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TRIGGER WARNINGS: Abortion mention, rape mention, suicide attempt.
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A/N: A kind of 'prequel' fic to my upcoming Bayverse fic (Brave Heart).
Thank you for taking the time to read, and if you liked it, feel free to drop me a comment! ^^
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"I found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight…"
Someone's Watching Over Me – Hilary Duff
.o
It was the beginning of the end for Cordelia Winter. The last person on Earth that she loved had been unable to be there for her, and now she was truly and utterly alone. She wondered the streets aimlessly, placing one foot in front of the other, not paying attention or even caring where she was going.
Her nether regions were still sore from her father's latest assault and last week's abortion. As the memory came unbidden into her mind, her hands automatically lowered to her now flat stomach. It hadn't been huge before – her womb had only had chance to house the short pregnancy for sixteen weeks. But there was a noticeable absence, the small, hard bulge that had been there only a week ago was gone.
Her baby had simply been discarded as medical waste.
The warm June evening was balmy and pleasant, but it did nothing to thaw the icy tendrils that had wrapped themselves around her heart. Nothing could dissuade her from the decision she'd just made. Her mind was made up, and nothing would stop her now.
Cordelia's father had kept her off of school the day following her abortion – having the audacity to ring her teacher and say that she was unwell due to 'menstrual pain'.
Hah, if only that were true.
Cordelia's thoughts had turned hard and twisted, and she was no longer sure of who she was. Since the abortion, she had gone over and over in her mind the countless things that she could have done to have prevented it from ever happening.
Am I really such a coward that I let them cut my baby out of me?
She shook her head, berating herself inwardly.
Of course you are.
She took her phone out of her back pocket and turned it over and over in her small hands. There were three missed calls and eight text messages. All from Leo.
/Cordelia, come back to the station. We can sort this out – I promise you. Leo xx/
/Cordelia, where are you? Leo xx/
/Lia, I'm starting to get worried now; PLEASE ANSWER ME./
The remaining text messages continued in the same vein; each stating their worry and insisting that Cordelia returned to the police station 'right now.' Cordelia laughed bitterly to herself and dropped her phone into a nearby drain. It landed in the murky sewage water with a satisfying 'plop.' She wouldn't need a phone where she was going anyway.
She rose somewhat clumsily from the ground, and carried on walking.
.o
The light evening gradually turned to dusk, and then to the darkness of night. Cordelia bore witness as the first cluster of stars revealed themselves against the black velvet sky. Her feet ached from walking for hours on end, but she didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. The sole thing in her mind was her plan, and it provided her with the energy that she needed to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
One name kept racing through her mind, intent on torturing her. Leo. Leo. Leo.
His name wouldn't leave her alone, not even when she hit her head in an attempt to silence the deafening sound of her tortured mind. She decided to give up trying to forget about yesterday's events and let down the mental wall in her brain.
The memories came flooding into her mind as if a dam had been lifted.
She walked into the police station and sat down on the uncomfortable metal seats that were provided in the seedy waiting room.
Tranquility's police station was as seedy as they came. The building itself was a bleak, grey brick building that had definitely seen better days. The waiting room smelled of stale urine and the metal chairs provided were uncomfortable and sinister looking. The desk sergeant was a miserable man who was certainly past his prime, and whose sole interests were coffee and donuts.
A young boy who Cordelia recognised as Samuel Witwicky was sitting in the corner, his head in his hands. A man who looked like the boy's father sat next to him, still dressed in his dressing gown and pyjamas even though it was well after ten o'clock in the morning. Cordelia gave him a small wave as she walked past to check in with the desk sergeant, but the boy didn't seem to see her.
She approached the window and cleared her throat. The desk sergeant looked over the top of the magazine he was reading; Guns & Ammo.
"Oh, it's you. Go on through. Leo! Your redhead's here."
Cordelia rolled her eyes at the nickname but let it slide. The sound of the buzzer told her that the desk sergeant had unlocked the door for her to go into the 'staff only' area. Cordelia walked through the metal detector and received a brief pat-down by one of the rookie officers. For the whole time, she stiffened and didn't look him in the eye.
Someone else's touch was still too much.
The rookie finished his search and escorted her to Leo's office. The door was open, Leo's brass nameplate sitting proudly on the door. Cordelia knocked quietly on the office door before entering.
Leo's face popped up from behind his computer screen, his curly and fluffy hair slightly unkempt from where he had been running his hands through it. He smiled when he saw Cordelia, although it didn't reach his sky blue eyes.
"Sit down Lia, sit down. Sorry about the mess, it's been one hell of a hectic day again...John is off sick and he didn't arrange any cover so I've been running the whole station on my own. I'm a bit twitchy from all the coffee, so please excuse me talking at one hundred miles per hour."
Cordelia sat down on one of the faux leather black chairs sitting in front of Leo's desk. The fabric was ripped and the yellow stuffing was spilling out from all four corners.
"That's okay – it sounded pretty urgent when you rang me; is everything okay? Mrs Rushman excused me from school for the rest of the day."
"Lia…there's something sensitive that I need to tell you…and there's no easy way to say it."
Leo came around from behind the desk and sat on it, a grim expression on his face. Cordelia began to feel uneasy, and fought back the urge to claw at her wrist. Nonetheless, her short fingernails found their way to her knee and started scratching the thin material of her old jeans. Leo took her hand in his, stopping her from scratching herself.
"Leo, you're making me nervous. Whatever it is you have to tell me, it can't be that bad can it?"
Cordelia fixed Leo with a penetrating gaze of her green eyes, and he found he could not look into them while delivering the worst news yet to her.
"Cordelia…" he got off of the desk and sat on his knees, placing his hands at Cordelia's sides. Cordelia squirmed uncomfortably in her chair, her fight or flight instinct beginning to rise.
"Leo, what IS it? Just tell me…please."
Leo sighed. "You know the station is currently processing the report we filed against your father." Cordelia's heart dropped into her stomach.
"Yes…what about it?"
"Well…the report has been filed as 'completed'. There's…there is a severe lack of evidence Lia. We can't prosecute…and you can no longer go on living with me."
Cordelia couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"Lack of evidence? The fact that I he made me abort the baby that HE impregnated me with isn't enough?!"
"We've been in contact with the clinic – they stated that you didn't disclose any information about the father of the foetus with them."
"Foetus?" Cordelia's voice came out softer than a whisper. "Foetus? It was a baby Leo…an innocent baby that they cut out of me…a baby that I did not ask for but would still protect! His baby inside of me…his own daughter! I didn't know that would affect the report…how could I have known?"
Leo's arms wrapped themselves around Cordelia's shaking shoulders.
"Without evidence, there is no hope of conviction Cordelia. We can always examine your clothes for his semen—"
"THERE'S NO FUCKING POINT! I washed everything after every time…after every time that he raped me. There, I said it. But it makes no difference, does it?"
Leo watched in helpless silence as Cordelia crumbled into his arms and sobbed her heart out. Her cries were desperate, and her tiny frame heaved under the weight of the emotion coursing through her body.
"Lia, shh, shh. It will be okay, I promise you. We can still seek legal emancipation – I'll pay for the lawyer myself."
Cordelia looked up at him, her green eyes dull and muted.
"I don't want your money Leo. I just want to stay with you – you won't have to pay a penny for me; I'll leave school and get a job. You won't even know I'm there Leo. Just please…please let me stay."
Leo took her small freckled face in his large hands.
"It's out of my hands Lia – if it was up to me then I would have you come to live with me in a heartbeat. But it isn't a suitable arrangement Lia…and I am not your legal guardian. You are not yet of age, so you have to adhere to what your father says regarding where you live. Living with me was fine whilst your father was being investigated, but now that the investigation has been closed, you can't go on living with me. I'm so sorry Lia."
"Do you believe me?"
"Do I believe what?"
"Do you believe that what I said about my father is true? Because it's my word against his Leo, and at the moment no one seems to believe me."
"Oh Lia, of course I believe you. But it isn't that simple…without physical evidence…there is little to be done."
"So I have to go back to him. Back to…that."
All was silent in the office for a few moments. Cordelia composed herself and rose up from the chair. "Okay." She said calmly, "I'll go home. I'll see you whenever I'll see you."
And with that, she walked out of Leo's office and out of the station all together.
And she kept walking.
.o
Once the memories had run their course, they became a calm presence in the back of her mind. Since leaving the police station twenty-four hours ago, Cordelia had started to walk and had not yet stopped.
She walked on the shoulder of the highway, not caring if anybody saw her. She had seen no police cruisers since leaving the station and took a small amount of comfort that the cops weren't looking for her – yet. Slowly the scenery surrounding the busy highway morphed into the beautiful grassy hillocks that were famous in Tranquility. If she walked for a couple of miles to the north, she would find herself at the lake where all the local high school students went in the summer break.
She wasn't going there today.
She veered off of the concrete and onto the soft grass. She walked westward, following the setting sun. On her way through the grassy outcrops, she passed the city's sign.
WELCOME TO TRANQUILITY.
Pfft, she thought. The thick white letters were almost mocking her, daring her to care again. She reached for the emotion but came up empty handed. She was a shell.
Who the fuck thought to call this place Tranquility? It's anything but.
Her thoughts were becoming more and more bitter by the second, but she didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. Not even Leo.
He'd tried to help her, but she destroyed him too, just like everyone else who had tried to help her in the past.
She was vaguely aware of her feet starting to blister in her tan-coloured ankle boots. They had a slight heel, adding about two inches to her petite five foot one-inch frame. She continued to walk, despite the dull pain in her feet.
Her tan faux leather jacket was doing little to keep out the brisk evening air, and she brought it about her shoulders, wishing she had a scarf or a roll neck jumper to bury her face into.
Suddenly, something silvery caught her eye. She approached the glinting object and was surprised to find that it was a discarded butcher's knife. The blade was long and flat with a well-honed edge. It looked oddly beautiful in the evening moonlight. She bent down and picked it up, the metal smooth and sinister in her palms.
The moon glinted off of the blade in a smudgy reflection. Without really thinking, Cordelia shrugged her jacket off and let it fall onto the soft grass. The white vest top she wore left her arms bare and vulnerable to the swiftly falling temperature.
The three long scars on her left forearm had not yet healed from last week's cutting session. They were scabbed over but did not yet have the distinctive shiny pink colour of a new scar.
Cordelia raised the knife and drew it slowly down her arm, making sure she cut deeply. She avoided the main arteries; her intent was not to kill herself. Yet.
As before, blood oozed slowly and seductively from the deep cuts that she had made, trailing down her arm like blood rain. The effect on her was instantaneous, and a blanket of calm descended over her tainted mind. Her vision went a little hazy, but everything stayed where it was supposed to. She lay down on her back in the grass, pulling her jacket back on to keep out the sting of the cold. As she pulled it on, she was aware that the jacket's sleeve smudged the warm blood oozing from her fresh wounds.
She reached into her jacket pocket for her iPod and shoved the little earbuds into her ears. Amy Lee's wind-chime voice filled her head, momentarily soothing her rapid heartbeat.
"Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?""
The lyrics of the song were oddly comforting, and Cordelia sunk into the repetitive melody of the music.
She laid there, just looking at the stars, glistening innocently against a black backdrop.
One hour passed. Then two.
Cordelia was just about to get up off of the grass when she saw something shoot across the sky. She turned her head to follow its course, and saw that it looked like a small meteorite. She was wondering why she hadn't heard about the meteor shower occurring over Earth; usually NASA didn't shut up about something like this. She took her earbuds out of her ears and stashed the iPod back into her pocket. She was just rising from the ground when the meteorite landed about half a mile away. Cordelia felt the concussions in the ground, even at the distance she was from the landing site.
Curiosity got the better of her and she decided to go and investigate the meteorite. The bridge was that way anyway. She set off at a brisk walk and within fifteen minutes had arrived at the scene of the landing site.
Great scars marred the land surrounding the meteorite…only it wasn't a meteorite. The tree next to it was on fire, but the fire seemed contained.
Upon closer inspection, Cordelia discovered that it wasn't a rock at all. It seemed to be made from metal, though Cordelia could not identify which kind of metal. It seemed to be made of something not of this Earth. It resembled an egg, and was about the size of the large yellow school bus that took her to and from school in Tranquility. It was covered in strange markings and hieroglyphs, and a soft blue glow was emanating from inside.
Cordelia was just about to touch the strange egg-thing when another one flew over her head. From her elevated position on the hill, she could see that it had landed in the city's sports stadium.
Weird.
Suddenly the egg-thing started to shift. The abrupt and loud movement startled Cordelia and she started to run out of instinct. She didn't want to meet whatever was inside the egg-thing. Her adrenaline kicked in and she was able to run all the way to the bridge and hardly break a sweat.
She'd chosen this bridge because it was mostly deserted at night, and the loud river gushing beneath it masked any suspicious sounds.
She placed her hands on the railing.
.o
Optimus Prime stretched his limbs as his travel pod moved and shifted to allow him to exit. He uncurled to his full twenty-eight foot height and surveyed the landscape around him. He saw several small mounds – a search of the world wide web revealed that they were called 'hills'. The native species of this planet were all carbon-based lifeforms and Optimus' detailed scan of the information hub that the homo sapiens called the 'Internet' did not yield any evidence of sentient mechanical lifeforms.
His first priority was to find an appropriate vehicle mode for a mech of his mass and size. His loyal scout Bumblebee had informed him that Earth was well equipped with many vehicles – it was just a case of finding one.
He broke off at a gentle run, moving towards the road that his scanners had picked up. He emerged onto a ledge that overlooked a quiet road. Luck was on Optimus' side that night as a truck that was the perfect size for him happened to pass by right at that moment. Optimus silently scanned the Peterbilt and quickly transformed into a perfect replica of the truck. Straight away his systems began to 'learn' his new body, scanning every spring, shock absorber and cog. His central processing unit began writing brand new codes of software for seamless transformations, both on the move and whilst he was stationary. His weapon systems came online and his targeting systems synced themselves with his CPU. Within minutes, the procedure was over.
Optimus then proceeded to download every piece available from the humans' information super highway, learning all of Earth's languages in less than a second. He discerned that the populace where he had landed spoke English as their native language, and resolve to speak this language when he and his fellow Autobots found the human that they were looking for.
He drove along the quiet road, heading for the bridge in the north that would take him into the city of Tranquility. He tapped in to all the local radio frequencies, listening for anything unusual from the human authorities. Optimus was unable to activate his holoform disguise software as his neural net and central processing unit needed to 'learn' his new body. Until this process was completed, he would be unable to utilise his holoform. Optimus was a quarter of a mile from the bridge that would take him into the city when he picked up chatter on his scanners. He quickly discerned that it was the local authorities, and they were heading straight towards the bridge. Optimus could beat them there in a matter of minutes, but he didn't want to run into them if he could help it.
Optimus decelerated and came to a halt just by the bridge. He transformed and took cover underneath it, resting his immense weight on the bridge's supports. The human authorities arrived a few seconds later, none the wiser of Optimus' presence beneath the bridge. Optimus listened quietly to the four male police officers talking amongst themselves.
"We can't see her – she must be on another one of the traffic bridges in the area. Moving out now."
Optimus heard the 'clunk' of the squad car's doors closing and the fading away of the diesel engine. He was about to emerge from the underside of the bridge when he decided to do a final scan for any native life signals in the immediate area. He was surprised when his scanners detected a human energy signature. It was more or less directly above him, and he could not leave the shelter of the bridge until he or she had cleared the area.
Optimus remained where he was, crouching silently on the bridge's supports, ensuring that the structural integrity of the bridge was able to bear his colossal weight. He listened to the human above him, breathing short and sharply. He continued to wait patiently; wondering when the human would move on. Optimus was just about to shift his position underneath the bridge when he heard movement from above him.
There was a quiet shuffling sound mixed in with the shallow breathing of the native organic. Optimus paused, extending the range of his audio receptors another few feet to pick up even the tiniest of sounds. For a few seconds there was nothing but silence, and Optimus began to think it was not a human but another carbon-based lifeform, one that was considered a lower being than a homo-sapien. Then there was a sharp whooshing of air; and the sound of something creating resistance as it fell.
Optimus stuck his right hand out instinctively, and something fell with a soft 'thump' into his outstretched metal palm. He brought his hand closer, cradling it to his chest and supporting it with his other hand. Nestled in his large hand was a tiny human female. She looked up at Optimus, a confused expression making its way onto her face. Then her eyes rolled back into her head, and she fell back limply into his palm. Optimus scanned her quickly, determining that she still had a heartbeat. Satisfied, Optimus stopped the scan and took in the young female's features with curious optics.
She was small, only 154cm in length. Her hair was a deep auburn colour and fell about her shoulders in loose, long waves. There was a small spattering of freckles over her cheek and nose, on a canvas of skin that was alabaster pale. Her hands were tiny, with long slender fingers. Her eyes abruptly flickered open again, revealing deep green pools that Optimus found himself easily sinking into. The young female looked directly into his optics, making Optimus feel like she was gazing into the very depths of his Spark itself. Her small torso expanded slightly as she inhaled, and then shrank again as she let the air out of her lungs. Her eyes closed again; unconsciousness claiming her once more.
Optimus carefully transferred the tiny girl to his left hand – his hand of choice and the dominant one. He scanned the bridge once more for any signs of the native life-forms, but found none. Cradling his left hand against his chest, he began to move from support to support, until he was clear of the bridge. He made his way down the rock-face, sending small cascades of rock down into the gushing river below.
He came to a stop on the river bed, about one hundred yards away from where the water met the land. The petite girl in his hand was breathing shallowly and her heart sounded like it was trying to break free from her chest. Optimus lowered himself into a kneeling position, careful not to dislodge any native plant life. He put his right hand under his left so that it was fully supported, and with the utmost gentleness, lowered the girl to the floor. He laid her head on a patch of green moss so that it would not be resting on the hard rocks. He then set about scanning her to ascertain whether or not she had any injuries. To his dismay his scan revealed three deep lacerations on her left forearm. He gently manipulated the affected arm out of her jacket and examined it closely.
Her arm looked so tiny as he grasped it between his thumb and index finger. He started to clean up the blood as best he could, but with no access to his holoform for the time being, his large fingers made treating her wound a rather cumbersome task.
He reached into a shallow (for him) part of the river and cupped a small amount of water in his huge hand. He poured it onto the girl's injured arm, and the water washed away the rich red blood. Fresh blood started to seep through the deep cuts, and Optimus lightly pressed the tip of his fingers onto the wound. He had gleaned the appropriate first aid treatment from the global information hub that the humans called the 'Internet'. He continued to apply light pressure until he no longer felt the blood beating like a pulse against his fingers.
Then the girl awoke.
.o
The first thing that Cordelia was aware of when she woke up was the tremendous pain on the inside of her skull. Then she became aware of the stinging sensation on her left arm, along with something vaguely cold and slightly heavy. She tried to move her arm, but the huge thing pressing down on it prevented her from doing so.
Something HUGE was looming over her, blocking out the little moonlight that there was. She allowed her gaze to travel from what looked like the titan's head, down the shoulders and past the arm that alone, was the size of a small school bus. Attached to the end of the arm was an enormous metallic hand – the source of the pressure on her arm.
Cordelia's initial reaction was not what one might expect. She looked up at the giant with a somewhat bemused expression on her face, studying his strange and alien features. Every part of his body seemed to be covered in metal, even his 'eyelids'. His eyes themselves resembled LED camera lenses, giving out a soft cerulean blue light. His facial expression looked kind, and Cordelia found that she did not feel frightened of this…being.
His eyes widened as Cordelia met his inquisitive gaze. He relieved the pressure on her left arm, lifting his fingers away, placing his immense hand palm down on the ground next to her. For a few seconds, they just stared at each other, both unsure of how to break the silence.
Cordelia's mouth was dry as she began to speak.
"Am I…am I dead?"
The great titan looked at her in surprise.
"No…I can assure you, you are very much alive. Blood flows through your veins and your temperature is 36.8 degrees Celsius."
His voice reverberated deep within Cordelia's chest, a rich baritone that reminded her of the lowest notes of a Double Bass. It sent shivers down her spine and made the fine baby-like hairs on the back of her neck rise, though not in a bad way.
"Then…where am I? What and who are you?"
It looked like the beginnings of a smile were touching the great robot's lips, but it was hard for Cordelia to tell.
"You are more or less where I found you. I caught you as you fell from that bridge." He motioned with his head towards the high traffic bridge. "As for me, my name is Optimus Prime. I am the leader of a group of sentient robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron. We call our faction 'Autobots'." He waited for the native to take in this information, aware that her soft and organic brain was not as fast as his central processing unit.
Cordelia tore her eyes from his and looked at the bridge, slowly putting the pieces together in her mind.
She looked at Optimus, then at the bridge, and then back to Optimus.
"You…saved me?" Optimus nodded the affirmative. Tears pricked the back of Cordelia's eyes. She struggled to move up into a sitting position, and Optimus slipped his fingers behind her back, helping her to sit up. She recoiled instinctively from his fingers, unable to bear someone else's touch so soon after her father's. "I didn't fall. I jumped."
Optimus' optics widened, and he lowered himself until his great visage was just a few feet above Cordelia's freckled face.
"You jumped? But that goes against…all basic survival instincts. Why would you jump?"
Cordelia rose to her feet, slightly wobbly. Before answering Optimus' question, she reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a roll of white bandage. She proceeded to wrap it quickly around her injured arm, self-conscious of Optimus' piercing optics watching her every movement.
She sighed.
"I jumped because I was intending to kill myself. I didn't want to live—don't want to live anymore."
Optimus laid his hand out on the ground in front of Cordelia. She looked at it confusedly for a few seconds, unsure of what he wanted her to do.
"Please, I won't hurt you. I just want to ensure that you are alright." Cordelia wordlessly stepped onto his broad metal palm and was brought close to his face.
He had an engraving of a strange hieroglyph on his cheek that Cordelia had never seen before. She resisted the urge to touch it. Optimus looked straight into her deep green eyes, and Cordelia felt like he was looking directly into her soul.
"What is your name little one?" Cordelia sat down in his palm, kneeling on her hands for extra support.
"My name is Cordelia…but if you like you can call me Lia. I don't really have a preference."
"Hmm…daughter of the sea?"
"Huh?"
"Your name, I believe it means 'daughter of the sea'."
"Oh, I see. Sorry – I didn't understand right away." Optimus smiled at her warmly.
"May I ask you a question Cordelia?" She nodded, an unsure expression on her face. "Would you be averse to remaining with me? At least for a short while…I do not want you to harm yourself again. Life is a precious thing, and there is always a reason to keep on living Cordelia."
Cordelia found herself breaking down in Optimus' palm. The emotion she'd been holding in poured its way out of her. She didn't care that she was literally breaking down in the hands of a stranger, or that the stranger was a sentient mechanoid life form from a distant planet. This stranger cared about her, and had just ignited a spark of hope within her that she thought had perished long ago.
Optimus became alarmed at the amount of liquid that was leaking from her eyes. He moved his fingertip towards her face, and with all the gentleness he could muster, wiped away Cordelia's salty tears.
"Cordelia! Are you malfunctioning?" To his surprise, Cordelia laughed.
"No Optimus, it's what humans do when they are sad, or sometimes even happy! I'm just a little overwhelmed…that's all." Optimus nodded, satisfied with Cordelia's answer.
Cordelia leaned into his fingers, sub-consciously seeking more tender contact.
Optimus smiled at her.
"I will keep you safe little one."
Those words turned the spark of hope within Cordelia into a flame. A flame that burned brighter with each passing second.
"Okay Optimus. I'll stay with you."
Optimus carried Cordelia into the night, both safe in the knowledge that they were both no longer alone.
"So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me"
Someone's Watching Over Me – Hilary Duff