I didn't think the pain could possibly be any worse when I left her but after the moment when I told her the most blackest kind of blasphemy everything just turned into a spiral headed down to a personal hell.

I left her for her I tried to tell myself every minute of every day that it was for the best that it would get better that I would find happiness knowing that her life was in better hands no matter who's there were. But I couldn't take it any longer I didn't like that thought of Bella being in another mans arms. Her forgetting everything about me. I couldn't I wouldn't I would find a way to make it right again.

Just as I was thinking about going back my phone ringed and that phone in snapped me out of my delusion. I look at the screen. "Hello Alice" she sounded extremely excited probably because it was the first time I had answered my phone in almost two months. "Edward! What's going on I jut saw you going back to Forks does that mean we all can that I can see Bella again?" the sound of her name sent a fire in my throat wanting me to hurt something to try to get rid of some of my own personal hurt. "NO ALICE!"I growled at her. She knew the pain it caused me to think of her, even though she was all I ever thought about. "Don't be ridiculous we've ruined her life enough there' s no point in causing her any more pain then we already have. "You know you don really want that and you know your going to give up on your extreme delusions of doing what's best for her" "goodbye Alice I hung up on her before she could say anything else. I knew it wasn't what I wanted but it was what she needed and if she was happy then I was happy or it least I could try to be happy but since last seeing her I have failed.

I wonder what she's doing now. I wonder if she's forgotten all about me. I wished I could stop think about her to end my pain and misery but I couldn't and I near wanted to forget her just the pain I had inflected on her.

I had a picture of her and I that was taken by Alice. It was a picture taken by surprise. I knew it was a bad idea to think about those days of happiness and when I actually had a life. But I couldn't help it; it was the pictures of my happiness that would put me back in my place realizing that there might e a chance that she is happy wherever she is.

The picture I held was of her and me and it was in our meadow. Bella has fallen asleep beside me with her body leaning against my body while he head leaned against my shoulder. I hadn't realized Alice was running with a camera heading toward us or else I would have woken he up. But the finished result of the picture came out looking like a couple not in there teen years but much older and content to stay with there other half and never let go

I wonder what she's doing now. Maybe she's happy now that I'm not there to ruin her life and draw her in the shadows like me. NO! She loves me even if it was just a small fraction of the amount of love I feel for her.

The sound of my phone ringing broke my thoughts. I picked it up assuming it was Alice "What Alice" "Its Rosalie and don't you snap at me" great just what I need " Sorry what do you want rose?" " Listen I just thought I would let you know Alice just left to go to forks she told me not to tell you but I thought you deserved to know" WHAT!" Why did she go back? I told her to leave Bella alone." "" Well she didn't actually go to see Bella she went to see Charlie" "What do you mean," Well don't freak out but Alice saw a vision of Bella jumping of a cliff and killing herself"…No she has to be lying it cant be true. Bella promised me she promised she wouldn't do anything stupid she promised me.

The phone in my hand fell to the floor. I left my room and headed to my car I was going to find out if this was true and I needed a phone since mine was a pile of scarp now on the floor.

I drove and drove until I came to a gas station that had a small payphone by the building. I stalked over to the phone and put some change into the machine. I held the phone to my ear and typed the familiar numbers that I grew to rely on. I waited while I listed to the phone ring when suddenly someone picked up and I waited with baited breath. "Hello?" the sound was like angels and I couldn't believe it she was alive. My angel was alive "Bella?" there was a pause and I was afraid that she would hang up" Edward is that you" "O my god Bella your okay" "of course I'm okay what are you talking about" "Never mind that Bella I I'm coming back and I hope you will except me back Bella I love you I'm sorry I'm so sorry I lied everything I said was a lie and I never meant to hurt you please I'm so sorry" "Edward I forgive you and I love you too" "Bella I'm coming back and will be there tomorrow will you wait for me?" "Of course" "I love you and I will see you tomorrow goodbye, love" I hung the phone up and raced to my car. I felt like singing I was so happy my love was alive and okay and she loves me still I can't believe it. Just for that moment of believing that she was not in this world made me realize how valuable she is to me. I cant live without her Its like living a half life and im way to selfish for half. Where Bella is concerned it's all or nothing.