Chibi Rapfest Trailer-Trash Trigun Theatre
Attempts to do for Trigun what "Springtime for Hitler" did for musicals, and "Gumby Classic Theatre" did for Anton Chekov's "The Cherry Orchard." I don't own Trigun, etc. Lots of smack talk and thoroughly offensive behavior but no unusual violence or vulgarity. I'm a total idiot when it comes to music, so prepare to have your intelligence insulted.
P.S. Hilltop exists. I lived there.
Chapter One: Suffering of the Masses
The Scene: a desert planet. The tiny, heart-warming trailer community of Hilltop is tucked away on a dune between two mountains. Leaves and garbage drifting across dirt paths. The light aroma of sour milk. A wriggling column of smoke wisps skyward, blown by the erratic morning wind.
A scruffy blue-suited man and a tall, visibly pregnant woman are lounging in fold-out deck chairs on the porch of a rusted trailer. The man lights up a smoke.
Milly: Put that cigarette out! I told you, it's bad for the baby!
Wolfwood: Whadda I care, t'ain't my baby nohow.
Milly: Oh! {whacks him in the face with the morning paper}. I suppose you know better than me whose baby it is?
Wolfwood: Ow! Bitch!
Milly: Street bum!
Wolfwood: Ho bag!
Milly: Lazy ragamuffin don't pay no bills!
Wolfwood: Now that's unfair. I'm a preacher, I ain't got no money!
Meanwhile, in the trailer next door, a heavily sequened red-trenchcoat-wearing man is arguing with a short, heavily armed woman. The man is holding up in one hand a leather bikini-looking thing and in the other a book entitled "Pimping Hoes for Fun and Profit."
Vash: Come on, try it on, please?
Meryl: Dammit, Vash, I will NOT be your "ho!"
Vash: But Meryl, think of the money it would make us. I'd get to be a dressy pimpster and drive around in a limo and you'd get half of the money and a chance to get to know a bunch of nice people and... {Meryl smacks him.} OW!
Meryl: GET OUT! {boots Vash in the keister, sending him sailing across the lot where he lands, oh the coincidences, in front of Wolfwood and Milly.}
Vash: {in a heap} Aururuuggh.
Milly: Well looky there, it's that no good wanna-be pimp daddy Vash the Stampede. Long time no see, cupcake.
Vash: {moans} Er, hi.
Wolfwood: "CUPCAKE?!" Where did that come from? "Pimp daddy?" I KNEW HE WAS THE FATHER OF MY CHILD! {Leaps from the porch, jumps up and down on Vash}. How dare you! Taking advantage of a sweet, innocent girl!
Vash: Huh? OW! Stop it! What are you talking about? Wait a second! {grabs Wolfwood's ankle and manages to trip him. They both fall to the ground.}
SUDDENLY, FOR NO VISIBLE REASON THE SUN EXPLODES!
Meryl: Hey, guys, the sun exploded.
Wolfwood: {struggling} So what? We have a spare!
Wolfwood and Vash roll around for about 15 minutes.
Milly: Will you two stop that? This isn't that kind of story!
Wolfwood and Vash: Awww...
Enter Meryl from next door.
Meryl: Has anyone seen that jackass Vash? Hey Vash, stop rooting around in the dirt like a filthy pig and get up! This came in the mail for you! {drags Vash out of the mud, hands him a slim, official-looking envelope}.
Vash: Uh oh, that looks serious. {sniffs it} Smells serious, too. {opens it up, reads silently. Notices everyone else watching him} WILL YOU ALL STOP STARING AT ME?
Milly: {blinks innocently} But, cupcake, there's nothing cuter to look at for iles around...
Wolfwood: Will you stop it?!
Milly: Oh, shut up Wolfy.
Vash: It's a bill from the Bernardelli Insurance Company for sixty billion double dollars in damages! Oh well, time to fake my own death again.
Meryl: {sighs} I'll start packing.
Vash: No, just kidding {dumb grin}. It's a foreclosure notice. See Meryl, I told you we needed the money!
Meryl: Like hell.
Vash: Wait, it's ticking! It's a BOMB! {Everyone ducks. Vash quickly folds the envelope up, tucks it in his trenchcoat and dashes off leaving a trail of dust behind}.
Wolfwood: {standing up} Eh?
We hear a distant explosion. Vash limps back, covered in soot, his trenchcoat in tatters.
Vash: I saved everyone's life again.
Meryl: Next time, could we please get an unlisted address?
Attempts to do for Trigun what "Springtime for Hitler" did for musicals, and "Gumby Classic Theatre" did for Anton Chekov's "The Cherry Orchard." I don't own Trigun, etc. Lots of smack talk and thoroughly offensive behavior but no unusual violence or vulgarity. I'm a total idiot when it comes to music, so prepare to have your intelligence insulted.
P.S. Hilltop exists. I lived there.
Chapter One: Suffering of the Masses
The Scene: a desert planet. The tiny, heart-warming trailer community of Hilltop is tucked away on a dune between two mountains. Leaves and garbage drifting across dirt paths. The light aroma of sour milk. A wriggling column of smoke wisps skyward, blown by the erratic morning wind.
A scruffy blue-suited man and a tall, visibly pregnant woman are lounging in fold-out deck chairs on the porch of a rusted trailer. The man lights up a smoke.
Milly: Put that cigarette out! I told you, it's bad for the baby!
Wolfwood: Whadda I care, t'ain't my baby nohow.
Milly: Oh! {whacks him in the face with the morning paper}. I suppose you know better than me whose baby it is?
Wolfwood: Ow! Bitch!
Milly: Street bum!
Wolfwood: Ho bag!
Milly: Lazy ragamuffin don't pay no bills!
Wolfwood: Now that's unfair. I'm a preacher, I ain't got no money!
Meanwhile, in the trailer next door, a heavily sequened red-trenchcoat-wearing man is arguing with a short, heavily armed woman. The man is holding up in one hand a leather bikini-looking thing and in the other a book entitled "Pimping Hoes for Fun and Profit."
Vash: Come on, try it on, please?
Meryl: Dammit, Vash, I will NOT be your "ho!"
Vash: But Meryl, think of the money it would make us. I'd get to be a dressy pimpster and drive around in a limo and you'd get half of the money and a chance to get to know a bunch of nice people and... {Meryl smacks him.} OW!
Meryl: GET OUT! {boots Vash in the keister, sending him sailing across the lot where he lands, oh the coincidences, in front of Wolfwood and Milly.}
Vash: {in a heap} Aururuuggh.
Milly: Well looky there, it's that no good wanna-be pimp daddy Vash the Stampede. Long time no see, cupcake.
Vash: {moans} Er, hi.
Wolfwood: "CUPCAKE?!" Where did that come from? "Pimp daddy?" I KNEW HE WAS THE FATHER OF MY CHILD! {Leaps from the porch, jumps up and down on Vash}. How dare you! Taking advantage of a sweet, innocent girl!
Vash: Huh? OW! Stop it! What are you talking about? Wait a second! {grabs Wolfwood's ankle and manages to trip him. They both fall to the ground.}
SUDDENLY, FOR NO VISIBLE REASON THE SUN EXPLODES!
Meryl: Hey, guys, the sun exploded.
Wolfwood: {struggling} So what? We have a spare!
Wolfwood and Vash roll around for about 15 minutes.
Milly: Will you two stop that? This isn't that kind of story!
Wolfwood and Vash: Awww...
Enter Meryl from next door.
Meryl: Has anyone seen that jackass Vash? Hey Vash, stop rooting around in the dirt like a filthy pig and get up! This came in the mail for you! {drags Vash out of the mud, hands him a slim, official-looking envelope}.
Vash: Uh oh, that looks serious. {sniffs it} Smells serious, too. {opens it up, reads silently. Notices everyone else watching him} WILL YOU ALL STOP STARING AT ME?
Milly: {blinks innocently} But, cupcake, there's nothing cuter to look at for iles around...
Wolfwood: Will you stop it?!
Milly: Oh, shut up Wolfy.
Vash: It's a bill from the Bernardelli Insurance Company for sixty billion double dollars in damages! Oh well, time to fake my own death again.
Meryl: {sighs} I'll start packing.
Vash: No, just kidding {dumb grin}. It's a foreclosure notice. See Meryl, I told you we needed the money!
Meryl: Like hell.
Vash: Wait, it's ticking! It's a BOMB! {Everyone ducks. Vash quickly folds the envelope up, tucks it in his trenchcoat and dashes off leaving a trail of dust behind}.
Wolfwood: {standing up} Eh?
We hear a distant explosion. Vash limps back, covered in soot, his trenchcoat in tatters.
Vash: I saved everyone's life again.
Meryl: Next time, could we please get an unlisted address?