In which Soul and Maka replace their couch, Soul gets a rude awakening to Kid's preferences, and we learn more of the pair's history.

The couch was in tatters.

The red cushions had been shredded by Blair's continuous stretching (during which she clawed at the couch), Soul's nightmare transformations during movie marathons, and the shards of glass thrown everywhere when BlackStar jumps through the window. The springs were broken and showing from the time the pair tried to do kung fu on the couch. There were stains, holes, and even burn marks from Soul trying to cook a dinner skillet.

They agreed never to speak of that night again. Ever.

"Hey, Maka?" Soul grimaced, gingerly walking to the bathroom.

"What? I'm in the middle of Deathly Hallows, so make it quick!"

"Um, we need a new couch. Ours just stabbed me in the ass. Again. And haven't you read that book like twenty times?"

"Fifty-three. Gets better every time."

"Only. It's the same every time."

"Shut up. And I'm sure Kid wouldn't mind stabbing you in the ass..."

Soul froze. "WHAT?" He reddened, not exactly blushing, then paled. Where the hell did that come from?!

"Kidding. Let's go get a new couch."

"No, no, no no no. What do you mean, Kid wouldn't mind stabbing me in the ass?" Soul was confused. What in Death's name was going on here?

Maka blinked owlishly at him. "You really are an idiot sometimes. Besides, I was kidding." She pulled her black trench coat off its hook and put her arms through the sleeves. "If you really want to know, Soul, then look at my dad and Stein."

The fuck? Stein and Spirit were partners. What about their relationship would enlighten him?

Oh.

Their relationship.

"Oh. Oh. OH!" Soul's eyes widened in a mix of terror, shock, and confusion. "B-b-b-buh-buh Liz... Patty... Crona... Whaaaaaat?" The scythe was left on the porch sputtering. "WHAT?!"

(-)

Soul still didn't (or rather, couldn't) believe Maka. The idea that Kid, mister follow-the-rules-by-the-rulebook-rule-follower, mister straight and narrow, was any less straight than an arrow was alien to Soul. "So, what you're saying..."

Maka nodded, holding onto Soul with one arm and trying to pull her hair into her signature pigtails with the other. Death knows she was not going to let go while she was on that infernal thing, that death trap. She had no idea why he had wanted the stupid machine. He had already been to the hospital twice because of it, once for a shattered femur, and again for...

'Nope. Not going to think about that.'

Three months. Three months without a weapon, three months without a roommate to do the cooking, the dishes, the nightmare therapy... It had been hard. She still woke up in cold sweats, thinking he wasn't there.

They arrived at Eibon's Emporium: Book of Sloth, which housed a large array of furniture. Couches, chairs, tables, torture devices, asymmetrical anomalies that would give Kid fits, even a strange lamp labeled "The Index"-everything you could possibly want from a furniture store.

"Welcome to Eibon's Emporium, how may I hel-" The greeter, whose nametag read Gopher, face had contorted into a horrified grimace at the sight of the pair. He started to turn, spluttering, until he found his voice.

"Noah-sama!" He ran towards the back of the warehouse, shrieking like a banshee that's been cheated out of it's last drink. "Noah-sama! It's the ones! They're here! I don't know why, but they're here! Don't make me fight them again, please! I don't think I could!" Soul and Maka looked at each other. "The fuck is going on here... Do we know this guy? He looks kind of stupid. I mean, who wears a freaking tunic outside of the Renaissance fair these days?" Maka was staring after the boy named Gopher. He couldn't have been more than sixteen. "Yeah..." she murmured. Then she remembered.

"How can I fly with these half-assed wings?"

"It was right after you became a Death Scythe, when Kid was stuck in the Book of Eibon. We fought this kid, but he got away with some magic paper."

Soul's eyes darkened. "Oh, yeah, didn't he call his move 'Love Cannon', or some shit like that?" He shook his head. "That was stupid. Who takes a super badass move like that- I mean, it was a giant ball with teeth and it freaking chased you- and names it 'Love Cannon'? That's like taking Free's wolf form and calling it a puppy. Totally demeaning."

"When did you learn 'demeaning'?"

Soul scratched his head thoughtfully. "Ehh, think it was when you hit me with the 'D' volume of the dictionary."

"Hm." She grinned slyly. "So you're saying I should chop you more?"

"Fuck no."

They wandered around the couch section for about ten minutes before Soul finally sat down.

"Geez, Maka, can't we just pick a random couch and be done with it? I'm-" He paused to yawn. "-tired as fuck, and bored. I really don't-" yawn "-care anymore. Just fucking pick one."

Maka sat down beside him. The couch seemed to envelop them, sapping their energy.

"I'm tired too, Soul. And we can't just pick a couch, it has to-" yawn "-be perfect! Are you listening to me?"

As a matter of fact, he wasn't, seeing how he had passed as soon as she sat down.

"Idiot." It was the first time she had seen him asleep in a while. He even looked pissed off in his sleep. "Hey, wake up. We gotta get home."

"Want blueberry squishy..."

"Wake up."

"I am. Squishy."

"What?"

He sat up, shaking off the sleep. He blinked drowsily, slowly looking around. He poked the blue cushion beneath him.

"Want the Blueberry Squishy. Taking couch home."

"Oh. Okay."

(-)

"Impressive decision, you two. A both comfortable and symmetrical couch, with a relaxing color." Kid looked at the new couch, nicknamed the Blueberry Squishy, in approval.

"It was a bitch to find." Soul grimaced. "Stupid fucking squishy was hiding in the back of that hell. Then, Noah tried to triple the price on us, the asshole."

"Didn't he die a while back, though?"

"Somethin' like that." Soul leaned back and ran a hand through his hair. "Soooo tired, though. It's like the thing eats up your energy."

"Maybe." Kid stopped to think for a moment. "By the way, Soul, do you think you could stop by the manor later? Liz and Patti are in New York right now, and I need some help moving the furniture and painting the bedrooms."

'I'm sure Kid wouldn't mind stabbing you in the ass...'

"NO, no, no, sorry Kid!" Soul panicked. "I, uh it's... It's movie night with Maka! I have to stay tonight because I ditched last time, so yeah... Can't make it. Sorry."

'Dodged a bullet right there.'

Maka snorted. "You're an asshole, Soul."

A/N

Yeah, its been a while. I got busy with... stuff, and I didn't have time or inspiration to write. Anyway, I'm working on a multi-chapter, but it might be a while before its up.

Also, Google image 'kobato haganai' for death by kawaii vampire.