Click! Here's the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe characters all nice and framed for you. Tawny Dawson is mine because I felt like we needed a new person to torture. Just a mad fic inspired by TSOCL. There have been a lot of them haven't there? And there probably will be a lot more.
Smile for the Camera
Some of the Misfits, Joes and X-Men were sitting in the Institute common room watching television. "So let's see what lies are being spread about us today," Rogue sighed as she sat down to watch TV.
"You know they don't always talk about us 24-7," Kitty said to her.
On TV was a reporter. "This week on Court TV! We have non-stop continuous coverage of the Evan Daniels murder trial! What will the defense do? Who are the Prosecution's star witnesses? Will justice be served? Find out!"
"I mean on the regular channels," Kitty quickly changed the channel.
"This week on the Fashion Channel, we're going to compare the outfits both the prosecution and the defense will be wearing at the Evan Daniels trial? Which team will be the better dressed? You be the judge!"
"The basic cable channels," Kitty said quickly as she changed the channel.
"Next a very special episode of America's Most Wanted…"
"NOT FOX!" Kitty changed it again.
"Coming up on Glamour Entertainment," A perky blonde young woman in a fashionable outfit spoke. "What the stars are saying about the Evan Daniels trial! You won't believe it!"
"I give up…" Kitty threw the remote down.
"Hey isn't that Tawny Dawson?" Angelica asked. "That Beefy Burger Baron's daughter who became an actress?"
"Then she couldn't make it as an actress so her father bought a studio for her to star in an entertainment news show," Pietro remarked. "That's the one."
"Ugh don't remind me," Alison grunted. "I hate her!"
"Really? I love her family's burgers," Fred rubbed his tummy.
"She's my age and she's got her own freaking television show!" Alison groaned. "Her father hired me to play for her birthday party a week before I got outed. When I was he refused to pay the bill!"
"Tawny Dawson?" Rogue watched the TV. "Wasn't she on Entertainment Tonight for a while?"
"Yeah and now she has her own entertainment news show," Cover Girl said. "Probably slept with someone to get it. That's what her mom used to do back in my modeling days."
"Well someone's feeling catty today and it's not Kitty," Pietro snickered.
"I didn't know you used to be a model," Rogue looked at Cover Girl. "And you knew her mom?"
"When I was a kid just starting out her mother tried to sabotage some of my shoots," Cover Girl said. "She was getting older and more possessive of what jobs she could get. She finally thought she'd one-upped me when she slept with some magazine mogul to get the job. Long story short, I got to fill her shoes because she had to take maternity leave."
"What's going on?" Warren asked as he walked in. "Who are we talking about?"
"What a witch Tawny Dawson is," Rogue said.
"Oh no!" Warren groaned. "I thought I'd seen the last of her but no…"
"You know her?" Cover Girl asked.
"Oh I know her," Warren's teeth ground. "For years she was chasing me like a bloodhound. She wanted to make money the old fashioned way, by marrying into it."
"I take it the feelings were not mutual?" Hank asked.
"Are you kidding?" Warren sighed. "Ever since high school she's been stalking me! And worse, my parents encouraged her!"
"Why would they want an obvious gold digger in your family?" Rogue asked.
"Family prestige," Warren explained. "She may not have been as rich as us, but her family still had a lot of old ties and a pretty hefty reputation. She's got relatives that has blood bluer than Beast's fur!"
"So what happened?" Shipwreck asked.
"Not long after the Apocalypse incident Tawny thought she'd 'surprise' me by waiting in my apartment for a romantic date," Warren sighed. "It was a surprise all right."
"And I take it she was not pleased that the object of her affections was a mutant?" Hank raised an eyebrow.
"I tell you I was never so glad to see anyone run away from me screaming in my life," Warren sighed. "I thought that was the end of it, until a week later. I got a phone call in the middle of the night from my mother screaming hysterically. It seems that Tawny decided to stalk me to advance her career instead of her bank account."
"Seems like she did both at the same time," Shipwreck thought.
"Yeah she took pictures of me flying around and with my wings out in my apartment," Warren sighed. "I finally had to confess to my parents why I never went out much after I hit seventeen."
"And they didn't take it well either huh?" Shipwreck asked.
"Bingo," Warren sighed. "They were more concerned with the Warrington reputation and our company. We had a huge fight. Long story short, except for legally disowning me and throwing me out, they distanced themselves from me as much as possible. I could stay in the tower as long as people didn't see me. Not long after that I found Jesse, decided to fly the coop to Vermont and then I came here."
"What a witch," Bobby growled.
"The more I hear the more I hate her already," Rogue agreed. "Alison, Cover Girl and now you hate her, Angel!"
"Technically it was her mother I hated," Cover Girl pointed out.
There was a shot of Tawny in a designer outfit. "This is Tawny Dawson with exclusive pictures of life inside the Xavier Mansion!"
"Oh this day just keeps getting better and better…" Kitty groaned.
Several long-range pictures of the X-Men outside were shown. "Tonight we'll discover what goes on in the mysterious Xavier Institute," Tawny said. "What are the mutants planning? What are their lives like? What eating disorders do they have?"
"WHAT?" Rogue shouted.
"You know Kitty I wasn't gonna say anything but you have gained a few pounds," Pietro snickered.
"Pietro…" Kitty glared at him. "DIE!" She tried to tackle him but Pietro easily escaped.
"Yes you do need more exercise to keep up with me!" Pietro laughed.
"Fine! I'll get plenty of exercise digging a grave to hide your corpse!" Kitty shouted as she chased him around the room.
"Knock it off you two!" Cover Girl snapped.
"It is reported that former mutant superstar Dazzler is recovering from a drug overdose at the Xavier Institute," Tawny continued. "What other sordid affairs are going on?" A shadowed picture of Lockheed was shown. "Is it true that there is a monster at the Xavier Institute and are they planning to unleash it on the world?"
"I know one person I'd love to sic him on…" Alison glared at Tawny.
"Lockheed is not a monster!" Kitty stopped chasing Pietro long enough to glare at the television.
"His owner on the other hand…" Pietro grinned. This caused Kitty to run around and try and attack him again.
"Will somebody please stop these two before the room is trashed again?" Warren groaned.
"Hmmm, which one has annoyed me the least this week?" Rogue thought. "Oh of course…" She stuck out her foot and Pietro tripped over it. She pounced on him. "I got him Kitty! You can pound him now!"
"OW! OW! OW!" Pietro shouted as Kitty hit him.
"Kitty no!" Angelica went over to her teammate. "I want to hit him too!"
"This is about the shaving cream in your shoooooooeees?" Pietro yelled as Angelica wailed on him. "OW! NOT THE HAIR!"
"Girls that's enough," Cover Girl told them. "No murdering Pietro in the house. Do it outside where it won't make a mess."
"Hey that looks familiar," Shipwreck mused as he watched the television. "I've seen that place before."
"That's because you're sitting in it mush for brains!" Cover Girl hit him with a pillow. "Stupidity is contagious!"
"That jerk is right outside our house!" Rogue shot up. "Now I'm mad!"
"Oh this is gonna be good," Pietro snickered. The kids went outside to have a talk with Tawny.
"They're gonna scare the living daylights out of her aren't they?" Cover Girl asked.
"Oh yeah," Shipwreck nodded. "That's pretty obvious."
"Should we do something?" Hank asked.
"Yeah get the video camera!" Shipwreck said.
"I'm in!" Warren grinned.
Outside Tawny was continuing her broadcast. "What secrets will we uncover? Follow me as…" She heard something coming towards her and saw that something was a very angry Rogue.
"IF YOU YAHOOS DON'T GET OUTTA HERE I AM GONNA SHOVE THAT CAMERA…" Rogue shouted.
"Tawny Dawson! I'm with the press!" She shouted.
"Since when?" Her cameraman asked. "Hey!"
Kitty had snuck up behind him. "This interview is over!" Kitty phased her hand through the camera, destroying it.
"You can't do this to me! I have a right to report the news!" Tawny stomped her foot.
"And we have a right to privacy!" Rogue snapped.
"I'll sue!" Tawny shouted.
"Yeah like you're the only one who's tried that," Angelica scoffed.
"You can't stop me!" Tawny shouted.
"Uh boss…" The Cameraman pointed. "Maybe they can't but that can!"
"Rarrrr…." Lockheed growled at Tawny.
"Nice dragon…" Tawny gulped.
"Lockheed…Sic 'em!" Kitty ordered.
"Oh that's gotta hurt," Cover Girl grinned as Lockheed blasted Tawny's behind with a fire blast.
"What is going on out there?" Ororo asked as she, Logan and Xavier wheeled outside.
"It appears that one Ms. Tawny Dawson was trying to report on our private lives," Hank said as he and Shipwreck walked up to them.
"YEOW! MY DESIGNER DRESS!"
"She got more than what she bargained for," Shipwreck snickered.
"That awful woman who reports on the most sleazy aspects of celebrities lives is here?" Ororo asked.
"The very same," Hank nodded. "She was the one who called Evan a blight on humanity right?"
"No she called him a stain on society," Shipwreck informed him.
"Perhaps one small lightning bolt won't hurt…" Ororo ground her teeth and flew off.
"Oh goody, just what we needed," Logan said sarcastically as Ororo made it rain on Tawny. "Another lawsuit coming up!"
"Yes but I don't think I am going to mind this one very much," Xavier grinned as Lockheed chased Tawny around in the mud. "Did I ever tell you about the time her mother made a pass at me and set fire to my lawn?"