A/N: Done for the joy of it. I apologise in advance for all angst, over sentimentality, cliché and the torturous attempt at prose I have dumped into poor little Leon's mind.I could never wax poetic about Nicolae as well as Leon so it's all good. BTW in case it's not clear text in italics and (brackets) are Leon's subconscious thoughts interrupting his higher level of thought process.
Three Little Words
How can three little words be so loaded?
(…Some better use.)
No not those three little words. Not ' I love you'. Of course not. No mystery there. I suppose 'I love you' is a very loaded phrase but I wouldn't know for sure. My love is too large, too consuming for me to judge. And I do believe there is no love in the world apart from my own. It's what all evidence seems to point to. Meanwhile I am here, with an ever-burning fire in my heart and the knowledge that I will never hear those words from another's lips.
Three little words…
"Come over here"
You command and I obey. I walk up to your desk with my heart in my hands. It's here above all my delusions, where I truly know I shall never have peace. My dreams torture me, dwell in the daylight around you and whisper to me in waking and sleep.
"You spoke well today."
I nod, look at my feet -
(Now let us see…)the carpet, my hands twisting together. The feel of my own flesh. Can you see how near delirious I am with my desire? Every second is painful, pain second only to that of not being in your presence. The thought that you may see all this, see right through me scares me. A fear that is now all part of the torturous pleasure I try to take from these moments before you.
"I was impressed."
(Now let us see if we can…)
Torture yes. The same dreams every night and now I can't tell if I'm awake or not. Only the words are tornfrom the same script. Now three more.
"Look at me."
Is it predictable? I answer all of my own questions in the end. Yes it is and I do the predictable. Whatever you tell me to do. Always. Forever. Amen. There is a shadow cast forever over my soul. Your shadow. Now all there has fallen to rot and decay. Unnatural marsh fire light illuminating a shrine to your majesty. If it is a perversion it is the purest form of perversion. The depravity that I long for is only to show your complete dominion over me. My abasement is a holy pilgrimage to reach the final point. You are all and I am nothing.
"You should be pleased."
Let me –
(…Let's see if we can…)
- please you. I should be waking up right now. But I know it's not a dream. Your eyes penetrate me more deeply then in any dream. You own me in more completion then any shadowy copy of my fevered imagination ever could.
"Now…."
The words are real this time not just in my head. And you're smiling like you can read my thoughts. Speaking truly. You beckon me round to you with an easy gesture. So difficult for me, my knees are weak as I stand before you. My king on a mahogany throne.
"…Let's see if we can…"
Still smiling and I suddenly understand how the snake hypnotises its prey.
"…Put that mouth of yours to some better use."
My stomach flips but I am still waiting because of a grim expectation that you are playing with me. Waiting for you to finish with the details of some new message to be spread. You can see this. You laugh softly, darkly, a sound that makes me want to cry out for you to use me, hurt me, take me now! My Master, Lord and God.
"On your knees Leonardo."
And the world falls away. I can't breath, vertigo, there are no words. In slow motion I sink to the floor.
"My prophet."
You say, lean forwards. There's a purr in your voice like a lion's. You trail a line down the side of my face setting my off into shivers and then press your fingers against my lips.
"Tell me what you want."
"I…"
Opening my mouth to speak you don't move your fingers and the taste of your flesh makes me tremble anew. I force my eyes from your feet and give you a pleading look. This is playing with my sanity, but your gaze seems to hold only amusement, and, what someone who didn't know better could mistake for affection. Just this as your fingers trace along the very inside of my lower lip. A raised eyebrow is all I get for my hesitation.
"Please…"
"What do you want Leonardo?"
Blue eyes, a bright, harsh, pure blue that puts all other shades of that color to shame. Oh I cannot ignore your question and I cannot stop myself from the outburst.
"You."
"Yes."
There is a cutting edge there. I notice it immediately. Too late though. Your hand leaves my mouth. Grabs my hair harshly pulling my head back. The strength there, it's your power and the power of your will. As unstoppable as the fiercest force of nature. And better, as I see you, more beautiful then anything else in creation. Like the finest statue carved by the finest artisans as a tribute to splendour, and imbued with the soul of a God to life. It is awful and magnificent.
"This is most evident my prophet."
I realize that I am all at once so dreadfully afraid I feel as though I may be sick. It's the look on your face I can see, staring at my throat like you would rip it out on a whim. And then sickness because this is unbearable pleasure; right here, this divine vulnerability. This subjugation.
"And you think you have the right to want this? You?"
Your hand relaxes and I breathe a sigh of relief involuntarily. Not only my relief but my excitement which has abated none must be plainly evident. My thoughts, the effort to keep thought up is nearly impossible. So close and I will be lost in this. You take my wrists-
"Do not worry. You will be punished for your desires. Right now however…."
and place them at your belt.
"…I believe there are more pressing duties to attend to attend to. Are you agreed?"
Three little words.
"Yes your Excellency."
