sometimes. everything just seems so...
Get it out
"Seriously Kai, you have to talk about it someday". He glared the raven haired boy.
"Why? There is no need" Rei shook his head at him, but it didn't make any difference since he was already walking out.
He left the house too. No reason to stay inside, and he felt a bit restless anyway. Soon he started jogging, because it didn't help his anxiousness. Then he started running, trying to clear his head with the speed. He didn't feel bad. Why would he, he hadn't been close to his cousin to begin with. So it made no difference if the guy was dead. Besides, he had died peacefully while his sleep to aneurysms or something. A vein blowing up in his brain. As a kid, they had spend few summers playing together, and it hadn't been bad. But there was nothing deeper there, they hadn't even talked in months, and even when they had, it had been just formal small talk.
He slowed down. He was in the middle of a busy business street. He looked around and shrugged. Then continued walking onward. There was nowhere special he wanted to go, so he could just fine keep on going.
He turned to an alley. He tried not to, but he kept thinking of his cousin. He sighed and went to lean on the wall, craning his head back so the back of his head was touching the dirty wall. But that was okay, he would go to shower anyway once he would go back. He closed his eyes. Yes, he could easily recall the fun they had had. But he didn't regret the distance that had grown between them.
He grew frustrated. Because he was sad. And he didn't want to be. He had his life to live, future to plan and team to couch. Suddenly he pushed himself away from the wall and with the same movement, smashed his fist to the wall. When the physical pain flashed through him, he smirked. It helped. Cleared his head. He was a fool getting emotional over something like that. He was fine. He just needed to shook himself to stop the whining.
A week passed. He had noticed some problems. He was snappy. Even if he tried, he had hard time reigning his anger. And he would be annoyed because of the smallest things. He tried to say it was nothing, but he had noticed he was spacing out when he shouldn't and choking Tyson became more and more close to actually happening. He felt over energetic and tense, but he was too tired to go for a jog or gym or train. He was constantly frustrated, more to himself of being odd that others for being jerks. After all, they were jerks always but he should be different.
He was in the kitchen. He had a bottle of soda in his hand, and he was absentmindedly playing with it's cork while gazing out of the window. Then Rei walked in. they hadn't talked since he had walked away from Rei earlier.
"How are you doing?" he snapped to attention and turned his head to look at Rei with a frown
"Never been better". There was sarcastic edge to his voice, but at the same time he felt a clog in his throat, choking him slightly. Rei's eyes shone with worry, and the younger boy tilted his head
"Wanna talk?" he snorted and looked out of the window again, fingers still playing with the cork
"About what? Everything should be just fine ,right?" his voice got pissed tone to it. he hated it. The feeling he had. He had to bite his lip to stop it from quivering. He heard Rei walking closer.
"Everything is not fine. I can see that. And I bet you feel it too" he closed his eyes. He didn't feel sad, he didn't feel like crying, and his eyes were definitely getting moist.
"I have no idea what you are talking about." he forced his voice neutral. Rei put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze.
"Your relative died. Someone you care"
"We used to play together as kids. That doesn't mean a thing anymore." the hand stayed on his shoulder. He wanted to shook it away. But one of his hand was clenching the bottle and the other was wrapped around the cork, both hands so tense the knuckles were white. And holding onto tight was right now the only way he was holding his feelings in check. He feared that if he let go, his tears would force their way out of his eyes. Even if his eyes were closed.
"Don't do that to yourself. You are hurting, admit it and let it go." he shook his head. But he didn't trust his voice anymore. The emotion he heard in Rei's voice, the worry and comfort, lowered his walls, whether he wanted it to happen or not. Rei sighed. "It's like a inflated wound. You can ignore it, but the pain stays, and the inflation spreads wider." he opened his eyes and looked at Rei.
"Let's say you are right. But why would I be sad. Why does it hurt?" Rei sighed and scratched his head, thinking.
"Even if you hadn't been in contact, you at least used to like him. If he never did something bad, why would you have stopped liking him? The fact you drifted apart doesn't mean you stopped liking each others." he looked at his hands, and for a while, simply focused on relaxing them and letting go of the items. He flexed his hands and once they felt normal again, he looked at Rei again.
"Fine. It hurts. Happy now?" Rei shook his head again, but this time he had a little smile on his face
"You don't get it. Of course I am not happy that you are happy. But I am glad that you finally admitted it. You have been a bit irrational lately. Even Tyson started getting worried" he smirked
"For his life I bet" Rei chuckled softly. Then to his surprise Rei ruffled his hair.
"Be honest to yourself, even if you don't let others know how you feel." he was silenced for a while. There was something comforting in the gesture. Just like there would be no wall or distance between them. Like Rei would accept him with everything he was. Even if he had hard time accepting it himself. He closed his eyes briefly. And let it come. He stopped running away from it. Apparently there was nothing wrong with what he felt. He wasn't an idiot for getting emotional about loosing his cousin. He opened his eyes and looked up at Rei, who was looking him questioningly. He got up from the chair, and stood right in front of Rei. Who just looked at him, waiting, not moving away, not pushing him, letting him find his own way, but being there to help him if he needed it. He felt tears starting falling down. He thought it was shameful to cry in front of someone else, but he silenced himself. Disinfecting stings.
When the tears spilled, for a moment the amber eyes widened in shock, but then they softened, getting a tender look in them, and carefully Rei hugged him. When a sob escaped him, he wrapped his arms around Rei, accepting the support and comfort, and letting the pain and loss out and open. And in time, he did start feeling better, and returned to his normal self.
explanations aren't necessary. if you don't understand, don't worry, I won't explain it. make up whatever you want with the story