Probiture:
The Quiz
Story Title: Probiture / The Quiz
Story Summary: And, she doesn't roll her eyes, or burst into tears, because she knows that Blair's answer is better than any she could have thought of. Episode tag - "New Haven Can Wait".
Genre: Angst/Tragedy
Chapter Focus: Prompt #1 of the 1000 Theme Challenge, "A Bridge Too Far"
Chapter Rating: T/PG-13 for the F-word, established character death, and mentions of drug use
Word Count: Between 700 and 900 words
Author's Starting Notes: I was watching over "New Haven Can Wait" and looking over my list of themes at the same time this Thanksgiving night (11.27.08). The product of a Blair/Serena catfight and the first prompt of my list was the summary line, and - ultimately - this oneshot.
Time Stamp: Posted December 2008
#1
There is a sickening chill that runs down her spine as that name is uttered aloud once more. It resonates in her mind with a harsh sounding thud, resembling that of his dying wheezes.
"Pete Fairman," the dean repeats.
Pete Fairman.
Pete fucking Fairman.
Her throat feels suddenly much drier than she can ever recall. She winds up gulping like a fish out of water. Her attention is drawn back to the dean as he speaks to her again.
"I do not know this person. Who is Pete Fairman?" Dean Bairaby asks. She exhales the little air in her lungs, trying to come up with something. What kind of answer could she give to that?
'Oh, Pete is just this guy who died when we got high together.'
'Pete, yeah, he's someone I've been hiding from for the past two years.'
'Pete was my good friend's drug dealer who died taking a rod with me after I slept with my best friend's boyfriend.'
The possibilities are endless. She is spared from giving her own answer when Blair speaks.
"He's the man she killed," says Serena's so-called best friend. And Serena doesn't roll her eyes, or burst into tears, because she knows that Blair's answer is better than any she could have thought of.
Serena looks at her friend and sees everything in her eyes. This is a punishment. This evil unveiling of a not-so forgotten past is nothing more than a way to prick the blonde's finger for being a naughty girl in the eyes of Blair Waldorf. Serena supposes, in Blair's eyes, she will always deserve some form of punishment. The crime would be for existing beyond what Blair believes she herself is capable of, and so Serena will suffer with these insecurities and accept with meekness the problems Blair throws at her. But this, this is above and beyond what Blair has ever done before. This is more than a joke. Bringing up Pete is… it's just too far.
"Miss van der Woodsen, would you like to explain?" prompts the Dean. She nods shakily.
"Of course. Pete was a man that I knew. H-he died almost two years ago when I was with him. What happened was a tragedy, and I am filled with regret over it. But, I was not responsible. Never mind that I feel like I was sometimes."
She takes a pause, a momentary collection of her chaotic emotions, "There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of Pete. They say that you see people you've lost in things around you. I see Pete every time I hear about a person who died from overdosing, or alcohol poison. I see Pete every time I go passed the Eastview Hotel in New York. And, I especially see Pete when I walk pass a mirror, because I see the same fear that he showed, the same passion for free life, in myself that I saw in him."
"He was a really great guy; funny, charming, and pretty good looking. He made some horrible choices in his life that ultimately cost him his life. But, who hasn't made a few bad decisions, right? He died far before his time, and… and…." It's getting harder and harder to breathe, and she just wants out, but she keeps going. Two tiny, ragged lungfuls of air later, she can rush headlong to the end.
"H-he really is the person I'd like to see the most. I want to hear his laugh again and see his smile. I want to listen to him recap a story, or sit back as he drives his dad's Porsche far past the legal limit. I just want to be back in the moment, the day that he died. I would definitely change a few things I did," Serena looks over at Blair meaningfully, "I would change everything. And maybe… maybe, I could be with Pete again."
The room is silent when she finishes - even Blair has shut her trap. For a fleeting moment, Serena hopes that she has gotten through the brunette's thick skull. She doesn't bother turning again to check though. Instead, she excuses herself from the party, going to a bench outside to think.
It is hours later when her phone buzzes that she returns to the reality she left behind the moment she began talking about Pete. She flips open the stylish device only to find a message from GossipGirl waiting for her.
I guess "I Was a Teenage Drug Addict" is a better college essay than we originally thought. Start packing, S, looks like the gates of Yale are opening for Constance once again. Sadly, B doesn't seem to have the key. Even a heart broken Serena shines.
Don't worry, B, I still like you. Even if you're not Yale material.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.
© Everything written above belongs to me (FF user, Paint Me a Symphony). If somebody is out there pushing this as their own, they are lying. I may not own Gossip Girl, or its characters, but I do own this.