Dramatis Personæ

Puck

Oberon

Basketball Fan 1

Basketball Fan 2

Referee

Cheerleaders

[Puck and Oberon have been living in recent times for so long that they have 'forgotten' the old Shakespearean language and iambic pentameter.]

Oberon – Puck, I overheard one of these mortals talking about going to the basketball game after school.

Puck – Yeah, so what?

Oberon – Well, I figured that we might be able to go and, as these mortals say, 'enjoy ourselves.'

Puck – What's the point? We have no idea what a basketball game is.

Oberon [getting angry] – We are going, and we are going NOW!

[Oberon and Puck enter the noisy gym]

Puck – Do you think that there is enough noise in here?

Oberon [pointing] – Look, there are two seats.

Puck – That's nice.

[Oberon and Puck sit down]

Bball Fan 1 – YEAH! We made a basket!

Oberon [looking at Puck] – I don't see any baskets in the room.

Puck – Neither do i. Hey you! Where are the baskets that the person just made?

Bball Fan 2 – They don't actually make baskets; they shoot the ball into that hoop up there on the backboard.

Puck – oh. Then why did they just say that he made a basket if he didn't really make one?

Bball Fan 1 – It's just a term for saying that he put the basketball into the hoop.

Oberon – So that balls are made out of basket material?

Bball Fan 2 – Uh, no. They're usually leather balls filled with air.

Puck – Then why are they called basketballs?

Bball Fan 1 – Because you have to shoot them into that hoop up there which is called the basket.

Oberon – That still makes no sense as to why they call it basketball, but okay.

Referee [blowing a whistle] – Traveling, white ball, this way.

Puck – He's going somewhere?

Bball Fan 2 – No, no, no! See, the guy took too many staps without dribbling the ball.

Oberon – Dribbling?

Bball Fan 2 – Yeah, when you bounce the ball.

Bball Fan 1 [standing] – Cheap shot!

Referee – Personal foul number 20, white! 2 shots!

Cheerleaders – Give that boy a hand, let's give that boy a hand [clap clap clap] Give that boy a hand, let's give that boy a hand [clap clap clap]

Puck – I don't see any chickens out there! And why is he going to shoot the chickens twice?

Bball Fan 1 [laughing] – No. A foul is when a player hits another player while he was trying to shoot the ball or runs into the other player. In that case the player hit the other one while he was trying to shoot the ball.

Bball Fan 2 – Yeah, so number 20 gets to go the foul line and take 2 shots, each worth 1 point apiece.

Oberon – Foul line? I still don't see a line of chickens anywhere, and he's still only going to shoot two of them?

Bball Fan 2 – No! It's foul line, not fowl line! There is a little black line around the hoop and that is where the player takes two shots.

Puck – That's nice, they're still shooting two chickens.

Bball Fan 1 – Not chickens! When we say shot, the players throw the basketball into the hoop, that's what a shot is!

Bball Fan 2 – Can we please stop talking, I'm actually trying to watch the game.

Oberon – Okay, we can be quiet.

Bball Fan 2 [engrossed in game] – Shoot it! Shoot it! YES! That's three!

Oberon – Wait a minute. The other guy got two shots to make a point apiece, and now this guy here takes one shot to get three points?

Bball Fan 1 – Yeah, 'cause he took it outside the three-point circle.

Cheerleaders – We want two! We want two!

Oberon – Two what? I'm still looking for the chickens and this three-point circle!

Bball Fan 1 – Listen, if the players are far enough away from the basket and they make the shot, it counts for three points, rather than two points.

Oberon – Wait, I thought they were only worth 1 point.

Basketball Fan 2 – No, that's only from the foul line on a foul shot.

Puck – That's nice. Lines, circles, fowls, shots and screaming girls in short skirts.

Bball Fan 1 [to Bball Fan 2] – I think that we should work the ball inside.

Bball Fan 2 – That's right, our center could just take it to the hoop every time.

Oberon – What are you talking about? We are inside!

Bball Fan 1 – No! It means inside the key!

Puck – What key? I don't see any keys. [to Oberon] Maybe those chickens ate them.

Bball Fan 2 – No, no, no, no, no! The key is that black rectangle just underneath the basket.

Oberon – Puck, this 'enjoying ourselves' isn't very enjoyable. Let's get out of here.

Puck – Well I was the one who said that we shouldn't have come here in the first place, so when we get home, don't blame it on me.

Cheerleaders – 2-4-6-8 who do we appreciate? The Panthers! The Panthers! Gimme a P! Gimme an A! Gimme an N! Gimme a T! Gimme an H! Gimme an E! Gimme an R! Gimme an S! What's that spell? PANTHERS!!!!!!

Puck – Now there's Panthers! Won't the panthers eat the chickens? Aww… I'm outta here!