okay, so this is something of a sequel to Left Unsaid. this started as an azula reflection fic, but ended up having ty zula and insanity. sorry. ;-;
bear with me, i worked on this at like, six different times.
It doesn't matter what you see.
I know I could never be
Someone that looks like you.
It doesn't matter what you say
I know I could never face
Someone that could sound like you.
-All The Right Moves, by One Republic
Hell. That was the only name this place could have. Azula stared blankly through the bars that formed her prison cell. It was Hell.
She had the things necessary for survival, and being the younger sister of the new Firelord had its perks. She thought for certain that she must be treated better than her father. For all the times she had attempted to kill him, Zuko still saw her as another victim. An innocent almost, raised to become what she was. Azula would have almost smiled, if she could remember how.
Hmm. Innocent.
She had never really been innocent, had she? Just by being born into such a twisted family had already tainted her. It was a miracle, really, that she hadn't snapped sooner. The little sanity she had managed to regain was even more of a miracle. One of her hands numbly reached up to touch the place in her hair where her crown had once sat. The black locks were now filthy after weeks of neglect, and tangled from Azula's frequent episodes which often involved her pulling at her own hair.
Before any of this, before the comet, before her interrupted coronation, before her downfall, she had been broken, whether she realized it or not. It had only been a matter of time until she shattered. So what had kept her together for so long? What purity, what perfection, what light had held back the darkness hiding in her mind? It couldn't have been her own denial, as Azula was able to adapt to reality, no matter what it was. Therefore, it must have been some outside influence. But what, what could it have been? Who?
Azula's lips twitched at the corners, as they almost tried to smile.
Ty Lee.
That girl, with her irritating cheerfulness and openness had been the perfect counterpart to her. If she had been asked a month or two ago, she would have said that Ty Lee and Mai were the opposites. In fact, that had been the very reason she had chosen them for her friends. It was all about balance. Have an optimist, and a cynic. Someone with too much interest in the world, and with almost none. They should have been honored to be chosen. But that hadn't really been the case, had it?
Mai's...affection...for Zuko had always been dangerous. But Azula had carelessly thought that when push came to shove, she would have Mai on her side, if only for the good of her family. Affection, it seemed, had overcome logic. Azula's lips pressed together, not quite sure how to frown either.
But Ty Lee…her loyalty had been unquestionable, unwavering. Ty Lee had…she had…
A tear slipped unnoticed down the side of Azula's face as she continued staring blankly.
Ty Lee had loved her.
Well, so what? A voice instantly asked from the back of her mind. Love meant nothing in the real world. Or…so she had thought. Her head shook minutely. No, that was still true. Just because Ty Lee had made it perfectly clear during her last and only visit that she loved Azula stronger than she had anything or anyone before didn't change that. Ty Lee had always been to idealistic, to naive to actually make much of a difference in the world.
Then again, if Ty Lee hadn't chosen Mai over her all those months ago, Azula may not have crumbled the way she did, and she would now be Firelord.
Hm. That girl had already changed the world.
Fragmented memories flooded through Azula's mind.
Ty Lee hugging her tightly.
Mai, Ty Lee and Azula watching as Ba Sing Se fell to the Fire Nation.
A rush of jealousy whenever she noticed boys paying attention to Ty Lee, although not for the reasons she had previously thought.
Ty Lee talking animatedly for hours in the courtyard of the Fire Nation palace, her eyes shining.
Tears running down Ty Lee's face as she confessed her feelings for the first time, and the amazing, beautiful first kiss that had been over much too fast.
Every touch as Ty Lee expressed her love for the fallen princess using her hands and mouth.
The way Azula could see Ty Lee's heart break in her eyes when she sent her away. They had taken her Firebending after the comet, when it was at it's peak. Why shouldn't the girl she loved most be torn from her in the same way?
It was necessary to hurt the other girl, and Azula had herself nearly convinced that she didn't mind either way. If rejecting the girl so soon after such intimacy was the only way to get Ty Lee to leave and not come back, then it needed to be done.
Still, a part of Azula's mind whispered that it was too harsh, too cold, and it would work perfectly. And that part of Azula didn't want it to work. It was the part that wanted Ty Lee to come back, to hold Azula had tell her she was loved, tell her that Ty Lee wanted her as much as she wanted Ty Lee.
Besides, it was the cruelty that made it a perfect strategy for Azula. Ty Lee in her world full of happiness and love would never see through it. That's why it had needed to be done.
In any case, it didn't matter now. She was being shipped off to some hovel in the Earth Kingdom. Zuko thought that they could 'help' her there. Ha. And they said she was the delusional one.
There was no help for someone as far gone as Azula. And unlike her older brother, she had no false hopes about that. When they had taken her bending, she had resigned herself to her fate. She had given in.
Giving in itself was new to the ex-princess. She had never relinquished anything in her life, not of her own free will. But her loss of the fire had been the loss of her drive, the loss of any motivation.
Ty Lee's face appeared in her mind, and Azula fanned her hand in front of her face, as if to banish the image. If she thought of Ty Lee again, she would just be going in circles. Voices whispered in her mind to forget the brunette, as Ty Lee had no doubt already forgotten her.
It was all the same. Azula felt a sensation akin to her mind itself trembling. She bit the inside of her lip. That feeling meant that her mind was about to revolt against itself again. A voice whispered things she didn't quite hear, but she sensed its anger growing. Then, it peaked. Stop lying, STOP LYING, it screamed at her, Ty Lee loves you, she loves you, she loves you. How dare you? How dare you say something like that? HOW DARE YOU?
Her breathing was coming fast. "I'm sorry." She whispered to the emptiness of her cell. Her hands came up to her temples, gripping the sides of her face tightly, nails creating small bloody wounds. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Don't hurt me again, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
Azula's screams brought no attention from the guards, as they were used to her frequent episodes.
The voice sneered at her. Be sorry all you want. You'll never be worthy of love. Your mother, your father, and now Ty Lee all realized that.Azula shook her head frantically, gasping for breath. "No, no, no, no, no!"
Say goodbye, 'princess'. A hiss in her mind. You've been forgotten.
Her worst fears. Azula sobbed openly. Still no one came, and blood ran from the small injuries on the sides of her face.
She was alone.