Disclaimers: 'Castle' is the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC Studios. I only own the story.
Title: A Bright, Shining Hope
Summary: An unplanned pregnancy brings hope and joy into the Castle's lives.
A/N #1: This is my entry for the 2013/2014 Winter Fic-a-thon. I will be using prompt #1 & prompt #3. It will be M-rated because I have to have my Caskett love.
A/N #2: This story will start a little angsty, but I promise that it will not stay that way. Just bear with me for two or three chapters and things will then get better.
A/N #3: I realized after reading a couple of earlier stories of mine and doing some math that I have some continuity errors. Everything in this chapter will be correct.
Chapter 1: A Pain of Unknown Origin
She awoke with a start. The bed beside her was cold, the room still dark save for the soft glow of the streetlight filtering in through the window as it reflected off of the steadily falling snow. The bed was cold, which meant that Castle had been awake for a while. He must've heard Nikki calling his name, Kate thought. She rolled onto her back, rubbing the spot on her stomach, hoping to ease the intense pain as Castle was always able to do.
Rubbing it didn't ease it, neither did Lamaze breathing. Finally, she decided to get out of bed and seek out Castle. She stepped through the bedroom and into his office, where she found him kicked back in his chair with his laptop on his knees, typing away. "Castle?" She called out his name as he swiveled around to face her.
One look at her pale face and he knew. The pain was back. He quickly put his computer down on his desk and reached a hand out to her. She came over and sat down on his lap, wrapping her arms around him, burying her face into his neck as he felt the wetness of her tears on his exposed skin. He knew that the tears weren't only due to the pain that she was in, but also the frustration that so far nobody could figure out why she was in so much pain. She was seeing another doctor later this morning.
The pain had started a few weeks before. She'd been at work when she had been hit by a pain so intense that it made her double over. It hadn't lasted long, but it had been so intense while it had lasted. She didn't give it much thought once it ended. She didn't have any more pains until several days later. This time the pain was more intense and lasted much longer. Now the pains were almost a daily occurrence and they lasted anywhere from half an hour to three hours or longer.
A trip to the ER had revealed nothing and neither had a trip to her OB/GYN. Later in the morning, they were visiting someone called an Internal Medicine Specialist. Kate hadn't had any other symptoms other than the pains, although as Castle held her, he thought that she felt a little warmer than usual. "Do you want me to get you a hot water bottle?"
"No, I'm good," her voice was muffled against his neck.
"Come on, let's go back to bed," he helped her up before getting out of his chair.
"When did it start snowing?" She asked as he took her hand and led her back into their bedroom and under the blankets on the bed. He then slid in after her and pulled her against him.
"I don't know," he took his hand and rubbed slow, gentle circles on the spot on her lower abdomen where she was having the pain. "Shh, relax," he urged her when he felt her stiffen up.
"I don't like being in pain, Castle," she nuzzled his neck.
"I know. Hopefully today we'll find out what's causing the pain."
"What if it's something awful? What do we do then?"
"Hey," he forced her to look at him, "don't start thinking like that. The bad times are over, remember?"
She cuddled back into him, letting his warmth envelope her. He was right. Things had been great for them as a family for the past two years. Senator Bracken was still rotting in prison and the threat of Jerry Tyson and his creepy disciple, Dr. Kelly Neiman, had ended in a fiery explosion almost a year earlier. They were free not to have to look over their shoulders. Life had been very good. Castle had written two more best-sellers, one of them a recounting of their horrible ordeal with Tyson. It was the first true-crime book he'd written and it had made him the darling of the talk show circuit. There was talk of it being made into a movie with Bradley Cooper starring as Tyson, something Kate didn't see, but she never understood how Hollywood casts anybody in roles.
The kids were also growing. Jackson was almost three and Ari would be seven in May. Just as Jack was just like his father, Ari was exactly like her mother, much too serious for her own good. She often acted as a second mother to her boisterous little brother. Castle was fond of telling Kate how much Ari was like Alexis as a child. Kate smiled as she thought about Alexis, who was anxiously trying to have a baby of her own.
She let out a sharp hiss of pain, feeling Castle's fingers still against her. "It's okay," she put her hand over his. "It's just really bad tonight."
"I can get you a pain pill," he offered. "Sometimes they help."
"No, I'm warm and I don't want you to get up," she rested her head against his shoulder. "Tell me a story, Castle."
"What do you want to hear?" He whispered into her hair.
"Tell me about our wedding anniversary in Hawaii."
"As a surprise for his and his wife's seventh anniversary, ruggedly handsome best-selling author Richard Castle took his wife to Hawaii where they'd had their honeymoon. One night in Waikiki, they went for a long romantic walk on the beach. Kate told him that she wanted to follow the moon as far as they could." Kate smiled in the dark at the memory. "They walked until they found this little cove hidden away from everybody. And in that cove, with the sound of the crashing waves all around them, they made love. She told him that it was one of the most beautiful nights of her life."
He looked down and saw that Kate had fallen asleep with a smile on her face, her head still on his shoulder and her hand resting on his chest. He'd give anything to be back on that beach in Hawaii. He had taken her there a few months after Tyson and the mad doctor had died in a fiery car crash on the LIE. He remembered that he and Kate had refused to believe that either of them was dead until they had confirmation via dental records. And even after that, they both had nightmares for months.
Now it looked like they were facing a far more insidious threat. The threat of possible illness. He hated to see Kate in pain and he knew that it was a hell of a lot worse than she let on. Her father had told him that when he'd been in the cabin with her after her shooting, she'd hide herself away so that she could cry in private when the pain got to be too much to handle. There had been times when he knew that Kate locked herself away in the bathroom so that he and the kids didn't hear her. He knew how concerned they all were and also how helpless they all felt. He just hoped and prayed that they'd get an answer today. He figured even if it was bad news, knowing something was better than the not knowing. The not knowing was killing them.
***CCC***
When Kate woke up the next morning, once again Castle's side of the bed was empty, but she could hear the voices of the kids. She got out of bed and went to the bathroom. When she walked into the living room she smiled at the sight of the two kids at the counter, eating breakfast. "Good morning, my babies," Kate kissed first Jack, and then Ari. As usual, Jack squirmed from her kisses. "Good morning, Castle," she walked into the kitchen and kissed Castle.
"Feeling better?" He mouthed the words as she nodded. He handed her a cup of coffee. "I made eggs and bacon. Are you hungry?"
"Starving."
"Well, sit down, and I'll fix you a plate. Then, I'm going to get the kids squared away."
"Castle, I can take Ari to school," she offered as he put a plate in front of her. "I'll drive her to school while you run Jack to Helen's. Then, we'll get ready to go when I get back home."
"Okay," he agreed. "It's icy out there, so be careful."
After breakfast, Kate helped Ari into her coat, hat, mittens and scarf. "Can we play in the snow when I get home from school?" She asked.
"We'll see. Get your backpack."
It was cold in the parking garage when Kate helped Ari into the car. She got behind the wheel and started it to warm it up. Usually, the ride to school was quiet because like her mother, Ari was generally quiet. Kate couldn't believe how much her daughter had changed over the years. When she was small, she talked non-stop like her father. But now she was quiet and introspective much of the time. Kate often found herself wondering what her six-year-old thought about. "Mommy, are you going to die?" The words almost caused Kate to rear-end the vehicle in front of her.
Looking in the rear view mirror, she could see the fear etched all over the little girl's face. Making a quick decision, she pulled to the curb in front of a small café. "Let's get some hot chocolate," Kate said as she turned off the car.
"But, then I'll be late to school. You said that it's always important to be on time," Ari reminded her mother.
"Well, sometimes it's okay to be a little late. Don't worry, I'll talk to your teacher. Come on," Kate opened the back door and assisted her daughter out of the car and into the warmth of the café. She led her over to a corner table where a waitress came over and took their orders. "We'll have hot chocolate."
"Marshmallows or whipped cream?" The woman asked pleasantly.
"Whipped cream," Ari smiled shyly.
"The same," Kate told the waitress. "Would you like to talk about what's on your mind?" She turned her attention to Ari after the waitress walked away.
"I heard gram and Alexis talking," she looked down at her hands, knowing how her mother felt about her listening in on adult conversations. "I couldn't help it. I was coming down to ask for something to drink and I heard them. They stopped talking when they heard me."
"You know that I haven't been feeling very good?" Ari nodded as Kate continued. "Well today, daddy and I are going to go to a very special doctor who is going to find out why I'm not feeling very good. This doctor is going to run a lot of tests so that he can find out what's going on."
"What if you have cancer or something?"
"Ari, you're six years old. How do you know about cancer?"
"Amy's mom had it. She had to have an operation. Amy said that she had to take this medicine that made her really sick."
"Ari, I don't know what's going on, but I can promise you that daddy and I will never lie to you. Okay?" Ari nodded solemnly. "Okay. We're going to hope that it's nothing bad. But, if it is, we're going to figure it out." She stopped talking when the waitress reappeared with their hot chocolates. "Thank you," Kate smiled as the waitress left. "Depending on how I feel when you get home from school, we'll go to the park for a little while so that you and Jack can play in the snow."
"We don't have to," Ari was quick to tell her mother. "We can always go tomorrow."
"Ari, if I don't take you, then daddy will take you. Stop worrying so much. You're a little girl. I want you to act like a little girl. You have plenty of time to be a grownup."
When Kate walked back into the loft almost an hour later, she found Castle in the bedroom making their bed. He was shocked to find her in tears. "What happened? Are you in pain again?" He walked over and pulled her into his arms as she sobbed. Through her tears, she choked out the conversation that she'd had with Ari at the coffee shop. "That poor baby must be scared to death."
"She's a child, Castle. She shouldn't be thinking about adult issues. That's what she has us for."
"You assured her the best way that you could. And, you're right. We'll never lie to her. You have to be okay, Kate," he pulled her back into the warmth of his body. "There isn't any other option."
"I guess that we should go," she reluctantly stepped away from him and wiped at her face.
An hour later, Kate and Castle were sitting in the office of Dr. Henderson Adderley. The doctor was in his mid to late 50's, with brown hair graying at the temples and brown eyes hidden behind glasses. "How long have you been having the pain?" He looked at her from behind his desk.
"It started in early September. I was at work one afternoon and it hit me."
"How long did it last the first time?"
"About five or 10 minutes. I didn't get another pain for another week or so."
"But, you've been getting them every day since then?"
"Yes."
"Have they been more intense?"
"Yes."
"How would you describe them on a scale of one to 10?"
"Definitely a 10."
"I see in your patient history that you had open heart surgery nine years ago. Can you tell me about that?"
"I was shot in the chest."
"I see. Have you had any recurring problems since the surgery?"
"No. I was cleared by both my regular doctor and my cardiologist a long time ago. Are you saying that the pain in my lower abdomen could be caused by my heart surgery?"
"No, I'm just doing a patient history, Mrs. Castle. Why don't you get changed and we'll get started. Mr. Castle, I'll have to ask you to wait in the waiting area."
"Can I have a second first?"
"I'll be outside while you get changed," the doctor got up and left the room.
"You're going to be okay," Castle stood up and held her to his chest, feeling her trembling against him.
"I hope so, Castle. I'll see you as soon as I can," she reached up and touched his face with her palms before they shared a tender kiss.
After Castle left, Kate changed into the embarrassing paper gown and waited for the doctor, who walked in with his nurse. "I'm going to do an ultrasound first to see if there's any inflammation."
"I had an ultrasound two weeks ago. It didn't show anything," Kate complained as she lay back on the examination table.
"Well, if the pain has intensified, we might be able to see something," he squirted the gel on her stomach as she sucked in her breath from the cold. "Sorry about that."
The doctor ran the transducer over Kate's lower abdomen as she watched the images on the screen. The only other times Kate had ever had an ultrasound was during her pregnancies with the kids and when she was still seeing her cardiologist, only he called it an echocardiogram. Seeing your baby move on a screen was far different than seeing your internal organs. It all looked like blobs to her. She looked back to watch the doctor as he examined the screen. Her job as a detective had taught her to read people and she could tell by the hard set of his eyes and the scrunched up eyebrows that he wasn't pleased with what he was seeing. "What's wrong?"
"It might not be anything—"
"Remind me to invite you to poker games at our house. You have a lousy poker face. What do you see?"
"Right here," he stopped the transducer on an area in her lower right abdomen. "This is one of your ovaries. There is a small mass on it. I'd like to get an MRI to get a much better picture of what's going on."
"Is it cancer?"
"Without a biopsy, it's impossible to tell. More than likely it's a cyst."
"How do you know this?" Kate felt herself beginning to panic.
"I'm basing it on the fact that the growth seems to be fluid-filled. Cancerous tumors are solid. But, we'll get an MRI and see where we go from there."
Kate took a deep breath, watching the doctor and nurse leave the room. She hated MRI's. She'd had several after her shooting. The feeling of claustrophobia overwhelmed her. Later she learned that was in large part due to her PTSD, which hadn't been diagnosed until months after the shooting. She took another deep breath, trying to calm her fears. She hated feeling weak and out of control. Just then the door opened and an orderly entered pushing a wheelchair in front of him. "Mrs. Castle?" She nodded. "I'm here to take you to radiology."
In the waiting room, Castle was texting on his phone when he got a message from Alexis. 'Dad, how's Kate?'
'She's having tests. I've been banned to the waiting room. I'll call u as soon as we get home.'
'Ok.'
For some reason, his mind went back to the first time he'd seen Kate after she'd regained consciousness after the shooting. She'd looked so tired, but so alive. He'd been so relieved just to be able to talk to her again. "Whatever happens, Kate, we'll deal with it," he whispered to himself.
"Mr. Castle?" He looked toward the doorway where a young woman was standing. "I'm Ms. Connelly, Dr. Adderley's nurse. He wanted me to let you know that your wife has been taken to radiology for an MRI. You'll be able to see her soon."
"Thank you. How long will it be?"
"An hour, maybe a little longer. I'll come to get you when she's finished."
"Okay, thank you."
Inside of the MRI chamber, Kate was trying to stay calm as she listened to the loud whirring going on over her head. It was taking every ounce of willpower not to jump out of her skin. "We're almost done, Mrs. Castle. Please remain still," the technician's voice sounded above her head.
Suddenly, she heard a loud 'clang,' and she felt herself being slid out of the tube. As soon as it stopped, she didn't even wait for permission to sit up. "The orderly will take you back to the examination room, where you can change back into your clothes. I'll have my nurse get your husband and we'll talk in my office," Dr. Adderley's voice came over a speaker.
Why did that sound ominous? Kate found herself wondering. The orderly walked in with a wheelchair and she got into it. Moments later, she was back in the examination room where she quickly changed into her clothes. She was just finishing when there was a tap on the door. "Come in," she called out.
"Are you decent?" The nurse asked as Kate nodded. "I was told to escort you to the doctor's office."
When she walked into the office, she smiled when she saw Castle already there waiting for her. He got up and walked over, embracing her tightly before kissing her on the forehead. "Are you okay?"
"I am now," she smiled before taking his hand and sitting down in the chair next to him.
They both jumped slightly when the door opened once again and the doctor stepped in, reading from a chart as he made his way to his chair. "I've gone over the results of your MRI. You have an ovarian cyst. Usually these go away on their own after a time."
"How long of a time?" Kate asked.
"It can vary. However, seeing the amount of pain that you've been describing, I think that you should consider a surgical approach."
"When would you want to operate?" Kate asked.
"Hold on," Castle interjected as both Kate and the doctor looked at him. "You said that these cysts go away on their own. If they go away, why would Kate want to subject herself to possibly unnecessary surgery?"
"While these cysts do generally disappear without medical intervention, that's not always the case. Sometimes the cysts increase in size. Right now, Mrs. Castle's only symptom is severe pain. If the cyst gets larger, she could develop nausea and vomiting, also a significant increase in the pain. The surgery is performed laparoscopically on an outpatient basis."
Kate could see that he was scared. "Can we have a few minutes?"
"Of course."
Kate waited until the doctor had left the room. "Castle? Hey, Rick?" She said his name as he finally looked at her. "The pain is bad, Castle. It takes everything that I have not to go somewhere and just scream until it goes away. It's not cancer. It's minor surgery. And best of all, I won't be in pain, anymore."
"I do hate seeing you in pain," he gave her a weak smile.
"It's going to be okay," she moved closer and kissed him. "I promised Ari that we'd take her and Jack to the park after we pick her up from school."
"Are you sure—"
"Castle, I made a promise. Yes, it's cold and snowy, but I made a promise. I'm not going to break it."
"Okay, we'll take the kids to the park," he smiled.
The park was fun. They helped the kids build a small snowman. It was nice to laugh and just have a good time. It was nice not to have to think about tests and surgeon's knives. She could see that playing with the kids lightened Castle up, as well. She hated seeing how scared he was; how worried. She longed to take him home and love that worry and fear out of him. Instead, she was faced with another Castle worrier, her young daughter. "What's wrong, chunky monkey?" She used Ari's nickname.
"Did the doctor make you better?"
"Not yet, but I'll tell you what," she knelt down to Ari's level. "Daddy and I will talk to you about that when we get home. Now, I don't know about you or your brother, but I feel like pizza."
"Me, too," Ari grinned.
Kate sighed as she stood back up. She knew that not only did they need to talk to Ari, but also the rest of the family, as well.
They picked up a pizza before going home to the loft. Kate was taking Jack out of his coat when the pain ripped through her. "Castle, can you help Jack with his things?" She asked, her voice sounding strained.
"Yeah," he knew that she was in pain, but he didn't say anything for fear of upsetting Ari, who was watching her mother carefully.
Kate quickly left the room and went into their ensuite bathroom, closing the door behind her. She slid to the floor as she broke down into tears. Before they'd left the doctor's office earlier, he'd scheduled the surgery for a week from today. She just hoped that she could wait that long. She'd hurt after being shot, but at least she'd had a morphine pump.
In the kitchen, Castle was putting slices of pizza on plates for the kids. "Daddy?" He looked down to find Ariel staring up at him.
"What's wrong, sweetie?"
"Is mommy going to be okay?"
"She's going to be fine. I don't want you to worry. Come on, go sit down and I'll bring you something to drink. How about some apple juice?"
"Are you telling me the truth?"
"Come here," he motioned toward the living room, ignoring Jack's howls of protests from his high chair at the dining room table. "One second, buddy!" He called out as he sat down on the sofa and pulled Ariel down beside him. "Mommy and I will never lie to you, Ariel. Now, next week mommy is going to have an operation." He quickly continued when he saw the look of terror that crossed Ariel's blue-green eyes. "She's going to be okay. She doesn't even have to stay in the hospital. Do you know what would probably make mommy feel so much better right now?" She looked at him. "I know that she's hurting really bad right now, but getting hugs from her baby girl always makes her feel a lot better."
Kate was curled up on the cool tile floor when she heard the bathroom door open. "Castle, I'll be out in a minute."
"Mommy?"
"Ari?" She pulled herself to a sitting position. "Hi, baby girl."
Ari sat down in her mother's lap and threw her arms around her neck, pressing herself tight into Kate's body. "Daddy told me that you have to have an operation. Are you really going to be okay?"
"I'm going to be great. I have to go to the hospital early in the morning, so I won't be here to take you to school. But I should be home when you get home from school. I'm going to be very sore, but I'm going to be okay."
"Who's going to take me to school?"
"Daddy will talk to gram or Alexis. I don't want you to be afraid, okay?" She smiled and felt better when Ari gave her a tentative smile back. "That's my baby girl. I love you so much."
"I love you, too. Are you going to come and eat? Because daddy and Jack will just eat all of the pizza."
"Then we'd better go and eat."
Kate got up and followed her six-year-old out of the room, wondering when her small tiny terror had turned into a mini-adult. She also decided that she loved her husband more than ever for sending her in to comfort Kate because it served to comfort the little girl, as well.
A/N #4: That's where I'm ending Chapter 1. One more chapter of angst and then things will improve. The rest of the story after Chapter 2 will be fluffy.
A/N #5: For the record, I don't see Bradley Cooper playing Tyson either. He was just the first currently popular actor I could think of.
I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960.