This story came out of re-watching the Gilmore Girls Year in a Life. My heart broke again for Logan. I may do this as a series of one shots from each of the guys in Rory's past-Logan, Jess, and Dean. I think a lot was left unsaid in the show. I have flip-flopped in my love of Logan and hating him. I hope you enjoy. This takes place somewhere around 20 years after they last see each other. If you want more, let me know. I'm writing this with my four year old and three year old around me so, please let me know if there are any huge mistakes or if something doesn't make sense…
There are a few memories that have carried me through the years. One is of a brown-haired girl, sad. She told me she didn't need rescuing anymore. I wanted to seal away the memory of her forever.
It hurt like hell. We would see each other occasionally, but I always had Odette on my arm. Odette was the girl I didn't want, but my family did. The brown-haired girl, she was always the one I wanted.
My heart broke when she returned the key, after a night of fun and games-it felt like old times. I wanted our last time together to be so memorable. I wanted to choose her. But I couldn't.
I was sealing my life away, choosing the dynastic plan. I never felt like I had a choice. I'm a Huntzberger for Christ's sake, but I never had a choice. She always said I did, that I could choose something else, but I only ever saw one door and on the other side of that door was not my brown-haired girl. My heart couldn't play in my future.
This brown-haired girl, she won my heart so many years ago. She was there when I was at my worst. She was there when I was at my best. We jumped together, off that tower in the middle of a field. That once in a lifetime opportunity, it ended up being the best choice of my life. Jumping with her. I only hope she felt the same.
Now life is just memories of the brown-haired girl. My regrets in not choosing my heart, not choosing her. Why did I not choose her? Why after all these years, sitting in a chair, grey with age, do I always come back to her?
That girl, she holds my heart. But I can't tell her. I heard years ago, that she had a daughter. We both made our choices. Why didn't I choose her that day in The King's Head Inn? Why didn't I ask her to marry me? Why did I choose the dynastic?
It hurts so much sometimes. "It was a perfect night." Keeps playing in my head. Her voice broke just enough to know she was hurting as she said it. "We have to get you home." My heart broke into a million pieces with those words. Home was where she is.
No one ever made me feel the way she made me feel. Odette had never been home. Only the brown-haired girl made me feel alive. I miss her so much. I has been nearly 20 years since I last held her in my arms.
My regrets weight heavy on me today. My regrets were always heavy but I could forget them. Today, standing at her gravestone my regret weighs me down, I can't help but cry. I can't help but remember all the fun and fights.
I see a girl standing alone, she has the brown-girl's build, but with blond hair. The sun shining around her is a mean reminder that life goes on. I assume, that this girl must be my brown-haired girl's daughter. I walk up to her, and touch her elbow. She turns and looks at me, and gasps. I gasp back.
I take a step back. I don't know what to say. I see a melded reflection looking at me. She looks like my brown-haired girl and me. A perfectly melded girl who is so stunningly beautiful and yet heartbreakingly sad. Her blue eyes sparkle with tears, and her mouth forms a perfect O as she looks at me. Her blond hair matches mine perfectly.
"Are you Logan Huntzberger?" she asks me through her tears. Her voice is like my brown-haired girl's.
I nod because I have no words to say. I know exactly what happened all those years ago. I know what Rory chose and I understand why. But my heart breaks yet again as this beautiful girl before me says, "I'm your daughter. I'm Charlotte." She holds out her hand.
"Charlotte, I'm so sorry for your loss. I loved your mom very much. I don't have words to say how very sorry I am. I didn't know about you." I say quickly, unsure of what to say.
"I know. Mom wanted it that way for a long time. Then it was just easier to not know you. I wondered, and mom always told me great stories about you and her and the Life and Death Brigade. Did you know she wrote a book?" Charlotte said wiping away her tears.
"Yes, Gilmore Girls, it was a best seller for a while, right? I have a copy, but I never could read it. It would hurt to much. I want to be honest. I wanted to choose your mom. But I chose the dynastic plan, not my heart to follow. I'm so sorry. I could have been there for you."
"Mom loved me so much. I never wanted for anything. She filled my life with fun, books and music. Just like her mom did. I will miss her so much. Cancer made her weak in the end, and she wasn't able to read alone because she wasn't strong enough to hold the book. But I would read to her. I will miss reading with her. I miss her." Charlotte breaks out into tears. I hand her my extra handkerchief.
"Charlotte, I would love to get to know you and hear about what the last twenty years of your mom's life was like. Would you like some coffee? I assume you like coffee…you are a Gilmore girl after all." I say with a smile. A hopeful smile, I may not have gotten her first twenty years, but I wouldn't let this chance slip away.
"Yes, I would like that." Charlotte says as she looks one last time at the gravestone of her mother. We walk toward my car as she starts talking about her first few years of life. I smile, and know that although I will always miss my brown-haired girl, I have been handed a gift beyond all measure.