January 9th
There are so many precious aspects of our lives that are stored away in our minds for safekeeping, our dreams, thoughts, our personality, our dreams and goals. But it's our memories that we cherish and hold close to us, like old photographs that we place away for future days. Our memories show us where we were, what we have learnt, what it is we see as important that helps mold what path will direct our future.
It was hot that afternoon, a kind of sticky hot were the air seemed to steam, making everything uncomfortable and everyone on edge. I remember being at our house with our cousins as our parents were called to the ministry for something overly important that they had no choice in leaving us to, as Al put it, "fend for ourselves".
They left that morning giving the usual speech of, "no fighting, no magic, if anything is broken we will know, nobody is to leave the house until we come back", but being in a house that left us feeling like steamed fish it wasn't long till the consequences of breaking those rules seemed completely worth it.
Jamie was the first to crack. He stomped around complaining that being almost sixteen was old enough to be able to go out to the pond without our parents, Al and Hugo of course agreed and Rose seemed cross between agreeing and arguing no to the notion. Ah, what the heat can do to people. I had never seen her so unsure of what to do, well, besides when I see her now.
My opinion was not really important, being the youngest and that my brothers found it somewhat annoying having to look after me all the time. So I could either go with them or stay. No one cared as long as I didn't tell and kept up with them when they went. I m short, so naturally I don't cover as much ground as everyone else when they run. I look back and I wish that I had stayed in the living room steaming to a puddle of nothing, that and being taller.
The pond was about a mile into the forest that surrounded our property, the reason we went with our parents was that the wards did not reach this far into the forest on this side. Jamie had already locked up the house and was leading our group, followed closely by Hugo and Albus, who seemed to be competing on who could be first to shove Jamie into the water. I was a little behind Rosie, I could see her curly red locks bouncing as she dodged trees trying to keep up with the boys.
This is where it goes all fuzzy around the edges, I remember tripping on a rock and losing my footing to only get back up and see no sign of Rosie or the boys, I yell for them to wait for me and can hear Al laughing in the distance that I should "have kept up or not come". I felt angry and betrayed that Rose did not come back for me so I took off towards them ready to punch me brother to only feel a sharp pain develop through out my body. I tried to move but it knocked the wind out of me, making me fall to the forest floor.
I don't remember much more except the dark figure coming at me, no face, no colour, I remember trying to scream, to plead for my brothers to come get me. No one heard. No one came.
Four months, thirteen days later I walked down an unfamiliar road, blood trailing behind me and pain the only reason I knew I was alive. I don't know what happened. I was in our forest then I was dodging traffic, screaming for someone to stop and help me. There are no flash backs, no random pictures that can give me an insight to who did this. My memories show me nothing of my past, there is no colour, no face, no remembering. There is darkness and fear. Always the fear.
January 11th
I had another checkup this morning, just the usual to see how I m healing and stuff. The healer said the big jagged scar that I have on my lower back is starting to scab over so she should be able to heal it to the same milky colour like my other ones. I m sitting in the waiting room at the moment waiting for my mum to come back, she's being informed of other tests I had done a few weeks back. She isn't really coping so well. When I was finally able to haul down the nightbus on that road, I made my way to St Mungo's.
The night staff helped me off the bus and into the waiting room, were the healers took me to another room, where they scurried around for potions, blankets, clothes and food making sure someone fire called my parents to inform them of my appearance. it was close to about two minutes after the call when my mum came screaming into the room sobbing uncontrollably while trying to reach me into a hug. I m not proud of what happened next, I know the healers say it's natural after everything that has happened but she's my mum.
She had tried to pull me into a hug, gently grabbing my arms, tell me she loved me and she had been so scared. I freaked. I don't know why but when she touched me I felt such fear and the need to escape that I kicked and screamed at her to not touch me. I had pushed myself against the headboard, breathing hard and willing her to understand what I could'nt. Mum chocked back her sobs and clung to my father instead when he entered the room and since then she hasn't touched me. No one has.
My healer said that it's normal after any traumatic experience to feel like I did and worse for me because I could not remember what happened to even cause such a reaction. She told me I should talk about what I do remember, how I feel and what keeps going around my head, she seems to think it will cause my memories to come flooding back. I said I couldn't. I could I explain the sudden fears I feel when someone walks into a room, or drops something or when they yell. How can you tell someone about nightmares of darkness and figures with blank face especially my parents who seem to be only holding on to sanity by a thread.
So after I down right refused to talk after several pleading minutes from my parents, my healer, Rebecca, said for me to write everything down. I didn't have to show anyone if I didn't want to but at least everything I felt and thought would not always be swimming around my head. So dad got me a journal and placed some nifty protection spells around it and bingo, therapy you can carry anywhere.
January 11th – 11:22 pm
I keep having the same nightmare, it never changes and I see it every night. It's a dark room and I look around it and cannot find any windows, there is a crack of light that comes from under the door to another room but it's always locked. The dream changes to a flash of light to complete darkness, and then they are here. Three shadows that loom over me. They never have any face and they never speak but they are there.
I can't sleep, not tonight.