Hot Damn: Tentacle Testicles
Disclaimer: )We are sexy( We do not own Harry Potter ( Or Draco. But tentacle rape monster is ours! –evil cackling-
Summary: Everyone KNOWS Harry and Draco hate one another! OR DO THEY? Wait. They do. Lots of angry angsty butt sex inside! (I wonder who the two sexing it up will be! cough cough)
Author's Notes: Mmkays, so I wrote this with my friend, Cassie! So this is a major joint story, written for our amusement. It's stupid, its fun, and there's no plot, so enjoy!
And anything written )like this( is meant to have a strikethrough through it. Since we were writing it ourselves, we'd write little comments everywhere. So, keep that in mind!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday: Second day of school! Potions!
Harry walked in with his two )slaves( Friends. (We meant to say friends, honest! Really! Stop looking at us like that! STOP! WHY ARRE YOU STILL LOOKING!)
ANYWAYS.
"So, Hermione, this is where we part ways!"
"Harry! Ron doesn't have potions! I DO!" Hermione said in reply to Harry's words.
"Oh yeah," Harry said.
"Haha!" Ron said.
"RAWR!" Said Snape.
"AHHHHH," Said Harry, Ron, and Hermione really loudly. Ron ran away (he didn't want to risk wetting himself in front of Snape. And really, who would? Creepy hook nosed bas-)
"Haha, loserfaces" Snape said. "Yes, your faces are very loser" Snape coughed loudly.
"Are you implying I'm ugly?" Harry asked, looking very )emo( sexy.
"I'm implying you have a small dick, dumbass!"
"How'd you get that from faces? And losers?" Harry asked, quite confused now. Hermione interjected before he could continue with his act of confusion.
"You should have said penis," Hermione interjected. "You should be setting a good role for us students! We use enough slang as it is! Wanna shag?"
"Okay!" Snape said. Snape needed to get laid. (Which would soon be fixed!)
Snape and Hermione ran away! (To shag, in case you're wondering). Harry walked into the Potions classroom, and everyone stared at him.
"What?" Harry asked. Everyone snickered.
"You've lost something," Blaise said helpfully, eyeing Harry.
"OHNOES!" Said Harry, thinking he had gone to class without his pants on. (How had Snape (or anyone for that mater!) missed that?)
But no! Harry was minus a shirt! (Once again, how did that happen?)
"That's HOT said Draco."
All the students began attacking each other, all wanting a piece of Harry. (Yes, like that!)
"Let's make potions!" Draco said. (Not like that.)
"OKAY," everyone said, momentarily forgetting about Harry.
SO, everyone started making potions.
"This is crazy! Making potions sounds like making babies, love, and other things that shall remain unnamed!" Harry said, suddenly.
Everyone stared at Harry.
"Indents are hot," said Draco. "Like Harry!"
"What?" Asked Harry.
"This story lacks them," said Draco.
"Oh," Harry said, understanding dawning on him (not like that!). "And you're hot too!" (Because, well, Draco is.)
"Let's get Cassie to write now," said the not-yet-created tentacle rape monster.
All the kids made potions. But then, two potions fell to the floor and mixed together as they had super duper potion incest! Potion 'cest, we shall call it for short, as when you shorten things, it makes for less typing, and really, who wants to type a lot? It's like people who write one shots! Less typing, less thinking, and everyone is happy!
So, like, these two potions mixed together, yeah, and like, the giant sex beast ate all of the kids except Harry and Draco, yeah, like, yeah.
"Wow," said Harry. "That monster ate half my pants!"
"Too bad it was the bottom half of the pants," Draco pouted.
"And look!" Harry said, who was looking. "It ate your pants too! Even the top half!" Harry exclaimed.
"Luckily, I'm wearing a robe overtop, because pants are muggle clothes that we only wear in the movies," Draco said matter of factly.
"Moobies?" Asked Hary, thinking Draco had mad a reference to man boobies (moobies!)
"No, movies! In which we are forced to wear muggle clothes!" Draco mad a look of mock disgust.
"I see."
"Yes."
"Mann gegen mann."
"What?"
"Yum."
"What?" Asked Draco. Again.
"Mann gegen mann means man against man. In German! And yes, like that." Harry slapped his two hands together in demonstration.
"Like what?" Draco asked.
"This!" Harry demonstrates once more. But in a way that involved Draco!
Whatever you were thinking would happen… happens! (By the way, we mean they have lots of kinky butt sex. Like bondage. And bunny ears. The tentacle rape monster jerked off (masturbated) to it, wishing he had a camera.)
They stopped having kinky butt sex right before the tentacle rape monster orgasmed. So he got all angry and raped them with his tentacles.
"No, please not so hard, tentacle rape monster!" Screamed Draco. Harry didn't mind being raped so much, and enjoyed listening to Draco screaming.
"Okay," said the monster, pulling out a bottle of lubricant. "Super duper lube 2 000, available at your nearest grocery store."
"Your Sponsor?" Asked Harry.
"How'd you know?" Asked the monster. "And hey, looksie here, you passed the test! I'll stop now."
"We need more tentacle rape," said Cassie, who is now a Hogwarts student in Hufflepuff.
"Eww, Hufflepuff," Cassie said.
"Fine, Ravenclaw!"
"Noo, I only got a 90 on that last test!" Wailed Cassie.
"How about Gryffindor?"
"Griffindorks," Cassie said with a role of her eyes.
"Slytherin?"
"Okay!"
"Ehh," said. "Back to that more tentacle rape thing you mentioned? I'd just like to point out that me and Draco are sexier."
"Draco and I!" Draco said.
":(" Said Harry.
"♥," Said Draco.
"Okay, I think we should end the story now and start writing one about… I forget. I had an idea earlier," said Cassie.
"Okay!" Said Tammi, who was also a Slytherin student.
OMG THE END. :3
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hope that made you go WTF, WTH, and WTP (what the poo) many times over! Review if you liked it! And sorry for the shortness. It was hard writing it. We had like 56 456 711 021 people trying to read it while we were writing And ehh, this is all a joke/for fun, so nothing offensive was intended! ♥
And yay, look! Reviews! –does the happy dance-