Beware. I have feels. Bad things happen when I have feels.
This is gonna be a few chapters, I have no idea how many but it's definitely going to be a multi-chapter story.
Let's pretend that everything that's happened has happened, the Robert thing etc. This swerves off from just after the wedding and it's AU from there, I've had this idea for a while now, I originally had it for another ship but it fits Narla so much better so I'll write it with them instead.
Please let me know what you think! Otherwise I don't know whether or not to continue on, I don't wanna write it if no-one is interested.
I see you leaning, you're bound to fall
I don't want to be that mistake
.
"Carla?" Michelle walked through the almost empty flat with a thin empty box in her hand, her eyes, once stained with tears as she helped the woman who was the closest thing she had to a sister pack up her flat in preparation for her move, now wide with shock as she held the offending item towards her best friend.
Carla stood stoic, staring blankly back towards the stunned brunette opposite her, unable to find the words to answer the question Michelle hadn't yet asked but she knew was coming.
"Don't…"
"Are you?" Michelle walked closer, placing the box down on the kitchen island with an airy thud "Carla…"
Silence fell over the pair like a heavy blanket, Carla felt suffocated in the place she had called once home. In two days time she'd be gone, she'd be away from the street she had grown accustomed to, the street she had fallen in love and fallen apart on.
"Carla. Tell me the truth…" Michelle demanded, she could read her best friend like a book at times, and now was one of those times. She already knew the answer; she just wanted to hear the words. "You don't even need to, I can see it in your eyes. You're pregnant."
"Chelle, please…"
"Please what?" Michelle stepped back and spread her arms in question "You can't seriously still be thinking of leaving? What about Nick? Doesn't he deserve…"
"Don't you dare" Carla raged as she cut Michelle off mid sentence. "Don't you dare tell me what Nick does or doesn't deserve because I can tell you right now, he doesn't deserve me." She wiped her face roughly, swiping the new tears that gathered in her eyes. "He deserves the world, he sure as hell doesn't deserve me after what I did. I've broken him, Chelle"
Carla whispered, "I've broken him." She took a shuddered breath and wrapped a hand around her own throat "I love him so much, Chelle. I love him so much and yet I still hurt him in the worst way possible. Now he hates me."
"He doesn't hate you" Michelle stepped forward and grabbed Carla's hands in hers in attempt to comfort her distraught friend "He loves you, he will always love you, he's just angry right now."
"He hates me, Chelle. He walked out on me at our wedding, it's been three days and we still haven't spoken. He won't take my calls, hell I don't even know where he is!"
It had been three days since the wedding and even after the confession; the couple had still gotten married. They had still professed their love for one and other, with tears in their eyes in front of their closest friends and family. That was until Tracy Barlow stormed in and said her piece.
"Carla, listen, I know you think he hates you…"
"He does!" Carla cut her off once again
"Listen, what you did, with Robert, you hit the self destruct button, after finding out about Johnny and everything…he knows that! And once he's had some time to calm down he'll realise that it meant nothing and you'll be able to talk about it like grown adults…"
"That won't happen" Carla muttered as she paced around the almost empty kitchen, her hands tugging at her dark hair
"Don't you think this will hurt him more?" Michelle questioned, she gripped the edge of the counter in frustration at her best friend's unwillingness to listen "Don't you think that finding out that you are carrying his child, yet you still left anyway without telling him will hurt him more? After everything you've both been through…"
"Don't!" Carla shouted, pointing at her best friend in fury "Don't you dare guilt trip me with the past"
"Car, you've both lost…"
"Shut up!"
"You can't leave. Not without telling him."
"There's nothing to tell" Carla said quietly, "I'm not having it"
Michelle's eyes widened as her heart fell to her stomach "Carla, you can't be serious"
Carla stood in a mirroring position to her best friend at the other end of the counter trying to keep a cool head and not show the true emotions she was feeling. Her wedding manicured nails scratched the marbled counter top as a wave of nausea rolled through her body.
"I am." She replied quietly "It's booked"
"Carla…" Michelle moved and stood beside the emotional brunette "Listen, you need to talk to Nick."
Carla moved to speak but was cut off "You need to talk to Nick." Michelle grabbed her arms and squeezed her lightly as a way of comfort "He isn't Peter…this isn't the same as last time"
"No, it's worse" Carla whispered as a fresh batch of tears filled her eyes "Nick clearly doesn't want to be with me…I can't do this on my own, Chelle, I can't. I can't stay here, not after what I've done. I've hurt him so much" She bit her bottom lip between her teeth in attempt to stop herself from breaking completely.
"He's such a good man" Chelle nodded in agreement "He's so good, and I know that if he knew, he'd stay with me. I can't do that to him…or to the kid"
"But…"
"There's nothing to say, Chelle." Carla stressed, as she stepped out of her friends embrace, she continued "I can't let him be with me if he doesn't want to." She ran her hands through her hair and brought them to cover her mouth before shrugging her shoulders
"Gail said I'd trap him" She attempted a chuckle "She always thought I was using him. Now if I have his kid, he's tied to me forever and I can't do that to him when he doesn't even want to take my calls."
"You don't know that, babe" Michelle sighed, watching her best friend struggle with her emotions "He's angry just now, this is all still so fresh, just give him time to calm down and you can sort this out."
"I do know it, Chelle" Carla nodded through the tears "He'd stay with me and we'd put on this happy family act and I'd still be completely in-love with him and he'd play pretend" She choked on her words as a sob broke through her body, the thought of Nick not loving her anymore was tearing her apart.
"He'd pretend to love me, he'd say and do all the right things for show but I'd know that he'd really just be putting up with me for the sake of our child" She sobbed. "I don't want that for him. I don't want him to resent me"
Michelle rushed to Carla's side and grabbed her shoulders pulling her into a fierce hug. It was rare for Carla to break down but she could see this decision was killing her.
"I don't want him to resent our child," She whispered as she pulled back from Michelle's embrace. "What if I did tell him? What if we stayed together, stayed married, I had this baby and 5 years down the line he can't handle it any more? He can't stand the sight of me. What if he walks out on us and I have to explain to our child that daddy isn't here anymore because he hates mummy and can't stand to be around her."
"Carla, babe, you know that wont happen"
"He'd make such a good dad" Carla smiled as tears fell down her cheeks "He's the kind of guy you'd want to be the father of your child"
Michelle wiped away her own tears as she moved to sit on the couch, she couldn't find any words to try and convince Carla that getting rid of her baby would be a massive mistake.
"Carla, you know that this is just your anxieties right? You know that this is just your brain thinking up the worst case scenario and convincing your heart that it's real?"
"I can't keep this baby, Chelle."
"Talk to Nick, tell him how you feel…"
"What?" Carla laughed sarcastically "Tell him that I'm pregnant and there's no way in hell I can raise this baby without him, so basically just walk up to him and say 'Hey babe, I'm pregnant but I can't do it without you so if you don't stick by me I'm getting rid'"
"Maybe not quite like that…" Michelle muttered
"I'm not giving him an ultimatum, Chelle. Stay with me and I'll have your baby…"
"Look," Michelle turned and faced her friend "I know your stressed and you keep saying you can't do this without him but what if you could? What is stopping you raising this baby?"
Carla began pacing as more tears fell, her face was hurting, all she had done the past few days was cry and it was now just painful, her eyes were swollen and red, her face stung, her skin now extra sensitive from having been wiped so many times against her hand or the sleeve of Nick's hoodie that she had yet to take off.
"I can't"
"Why not?"
"Chelle…"
"No. You did this last time, you do this all the time" Michelle barked, "You convince yourself you don't deserve happiness, that you're unworthy of it…"
"I am!" Carla shouted back, "I cheated on him, Chelle! I slept with someone else, not only that but I convinced him to give over half of his business to the guy I slept with! I broke his fucking heart and I told him on our wedding day! He doesn't want to see me ever again and I'm not surprised after what I did."
"But this baby…"
"No! Don't do this. Don't say this baby would be a fresh start because we both know that's not true. This baby would tie us together for the rest of our lives and I can't do that to him. He never wants to see or speak to me again and if I have this baby he'll have to. This baby will be a constant reminder that we were so in-love and now its shattered. I don't want that. I don't want this baby to feel like I did growing up, like some sort of mistake that just happened and now we're stuck with the consequences."
"Carla, it wouldn't be like that…"
"I don't want it to grow up with parents who don't speak to each other and if they do its just hateful words and glares. I watched that happen with Simon. Peter and Leanne were at each others throats for months and he was stuck in the middle, look how he coped with that!?"
"This isn't the same thing, Car"
"Isn't it? I cheated on Nick and now we're broken up. Now if I have this kid it'll be every other weekend with another woman playing mum and her and Nick slagging me off at every given opportunity"
Michelle walked over to Carla once again to try and calm her down but it didn't work.
"This is it, Chelle. I can't do this. I can't have Nick around me when he doesn't want to be, it's not fair on him and I don't think my heart can take being around him and knowing that he hates me. And I can't saddle this kid with me for a mum, no kid deserves that."
Please leave a review/comment and let me know what you think.
Lyrics: Better as a Memory - Kenny Chesney
Twitter: ahoycinderella