Gas, Air and… Rum.

N.J Jordbrukaren.

A fill that I half-did on the Kink meme. Here is the request description:

"Shepard gets blackout drunk and wakes up to a naked Liara beside him/her. Doesn't seem so bad, does it? There's just one problem, Shepard is in a relationship with someone else.+Shepard tries to keep it a secret his/her LI
+Liara gets pregnant
+lots of baby mama drama"

Woo! Let's get this mo' fo' crackalackin'! :D

Chapter One: The Bean People:

From: Admiral Hackett

Commander Shepard,

I'm ordering the Normandy into dry-dock on the Citadel for much needed repairs. She's seen a lot of action lately and needs a little TLC.

A small army of techs will take care of the details once you arrive, so let's get your crew out of there. You're all on shore leave: that's an order. We need everybody at their best.

One more thing: Admiral Anderson has an apartment on the Wards. Head over there when you arrive. I hear it's a nice place.

Admiral Hackett.

Shepard gave the message another once over, her dark eyes squinting slightly as she did so.

"…What?" Why had Hackett ordered this? They were fine! She didn't need rest. "No one needs to rest!"

Garrus peeped his head over the low cupboard he had been rummaging through in the kitchen area. His steely eyes gave the pacing Commander a once over, shortly after which, he concluded that Shepard had yet to realize that she was talking to herself. Again. He closed the cupboard and stood up, knocking his head awkwardly against the upper cabinet as he did so.

He squeezed the tin of… Garrus looked at the object, scrutinizing it closely. Baked Beans…? He thought, positively bewildered by the prospect. How does one bake a bean? More to the point, why would anyone want to bake a bean? He shook his head, looking up to see the Commander staring right back at him.

"Garrus?"

Garrus started a little, shocked by the sudden attention. "I, uhm, Shepard. Are you aware that you were talking to yourself?"

Shepard's eyes searched the room, stopping to settle upon Garrus once more. "Yes?"

The Turian gave her an unsure nod. "Well… okay, then." he frowned as she looked back to her data-pad, effectively blanking him.

"Excuse me, Shepard?" He regretted asking once he had glanced back down to see a sharp frown upon her face. Whatever she was reading was obviously making her unhappy. It took a while for her to acknowledge him again, but eventually she looked up.

"Yes?"

"Could you tell me about Baked Beans?"

Shepard's mouth opened, like she was going to speak, but then she closed it again, her eyebrows furrowing, instead.

"Shepard-"

"-I heard you, Garrus." Shepard tilted her head to one side, nodding slightly. "So, uhm…" She reached forward, pulling the tin out of Garrus' talon. "Baked Beans are beans that have effectively been, well… Baked, I guess." She looked over the tin, noticing the 'dextro' symbol on the top of it. She flashed Garrus a bright smile. "Dextro Baked Beans?"

Garrus nodded in appreciation. "Apparently, so, yes."

Shepard nodded, too. "Whatever will they do next, eh?"

"Who?"

The Commander looked up to Garrus, her frown re-appearing. "Who, what?"

"What will who do next?"

"The Bean people." Shepard shrugged.

Garrus took the tin back from Shepard, lifting it level with his eyes. Shepard could see just by glancing, that Garrus was giving this tin a serious once over. He twisted it every which way, making sure to have seen every possible angle of it. "You mean to say there is a species made up completely of Baked Beans?"

"What?"

"You said 'The Bean People'. So, there is an entire race of these things?"

Shepard held her hands up in a halting gesture. "Garrus-"

She couldn't stop this train now. Not even if she tried. "And humans eat this? Shepard, that is awful!"

Shepard's expression changed to one of complete mortification. This conversation had gone on for far too long, already. It needed to come to an end. And fast. "Garrus, Baked Beans are not people! They aren't even alive!" That shut him up straight away. "And I don't even like Baked Beans!" Shepard biotically launched the tin towards the entrance of Liara's office, causing it to burst and stick to it. Baked Beans flew out of both ends of the tin, smearing the wall in an orangey-like paste.

A long pause dragged out between them. Nothing surrounded the pair, but silence.

"Well, that answered my next question…"

Shepard sighed, her hands instinctively going to her hips. "What question?"

Garrus looked from Shepard, to the smeared mess upon the wall, and back again. "I was going to ask how you opened the tin."

"Fabulous."

Thanks for reading, so far, peeps. I will be updating this further on here, as opposed to on the Kink Meme. I just find the layout easier.

N.J, out.