"So," Arthur said with all the dignity and authority of a true royal – he never looked more like a prat than ever before was Merlin's opinion – as he paced across the room attempting to intimidate Freya, a small dark haired woman that Merlin randomly brought home this afternoon and declared to be his true love. The little sop. "What makes you think you're allowed to just walk right in there and sweep my Merlin of his feet?"
"My Merlin?" Gwaine echoed. "Arthur, we went through this you git, he's our Merlin."
Lancelot nodded his agreement and Merlin felt the need to put his own input before the three idiots do something stupid. Again. "Your Merlin? Can't I be my own person?" Merlin asked. "And do you have to make it out like I'm some silly little girl?"
"Of course you're my Merlin, you're my servant, and shut up Merlin. No one needs to hear you whine," Arthur said not even bothering to look at Merlin.
"But you look like a girl," Gwaine said teasingly as he pushed back part of Merlin's hair out of his face. "All very delicate and princess-y."
"And you act like one," Lancelot said putting in his two coins. "Not to mention you dress like one, Gwen has told us all about that one." Damn! He knew stealing that dress for Freya (who is wearing said dress right now looking adorable) would bite him back in the bum. Damn Gwen for telling everyone. Damn Lancelot for hinting about his secrets to cause Gwen telling everyone!
"Gwaine, we're supposed to be defending Merlin's virtue not letting you take it yourself," Arthur scowled. "And Lancelot is right, Merlin, you act like a girl with all your flowers and manners and squeamish attitude with dirt."
"You try to clean the stables and we'll see if you enjoy dirt. And why the hell do you need to defend my virtue from Freya? Shouldn't you be defending hers?"
"Aha! She is trying to seduce our Merlin!" Gwaine cried out, taking his sword out.
Lancelot and Arthur did the exact same thing.
"Guys! If you kill her then I'll never make you those honey cakes you all seem to like!" Merlin shouted as he stepped between the three sharp pointy swords and his one true love. "And I'll never mend your clothes or polish your swords the way you like it or tuck you into bed."
The swords were put away almost immediately. "And he wonders why we think he's a girl," Arthur muttered to Lancelot.
"I won't hurt Merlin," Freya said quietly.
"It's not you hurting him we're worried about, hell we injure him all the time in training and he gets up to all sorts during practise; it's his innocence we're trying to protect!" Arthur snapped. There was something about this girl that was familiar, he was sure he killed her once, long ago and that dress looked a lot like Morgana's... "But if you even try to kill him we'll kill you anyway."
"What if I want to lose my innocence?" Merlin asked.
"You're too young!" Arthur, Lancelot and Gwaine snapped at the same time.
"Oh come of it! I'm the same age as you three and you've all done worse than I ever had! I've only ever been kissed twice while you've been through a harem of girls!"
"Who has kissed you?" Gwaine roared grabbing hold of Merlin's shoulders and shaking him hard. "I'll tear apart anyone who has spoiled your lips!"
"Leon, help!" Merlin squeaked as Lancelot and Arthur were now surrounded and Freya looked like she was going to bolt any second (Merlin didn't blame her for that though this is so her fault).
"I'm not getting involved," Leon said in a bored voice, not even bothering to look up from the scroll he had been reading during the whole situation. "It's your own fault for being so damn innocent." He looked up and there was a glint in his eyes that bothered Merlin (though he was still being shaken by Gwaine). "Though I will help his royal highness in the quest of protecting your virtue. You are too young to learn the pleasures of the flesh and should wait until marriage."
Oh god, stupidity was now contagious. "I'm the same age as them lot!" Merlin yelled in between being shaken. "And will you bloody stop that!"
Gwaine stopped but his grip was still tight on Merlin's shoulders. He was so going to have bruises, Merlin just knew it.
"Well?" Arthur said imperiously. "Who dared to take your first kiss?"
"Gwen! Gwen kissed me first! I snogged Gwen long before you or Lancelot got your mitts on her, now leave Freya alone!"
Lancelot and Arthur looked gobsmacked while Gwaine roared in laughter. "I love that girl; she sure knows how to have a good time. Think I'll get a little kiss in before the royal marriage? Maybe I should get a few drinks down her and...Well Merlin won't need to tuck me in tonight."
"You will not blemish Gwen's innocence!" Both Lancelot and Arthur roared, turning to face Gwaine.
"What innocence? By the sounds of it she's more of a whore than I ever was," Gwaine said delighted.
Merlin used Gwaine's stupidity to escape with Freya and while Gwaine was having the living shit beaten out of him by two overprotective idiots, Merlin was losing his virtue on Arthur's bed.