Sir Anthony Strallan paced his room nervously. It seemed nervousness had been his mood du jour lately, most especially since proposing to Lady Edith Crawley, middle daughter of the Earl of Grantham. As he paced he thought back to the long, easy days before the war. Even the death of his wife had not done much to unsettle him as he ambled about in his comfortable life of the landed gentry. And then he'd been invited to dine at Downton, home of the much higher ranking Crawleys. Oh, he and the Earl were friends of a sort and as neighbors, they'd been thrown together often over the years. He'd attended parties and hunts there but the invitation to dine, without the usual neighborhood event attached, had surprised and delighted him.
After he'd arrived that evening, he realized why he'd been invited. He was to make the table and also there as a possible suitor for the eldest daughter, Lady Mary. That thought had unnerved him until he realized she had as little interest in him as he had in her. But the middle daughter… that had become a very different matter. Anthony didn't particularly enjoy the company of women. It wasn't that he didn't like them; on the contrary, he much admired them. But he was so painfully awkward around them and he knew his gawkiness made them uncomfortable. But somehow, with Lady Edith, he'd been able to find a grace he'd never possessed before. They had chatted through the evening, so much so that he was sorry when the evening ended. And they had continued their conversations over various activities, many as simple as a drive through the countryside. In her, he thought he'd finally found someone whose soul touched his.
He'd even contemplated marrying her before the war. But then Lady Mary had stopped him that day at the garden party and confirmed his deepest fears; Lady Edith was only being polite and truly thought him an old bore. He knew he handled it rather badly, but he simply could not face Edith that day and so he fled.
The War had changed them all. He returned a cripple and Edith… Anthony smiled as he remembered seeing Edith for the first time after he'd returned home… Edith was even more beautiful and lovely, and so much more mature. Why she would even look twice at him was still a mystery to him. But she had.
In fact, she'd quite manipulated the situation until one day he found himself in a room with a rather angry Earl demanding that he should marry the man's daughter. Anthony had tried to explain that he was far too old for her and there was the business of his arm, as well. He'd tried to tell Robert Crawley that he wasn't suitable. But the Earl would hear nothing of it…even chastised him and then demanded…no, threatened him if he did not marry the girl. Anthony was still quite perplexed over the turn of events.
But the immediate reason for his pacing was in the next room. Their wedding that afternoon had been a small affair, mostly just the families in attendance. Edith had wanted it that way. And now she was waiting for him in the next room, the bedroom they would share as husband and wife. He had no illusions about himself; Anthony remembered how awkward things had been with his first wife, even after they'd had some practice. And now with his arm as it was, he couldn't image how he would manage.
But Edith was waiting. And deep in his heart there was nothing he feared more than disappointing her because it seemed that in spite of his protestations that he wasn't suitable, his heart had decided she was most suitable for him. In truth, he was mad about her, his thoughts almost constantly about her. Even amid mortar fire in France, his mind had dwelled on her lovely face. That first meeting after the War, in her Grandmother's parlor, had been the most excruciatingly wonderful day he'd had in years.
And now she was waiting for him to come to her and be a husband… her husband. And he was frightened… frightened that he could not… would not be capable of being the man she deserved. He was after all, crippled… and so much older…. And for the life of him, he couldn't understand why she would want him.
He sighed as he looked in the direction of the connecting door. Waiting any longer would upset her and she was probably already anxious enough; this was, after all, her first experience with marital relations. Mustering his courage, he moved to the door and stepped through.
The room was softly lit. He expected to find her huddled fearfully under the covers, as Maud had been on their wedding night. Instead, she was standing rather boldly in the middle of the room wearing a diaphanous white robe over an equally semi-transparent, rather lacy gown. And instantly Anthony knew the answer to one of his worries. He was quite capable as he felt his own body's natural reaction to such a beautiful woman. Frozen there in his spot, Anthony was speechless. In fact, even breathing was difficult as he drank in the sight of her.
Edith looked at him worriedly, her own features revealing the terror she must be feeling. "A…Anthony?"
Blinking as if waking from a trance, he looked up at her eyes, her apprehensive yet expectant expression bringing tears to his. "Oh my darling," he exhaled, "you are so…so beautiful." He crossed the room quickly and stood before her, his eyes still drinking in the sight. "So lovely…" he whispered as he lowered his lips to hers.
Edith melted into him, her slight form pressing against his. And truth be told, she felt quite delicious, Anthony thought. Using his left hand, he entangled his fingers in her hair and ever slow gently pressed her lips tighter against his. Yes delicious, he confirmed delightfully. His head was quite positively swimming as his tongue danced across her lips seeking admittance. Briefly in the back of his mind he wished that the greater entrance later would be so easy. Edith, for her part, seemed quite willing to partake in this little bit of play and he was elated to discover that breathing was every bit as difficult for her as it was for him as a result.
His lips were quite tingly and his knees becoming quite weak when Edith pulled away subtly. "Anthony, my head is swimming," she revealed. "Does it always do that? You know, when…"
Charmed by her naiveté, he smiled at her warmly. "I hope that will be the case," he replied brightly. "But I fear that in time, you'll be quite bored with it all."
"Never," she assured him. Taking his hand, she smiled at him and then stepped towards the bed. "Perhaps we should sit," she answered. "Because I can promise you that I don't find this boring in the least."
Anthony eyed the bed with trepidation. Sitting there next to her would bring him closer to the moment of truth, the moment when the awkwardness would settle in and she would lose interest. But as she climbed on top and patted the mattress next to her, he felt the inevitable pull to her and knew he was forever tied to her. He would do her bidding on this night and pray that she might ever want him again.
The kissing turned to heavier petting and then subtle exploration followed. "You know," she said in a husky tone he'd never heard from her before, "in Medieval days the couple had to rush to the deed and then let others come inspect the results…or even have others in the room to be sure it was consummated."
Anthony smiled nervously at her. "Yes, I knew that," he responded, wondering what she was meaning.
Shyly she smiled up at him. "I am so happy that there is no rush tonight. This is quite pleasant and… well, I am enjoying your attention so much."
There was nothing to compare to the warmth that her words and her look brought upon him. "Dear, sweet Edith, I do hope I don't disappoint you."
"I thought it was the bride who should worry about disappointing…" Scooting further into the bed, she smiled demurely at him and then blushed. "Perhaps it is time for you to truly make me your wife," she suggested as her face grew pinker.
Anthony gasped. "My darling, there is nothing that …well, I mean….I so want that… for you to be my wife. Matters will be a bit difficult, I'm afraid, … with my arm, you see."
Reaching across and taking his crippled hand into her healthy one, she tugged ever so gently. "I hope you won't mind, but I spoke with Cousin Isobel about it…about how we might work around the situation. She suggested that there are other ways…rather than the ….traditional. And she gave me a book. She was quite right, you know. There are ways that would not require the use of your arm. That is, if you are willing to try something a little different."
Once again Anthony was flummoxed. She had spoken about this most private thing, not to her mother or even her married sister, but to a distant relative who he barely knew. It felt quite awkward and yet, as he looked at her worried face, he realized she had only been considerate of him… of protecting his feelings as a man. "My dear, I am willing to do anything that will make this as easy on you as possible. The first time is often…"
Edith put her fingers to his lips to silence him. "I know. Mamma and Granny have both taken every opportunity to caution me about expecting too much, especially the first time. Mamma confessed that it might be a bit painful." And then her eyes began to twinkle with just a little mischief. "So that is why I am really looking forward to the second time," she said naughtily.
Shocked, Anthony gaped for a second before replying gleefully, "I've married a little trollop," which elicited a demure giggle from her. Then looking down at their attire, he groaned inwardly. This was going to be very awkward and embarrassing. "As much as I would like to help you with your things, remove them I mean, I'm afraid I am the one who will need help," he said chagrinned.
Edith smiled as she reached for his robe. Carefully she slid it down his bad arm and then leaning in so that her body pressed against his, she reached behind him to finish it off. The slowly she unbuttoned his buttons on his shirt. Her fingers grazed the skin on his chest, nearly sending him over the edge right then. Anthony clenched his jaw as she began to work at his pajama shirt. This would be the first time she would see his arm, his horribly damaged arm. His nerves were back as he felt her begin to slide the shirt down.
"It is alright, my love," she whispered, sensing his discomfort. "I saw much worse during the war. Besides, to me you will never be anything but perfect."
Anthony's heart swelled in his chest. This beautiful creature was so sensitive, so caring and it was all for him. He had never felt more unworthy in his life. Finally the wretched shirt was off and he was left in his bottoms. Edith's look of fascination as her hand travelled over his chest made him suddenly feel even more shy and awkward. But when she leaned over and gently kissed him, right over his heart, relief swept over him. "Oh Edith," he moaned as his good hand captured the back of her head and he held her close, his lips brushing through her hair on top of her head.
Wrapping her arms around him, she sighed. "I do love you so much, Anthony." Suddenly sitting up, she looked at him properly, in the face. And blushing she looked down at her own attire. "Now it is your turn," she said modestly.
"But I…I can't," he stammered.
She smiled. "But you can. It is fastened with ties, which are loosely done up. All you have to do is pull the end of the string," she said as she held one up. "Sybil told me that men seem to love disrobing their women…at least in her experience, which is only one man."
Marveling at her thoughtfulness, Anthony knew he was now grinning like an idiot. But in his dreams of her, he'd always imagined this, imagined disrobing her to discover her hidden delights. And as if she had read his dreams, she had made it possible. Tentatively catching the end of the top ribbon, he pulled and watched as the knot fell apart, exposing the top of her gown. He made quick work of the robe and almost instantly she was standing before him in the scantest lace fabric. His heart pounding in his chest, he unfastened the first laces and gently pushed the fabric aside, revealing her porcelain skin beneath. Briefly he glanced at her face to be sure she was alright. Her look of sheer delight emboldened him and he continued his task until her breasts were exposed.
It was then that he lost all sense of propriety. The motion of her rising and falling with each breath overwhelmed him and he gingerly began to explore with his good hand. He felt more than heard her tiny gasp as his fingers trailed over her and again, he quickly looked at her face. Her eyes ere closed and she had a look of joy about her. Inwardly he marveled at the mysterious turn of events that had led him from hopelessness to the elation of being the object of this young woman's desire.
A part of him worried that this would be for only tonight; that she would see how inept he was and never want him again. So taking a deep breath, he determined to make the most of his one opportunity. He would make the most of this night and let tomorrow take care of itself.
Leaning in again, he began to kiss her along her neck, following the lines down to her bosom and finally to that divine, pert little rosebud that beckoned to him. Her felt her respond to him. But instead of the revulsion and antipathy he expected, she gasped again and then moaned. Her heart began to beat harder; it was as if he could hear it beneath her luscious little mounds. And she was leaning into him, her entire body asking for more, a request he was only too happy to oblige.
Leaving his left hand to continue his work on the first nipple, he moved to the second. Not having his other hand to cup and hold her was like a cold splash of water until she astonished him by cupping herself and offering her right breast up to him, then all but panting, "please Anthony, I want you to do that again…"
How could something so awkward feel so right, he wondered as he teased and tormented her with a few flicks of his tongue. And as he suckled, he felt a response in him that hadn't been there for years, even before poor Maud's death. In fact, he was sure he was ready to explode.
She pulled away slightly, breathing heavily and looking quite flushed. "Please Anthony," she panted as she tugged at her gown and then reached for his pajama bottoms. Her brazenness caught him quite off guard. He had never had a woman want him so… so blatantly. Maud seemed to want his affection early on but not like this, not so… audacious. Had she experience he didn't know about? Perhaps he would not be her first…and did it really matter, he thought briefly as he tugged at more of her strings. It seemed his entire being was focused on her, claiming her as his own.
Finally her gown fell away and she was there, in his bed, completely exposed. A tinge of guilt passed through him as he struggled to stand and undo his bottoms to let them fall to the floor. Briefly he felt like a very dirty old man, which was exactly what he was, he recalled. Marrying this young girl, half his age and now bedding her put him firmly in that category. But at the moment he didn't care. She was looking at him with such yearning…..
As he crawled back into the bed, she smiled. What a beautiful smile it was too, he thought. Pausing beside her, he tilted his head and looked into her eyes, her bright shining, somewhat timid eyes. "I think…well this first time, I think I'd like to give it a try…you know, the traditional way. I…" he took a deep breath, almost afraid to express what he was thinking. But her look of encouragement spurred him on. "You see, I really want to feel you….under me and I want…well, it would be best if I were in a position to …um….well, perhaps have ….some control. I'm sure some of your cousin's suggestions will be useful…later," he continued rather abashedly, "But this first time, I want to be able to withdraw if it is too much for you."
Her expression changed from tentativeness to complete and utter faith. "I trust you…your judgment," she said shyly. "I… well, you've had the experience and well, this is very new to me and…"
He cut her off with a kiss. And as he kissed her, he somehow managed to move over her, his left arm griping the headboard, helping him to not crush her. Thank god I did those exercises to make the arm stronger, he thought. Hovering over her, he kissed her again…and again. Gently, she took his useless arm and positioned it to the other side so that it had the appearance of being normal. He knew not to depend on it, however. Her hands then snaked up, around his neck, until her fingers were in his hair, her subtle touches driving him mad. And then one inched down his back and began to stroke, ever so tenderly. And then the other…
Lifting himself a bit, he pressed a knee between her legs, which she opened willingly. Then feeling quite ashamed he dipped his head. "I need some help…" he mumbled.
"What is it you need me to do?" Edith asked bashfully.
His face was on fire as he admitted his need. "If you'd take me in hand and guide me into position…"
She frowned. "Take you in hand?" And then she let out a little gasp. "Oh," she said blushing. He felt her hand making its way to his manhood and as it did, mixed emotions warred within him. But as she gingerly touched him and then wrapped her fingers around him, he had to fight not to lose himself right then. Her touch was so gentle and so thrilling.
Glancing back to her face, he saw she was wearing an expression of curiosity. Then he felt her fingers beginning to move over him, sliding along his shaft." My dear," he managed to choke out, "if you continue that motion, I'm afraid this will be over rather quickly."
Surprise ran over her face and then she giggled, "oh…"
Smiling down at her, he winked. "The last thing a man wants to hear from the woman of his dreams as she fondles him is a giggle."
"Oh but…I'm sorry, it was a delighted giggle, not a funny giggle. It…you feel so…well, not like I expected. I was expecting something very hard and rough but…it is almost like silk, although still quite hard….and…." her eyes grew large.
"What, my dear?" asked Anthony, feeling somewhat mollified by her explanation.
"It is rather large, isn't it?"
At his age Anthony knew he had no right to expect a beautiful young woman to think him virile and certainly understood that time was taking away some of the evidence of his masculinity. In other words, he knew he was not the man he had once been. For her to comment on his manhood in such glowing and somewhat amusing, at least from his vantage point, terms was exhilarating and filled him with an extra rush of male pride. "In time, it won't seem so. It is just…well, it has been a while for me and …you are so ravishingly beautiful…"
"You really think that? That I'm really beautiful?"
Her constant surprise that he would think of her in that way continued to astonish him. "My dear, for me there is not another woman on this Earth that can compare."
Slowly she slid him over her femininity and guided him to his target. Subtly, he slipped just inside and stopped. Watching her face, he saw her grimace and began to worry. "Edith?" he whispered.
"It…it's alright… a little uncomfortable at first but…it is getting better."
Slowly he tried to ease into her. Self control was a battle for him. She was so enticing and tight and… tantalizing. But he forced himself to go slowly. He felt the evidence that she was truly his and only his and saw the resulting wince from her as he broke her maidenhood. Her hands wrapped around him, whether for comfort or to have something to hold onto through the pain, he wasn't sure. And as she began to relax, relief flooded through him.
Much to his surprise, her hands moved down his back to his derriere, her long fingers first stroking and then clawing at him and finally pushing him into her. Taking the hint, he began to pull out, again being careful. She squeezed him again and pushed him back into her, her body rising to meet him. How was he to remain calm with her behavior? Maud had never been so…active. Generally she would just lie there and tolerate his attentions. But Edith wanted him and that realization nearly sent him over the edge. Confident that the worst was over for her, he began to thrust, feeling the tension in his groin growing. Her responses to him only propelled him further as she met his thrusts, her hands still pushing and clawing, her womanhood rising to meet him, until finally she pushed her head back into the mattress and something between a moan and a scream erupted from her. For Anthony it was sweet agony until release came in an explosion that undid him.
Once his head cleared, he realized his arm was giving out and in a rather clumsy fashion, he half rolled, half fell to her side, gasping. Fearful that it had been too much for her, he opened his eyes to see hers focused on him. If her expression was anything to go by, she was doing much better than he. "Is it always like that?" she asked softly as she wiggled into him, her hand settling on his chest, her fingers making tiny circles over his heart.
A bit stunned by her attitude, he fumbled for an answer. Finally he smiled. "I hope it might be." Confusion reigned on her face so he decided he should explain." As I said, it had been a while for me…years, in fact. And honestly, you seemed to find it more enjoyable than I expected you would…" He thought briefly if he would betray Maud by what he was thinking but decided that he owed Edith his truth. "I don't believe it was ever like that before...in my experience, I mean."
"Oh," she said, blushing. "Was I… did I do something wrong? I thought…well, it seemed rather pleasant to me."
Anthony chuckled as he pulled her closer into him. "Thank you for that," he said lightly. "And you did nothing wrong. What I meant was… well, I cared for Maud deeply and we were quite comfortable together. But this was different for me…a new experience… quite enjoyable."
She seemed comforted by his explanation. As he lay there languidly he felt her planting tiny lazy little kisses over his chest and then up his neck. The problem was, he was quite ticklish in the aftermath. Squirming, he tried not to react too strongly.
I'm sorry," she blurted quickly, withdrawing. Drawing her back to him, he began to gently rub along her spine. "It just tickles is all," he assured her.
"When can we do it again?" she asked eagerly. "I know I'm being quite forward but…"
"No my dear, you are not. But you are confusing me."
"Confusing you?"
"Your eagerness is quite a stroke for my ego but at the same time, my age is showing."
Edith sat lifted to see his face better. "Your age? What has that to do with it?"
Anthony sighed. "As I said before, things are not as they used to be. I'm quite sure that I will not be able to keep up with your youthful vigor."
Tracing a line down his chest toward his navel, an impish smile worked into her features. "You seemed quite vigorous to me," she suggested as her finger stopped just below his navel. "Would…I mean, before …when I was helping you… I didn't get a chance…" She was blushing furiously and Anthony began to tingle as he watched her eyes follow her line down and settle over his manhood.
"You would like to explore?" he asked gently.
Her face turning even redder, her eyes flickered back to his. "I've never…That is, well… I'm just…"
"Curious?" His stomach was in turmoil. The idea of her scrutinizing his worn body frightened him and aroused him at the same time.
She smiled bashfully. "Yes, curious."
"I believe that we recited some vows today, something along the lines of what is mine is yours. It is natural that you are curious. And I am quite curious about you as well. But I am quite content to let you go exploring first," he teased. "And then I will further explore you. And then perhaps we will explore together. And soon we will know all there is to know about one another."
Edith leaned up and kissed him ever so gently, lovingly.
Anthony smiled as she pulled away, a question forming in his mind.
But she began to ramble before the thought would come together. "I was so afraid about…tonight and you made it so wonderful. I feel so… so, inept and yet, you act as if it is nothing. I wish I had some knowledge… but then, I'm happy that I don't. I want you to teach me. I want so much to please you…make you happy."
Reaching for her, he eased her back against him. "My dear Edith, you are quite a breath of freshness in my musty old life. I'm sure I'll…no, we will be quite happy as we learn together." And as she wriggled even closer, her hand reaching around his back and stroking him lovingly, Anthony realized all of his worries had been quite foolish.
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you think:-)