A/N : Thank you for giving this a chance. hope you'll love it :) R&R?

That morning was the same for everyone; cases rolling in, dead bodies piling up and evidence are waiting to be analyzed but it was a total different thing with Horatio. Today was different. He had become a different man; a revengeful man and a killer. His world had fallen apart the moment Marisol let out her last breath, leaving him to live his life alone. Sitting in his office, he thought of the event that happened back in Rio. He and his brother-in-law had gone down to Rio to hunt Marisol's killer.

'I'm a killer. I killed Riaz.' Deep down he knew that killing Riaz wasn't a mistake. He defended and protected Eric from getting killed but his conscious mind is telling him otherwise. He had gone to Rio to avenge for Marisol's death. He knew that he had wanted that to happen. He had wanted to kill Riaz.

"H. You wanted this report?" Eric knocked and went into his office.

"Oh yes. Just leave it on the desk. Thank you." Horatio said and gave Eric a weak smile.

"You alright H?" Eric asked, knowing well that Horatio is going to say his usual 'I-am-fine' line. Eric noticed that Horatio have been acting differently ever since they returned from Rio. He was distant and quiet. He rarely joked around like he always did.

"I'm fine Eric." Horatio replied as he looked at Eric. Eric caught his blue eyes. They were filled with sadness and emptiness; unlike before; bright and filled with happiness.

"I know you're lying H. You know you can tell me anything right H?"

"I'm really fine Eric." Horatio said as he pretended to do his work.

"H, I know you miss Marisol. I miss her too." Instantaneously Horatio looked at him. Eric had hit him right on target. He knew Horatio missed Marisol so much but there was nothing he could do to help him.

"I love her Eric. I love her so much and now she's gone. I don't know what to do now. I thought by going down to Rio to hunt down Riaz, it would make me feel better." Eric could see tears forming in Horatio's eyes. Horatio then continued, "It didn't make everything better. She's not going to come back. She's never going to come back." Hands covering his face, Horatio started crying, shoulder shaking violently. "She's never going to come back to me. I killed her." He said but his words were muffled by his sobs.

"H,I know you miss her so much. I know you love her and hell I know that because right now, you're like a lifeless human H. But you can't keep on doing this. She's gone. She's never coming back. You've got to move on. I'm sure that's what she would have wanted you to do. She would never have wanted you to blame yourself." Eric reached out to him. "You didn't kill Marisol. Riaz did and you have avenged for her death."

"I just want to be with her right now. "

"I know. I know that. Sometimes I feel that way too H. But that's not what she would have wanted you to do. We all know it's easy to go there but you can't. Not yet. Pull yourself up H. You still got us. Your team, your family." Horatio looked up at him and gave him a weak smile. He wiped off his tears and straightened up.

"Thank you Eric." "H, just remember, anytime you need anyone to talk to, just come to me alright?" Horatio nodded and Eric left him. Regardless what anyone said, Horatio still couldn't brush away his guilt. To him, he caused his wife's death. As much as he wanted to forget the event, it was still etched in his mind.

That night, he went home to an empty, cold house. Just a few nights ago, Marisol was there, welcoming him home. That night was the only night Marisol welcomed him home; that memorable night. Now, everything is back to before he got married. He was going home to an empty house and sleeping on an empty bed, alone.

As he lay down on his bed, his mind brought him back to the night when Marisol was just by his side, sleeping peacefully after their passionate love-making session.

"Mari, I miss you so much. I can't do this without you. Going home to an empty house, without your presence.." He sobbed. "I miss your smile Mari. You brighten up my day when I'm down. I'll never forget the day we got married. The day we were called Mr. and Mrs. Caine. That was the happiest day in my life, with you by my side. We have too much to live for together and it was taken from us just like that. Just like that." He continued sobbing. "I really can't do this anymore Mari." Tears kept rolling down.

Feeling so ridiculously pathetic and helpless, he reached out to his nightstand and took out the bottle of sleeping pills.

'Do it Caine. It's going to help you take away all those misery. It's gonna take away all your pain.' That small voice speaks inside his head.

"NO! This is stupid!" He threw the bottle back into the drawer and tried to go to sleep.

'Just do it Caine. There's nothing left for you here. Everybody is gone. Dead! Your brother, Speed and now your wife. What are you waiting for? What are you still living for?' The voice speaks again as he tossed and turned on the bed. "Go away! Why are you doing this!" He screamed into the pillow.

'Don't kid yourself. Don't lie to yourself. You know you want this. You know you need this. You need to get away from all these pain and misery. Just end it Caine. End it and it will all go away.'

TBC... :)