The Curious Cutlery Incident
When he was born, I knew my life would change. It wasn't the big, brown, doeful eyes or the tiny little hands. It was the grin. I saw that and I just knew he'd be trouble.
James Potter was now too old for his own good, or rather, the good of anyone else in the nearby vicinity. Having grasped the main aspects of speech, he'd decided to move onto more important things, much to the dismay of his keepers ... ahem, I mean family.
"What am I going to do with you Jamie?" Jessie asked no one in particular. It was the sixth time that week she'd sat on a Muggle whoppee cushion and it didn't seem to give him any less delight. She still had no clue how on earth he got hold of them.
James clapped his hands together and begged to be picked up. "Hug? I get a hug?"
Jessie rolled her eyes. "Of course you miscreant." And so she picked him up. He looked at her, widening his already oversized eyes.
"Chocolate? Do I get chocolate?"
Jessie laughed and carried James into the kitchen. "Lunch first! And no more whoppee cushions."
"No whoppee?"
"Nope." Jessie opened the cupboard to get out a plate. The cupboard immediately closed again. "Funny, must be the wind..." thought Jessie. She opened it again and got out a plate. It transfigured into a fork in her hands.
"James?" Jessie looked at James who sat on the kitchen table, wiggling his legs with an angelic expression on his face. Jessie looked at the toy, and back at James, and then back at the toy again. "Woah. This is so not normal."
---
At the same time, far, far away in St. Mungos, Elizabeth Potter was having a good day. All the patients were doing well and she'd had no accidents. No spilt tea, no head injuries, no trip ups or other unfortunate happenings. So Lizzie should've been happy. "I hope James is okay," she thought, worrying. "and Jessie too. Jessie loves him but he can be a bit of a handful sometimes..." Little did Elizabeth know.
She sat down to have a bite of the sandwich she'd bought to eat in her short lunch break. Soon it would be over and she'd have to continue rounds, but after that she could go home to her son. "What would I do without Jessie?" she thought to herself.
Her ponderings were interrupted. "Lizzie! Floo for you!" Her head jerked up.
"Who is it?"
"Your sister apparently!"
"Oh bother." Lizzie ran into her office and over to the fireplace, long broown hair appeared red and distorted in the flames and her chocolated brown eyes - not unlike Lizzie's own were anxious.
"Good day Lizzie. Thank you for taking your time." she almost hissed.
"Hello to you too. What's wrong?"
"Oh nothing much. Just flooed in for a little chat. I can't get the dirt off of that tap next to the sink, and I stubbed my toe on the desk this morning. By the way your two-year-old son is performing 5th year magic and for some reason I just couldn't get my hair straighteners to heat up today. It's so annoying when that happens and I've forgotten the spell-"
"Shush Jessie. Wait. Toe. Desk. 5th year magic!? Oh Merlin. Are you joking? You aren't joking! This is so not going to help with the whole discipline thing!"
"Lizzie! Calm down! You're talking like me! I called you so I could talk like me! So you can't talk like me because it's my turn!"
"I don't understand a word of what you said."
"Yeah me neither. Just come home as soon as possible before James starts Apparating or something okay?"
"I'll try pull some strings. I'll see you in half an hour."
Jessie nodded and disappeared from the fireplace and Lizzie was left alone in her office, almost unable to cope with the science behind this phenomenon, but of course it was nothing to do with science. It was magic. "I need a fire whiskey..."
----
Lizzie left the room and quickly found her boss, who granted her leave whilst chuckling about "that little tyrant James." They were already introduced. He'd managed to cause havoc in St. Mungos when Jessie took him to visit his mother one day. Needless to say St. Mungos was never really the same after that.
So she arrived home. She stoode in the fireplace, wiping the ashes off her clothes. "Jessie, you home?"
"In the play room!" Jessie shouted back. Lizzie hurried into the playroom, apprehensive of what she would see there but to her relief, it seemed calm. Jessie and James sat on the big, squishy rug in the centre of the room and Jessie was producing bubbles for little James to run after and catch.
As soon as Lizzie walked into the room, James ran over to her, arms outstretched and attached himself to her leg.
"Well it's nice to know I'm appreciated. I don't get hugs like that." Jessie said rolling her eyes. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Jessie flicked her wand to get rid of the bubbles. Lizzie smiled and mouthed the word "chocolate" over to Jessie, who, having realised she was being offered a present, said out loud, "And that pair of shoes I wanted."
"But of course!" Lizzie picked James up and held him to her shoulder. "So what have you been doing today little man"?
"Fworks." he replied, grinning from ear to ear.
"Forks?" Lizzie asked.
"Oh yes. Forks." Jessie nodded seriously. "Let's show Mummy what the fluffy is."
Jessie led Lizzie and James into the kitchen and pointed out the kitchen table, on which there was a huge army of forks and sporks all of different shapes and sizes.
"Ah." Moira said. "I think I need a drink."
"I'll get you a cup." Jessie said. She walked over to the table and picked up a toy and handed it to Lizzie who sat James down on her hap.
"That's a fork, not a cup."
"Well we have no cups. This was a cup and I suppose it will have to do."
"Do you like forks mummy?" James asked, looking up expectantly.
"Yes darling. I think you deserve some chocolate."
Lizzie took James and led him out of the room, muttering Finite Incantatem under her breath. All the forks changed back into their original forms. The spell, to all appearances, was good but rather weak, so the cutlery looked more or less the same.
Jessie promptly put everything away before James realised his forks were gone whilst muttering under her breath, "Finite Incantatem. Why didn't I think of that?"