Lance sighed, leaning back in his desk chair. Why was he even doing this? Making a list wasn't going to make the situation better, it wasn't going to magically make Keith not his roommate…
On the other hand, he thought, glancing over to where Keith was sitting six feet away at his desk and angrily flipping through a text book, maybe it would help to get some of his grievances out on paper.
- Reason number one why Keith's the worst: He took the bottom bunk even though I called dibs the second we got there.
- I left for one second and he's sitting there, on MY bed, watching Netflix or something like the smug little bastard he is…
- Update: I hit my head on the ceiling this morning and I'm officially out for blood.
- Reason number two why he's the worst: Keith plays with his hair… all the time.
- Which wouldn't be annoying except he has a mullet.
- And the more stressed out he gets, the more he'll play with his hair and the messier it ends up…
- Like if you're going to do that at least cut it so it doesn't look like a raccoon died on your head. Seriously…
- I wonder if it's soft or something
- Update: I asked him what hair products he uses, and his response was, I shit you not, "…Shampoo?"
- Shampoo? Everyone uses shampoo, Keith.
- He has to be lying. There's no way his hair naturally looks like that.
- He opened his desk drawer today and I think I saw a knife? Like a big one.
- If I end up as a victim on one of those true crime shows I'm going to be pissed.
- Veronica, if you're reading this, and I've gone missing… it was Keith.
- He forgot my name? On the first day we were here?
- Hunk says I'm being mean by making this list, and that I shouldn't write it down in case Keith finds it, but like, if the guy's going through my stuff he deserves to know what I think about him, right?
- He eats raisin bran, like, straight out of the box. With his hands.
- No joke, today I think I saw him walk out of the bathroom and drink a glass of orange juice… Straight up three seconds after brushing his teeth
- I'm starting to think he's an alien… that's the only explanation.
- Absklajskhaediefaid06E so for parents weekend only one person showed up for him and it was? FUckign, Takashi Shirogane? The famous astronaut?
- Apparently he like adopted Keith as a little brother or something but like seriously wtf
- Update: Shiro is apparently coming here to be a professor along with his fiancé while he recovers from losing his arm.
- Would it be weird if I asked Keith to get me his autograph?
- He has no friends? Like the only time he leaves the room other than for classes is to go to the gym.
- For like 3 hours a day.
- Maybe he meets his friends there, I don't know…
- All I do know is that when he gets back, he looks all hot and sweaty, and I do not appreciate being this attracted to my freak of a roommate.
- PHYSICALLY attracted. There's a difference…
- I walked by his desk on my way to the bathroom today and I swear to god he was watching a youtube tutorial on knife throwing…
- He stays up all night studying with his light on and then gets up at 7 am sharp every morning
- Even on weekends
- HE PUNCHED GRIFFIN IN THE FACE
- After Physics today, Griffin was talking to him or something and the next thing we know he's on the floor and Keith looks about ready to cut a bitch…
- He still isn't back yet
- It's been three hours
- … I hope he isn't expelled. I mean, it'd be nice to have a room to myself, but Griffin's a dick and he probably deserved it
- He just stormed back in and immediately grabbed his gym bag
- I tried to ask why he cracked a kid in the face today but he apparently "doesn't want to talk about it" and "why do you care, Lance?"
- Um because we live together? And he seems stressed out? And if I'm next up on his punch list I kinda want to know.
- Pidge has been inviting him to hang out with us recently.
- This isn't really something against him, but it means I have to deal with him outside of the room, which is kind of annoying.
- But at least now I know the guy can actually laugh…
- …so apparently our mulleted friend here doesn't know what a sock on the doorknob means
- And now Jenny won't reply to any of my texts
- And Keith isn't talking to me…
- I'm going to get Hunk to bake him some cookies as an apology
- …I hope he's not gluten free
- Update: the cookies worked.
- That's not really something I hate about him, but I need to put it somewhere for future reference
- He actually talked to me today? Of his own accord?
- Apparently Shiro's still upset with him for the whole Griffin thing
- Him and his fiancé are just starting at the school as professors and I guess it reflected badly on both of them because they recommended Keith for this school
- I know the feeling
- Last week Veronica told me my calc prof complained to her about my test scores, and that it looks like I'm going to have to do a lot of extra work to make up for it…
- I guess Keith and I are in the same "perfect older siblings" club.
- I told him that and he actually offered to help?
- Surprisingly I don't think he's patronizing me.
- …I think I'm going to accept his offer
- UPDATE:
- I GOT
- A 100 ON THE LAST CALC EXAM
- Keith now officially has first dibs on any batch of cookies Hunk ever bakes me…
- He types too loudly on his computer
- He ran out of Raisin Bran yesterday and came back from the student store with a box of Grape Nut
- GRAPE
- NUT
- He saw me staring at the box and asked if there was a problem and I
- I didn't even know how to respond, because the box of grape nut was stressing me out so much, so I told him his hair looked stupid and went back to my homework
- He has glasses?
- I guess his eyes are "good enough" that he doesn't need to wear them all the time, but still
- He wears the same stupid jacket everyday no matter what temperature it is outside
- Also he has a fanny pack.
- With a knife holder on the back.
- Which (not that I'm complaining of course) totally draws all the attention away from his butt, which I will admit is a fairly cute butt.
- He snores like a volcano
- Whenever he goes to the gym he wears earbuds, but he always takes them out when he gets back, and I've never seen him use them in the room…
- I'm 90% sure he watches Netflix without sound, and just reads the subtitles…
- I'm kind of really curious to know what type of music he listens to now.
- Probably like MCR or something…
- I'm going to play the first note of Welcome to the Black Parade on my phone and see what he does
- HE FUCjiNG WHIPPED AROUDN SO FAST
- I actually thought he was going to fall out of his chair
- "what was that?" um idk Keith, the sound of you being fuckin emo?
- I told him it was a ringtone I was trying out, and he looked like I just told him I was going to scream every time someone walked through the door.
- I think he started to ask me if I knew what that was from but decided against it.
- So naturally I said "It's a good way to see how many closet emos are in the room" and he turned into a tomato oh my god
- "I haven't listened to MCR since I was 13" yeah sure Keith, and I wasn't rockin out to Pitbull in the shower this morning
- UPDATE today when he went to the gym he turned his music up loud enough for me to hear and it was FUCKING KE$HA oml
- Who is this man…
- Okay so I don't think Keith wears cologne, but his side of the room definitely has a distinct Keithy smell that I can't identify.
- Like it's not bad, but I just can't figure out what it is…
- Ocean spray deodorant.
- … it was sitting out on top of his desk, okay?
- I was woken up at 3 this morning to the sounds of crunching, and I looked down to find Keith hunched over his homework, scarfing fistfuls of dry cereal like it was his job…
- I don't think I've ever seen anything more horrifying in my life.
- I'm pretty sure the only piece of clothing he has with any color other than black is his jacket, which frankly… doesn't count.
- So… I saw him at the gym today
- First of all, he was running on the treadmill in jeans.
- But uh, other than that, I guess he doesn't actually meet up with his friends here.
- Which means he has none.
- …I know I'm not the biggest fan of the guy but like
- I ran with him
- Well, maybe not with him, but I went over and challenged him to a treadmill race.
- Which I won obviously.
- No way was I beaten in a race by a mullet in jeans.
- I don't know what made me do it… I guess I just felt bad for the guy
- …Idk maybe he likes working out by himself?
- After the grape nut incident, I'm not surprised by anything this boy does anymore.
- It was kinda fun though, and I have been meaning to hit the gym more often anyway…
- Can't let all of this go to waste after all ;)
- Soo that's probably why I agreed when he said we should work out together more often
- Update: I now know why Keith wakes up at 7 am on weekends.
- And I regret agreeing to work out with him.
- Not that I'm complaining for the gift of watching Keith get all hot and sweaty every couple of days,
- But like, there's a limit to the things I will do for an entirely physical crush.
- Pidge brought up an interesting point today
- Allura's been trying to get us to join fencing lately, and since I've been spending an egregious amount of time in the gym lately it might as well be doing something more interesting than crunches
- Keith… surprisingly agreed? A little too easily I think…
- Aaand now I'm remembering the knife in his desk
- Update on fencing: I love it?
- I always thought I was more of a soccer kinda guy but man are swords fun…
- There are three different kinds of swords apparently, and I think I'm leaning towards foil, but sabre's also pretty fun
- Even if Keith kicked my ass 10 times in a row.
- The guy's like a machine
- If I didn't know better, I'd say he's done this before
- But I do know better because he's the most antisocial person on the planet.
- Until now I guess… because he agreed pretty quickly to come get dinner with us after practice.
- I think at this point it's safe to say he's a member of the friend group now…
- Which means he's a friend in general…
- That doesn't mean I can't still complain about him though, right?
- Friends can still be rivals, I mean what about Leia and Han Solo. They argued all the time in Star Wars…
- I guess they also became a thing at the end but that's beside the point.
- Oh my god Pidge added him to the group chat and I'm pretty sure the only person he's ever texted in his life before now is Shiro
- Example:
- Pidge – movie night at 7, I'm going to need a list of suggestions and everyone that's coming
- Hunk – avengers, and I'm bringing popcorn
- Me – No way! We're totally watching Die Hard.
- Keith – Sure...
- … sure...?
- Who was he saying sure to? Couldn't have been me.
- Who just says "sure" to die hard?
- I'm going to start texting him during class so maybe he'll actually get the hang of it.
- Oh my god
- His phone wasn't on silent
- Hahaaha he looks so mad… I think he's going to actually kill me…
- Nvm he replied
- How is Keith so good at tic tac toe?
- … So hunk asked me if I had a thing for Keith while we were making the popcorn
- After about 5 minutes of me trying to convince myself I heard him right, I assured him that Keith and I are most definitely not, nor will we ever be a thing? Why would he even ask that?
- He says it's because we hang out a lot (Untrue. We're roommates, we have to be around each other so it doesn't count)
- So of course we ended up next to each other on the couch.
- Which is a small couch even considering we were in the common room of the smallest dorm building on campus.
- Of course he got the corner too :(
- Now I'm the one squished between him and Hunk
- Hunk, I love you buddy, but he flails at every jump scare.
- And somehow we got stuck watching a horror movie.
- Halfway through, Keith started getting sleepy, which is weird because 9 times out of 10 he goes to bed after me, and then wakes up before me.
- And the only times he didn't do that were the times he fell asleep on his desk out of pure exhaustion.
- It was kinda cute how his head kept dipping and I almost wanted to put my arm around him…
- For head support of course.
- The guy probably needs all the sleep he can get.
- Of course, he did fall asleep eventually, and of naturally his head landed on my shoulder
- I could've done without the suggestive looks from Hunk and Pidge but it's not like I was going to wake him up.
- September Lance would have done that, but December Lance has a little more respect for the poor guy
- update on the shampoo thing from a while ago: his hair is actually extremely soft
- Keith fell asleep at his desk again.
- He's heavier than he looks.
- Okay I know it's finals week, but I just watched Keith fill his water bottle with straight up black coffee, and then top it off with half a can of red bull.
- I can smell it from here oh my god
- I think Keith might actually die today
- At least I'll get the room to myself I guess, but it's going to be covered in vomit if I see him take so much as one sip of th
- Abskjsaelfwja;o
- HE STARTED CHUGGING IT AND I HAD TO ACTUALLY GET UP AND RIP IT OUT OF HIS HANDS
- He's glaring at me and my shirt is covered in his stupid energy jungle juice but I don't care.
- I think I still might throw up
- Update: it's been 5 hours since the coffee incident and Keith looks like he's going to pass out.
- Still a better alternative.
- We both had our last exams yesterday.
- Of course it was physics, so we got back at the same time.
- He just sorta flopped on his bed and I was so tired I didn't want to climb up top so I went to just lay on the floor but Keith gave me a funny look and grabbed my arm.
- It was kinda weird at first but then he just sort of rolled over and said "don't make it weird"
- So, I didn't.
- I woke up this morning feeling like I slept on a fucking cloud.
- Which is strange because Keith never bothered to buy a mattress pad for his lumpy dorm bed.
- Anyway, apparently Keith radiates heat like a furnace, which was an added bonus on a cold December morning
- Especially one where I didn't have to get up and pack for vacation until noon.
- The weirdest part? Keith stayed in bed until noon too.
- Probably the first time he'd ever slept in in his life.
- It was probably good for him lmao
- If not, it served him right for waking me up at 7 every Saturday to work out.
- As if fencing practice wasn't enough.
- It's Christmas day
- He just sent me a picture of Shiro and Adam passed out on a couch in ugly Christmas sweaters.
- Apparently Shiro put too much booze in the eggnog oh my god
- I think Keith's drunk too because he just said merry Christmas with a heart and an alien head emoji
- It's halfway through winter vacation and I didn't think I would actually miss having a roommate this much.
- So we get back, right? And Keith takes one step through the door and sprints to the bathroom.
- Guess who has the flu?
- I have Hunk making him chicken noodle soup as I write this.
- I can't believe I just had to convince him not to go to the gym.
- Dude has a fever of 103 and he still can't take a break.
- I wanted to ask about the Christmas text, but I guess that can wait until after he doesn't look all pathetic and miserable.
- This has pretty much just turned into a Keith diary but at this point I don't know how to stop…
- SO something weird happened today…
- We were all in the common room studying
- I was flirting with Allura, as usual, but then Keith got up and left the room?
- I found him later sitting by himself at his desk, but when I asked him what was up, he just shut me out.
- I thought we were past that?
- Like come on, I just started considering the possibility that he might be one of my best friends, and now he's back to hating me?
- What did I do?
- Pidge thinks it's because I flirted with Allura but like…
- I do that all the time? Plus, everyone knows I don't mean it… Allura's a great person but she's way out of my league?
- Matt on the other hand I will never stop flirting with, mostly because it annoys Pidge, but ever since his hair got past his shoulders… like damn…
- Actually, come to think of it… I've never seen Keith flirt with anyone?
- I don't even know if he's straight or not.
- … what if he likes Allura
- Oh shit that's gotta be why…
- Update: I asked him if my flirting with Allura bothered him and he got pretty cagey about it, he definitely likes her…
- Which… I don't really know how I feel about that?
- They would definitely make a great power couple sure but… Allura? And Keith?
- She's just so… and he's just so…
- He's a great guy and anyone would be lucky to have him but…
- Like it doesn't even compute in my head.
- … which is probably why he never told me
- Damn
- Update: okay this is definitely my fault for meddling…
- but in my defense, this is the first time keith has ever shown interest in… anyone actually
- So the five of us (me, Keith, Allura, Pidge, and Hunk) were going to the movies right?
- And it was some bad romcom that Allura and Hunk wanted to see
- So of course, I thought perfect opportunity, right?
- Apparently wrong.
- Anyway, for my boy Keith, I decided to pull out all the stops…
- Love Doctor Lance had entered the building ~
- First off, I convinced the two of them to split a large popcorn with me.
- Second, I made sure that the three of us were next to each other, Allura on the outside, Keith in the middle, and me by Hunk.
- Third, I stuck Keith with the popcorn… can't refuse if he's in the middle, right?
- Of course he glared at me, and if I didn't know that he's the densest person on the planet when it comes to this stuff, I would've sworn he looked suspicious.
- Anyway, so I'd set him up perfectly:
- Right next to Allura… the popcorn in his lap… perfect opportunity for some nice romantic hand brushing, right?
- Apparently, Keith is even more dense than I thought.
- 20 minutes into the movie and he hadn't even looked at Allura.
- I'm pretty sure my hand touched his WAY more often than Allura's did…
- Plus he kept elbowing me.
- Sure, I might have started it in hopes that he would figure out my plan with the popcorn
- But 30 minutes in and I'm pretty sure he was trying to break my arm.
- Of course, I couldn't back down… that would be…
- The rest of the movie consisted of Keith making sarcastic comments under his breath and me trying my best not to Lose It
- This continued on until Keith spilled half of the popcorn, and people around us were giving us weird looks – including Allura.
- So we stopped, but that's not even the worst part…
- Ugh I fucked up so bad…
- But anyway, once it ended the five of us got up and Allura, Pidge, and Hunk went to use the bathroom, so Keith and I hung out in the lobby waiting for them.
- Naturally I asked him what the fuck happened in there.
- And he kind of looked at me like I'd pulled a rug out from beneath him
- So, I elaborated.
- And told him how I'd been trying to set up him and Allura, but I guess he's just too thick to notice it.
- And for some reason, he got mad?
- Like I've never seen him this upset before.
- He looked like he wanted to punch me for a minute, but then he just sort of deflated and told me to stop meddling in his love life.
- And when I tried to say something he told me to fuck off and headed for the car?
- I guess he was mad at me for almost ruining his chance with Allura, but like…
- He wasn't exactly doing anything with it in the first place?
- I don't know, it'll probably blow over soon.
- Hopefully he'll realize that I did it because I was trying to help, not because I was trying to make fun of him or something…
- Update: he's been awkward around me for at least a week now, and the others are starting to notice
- Today during practice Allura came up to me and asked me if there was something wrong between us and I didn't know how to answer.
- Ugh this means I have to talk to him right?
- So… I talked to him.
- Boy did I misread this situation….
- After classes today, I cornered Keith in our room before he could book it to the gym, or wherever else he's been hiding from me the past week
- And I told him I was sorry, and I didn't mean to mess up his chances, and yada yada yada…
- And he just sort of stood there and gave me this confused look
- And goes "you really don't get it do you?"
- And okay…. I'm not that dumb. But this time I kinda was…
- Apparently he's gay? Which honestly… I probably should have realized by now.
- I've never seen him look at a girl, and anyone who lives in the same house as Shiro couldn't possibly not be attracted to him,
- But yeah
- Keith's gay.
- I understand now why he was upset…
- I would be too if my best friend was that blatantly oblivious about my sexuality to the point that he tried to set me up with the last person in the group he'd possibly be attracted to…
- I just… I wonder why he never told me before now?
- Maybe he assumed it was obvious, or maybe he's an "if it's not relevant at the time why bring it up" kinda person.
- But I don't know… like he knows I'm bi
- I guess I never came out and said it to his face, but I've flirted with guys around him, and I did tell him about that disastrous date with Rolo…
- But that was mostly to make Nyma jealous anyway
- I guess I just want to know why he never told me, but I'm not about to pick another fight right after I just got him back.
- Oh boy here we go
- Another classic McLain Fuck Up
- So… the past few days we've all been away at the biggest fencing tournament of the year,
- And of course the University went all out, leant us the nice bus (that didn't smell like lacrosse boys), set us up in a nice hotel all weekend, payed for our food – all the stops
- Anyway, so Keith and I shared a hotel room of course and we were kinda setting up for the night - you know big day tomorrow - when pidge bursts in and announces there's apparently a hot tub in the pool area.
- Hell yeah
- So we race down there, and I didn't really think about it until Keith pulled off his shirt, but like I'd never seen him swim before…
- I'd seen him damp from a shower, and covered in sweat from working out, but that's different from nearly-naked-shaking-water-out-of-his-mullet-like-a-dog wet.
- And ho boy was I not prepared
- Like I thought I was physically attracted to him before hellllooo
- And I mean to me this was just another day in the life of Lance, you know? I think most people are hot
- I've been described (by Keith) as someone who flirts with anything on two legs.
- Guilty as charged I suppose ;)
- But I guess he caught me staring at one point, and I think it might have made him uncomfortable because he immediately turned pink and started talking about getting an early night.
- And I was like okay I guess that makes sense even though you don't sleep…
- And I mean I get it, he basically just came out of the closet to me, so he's probably still uncomfortable but it still kinda stung, you know?
- Anyway, we went back to the room, and he was still acting a little weird, kind of like he wanted to say something, but he was holding back, and before I got the chance to ask he jumped in bed and turned off his lamp.
- Needless to say, I didn't get my full beauty sleep, so I was nice and grumpy for the first day of the tournament.
- Basically, it was a full day of kicking ass and taking names
- And yeah, maybe somewhere in the middle Keith and I may have used each other as a pillow when we were supposed to be eating lunch but it's fine, bros do that all the time.
- I'm pretty sure Pidge was actually sleeping on top of Hunk, like a cat
- Anyway, the first day was pretty uneventful other than our crushing victories, and Keith even finished early enough to watch my last match.
- We got back to the hotel and spent about 10 minutes arguing over first shower and then both went to sleep without saying much else.
- The next day though…
- The morning consisted of a lot of warming up, and I didn't get much chance to talk to Keith since he's saber and I'm a foilist,
- But before we all went off to our spots for the direct elimination round, he came up to me and wished me luck.
- It was pretty sweet actually.
- But anyway, the second day of the tournament is when everything gets harder. You're one on one instead of as a team, and everyone's at least a foot taller than you with more years of experience
- So it was a little stressful, but we were there to have fun.
- I got knocked out in the second round of direct elimination, but my first guy was apparently a nationally ranked fencer, so I felt pretty good about myself.
- Keith on the other hand… well we all knew he was a monster, even I could admit that.
- He was in his third direct elimination round when I ran over to watch, and boy did he go hard.
- I almost felt bad for his opponent, because as someone with a lot of experience fencing against Keith, he does not believe in going easy on anyone
- Of course, we were cheering our heads off, Pidge actually sitting on hunk's shoulders
- Even though he fought vicious, it was still a close match, so when he stepped off the strip and signed the paper we all rushed over to congratulate him.
- This was where I fucked up
- It might have been due to the adrenaline coursing through my own veins, or the excitement of Keith crushing a C rated fencer, but I ran in and hugged him.
- And I'm talking, swept him off his feet and twirling him around, hugged him.
- And you know what? It felt good
- Keith wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and grinned at me as I set him down…
- But the look of bliss on his face lasted about 5 seconds, and when his face fell, I felt my heart go with it
- … I
- I don't really know what happened, but Keith shoved away from me with a wounded expression, and I felt something in my chest fracture a little
- Maybe it's because we'd gotten so close, maybe it's because the last thing I wanted to do was make the situation worse, but I felt terrible.
- I don't think anyone else noticed because less than a second later he was swept up in a group hug by the others, and by the time they let go the refs were tapping their feet, ready to get on with the next match.
- I wanted to say something so bad, but he was already walking toward the starting line.
- He lost.
- It was a decent fight, and no one could criticize him, his opponent was A rated after all, but you could still tell there was something wrong.
- Or at least I could, he probably just looked tired to anyone else.
- This time when he stepped off the strip everyone still rushed up to him to tell him how well he did, but I hung back
- I was scared to know what he would do if I tried to rush up there like the others.
- When we got back to the hotel, Keith immediately grabbed his bathing suit.
- I was tempted to follow him, but he shot me a look that even I couldn't misconstrue
- So naturally I went to Pidge and Hunk's room to complain and see if either of them had any clue what to do.
- This was my second mistake
- Not nearly as big as the first, but I really don't know what I expected.
- Pidge burst out laughing, and Hunk shushed her after I told them.
- Then Hunk said, and I quote; "there's a really really easy solution to this whole mess, but it's definitely not my place to tell you…"
- Pidge opened her mouth like she was going to tell me anyway, but Hunk clapped a hand over it and waved me out of the room.
- Betrayed by my own two friends
- I thought about talking to Allura, but I thought it might be weird after the whole movie thing
- So I went back to the room… and maybe I pretended to be asleep when Keith got back, but he didn't need to know that.
- The bus ride back the next day was pretty awkward.
- I was surprised that Keith still chose to sit with me, but I almost wish he hadn't because the whole 3 hour bus ride was just weird after that.
- We should've been joking around!
- Bragging about how well we did!
- Not pretending we weren't sitting less than a foot apart…
- It's been a day since we got back and idk what to do.
- He's gone back to avoiding me
- I
- You know what? This whole thing is getting out of hand.
- We're roommates… we're friends
- If he wasn't going to talk to me then who?
- Okay, probably Shiro, but… still.
- I'm going to talk to him.
- Keith is many things…
- He's a work-out-aholic
- He's a grape nut enthusiast for reasons I'll never understand.
- He doesn't know the difference between hair gel and mousse…
- But above all… he's a really bad kisser
- And I mean really bad.
- It didn't help that he tasted like a protein bar either.
- But it was still probably the best goddamn kiss I've ever had.
- He's sitting 6 feet away from me at his desk, trying to get through the work we missed while we were at the tournament, but I keep seeing him glancing at me and asklafnakjdj
- He's going to be terrible for my grades.
- Update: he's not terrible for my grades turns out calculus is much more interesting when there's a reward system.
- He's still a bad kisser…
- …but he's also a fast learner.