. Shhhh.
[4:37:22 AM] Naomi Bennett: ME, TOOOOOOO!
[4:37:34 AM] You: I betya my slutty outsluttifies your slutty.
[4:37:44 AM] Naomi Bennett: Naah. You should have seen me dancing
[4:38:06 AM] You: Naaah you should have seen me on the couch with alex.. I won't be proud in the morning
[4:38:17 AM] Naomi Bennett: WHAT DID YOU DO WITH ALEX?
[4:38:30 AM] You: Nothing i would not do in front of people.
[4:38:34 AM] Naomi Bennett: You hooked up?
[4:38:45 AM] You: Shhh. We don't talk bout that.
[4:38:49 AM] Naomi Bennett: Oh yes we do.
[4:39:14 AM] You: We do not because hungover me is not goi,g to want to remember what sluttydrunk me did.
[4:39:20 AM] Naomi Bennett: Tell me!
[4:39:42 AM] You: Fall off a bed apparently. Im on the floor now. Help! I've fallen and i can'tt get up!
[4:39:50 AM] Naomi Bennett: You can if you tell me what happened!
[4:39:59 AM] You: Kennhy brought me my umbrella!
[4:10:10 AM] Naomi Bennett: Sorry, showered and YAY!
[4:40:19 AM] You: Happy : )
[4:40:41 AM] Naomi Bennet:t I' m glad. Ahhhh finally settled in for the night
[4:41:08 AM] You: Sleeepy time. Go sleep. Mee too. And thhen I can wake up and not remember things.
[4:41:22 AM] Naomi Bennett: Okiedoke. I'll just assume ypu and Alex hooked up
[4:41:50 PM] You: He went nowhere near my panties because I am classy lady
[4:42:08 AM] Naomi Bennett: NOT THAT KIND OF HOOKED UP. JUST MAKING OUT
[4:42:57 AM] You: Yep. He was lucky i decided to wear my slutty strapless bra. Slutty slutty slutty me. Heehee. Sober me is gonna haaaate me. Sober me has the no number no boobs rule. Slutty me never heard of that..
[4:43:07 AM] Naomi Bennett: Haha nice. Alrighty, goodnight drunk you!
[4:43:24 AM] You: Owwie. I hurt myself. You should sleep now. Letsnever speak of this again.
[4:43:30 AM] Naomi Bennett: Mkkk
[4:43:35 AM] You: Dniiiiight
. . . .
[12:13:49 PM] Naomi Bennett: My legs truly and seriously HATE me
[12:14:05 PM] You: My head truly and seriously hates me. I need drugs. Now.
[12:15:11 PM] Naomi Bennett: Ouch. That bad?
[12:16:30 PM] You: Keebler elves are either tap dancing or playing raquetball in there.
[12:16:42 PM] Naomi Bennett: That sounds absolutely abysmal.
[12:17:17 PM] You: We talked last night, didn't we? I only have a next from you saying goodnight and me saying goodnight back. I assume there was more to that conversation.
[12:17:52 PM] Naomi Bennett: Haha yes we definitely talked. My legs are getting revenge on me for dancing for four hours straight and being more outgoing than usual with one guy
[12:18:20 PM] You: I'm sorry! Take some advil and stretch... I'm almost afraid to ask, but how bad was I?
[12:19:37 PM] Naomi Bennett: You hooked up with Alex. You actually texted like you were completely sober.
[12:20:55 PM] You: I'm a really good drunk texter... Fuck, I don't have a face to go with that name.
[12:21:09 PM] You: I think he had brown hair... Fuck.
[12:21:20 PM] Naomi Bennett: Damn you were REALLY gone
[12:22:43 PM] You: Yeah. I only have flashes of memory... Did I happen to tell you what I DID with Alex?
[12:23:12 PM] Naomi Bennet: No. You refused. You just made out with him on the couch, I think. His hands went nowhere near your panties because you are "classy lady."
[12:23:44 PM] You: Oh God... The couch sounds familiar. It was in with everybody I think... Hopefully drunk me wouldn't do anything too slutty in front of everybody.
[12:23:51 PM] Naomi Bennet: Me: That's what you said at least
[12:24:50 PM] You: I am so embarrassed I could die right about now. Ugh, next time I'm going to go out and get trashed, remind me of this moment... And there's no Alex in my phone. Great. Fantastic. Not that I'd call, but that's my rule!
[12:26:29 PM] Naomi Bennet: You had a no numbers no boobs rule. "Yep. He was lucky I decided to wear my slutty strapless bra. Slutty slutty slutty me. Heehee. Sober me is gonna haaate me. Sober me has the no numbers no boobs rule. Slutty me never heard of that..."
[12:27:35 PM] You: I. Hate. Me.
[12:27:40 PM] Naomi Bennet: Don't hate you!
[12:27:55 PM] You: I hate me so much right now... It's like drunk me is taunting me!
[12:28:19 PM] Naomi Bennet: I honestly don't think you have a reason to hate you. You had fun for halloween and did something out of character. That's what I did.
[12:28:26 PM] You: YOU CAN REMEMBER IT
[12:28:36 PM] Naomi Bennet: I ONLY HAD TWO SHOTS. OF COURSE I CAN REMEMBER IT.
[12:28:45 PM] You: And I'm so jealous of that right now.
[12:29:01 PM] Naomi Bennet: Don't be jealous of the legs that want nothing else than to MURDER me.
[12:29:27 PM] You: I CAN'T REMEMBER THE GUY I HOOKED UP WITH OR EVEN HOW FAR I LET HIM GET. I GET TO BE JEALOUS OF WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
. . . .
[4:52:47 PM] You: I think Max walked me home last night. Maybe.
[4:52:50 PM] Naomi Bennet: That's good!
[4:52:57 PM] You: At least SOMEBODY did...
[4:53:01 PM] Naomi Bennet: Good!
[4:53:14 PM] You: Okay, it's time to go back to sleep. I've been up for 4 hours now.
[4:53:23 PM] Naomi Bennet: Haha oh four whole hours
[4:53:46 PM] You: I went outside! I got food! I thought about reading! That's a full day's work!
[4:53:59 PM] Naomi Bennet: Hahaha THOUGHT about reading
[4:54:55 PM] You: Then I decided that it was a stupid idea... My iPod is MOCKING ME! "Drunk Girl" by Something Corporate just came on... The first likes are "I kissed a drunk girl, I kissed a drunk girl, yes I did, kissed a drunk girl on the lips." It's official. Life hates me.
So is it worth continuing?
-Juli-