Okay. This story has been created for the sole purpose of easing my writer's block. It isn't exactly a hardcore story, so please PM me about any mistakes you find throughout the thing. O_o Hopefully it makes enough sense for you to enjoy… it's a funny diary thing with Nico.

Also, this is my fic any my fic only. While some suggestive ideas were retrieved from a friend of mine, I wrote this and worked hard on this and after my last fic in the PJO archive being plagiarized, I am telling you straight out that I am officially all business and plagiarism will not be taken kindly too.

Disclaimer: PJO is not mine.

A Day in the Life of Nico

Okay. I'm being perfectly honest here. Documentaries are just not my thing. Hades, I don't even know if what I'm doing is a documentary. And I seriously hope so, 'cause in order to graduate English, alas! I need a documentary! The Zues damned things. Documentaries. I don't even know what they are, for crying out loud! My English classes these days tend to go like this:

Me: *thinking about death*

Guy next to me: *is picking nose and flicking boogers on me*

Me: *grumble* Hades damned kid rot in the Underworld…

Teacher: Nico! Are you paying attention?

Me: Nope.

So you can see my problem here. I've never really understood the meaning, in general, of a documentary; it makes me think of those stereotypical ghost movies where they're lying in bed and BAM instant death. And then all these dudes are running around at the scene of the crime (the people's bedrooms for crying out loud) and in the end they 'document' it or whatever. I mean, I am perfectly aware how 'doom and gloom' I am, and that if I'm right about the whole 'documentaries are recording ghost stories' kinda thing, then obviously I'll get an A. Except, something I've come to except long ago, is that I'm always wrong. At least, with school stuff anyway. And, according to dearest Annabeth who got me in all this school shit in the first place, 'graduating high school will make me so much happier.' Now I definitely doubt that. I have no idea how sitting around in a crammed up desk with a bunch of other smart-ass 12th graders who think of you as an emo/goth dude for seven hours a day September through June is going to make me happy. And what do I get out of it in the end? A diploma. Yep. You heard me. A freaking piece of paper with a ribbon to somehow make all that misery okay.

Of course, I've never been one to fight for my happiness, something easily, and correctly, assumed the second you look at me. I'm just a godsdamned angel. Obviously everyone's happiness is more central to me than my own. 'Cause I'm just a giving person like that. I could never blow chunks of my own happiness due to a wrong choice ensuring the happiness of others… because that's damned masochistic.

So here I am, a schoolboy, with all my living glory because Annabeth is now satisfied. But frankly, I don't know how much longer I can hold out. It takes some serious fuckery to get Nico Di Angelo to attend school for nine whole months.

It'll get so bad that I'll be sitting there, cursing my gola off trying to find a stupid documentary I could use for a stupid report, and I'll start banging my head against the keyboard repeatedly, which doesn't help at all because not only does it hurt my head, but I doubt there are any good documentaries titled 'ghygtgruhyuiyt' either.

And that's how my day started out. So I could graduate and get out of this whole school mess once and for all I had spent about two long, clueless hours on Annabeth's computer looking for a documentary, banging my head on the keyboard.

Of course, I could never get some peace and quiet, because despite the fact that this was CLEARLY labeled, 'HADES' and this was most obviously the HADES cabin because all the grass surrounding it was dead, people still thought they could just flaunt themselves in and about my private cabin and mess with my head.

Especially when all I wanted was a stupid documentary.

Anyway…

First visitor: Annabeth.

Scenario:

Her: Hey Nico, how're ya holding out?

Me: Stinky. Do you think you could help me with finding a good-

Her: Ya know, maybe if you found love you wouldn't be so gloomy all the time. I mean, all you need is to get your freak on with some hot bitch for a night or two.

Me: *mouth drops open* What?

Her: Get your freak on.

Me: *horrified* ...Riiiight… *Slams head on keyboard repeatedly.* Oh what has this world come to?

And then of course Annabeth yells me out for hurting her dear old computer even though she was the one who freaking invaded the Hades cabin. Let me tell you, as much as I needed that computer for the documentary incident (I'm not even going to waste my time on that calling it 'documentary' anymore. Let's just call it the D-word) that girl had some serious pwnage going on. She took the laptop away, even though she'd already promised me she'd let me borrow it whenever I needed it for school work, such as the D-word. Then she stormed out angrily because all she wanted to do was 'help me find love.'

But seriously? At 10am on a Saturday morning? That's just mad.

So now I didn't have a decent laptop anymore to help me find a good D-word, so basically things were going majorly suckish so far today, and it was only ten in the morning. How was I supposed to find a good D-word for the project without a computer?

Sometimes the world just seriously hates me. I mean, I dunno what I ever did except for care for other people's happiness, so this was just cruel fate.

And I'm being perfectly honest here that in that time after Annabeth left with the computer, I even cried. I mean… not a lot. I just shed a few tears.

Now see here. I am perfectly manly in every way. But when all I want to do is graduate high school so I don't have to deal with that crap anymore, and someone (i.e. the person who got me into this whole school mess in the first place) takes away the computer that is the key to helping me find a D-word that is the key to helping me pass English, then please don't blame me fore shedding a few tears. Or banging my head against the wall.

Anyway, the point is that I was a really tortured soul at that moment, when BAM. Visitor number two shows up. Again, with what I was saying about all the visitors, this cabin was clearly PROPERTY OF CHILDREN OF HADES. In other words: Me.

Visitor #2: Percy.

Scenario:

Percy: Hey there Nicster, I'm just here for some general chillage… *flops down onto my bed* This smells like death.

Me: *sheds a few more tears* D-words… I need to find a freaking D-word!

Percy: …

Me: goddamned school and all its D-word glory. I bet all the other kids in that class already found a nice, informing D-word and are already half-way through their projects. But me…? Nope! I can't find a good D-word! *is delirious*

Percy: *gets up and backs away slowly* Riiight. And what word is the D-word, might I ask?

Now before I go any further, when I re-do the whole scenario in my head, Percy was totally thinking something along the lines of: He wants to find a nice, informing DICK? All the other kids already found good dicks and are half-way through their 'projects'? Riight… Nico's kinda lost it so I think I'll just back away casually now… *backs away*

Me: *answering the question asking what word the D-word is* Documentaries.

Percy: *practically falls to the floor with relief* Dude, no more calling it the D-word, okay. You don't realize how bad that sounds.

Me: Um. Okay.

Percy: So why are you looking to find a documentary anyway?

Me: Well as you know Annabeth has dragged me back into high school in order to graduate, and in order to pass English I need to get an A on this project which requires me to find a good documentary to base the project on. Not only do I not even know what a documentary is, but Annabeth took away the computer I was using to find one. So basically I am dead meat.

Percy: Is that why you were crying?

So at that point I was thinking something along the lines of, 'crap. He saw.' Because honestly, things were not going on my side today. But after all, I am titling this thing, 'A day in the life of Nico' so of course I have to include every single detail that happened to me today, including that Percy saw me cry.

Which sucks. Epically.

Anyway, there I was getting all riled up about this stupid fucked up documentary and Percy was standing there laughing his ass off at me as I silently fumed cusses.

Fun!

"You cried," Percy said, "Because you needed a computer and didn't have one."

"Yes." I said, slightly defiantly. I mean this guy was getting a kick out of my misery. Well after all, I'm only here to please. *grumble*

Percy laughed even more, if that's possible. "And you can't get your hands on one?"

I pouted at him, wringing my hands together stressfully. Might as well ham things up.

Long story short: Percy laughed some more, I got more pissed, and then he told me about the 'Camp Half-Blood Computer.'

I fumed, and let me tell you, it was a damn scary sight. The whole cabin got all shadow-y and chilly and what-not and I roared. Loudly, too. "You mean to tell me that there's a CAMP HALF-BLOOD COMPUTER?"

Percy nodded. I said nothing. Let him be scared, the jerk.

I glared at him evilly 'till, without any words, he shrugged and left the cabin.

Bastard.

Even though, to be honest, this was all kinda my fault. I mean, if I hadn't segregated myself from the rest of the camp in the first few years when I was still all depressed, (well, more depressed than currently, at least) I would totally be in the loop. Then I would know shit like, 'Camp Half-Blood Computer.'

This world was messed up. Anyway, I left my cabin, and locked the door behind me. I didn't want to walk in again only to be reminded that my love life epically sucks compared to Percy.

You see, in this world, there are a few kinds of people. There's the kind where you can look at them, and instantly tell what dirty thoughts are running through their mind. I mean, for example, whenever I go down to the underworld, about one good fourth of the souls there are reminiscing of their olden days, (as in, when they were alive) when they had these great romances and sex lives. I mean, think. If you were dead, and had been for the last century, stuck in the underworld growing corn or whatever, you, too, would spend the majority of your time daydreaming about all the times you'd seen your girlfriend/boyfriend naked… all the times you got busy, back in the good old days when you were alive…

Anyway, my point is, I can't spend more than an hour down there at a time because, being a sun of Hades, I can read all the dirty thoughts and memories those dead people are thinking about, and it seriously scars me for life.

I mean, one would think that you could cut a guy some slack whenever he's having dirty thoughts. But because Hades is all mystical and godly powerful, he can, obviously, read my thoughts. And every time I go down there to see him, he ALWAYS catches me having dirty thoughts. Except, the thing is, it's not my fault! I most definitely didn't deserve getting so yelled at for re-thinking the mental images in my head that I caught the dead Prince Charming thinking. God, they were hot, and obviously pretty accurate because this is Prince freaking Charming we're talking about, the one who's in all the stories with sexy princesses. So the usual routine when I go down there is pretty pissy. I read some dead guys pervert-y thoughts, Hades reads my mind which is thinking about the pervert-y thoughts the dead guy thought, and then said Hades yells the shit at me. But for Zues' sake, does no one think to yell the shit out of THE DEAD DUY WHO WAS ACTUALLY THINKING THE THOUGHTS IN THE FIRT PLACE? Nope.

The thing is, Hades isn't really a rational guy.

"Nico," he says to me, "Do you honestly think the whole, 'dead guy corrupted my brainwaves' excuse works?"

Of course I don't, but I can't exactly say to Hades, "Yeah, well, hot naked bodies aren't exactly an image you forget!"

So I just shrug and nod my head, and Hades yells at me for two hours straight.

That's the system every time I go down to the underworld.

Stupid dead guys and their dirty thoughts. I needed some mind soap.

Anyway, back to the point from long, long ago when I said that there are a few kinds of people in this world. There's the kind where you look at them, and can instantly tell they're having dirty thoughts, ghost or living person, being able to see in their head or not, and can tell that they have/had pretty radical love lives. Like you know, hopeless romantics.

Then there's the kind who are just totally dead ends in the romance business. And when I say dead end, I mean you see a girl, and then your mind automatically goes into the DOES OT COMPUTE stage. Yep. That's me. I mean, I certainly don't look like a love guru. I mean, really. I'm this goofy looking seventeen year old who's never had a girlfriend and his always surrounded by death. I used to collect cards things, for God's sake! I know about a lot of things, like life after death and that school sucks, but definitely not romance.

A guy who knows about romance thinks that life after death speaks of the power of seduction life holds over women.

A guy who knows about romance works as an Abercrombie model and walks around making a muscle.

A guy who knows about romance would never, ever go within two feet from collectable cards.

A guy who knows about romance is NOT Nico Di Angelo.

And that's the thing. The two kinds of people in this world are the ones who know about romance, (with the dirty minds) and the ones who don't.

So honestly, it's pretty sad for me that whenever I go visit my dear father I get blasted with sex scenes from hundreds of dead guys at once. I mean, seriously, especially for a guy who knows he will never get something like that going on with him, that is WAY torturous.

I mean, even Percy has a love life. With Annabeth, who was kind of right that I need to get my freak on with some hot bitches for Pete's sake. I'm like a dead lump.

Anyway, last time I left my cabin and didn't lock the door, I returned to find Percy and Annabeth making out on the couch. OF THE HADES CABIN.

Seriously, the world is out to get me. The world is like, 'Hey fellow dead guy! Let's torture Nico by sending dirty thoughts into his brain whenever he visits the underworld.' And 'Hey Annabeth! Let's torture Nico by going into this own private cabin and making out on his couch! Fun right?'

They're just taunting me. They're just reminding me of the fact that I'm romantically impaired.

I mean seriously, why were theyin the HADES cabin? Gods.

Anyway, that's exactly why I locked the door when I left my cabin to go over to Chiron to ask to use the Camp Half-Blood Computer to find a documentary. Because I did NOT want a repeat of returning to my own private mojo only to see Percy Annabeth making out in there. No. That was a big no-no. So you see, door lockage comes in use. ALWAYS LOCK YOUR DOOR.

Anyway, I made my way over to Chiron's fancy little chilling area, mentally practicing how I would ask him to use the computer. I would get him to take pity on me. I would explain the whole D-word situation.

At least, I thought, he would take pity on me, but here's how it went:

Me: Hey Chiron. So I'm hearing about this Camp Half Blood Computer-

Chiron: YOU heard about it? Who gave it away?

Me: Huh?

Chiron: Kronos damnit you weren't supposed to know!

Me: *is offended* Well Chiron, it takes some serious fuckery to keep something from me. Anyway- *gets stomped on by Chiron's hoof* What was that for?

Chiron: Boy, you curse too much. It's about time I stomp some sense into you.

Me: Um… Okay…? Anyway, I have this stupid school which has assigned me with this stupid project, in which I need a STUPID documentary for (no way was I calling it the D-word in front of someone else again, because I didn't want to scar Chiron or myself any further) so can I please use the camp computer?

Chiron: I'll give you scarring! *stomps both my feet with his stupid hooves* You complain a lot.

So then I was like, in utter shock that I'd accidentally said the 'no way was I calling it the D-word in front of someone else again, because I didn't want to scar Chiron or myself any further' remark out loud. Is every moral I've been raised knowing a lie? Has every single thing I've ever thought in my head been said out loud for the world to hear?

And then Chiron and I went back and forth a bit, bickering like gossipy old ladies. Like the Fates, perhaps. We argued about how I was a smart-ass, how he always stomped on people, that kind of stuff.

Yet, all that being said, Chiron is my man. He's the awesome-est person I know, calling everyone out on their shit. Even Dionysus. And no one calls Dionysus out on his shit. Except Chiron. He just kicks ass in every aspect of the world. I mean, the guy chills out in his chillage area all day, and SEES things. And uses it against you.

So anyway, Chiron told me the art of documentaries and all that, lent me the camp computer, (thank the gods… I was about to have a migraine from need-of-computer), and helped me find a good documentary. Then, besides eating, I basically just worked on my project the rest of the day.

…And that was a day in the life of Nico Di Angelo.

*woo* Done. Hopefully the whole thing in general makes sense… or at least made you laugh. xD Reviews make me smile. Tell me if I should keep this a one-shot or continue, while you're at it.

~fRANkiEGirL61