Drakengard - Memories and Relief
****
This noise...
I can hear it... scores, no, hundereds of voices muttering al together, in a mounting cacophony that gets ever nearer, like a tidal wave... I don't know where they're coming from... this darkness dumbfounds my sense, and I can't see three inches in front of me... and this stale air... this heat... is suffocating. I have trouble breathing, it is getting harder to even think in such a condition...
Wait, Manah. Try to think about it. Where were you, last you remember? What were you doing before... before... well, this happened?
...
Useless. As much as I try, being in this preposterous situation almost forbids me from concentrating. I can't gather my thoughts... and yet, there must be some way to...
Huh! What... what's this?
I jump back, startled. All of a sudden, my eyes can see once again. And it was quite shocking, so out of the blue. Just one second ago, I thought I had become blind... but now, as I look around myself, I realize that things have not improved that much. I am in front of an altar... in what looks like a stronghold... and in front of me, as far as my eyes can see, stands a seemingly endless host of heavily-armored soldiers. There are so many of them I can't even begin to count... and they're all chillingly identical to one another. Their helmets show no emotion at all. They all look like a whole lot of killing machines, with the gleaming broadswords in their hands...
At my right, near the altar, there is a large slab of black obsidian... and, to my horror, the lifeless body of a brown-haired girl in a red dress lays upon it, a sacrificial dagger embedded in her breast almost all the way to the hilt. She can't be any more than eighteen or nineteen... and it seems obvious that she committed suicide, stbing herself with that dagger out of her own volition. Small droplets of already-clogged blood stain the marble in front of the slab... and, most unsettling of all, the soldiers do not seem to be disturbed by the sight of her body. In fact, it looks like the girl's death means nothing to them if not victory...
"Lalalalala! Lalalalala!"
A childish sing-a-song interrupts my thought... and, to my left, I see a little girl, her hair neatly combed in a blonde casket, appearing near me. She's dressed in a long red clerical dress, with matching gloves and boots... the same color of the blood that has been spilled on that sacrificial place... and she's dancing seemingly without a care in the world, doing a few pirouettes and throwing little pink petals all around herself. She might seem innocent, and yet... there is something so inherently... wrong... about her.
I take a look at her. She must be around six or seven years old... and she looks terribly familiar.
Oh, who am I fooling? I know all too well who exactly she is...
The child laughs again, a crystalline, playful laugh that sound all the more out of place... and keeps throwing petals around, as if celebrating something... Then, when I least expect it, she stops all of a sudden and calms down, but her strange smile never fades. She looks at me and comes nearer, regarding me with large eyes brimming with a strange curiosity and tilting her head on one side, in a bird-like manner. Her golden hair sway slightly, exacerbating that contrast between childish innocence and uncaring cruelty that hangs around her... And finally, at that very moment, I can see her eyes!
Red. Crimson red. Once again, something that reminds of blood...
Crimson red, just like mine...
She keeps pacing around me, looking as if she knew all about me, even what I don't know myself... It is strange that I can keep so calm, all things considered... maybe, it's because I already know what's going to happen, and I'm prepared to it...
Just as I thought, she speaks.
"Do the Watchers laugh, too?"
Despite everything, I can't help but shiver: the girl has spoken with two voices - her own childish voice, and a cold, imposing, demonic voice that seems to be coming from the very roots of the earth. It rumbles like thunder, and sound almost masculine, in contrast with her own shrill one. I did not imagine I would be affected so much by hearing it... but I hold my place, answering nothing as the faceless mob of soldiers murmurs something ominous... a cruel gibbering that permeated the atmosphere around me, making it all the more maddening...
The noise grows and distorts... I can feel it vibrating, modulating itself in something even more innatural... and the very landscape in front of me dissipates like fog, undulating slightly before frammenting itself. The sky the colour of molten lead vanishes, along with all the soldiers, who evaporate like water under the sun, never even seeming to acknowledge their own existence... their armors, their weapons... the buildings... the altar... the slain girl... even the little blonde girl on my side, who keeps frolicking and singing until nothing is left of her...
In a short time, all around me has turned to a sterile plain, the ground filled with crevices and as dry as Hell itself... and the darkened sky is ablaze with horrid red, orange and purple glowings, as if it was literally breaking in front of my eyes. I start feeling very afraid... something churns itself in the pit of my stomach, freezing my leg to the parched earth...
And then, I see them... They descend, afloat on wings of crackling lightning... horrid, cruel, unthinkable...
The horror... Gigantic naked babies, their faces contorted in a visage of mingling hatred, insanity and pain... their utterings, the disonant parodies of a child's crying, fill the air. They prowl around hungrily, insatiable, looking for something... anything... to consume...
Watchers... Gods... Grotesqueries...
My sanity teeters dangerously, as I step backwards... and all of a sudden, without any explanation, I feel something heavy on me! As I look around in a flash of clarity, I see my traveling clothes substitued by the very same clerical vest... that little girl was wearing!
They lad around me... gargantuan... horrifying... they laugh... they chitter... they devour each other...
MANAH... WE LOVE YOU... YOU ARE LOVED... WE WILL ONLY LOVE YOU...
No! No! Let this horror end... this is not... Who would ever wish for this to happen?
I can see nothing more... only them... They come closer... a titanic sight... horror... death... They lunge... they are upon me...
****
I can only see black for a second... and then I wake up, gasping in horror!
Where... what just happened? I need a few seconds to calm my madly racing heart, and to let my eyes adapt themselves to the darkness... but luckily, as I regain my sight, there are no more armored soldiers, nor hideous baby-like monsters. I can only see... the faint light of the moon coming from a window, and the wooden ceiling above me...
It was just a nightmare, luckily... Just an horrible nightmare. I'm not in that terrible place any more... I'm home, lying on my bed, my body half-covered in blankets and my forehead covered in sweat... a nightmare, just like many more I have had in my life... I sigh, as my breath grows normal again. I had hoped that, now that the Seal of the Goddess is no more, these night terrors would have ended. Instead, they continue, even if a lot less frequently. I guess that, after one has done what I have done, that guilt and remembrance can be harsh mistresses...
"M-Manah..."
As I sit up in my bed, I turn to my right. Nowe, who was sleeping beside me, has woken up, obviously startled by my reaction to this macabre dream... and now he's rubbing his eyes, sleepily and wooriedly at the same time.
"Manah... are you alright?" he asks, sitting up himself and placing a hand on my shoulder. To feel his touch, now, puts me more at ease... but, at the same time, I regret bothering him with things I had hoped to be long gone. "I heard you... You seemed to be afraid..."
I breathe in and out twice more, as he looks into my eyes. In site of myself, I can't help but smile in front of how quickly he came to aid me when he thought I was in trouble. It's just like him, actually... he will never refuse his help to anyone who realy needs it...
"It's... it's alright, Nowe... It was... just a bad dream. Really, there is nothing to be worried about..." I answer, running my hand through my hair to put it back in order. I am all sweaty, both from the heat of these summer nights, and from the fear still running through my veins... so, I don't think Nowe will be convinced it is nothing... Knowing him, he'll probably want to make sure I am truly alright...
Several moments pass, during which we keep looking wordlessly at each other, sitting on the bed we have been sharing for a few months now... starting from the end of the crisis I had caused myself, without understanding what I was doing. The only sound is that of our breaths in the darkened house, and the slow chirping of the crickets outside. Then, I slowly place my hand upon Nowe's...
"I'm sorry, Nowe..." I say, somewhat uncertainly, as I start pushing away the covers on my legs. "It's just that... I'm afraid I won't be able to go back to sleep anytime soon. I... I just need to take two steps... and stay awake for a while..."
"Okay... er... you... you want me to stay with you?" he asks, somewhat hesitant himself. I keep looking at him, somewhat surprised. I... I still am not used to this. To live with a man, to share a home with somebody... it certainly is quite strange, after feeling forsaken for most of your life...
But the truth is, I need to talk with someone right now... and Nowe is the person who, more than any other, has been listening to me and has tried to understand me. Even when he knew of my past, he didn't turn away, and he did all he could to help me. So, it is only natural how I answer...
"I'd... really appreciate it." I answer, finally climbing out of bed and letting my bare feet touch the floor. Nowe nods and climbs down as well, in his night pants... then, in silence, we walk to the window, moving the curtains as to look outside, towards the starry skies. The light of the moon shines through the window, casting itself upon the man I love and revealing a bit of his athletic body... and I approach him, with some hesitation, and put my arm around his waist. He does the same, trying to make me feel at ease before I start speaking...
"As I said, Nowe, I had a dream..." I begin narrating when I think I have found the right words. "A... pretty bad dream, actually... It was about... my past, what I did eighteen years ago. You... you remember, right, when we spoke about it?"
"Yes, Manah... I do remember." I can hear him answering, as he caresses my back with his hand. I can still feel his warmth through the fabric of my night clothes, and this makes me a little more confident. I sigh, as I get ready to tell him the rest.
"It was... quite a weird dream as well. I saw myself as a child... when I was the High Priestess of the Watcher's Cult. And... I relived the moment when I brought the Goddess... the girl who was at the time tasked with maintaining order in the world... to suicide. I saw the soldiers cheering for this victory... and those monsters descending on the world to devastate it. All this... all this happened because I allowed it to..."
Nowe stays silent from a while. Who could blame him? After all, how many people would not be affected by the knowledge that the woman they love - I still can't believe I can say this about Nowe... - was once such a despicable being? But the silence does not last long, and he answers with that softness that never left him, even in his darkest moments...
"You were under the Watchers' control, back then..." he tries to ensure me. "They were manipulating you, and making you do all those horrible things. And anyway... you're not the person you were eighteen years ago, right?"
"I know, I know..." I answer, looking down at the floor. "It's just that... phew... nothing, I was just hoping it would all go away, now that the Seal is no more, and both the Dragons and the Gods have faded away. Instead, even now, I relive those moments... I'm afraid... I will never be totally free of them..."
"Manah..." I can hear him say, as if he wasn't very sure what to say himself. I don't know how to continue, and I kind of blame myself for letting myself be convinced into telling him such things; I can see Nowe wants to say something, anything, to lift my spirits... but he doesn't know what...
We have to face this reality. Whether I wanted it or not, eighteen years ago, I caused Furiae's death... I brought her to suicide by revealing her incestuous love for her brother... and I manipulated Inuart, the man who loved her, into fighting Caim. Thousands of people have suffered because of me. A six-year-old girl, bereft of her parents' love, that was instead given to my twin brother Seere... let herself be fooled by the Watchers' lies, and became their willing puppet. The world has paid a high price for this fatal, terrible mistake. Nowe knows... I know... even Eris and Seere know... and still, when Nowe and I came to live in this small village after the end of the war, we had hoped we could throw the past away once and for all...
Another sigh. That was just wishful thinking, after all...
But suddenly, I can feel Nowe's hand on my shoulder again, and he hugs me with a gentleness and warmth I never thought I would feel. Despite myself, my heart skips a beat.
"I know how you feel, Manah..." Nowe answers. "The memories of what happened will never fade, no matter what we do to forget them. I... I often think of the people we met, and of what we lost... and, unfortunately, I too feel regret for those who can't be here anymore..."
He pauses, drawing a long breath to calm down his emotions... and I turn to him slightly and grab his hand to encourage him.
"Urick gave his life for us, and I couldn't do anything to help him..." he says, reminding me of the battle against Caim. "I still miss him, and sometimes, it's like I can still hear his last words... And then... Legna, of course..."
He can't hide the pain in his voice, and his disconfort hurts me as well. Legna... was the dragon that brought up Nowe after his parents' death, and Nowe thought of him as a father. He... stayed with us for the whole of our journey, and was the one Nowe cared for the most... until we came to the Bone Casket...
And that was the time for a terrible reveal: Legna had stayed with Nowe for all this time, just becase he needed Nowe as a weapon! Nowe was actually a member of the 'new breed', as Legna had called it... the race that would've inherited the world after the dragons did away with humanity! It was a very hard blow for Nowe... and he was forced to choose between obeying the one he considered a father and a teacher... or rebel against him and save the one he had grown up among...
In the end, Nowe chose his own race... and inevitably, he and Legna had to fight. In the end, Nowe won... but the price to pay was Legna's life...
It still hurts him, I can feel it... I am not the only one who lives in the regret on my past actions...
I hold tightly Nowe's hand, and he reciprocates kindly. Especialy in such moments, when the pain is greater, I want to be near him as he did with me...
"You... really cared about him, I know..." I say, not too confidently. I wouldn't want to unknowingly hurt him. "I'm sorry... that it had to end up this way..."
"It is true... Yes, despite everything, it is true..." Nowe answers, more calmly. "Legna... was my father and master for so much time... And even now, despite everything... even if I know he was using me for his goals... I can't bring myself to hate him. I just can't. It would be against my principles..."
****
"Goodbye, Legna... Thanks for raising me..."
"You... thank me still? You are... a sentimental fool... Just like... your father..."
****
"I understand, Nowe... and I can see what you mean. You too, have some very bad memories, just like our companions... Eris... Seere... we all had to make sacrifices, and face my adversities... and we'll never be rid of such sad experiences..." I say, my head tilting slightly towards the man I love.
We embrace. It's like our closeness dissipates the tension, and helps us be more serene, despise everything that hapened. "But still... even with this, we still have a future we can look to. A future we can build with our own hands." he says, recalling the end of our quest. I smile, and even go as far as to let a small giggle escape my lips.
"Heheee... yes, I do remember... what you said after the Dragons and the Gods faded away... you said, 'our future begins here and now'. And, for better or for worse, it is our duty to build it." I say, realizing once more how much that statement was true.
Nowe is right... even if our worst memories will never diappear, they can't keep us from being happy in our present. The past is gone... now, our lives will take new roads, according to what we wish...
Eris didn't have to become the new Goddess, and didn't have to sacrifice her freedom and her dreams. Now, last I heard of heard, she's pursuing her carreer in the reformed Knights of the Seals (about time they change the name, too!), and she even got promoted for her acts of courage and her capable leadership during the war.
My brother Seere has taking back his place as the Hierarch... and even if he's still cursed with not being able to age beyond his six-year-old body, now he can look at the future with more optimism.
Even Caim and Angelus were together again, and got the peace they wanted.
As for me and Nowe... well, we started living in this small village, where they all know each other. Sure, it might not be as fancy as the Grand Shrine, but it's still cozy in its simplicity. Things might change later, that's for sure... and there are still problems with our world. We hold no illusion that the war has ceased for good... but for now, peace has been restored, and it seems that it will remain that way for quite some time!
Nowe and I look at each other, once again, and he offers me his kind smile. "There is no need to worry, Manah... whenever you need me, you can always count on me. I'll never leave you alone. Ever."
"Thank you, Nowe... the same goes for me!" I answer, feeling happier than I ever felt before. Unbelievable how such simple things can lift such heavy burdens from one's soul. "Whenever you need me, I'll be there..."
"I know... thanks, Manah, for opening my eyes to our reality." he answers, obviously talking about the people suffering under the rule of the Knights of the Seal. "You gave me a real reason to fight."
We embrace again, holding each other warmly for a few long moments... before we head back to our bed and lie down again. Our faces come near, and our lips meet in an intense kiss...
And, half-covered in our blankets, we stay close to each other, reveling in our warmth. Our fingers entwine, and our hands grip each other delicately.
Nowe... you once said you wanted to save me. Well... you kept your promise! You saved me, in more than one way. You freed me from the darkness, and gave me the love and affection I longed for even when I was a child.
I love you, Nowe.
****
In the starry night sky, a translucent shade flew overhead, so fast as to almost be invisible to the naked eye.
Had someone been able to see it, he probably would have seen the huge red dragon soaring proudly across the skies... and the black-haired man riding upon it...
END
Author's Note: There you have it! A small Nowe/Manah one-shot without any pretense. I know they're not the most beloved pairing in the fandom, but hey... I liked them and wanted to pay a small tribute to them! After all, their love story is one of the things that allowed Drakengard 2 to be somewhat more optimistic than its nihilistic prequel! I know, I know, a lot of Drakengard fans consider Nowe a poor replacement for Caim... but, frankly, I found it easier to sympathize with Nowe! And about Manah... well, fans seem to either love her and hate her to death! She deserved some recognition as well...
No Eris-bashing, as you can see. First, I like her, and second, being a possible threat to my OTPs is NOT, in my book, a good reason for bashing a character. And third, well, bashing a character who clearly does not deserve it is just not my thing...
Okay, then... I'm done for now! Don't know if or when I'll take up the Drakengard fandom again, but... well, hope you enjoyed my little snippet, and I'd be very thankful if you could review!
Later!
Gundam of Justice