Two months. That's how long it had been since Oliver's world came crashing down around him when he saw the woman he loved kissing another man. He had every intention of telling her how he felt. Diggle's words echoed in his head even now as he was in the foundry, taking his frustrations out on the practice dummy. "You gotta tell her how you feel, before it's too late." Oliver rolls his eyes and throws another jab at the dummy. He was too late anyways. His skin crawls just thinking of Felicity kissing Ray. But he couldn't blame her. He told her he couldn't be with her. Multiple times. He even told Carrie he had to be alone, knowing Felicity was listening. All the blame for how he was feeling was on him.
These thoughts are what plagued him most nights, and it's probably why he hadn't had a proper night's rest since that night in Queen Consolidated. Don't you mean Palmer Technologies? His mind really enjoyed reminding him all he had lost to Ray Palmer. The pain of losing his family's company was just a small comparison to the pain he felt when he thought of losing Felicity. They hadn't even talked about her being with him, but he could tell that kiss had led to them dating. She had asked for nights off every week since that night and she wouldn't even come close to him when they were in the foundry. He wished for the times before their date, when she had given him the fern and bought him a bed, because things seemed so much simpler then. He had been happy.
But, of course, it all went to crap that night he finally allowed himself to think about any kind of future with the woman he loved. He has the sight of her on their date burned into his mind. He thinks about the way her blonde hair flowed around her shoulders and the way her red dress clung to her body perfectly. He imagined what could've happened if Werner Zytle hadn't blown up the restaurant. They could've enjoyed some Italian food while talking about anything they wanted to. For once, it didn't have to be about Arrow business or Queen Consolidated business. He could've brought her home and lingered in her doorway as she dug for her keys. He could've said goodnight and left, but not before kissing her passionately and promising to see her the next day.
But those were just dreams. Dreams that he's had every night since the night in the hospital hallway when he told her he couldn't be with anyone. Dreams that would never come true because she was with another man.
"Oliver?"
Oliver looked up to see Diggle in the foundry and frowned. What time was it?
"Diggle, what are you doing here?" He asked, moving away from the training area towards the man that had become his confidant over the past few months.
"It's 6am. You told me to meet you here…" Diggle trailed off, glancing curiously at Oliver.
It was morning already? He looked at his phone and it confirmed what Diggle had told him. The soldier was always on time.
"I didn't even realize. Wow. Okay, I'll hop in the shower then we can head out." Oliver said, heading to the showers they had on the other side of the foundry.
He was almost to the door when he heard Diggle say, "Have you even slept?" There was no judgment in his voice, but he could tell the man was worried about him. He knew Oliver hadn't been sleeping at all and ever since the night he took him up on his offer to join him and Lyla for dinner, John and Oliver had gotten a lot closer. He never told him what happened that night with Felicity, but he suspected John already knew. He knew everything… somehow.
"No. I guess I just lost track of the time. I'll be right out." Oliver said and went into the bathroom, the door closing behind him, before Diggle could even reply.
They had to meet Felicity at Queen Consolidated to get the information they needed to stop the new weapons pusher in the Glades that they had been tracking. They had to go before normal working hours that way Palmer didn't question Felicity or them about why they had to show up at the office all the time. And so you don't have to watch the woman you love interact with the man who had given her what you couldn't. There goes his mind reminding him of things he didn't need to be reminded of again.
A week later, Oliver was coming into the foundry after a night of patrolling the Glades. He hadn't seen Felicity since he and Diggle went to Palmer Technologies and he couldn't stop thinking about her. They had been in the same room, but they might as well have been on opposite sides of the country. He couldn't show her how much he was hurting, so he had to push all of his feelings down in order to stop himself from sounding like a jealous ex-boyfriend every time she mentioned "Ray". His insides churned every single time she said his name with so much familiarity and he thought about when she used to say his name. Now, she just didn't address him. She talked at him and through him, but never to him. He couldn't blame her once again, because he was doing the same thing.
It hurt too much to look her in the eyes.
When Oliver reached the bottom of the stairs, his thoughts immediately went quiet because Felicity was there. In the foundry. Working on her computers. It seemed normal, but that's what bothered him. Ever since the night he saw her with Palmer, she had been avoiding him and only coming to the foundry when Diggle or Roy was there. He picked up on her avoidance strategy quickly and did the same thing. That's why he was returning at two in the morning. He thought she would've left hours ago.
He looked around and there was no sign of Diggle and Roy and he wasn't sure why she was still there. He put his bow and quiver up before turning to face her. He drank her in while her attention was on her computers. Her hair was up in her signature ponytail and she was wearing a simple pink sweater paired with a black pencil skirt. It was simple, yet she still took his breath away.
He took a minute to compose himself, cleared his throat, and said "Felicity, what are you doing here? It's late. You should head out." He turned away while talking so he didn't have to look at her. He could look at her back all day, but the moment she looked at him, he internally lost his shit.
He heard the moment she stopped typing and listened closely. He then heard her take a deep breath before saying "Sorry, I had some searches running. They're almost done, then I'll be out of your way."
He stopped in his tracks on his way to the bathroom. She sounded… hurt? No. Oliver must be hearing things. He shook his head and went to take a shower. He was officially hearing things that weren't there. She was happy with Ray. There was no way she was hurting.
He came out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later and found her chair empty and the foundry cold without her presence. He walked to her setup, her chair empty, and placed his hand on the back of the chair. He did this sometimes. Somehow it made him feel closer to her in the time they've been apart. He closed his eyes, wishing things were different, then went to the salmon ladder. He wasn't going to get any sleep tonight.
The next night, things were even more tense than usual. When Oliver got to the foundry after having dinner with Thea at their apartment, he noticed the abnormal behavior from everyone. Not because of Felicity (that had been normal lately, sadly), but with Roy and Diggle. Roy was being really quiet and acting like something was bothering him, while Diggle was casting more curious glances towards Oliver than usual. Oliver immediately went to Roy. He knew the fact that he had killed a cop was bothering him, but this seemed… different somehow.
Roy was standing just a few feet from the fern Felicity had given Oliver just a few months ago and Oliver quickly pushed those memories to the back of his head before he got lost in them again. He picked up the water bottle he used to water the fern and gave it just the right amount of water (Google had told him not to excessively water it) before returning the lid to the water bottle and faced Roy.
"Hey, you okay?" Oliver tried to make his voice sound casual, but even he had to admit he failed.
When Roy finally looked up and met his eyes, Oliver flinched. He looked, for lack of a better word, pissed. His eyes were almost bulging out of his head and Oliver immediately put himself on guard. You don't survive 5 years in hell without learning how to read people.
Roy stood straight and squared his shoulders to Oliver, seeming like he was trying to hold himself back. Oliver saw Diggle unfold his arms and approach them, but Oliver held his hand up, silently telling him he could handle this.
"What's the problem, Roy? Is it Thea?" Oliver asked, trying to tread carefully. He knew things hadn't been great between the two of them, but they had seemed civil. Thea hadn't mentioned anything at their dinner.
"What? No. Everything with Thea is fine. My problem is with you!" Roy replied, well it was more of a roar, and Oliver flinched at his words.
"What did I do?" Oliver asked, thinking about everything that had happened since he last saw Roy and came up with nothing. They were fine when they were training yesterday.
"What did you do? Seriously?" Roy shook his head, grabbed his bow, and left. Oliver knew he just needed to calm down and some patrolling would help with that. He'd give him some time, but not too much. Letting anything simmer, he knew, was never a good idea.
Diggle came up to him then and just stood there, about two feet away from him with his arms crossed. Here we go again, Oliver thought.
"Diggle?" Oliver made sure to make it sound like a question, that way he didn't piss the ex-soldier off. He knew he could take Roy, but he hadn't been forced to figure out if he could take Diggle, and he wasn't ready to figure that out tonight.
"What are you doing, man?" Diggle said, and Oliver could tell he was fighting to be calm.
Oliver took a minute to think about the answer to that question. "What do you mean?" Oliver couldn't remember doing anything that would cause Diggle to ask him that, so he needed specifics here.
Diggle scoffed and turned away. Oliver eyed the man as he saw him clench his jaw and shake his head. When he turned to face Oliver again, Oliver could see the man battling with himself internally.
"John, what's going on?" Oliver was worried now. Diggle always told him exactly what he thought, especially since they'd gotten so close, yet now he was keeping something from him.
Diggle shook his head, grabbed his jacket, and headed for the stairs. Oliver was about to turn around and change into his arrow gear when he heard Diggle call over his shoulder, saying "You need to talk to Felicity." He turned around and left without another word.
What? Felicity? What did she have to do with Roy and Diggle's bad moods?
Oliver was out the foundry, ready to disappear under his hood, ten minutes later. He spent the next three hours patrolling around the Glades with no sign of Roy, but he couldn't get Diggle's words out of his head. He kept thinking about the night before, when they were in the foundry alone, but he couldn't come up with any answer to the cold shoulders he was given by his partners. He had to get to the bottom of this and he knew there was only one way to do that.
An hour later, Oliver was back where his heart had shattered just a few months ago. He remembered seeing Felicity in Palmer's arms and how much it hurt. He swore to himself he would never return to her office in that moment, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
He moved quietly, taking the stairs to the floor that used to hold his office. When he reached the floor, he stuck to the shadows. He was still in his arrow suit and knew that if anyone saw him, he'd have to break some glass to get away as fast as possible. He smiled, thinking Ray Palmer would have to fix them and thought about just breaking the windows anyways, but quickly decided not to. He could be a man about this. He saw a vase sitting on a table in the hallway and took it, placing it on a different table. Okay, so he couldn't be completely grown up about it, but it was better than the alternative of breaking windows.
He stopped right outside of Felicity's office, which is probably what he should have done last time, and listened. He definitely didn't want to walk in on her kissing Palmer again. Once he was sure he heard her typing on her keyboard, he hesitantly stepped into the office.
The first thing he noticed was that it was just so… Felicity. She had touches of color he had never even bothered with when it was his office. She was sitting at her desk, attention on the computer in front of her, twirling a pen in her hand. Oliver looked closer and smiled. It was a red pen.
He knew the moment she had sensed him in the room. Her eyes didn't leave her computer, but the pen fell from her fingers to the desk and she closed her eyes for just a beat too long than normal. He walked towards her, stopping five feet before the desk, and removed his hood. He finally got a good look at her and saw she was wearing a white dress, her hair down, and his breath caught in his throat. He waited patiently for her to turn towards him. He knew better than to interrupt her while she was working. He just stared at her for the next few minutes, taking her in. God, he had missed her. He'd tried ignoring the empty feeling inside of him that had grown exponentially bigger over the past few months, but tonight it had caught up with him. He was in her office at Palmer Technologies, as a sign so generously reminded him, and he wasn't sure why he had come. He knew he needed to talk to her, but this was too much. He was just about to turn around and leave when he heard her stand up from behind her desk and move to the side. He couldn't help but think that was almost the exact position she had been in when he saw her here last, kissing another man. The thought hit him like a freight train and he had to turn away from her. He walked to the floor to ceiling windows and finally appreciated the view he hadn't appreciated when he had this office. He took a deep breath and got his emotions under control. He couldn't do this right now. He had to control himself right now and take his frustrations out on a practice dummy later.
He heard Felicity walk closer to him, but she still wasn't close enough. Hell, nothing would ever be close enough with her. He wanted her right up against him, but he knew that couldn't happen, so he appreciated she hadn't just left him alone.
"What are you doing here, Oliver?" He heard her ask. He hated that they were like this. Her walls were up with him and he hated it. They had always been easy, but now? Things were definitely not easy.
He took one more minute to get himself together before facing her. The sight of her made him want to take her in her office right now, to hell with everything else, but that would be selfish. He forced his eyes away from her and said "Something is up with Roy and Diggle. When I asked them about it, Diggle told me to talk to you. Any idea what that's about?"
He watched as Felicity tensed even more (he really didn't think that was possible, but as always, she proved him wrong), and took a step back.
"Nope." She replied curtly, and it felt like she had taken a lot more than just one step back. It felt like she had gone to the other side of the world with all of the distance that was between them.
He took a deep breath and internally debated what to do. Did he fight with her and demand her to tell him what was wrong? Or did he just let it go like he'd been doing for the last three months? He was tired of being a coward. Tired of letting this woman that he loved with all of his heart and soul slip through his fingers.
He took a step closer to her, then another, and looked her straight in the eye for the first time since he saw her in this very office. He saw so many emotions in that moment, but one stood out above the rest. Pain.
"Felicity, what's wrong?" He couldn't help the words that tumbled out of his mouth. He loved her, and he hated seeing her hurting. That's why he had decided he couldn't be with her. He didn't want anything to happen to her because of him. He had almost lost her during their date, and he knew he couldn't ever let something like that happen again. But standing there, seeing her hurting, he couldn't handle it.
He took another step forward, being physically close to her for the first time in months, and his heart raced. He could smell the perfume she was wearing and he smiled, happy she hadn't changed it. It was fruity with just a hint of elegance. It was so Felicity. His Felicity.
His smile instantly dropped when he realized she was not smiling. She looked… defeated.
"Felicity, what's-"
She cut him off by raising her hand, telling him not to say anything more. He watched as she hung her head and closed her eyes. She stood like that for what felt like hours, but had probably only actually been about two minutes. When she raised her head and met his eyes, he stumbled backward a step. She looked at him with such sorrow, that he momentarily thought that she had been feeling everything he had been feeling over the last few months. But he knew that wasn't possible, so he figured it had to do with Ray or work. His fist clenched at the thought of the man hurting her and immediately went into protective mode.
"Is everything okay with Palmer? If he hurt you, I swear I'll-" He stopped talking at the glare she directed towards him. He rethought what he was going to say. Her problem obviously had to do with him.
He set his bow down in the corner of the office, making sure it was out of sight, and returned to where Felicity stood. She hadn't moved or said a word, and that made Oliver nervous. He really missed her babbling. He knew she needed time before she would tell him what was wrong, so he simply stood there patiently until she was ready to talk. Thankfully, he didn't have to wait long.
"I can't do this anymore, Oliver." She whispered. He looked at her and saw her shoulders sag even more as she continued. "I can't keep doing this dance with you. We've been avoiding each other ever since Cupid came to town, and I don't know why. It's like you just shut down and shut me out, and I don't know what I did. I just… I can't go on like this. When you told me to go home last night without even sparing me a glance, I realized I can't be this close to you while simultaneously being so far away from you."
Oliver opened his mouth to speak, but Felicity silenced him with her next words. "I think it'd be best if I stopped coming to the foundry and you and Digg stopped coming here. I'll still help whenever the two of you need me, but I can't be in your life anymore. Not like this."
Oliver was shocked, to say the least. He had been expecting a lot out of him coming here tonight. Her telling him to leave, him not showing up at all, her kissing Palmer again, but he never thought she would remove herself from the team.
"So that's it? You're just going to quit?" Oliver asked around the lump in his throat. He couldn't believe this was happening.
"Do you think this is an easy decision for me Oliver?" Felicity all but shouted. "I love helping this city and you, but I can't do that if all I can think about when I'm doing it is how to avoid you. I can't put myself through this anymore. Ray said-"
"I don't care what your boyfriend said." Oliver growled, letting the mention of the man's name affect him more than it should have.
"Really, Oliver? That's how you're going to act right now?" Felicity took a deep breath and turned around, heading back to her desk. "I was going to say that Ray said he could tell something has been bothering me and it's affecting my work. I don't want to do this Oliver, but I need to be somewhere that I know I'm welcome. And lately, that hasn't been in the foundry with you."
Oliver opened his mouth to protest, but closed it just as fast. She was right. He had been pushing her away and the distance between them was his fault. He was to blame, yet again. It wasn't fair what he was doing to her. He loved her, so he had to let her go.
Taking a deep breath, he ran a hand through his hair and looked at her one more time. She looked sad, but he knew she would be better once she didn't have to worry about him and his crusade anymore. He turned around, grabbed his bow and headed for the door.
Just before he put his hood back on his head, he turned around, looked at the woman he loved, and whispered just loud enough for her to hear. "I understand Felicity. I hope you are happy here and with Palmer."
He turned back around, raised his hood, and disappeared into the night.
He wasn't sure his heart would ever put itself back together.