Happy Birthdays, Happy Endings
"It's her birthday today."
Quinn's voice is barely above a whisper. Rachel sits next to her on the piano bench, but Quinn doesn't move or look up. Instead, she continues to play the same six note sequence over and over again, drowning out any reply Rachel might have made and, Rachel imagines, her own thoughts.
Rachel had never heard a rendition of "Happy Birthday" as sad as the one Quinn is singing now. Her finger trace languidly over the keys, drawing out the rhythms and notes to make Rachel feel the pain that the words held for her.
Rachel gently lays her hand atop Quinn's and Quinn's breath hitches, body going rigid under Rachel's touch.
"It's her birthday today," Quinn repeats, and Rachel's heart clenches.
"I know."
Quinn's eyes are questioning when they finally meet Rachel's. Rachel thinks back to Glee, where Quinn and Puck had sat next to each other, speaking only through the touch of their tightly clasped hands. To the way that no one had questioned it, even though Quinn was supposed to be dating Finn and Puck was supposed to be dating Lauren. To the hours that day that Quinn had spent staring at the floor instead of meeting anyone's gaze, for fear that they would see the tears building there. And to the tiny piece of pink blanket curled tightly in Quinn's right hand, the same hand that had held her daughter's for the first and last time a year ago today.
Rachel curls her fingers around Quinn's left hand, bringing it down to rest in her lap. Quinn's fists clench tighter reflexively, and Rachel's gaze is drawn again to the baby blanket tucked in Quinn's other hand.
"I only got to hold her for a minute, you know," Quinn says. Rachel begins to run her thumb over the soft skin of Quinn's palm, hoping not only to calm the girl but to encourage her to keep talking.
"A minute, and then they took her. Do you know how short a minute is?" Quinn's eyes are rimmed red and glassy when they meet Rachel's. Rachel resists the urge to look down at the intensity of her gaze.
Quinn pauses for a moment before speaking again. "Rachel…" she breathes, her voice breaking, "I didn't even—I couldn't even—oh God," Quinn doubles over and clutches her stomach, her breath coming in short gasps as tears begin to sear their way down her cheeks. Rachel's free hand moves unconsciously to the small of Quinn's back, beginning to rub small circles there.
"I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye."
Rachel's arms are around Quinn in a second, catching her as she collapses, sobs wracking her small frame. Quinn struggles weakly in the embrace.
"Shh," Rachel soothes, "it's all right. You're all right, Quinn. I've got you."
Quinn's sobs catch in her throat and her body stiffens in Rachel's arms as her demeanor changes instantly. In a flash, Quinn is standing, having shoved Rachel roughly away from her. Her eyes glint with fury.
"It's not all right! It never was all right! They took my child away from me and now… now I can't even remember her face."
Quinn flees towards the auditorium door, Rachel close on her heels. Her fingers close around the handle and she's ready to escape when Rachel's voice stops her.
"Quinn, please don't go." Quinn turns around slowly, the muscles in her shoulders and back rippling with tension. Her voice is low and rough with anger.
"Why the hell do you care what I do?"
Rachel drops her eyes to the floor. Oh God, how could she even begin to explain? Of course she cared. She had tried everything she could think of to show Quinn that she cared. I mean, my God, who wouldn't?
Who wouldn't notice the dark circles as they grew more pronounced under Quinn's eyes, or the lines of her body as they grew sharper under baggier and baggier clothing? Even if Quinn thought no one noticed how she withdrew into herself more and more every day, Rachel did. And it tore her to pieces.
"I've always cared, Quinn. You've just been in too much pain to see it."
Quinn feels like she can't breathe. "Rachel…," she warns, her voice nearly a growl. "Don't… don't do that."
"Do what, Quinn? Tell you how scary it's been to watch you suffer? Tell you how much I've worried about you, even though I know you'll never let me even try to help?"
Quinn turns quickly away from her, trying to hide how vulnerable she felt. "Helping me would be dangerous, Rachel."
Rachel hesitates before taking a tentative step forward and placing her hand on Quinn's shoulder. "It's not your fault, you know. You did what you had to do."
Tears instantly well in Quinn's eyes and she feels like she's suffocating. Her reply is soft and pained.
"It is my fault, Rachel. I wasn't strong enough for her."
Before Rachel can react, Quinn is out the door and running across the parking lot. Rachel hears the squealing of tires only moments later, and all she feels is dread washing over her like an icy wave.
A.N.: Continue?