Standalone / One Shot
Disclaimer - Sadly, I own nothing.
Summary - Lorelai's list for the 'perfect guy' leads to a surprising conclusion.
The List
"The night is young, and so are we!" shouted Lorelai as she marched back into the living room with Rory in tow. The girls had the whole night to spend together, and they wanted to make the most of it, but after watching and critiquing what seemed like a hundred movies, and eating nearly everything they ordered ( except the Chinese they needed for the coming week's dinners), they were at a loss for what to do. Besides the obvious : pass out for the night.
" Mom, it's like 3am. That's hardly a young night," Rory pointed out as she sprawled out on the couch.
"That's what the coffee's for, duh! Have I taught you nothing!"
" Unless you count insane eating and sleeping habits and how to flirt my way into anything, no. Can't think of a thing."
" Ugh! I am appalled at how underappreciated I am. We still have tons to do! Look at all those romantic comedies we have yet to watch!" She pointed at the stack of movies they had accumulated throughout the years.
" Mommm!" Rory whined, "You know what those movies do to us. Especially when we're both single!"
Lorelai feigned ignorance. " I have no idea what you're talking about, sweet child of mine."
Rory grinned. " We watch the movies, silently hoping for what each of those stupid women end up with: the perfect man, when in reality we know that doesn't exist and even if it did, what are the chances it exists here, in weirdo-ville Stars Hallow. Besides, we end up mentally taking notes on what are perfect man would be like, not excepting the previous fact that he definitely doesn't or won't ever exist, then we get gloomy, wishing we had things we don't have and reminiscing on men that may have been the one, even though subconsciously we know they weren't. Cause duh, if they were the one, we'd be with them. We have to realize that life is not a romantic comedy, mom. It takes us weeks to remember that, and only two movies to demolish the memory. So let's skip those and play a game."
" My, my, my, aren't we cynical today? You sound a lot like Luke."
" Luke isn't cynical."
" Oh, contraire, little one. Luke is the epitome of cynical."
" Not all the time .Besides, you know I'm right. So how bout a game?"
" Oh come on, we don't do that."
"Yes, we do!"
"Fine, maybe we do. But it's not as bad as you make it out to be."
" Last time we spent two weeks re-wallowing all of our 'lost loves' and getting way too acquainted with Ben and Jerry. I don't ever want to be that friendly with a carton again."
" Oh, you exaggerate."
"Do I!" She countered, daring her mom to deny it.
" Okay, okay, okay. Game it is."
"I thought you'd see it my way..."
"I GOT IT!"
" I don't like that. That was too fast. That was too excited..." Rory carefully pointed out. Nothing good ever came out of an idea that was formed too quickly and too excitedly by Lorelai Gilmore.
" No, it's a good one, I swear. We're gonna skip the movies, and just make a list."
" A list?"
" Yes, a list. You love lists!"
"You're kidding. A list of what?"
" Of qualities!" she grinned.
" What!"
" Yes, I said it! Of qualities! The qualities our men should have. Like a checklist if you will.."
" You're making fun of me now, aren't you?"
" Nooo! I'm serious. Let's make lists!"
" You're definitely mocking me now, and I have to say, I don't like it one bit.." Rory said, but she sat up anyway, showing her interest.
" No, come on. Me first. I'll make my list, then all the men I go to date in the future will have to have majority of the points on here. If not, it doesn't work out."
Rory had to admit, it sounded sort of fun.
"Okay!" she agreed. Sure it was silly, but she did love lists, and it beat being sulky over unrealistic movies where the girl always gets the guy. She grabbed a pen and paper and began writing.
She labeled it, " Lorelai's Perfect Man" and poised the pen at the next line, waiting for her mom's first requirement.
" Hmmm... what first, what first," Lorelai pondered. " Dependable."
"Dependable?" Rory wrote and questioned at the same time.
" Yes.. Is something wrong with that missy?"
" No, not at all. I just didn't expect that to be your first standard. Continue, this is interesting."
" Well, I mean... I want someone who's gonna stick around. Be with me forever. I want someone who, when in my darkest hour, I know I can call and he'll be there, just like that."
" Understandable. That would be nice.." Rory agreed, and got ready to write again.
" Next?"
" Successful. Not rich, but you know, has his life together. Has accomplished something, if only keeping a job."
"I'm sensing a pattern..." Rory said as she wrote.
" What pattern is that?"
" Someone opposite of dad," she smiled sadly.
" Oh no.. I didn't mean it to seem like that, babe."
" No, I know. I was just pointing out... continue."
" Okay, well, I think we've set this aside long enough. Amazingly gorgeous looks. So that our children, if we decide to make any-"
" Um, gross!" Rory interrupted, but she didn't pause in writing.
"Ahem... so that our offspring is as gorgeous as my previous. See, you interrupted a compliment."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're shallow."
"Am not! I'm looking out for my child. I don't want them to be plagued with horrible features or untamable hair. It's a selfless thought, if you think about it. I'm going out of my way to ensure that my child is pretty, for that child's own happiness... make sure you write that his eyes should be exceptionally gorgeous. In case baby doesn't get my eyes... that'd be so unfortunate.. Unless my perfect man has eyes just as good. See? Selfless."
" You're something else."
" Thank you. Ready for the next one?"
"Shoot."
" He should cook!" She said excitedly.
"What? Why!"
" Ugh, Rory! Seriously, I have taught you nothing! We don't cook..."
" I know!"
" So we should have someone around who CAN! So we don't starve, duh!"
" We don't starve. We go to Luke's!"
" I know, but if I'm married, I can't go there all the time.."
" Yeah, true..." she said sadly, then added, " Why is that?"
" Why is what?"
" Why don't you ever bring your guys to Luke's?"
" I... I don' t know? It's weird. I mean, I don't think it matters, I just don't think it's right. It's an unnecessary awkward position... situation. Whatever. My perfect man can't go to Luke's."
" Fine. But it's still weird."
" I agree, but it's unexplainable. Moving on."
" I hope you know that I'm not giving up Luke's just cause you find a man."
" I would never expect you to."
"Okay, next."
" Okay, he should fix things."
" Fix things?"
" Yes. Like around the house. He should be handy," she explained. " He should have a toolbox! A cute one, maybe it could be pink."
" Pink? He bought himself a pink toolbox? That relationship isn't lasting mom.."
" Fine, I bought him it, his original one was plain and gray. And he didn't want pink, but I talked him into it, expertly. That's another one. I should be able to flirt anything I want out of him... dirty, I know. But I didn't mean it only in a dirty way."
"Noted. But I have a question."
"And I have an answer."
" Why does he need a toolbox? Luke has a toolbox."
" Luke can't fix things forever."
"Is he dying?"
" One day.."
" Mom."
"If this man is perfect, he'll be my husband. Meaning he'll move in here, meaning Luke can't be around fixing things all the time. And I've gotten used to not having to pay people to fix things, so this husband should fix it instead."
" Okay, okay. Got it."
" Good. Let's see.. What else?"
" Well so far you have : dependable, successful, good looking, able to cook, handy, can be easily persuaded by you and only you.."
"Oh, add loyal. And He has to love the town. I don't wanna have to force someone to want to live here. I could never leave this place.."
" Okay, dependable, successful, good looking, able to cook, handy man, easily persuaded but only by you, loyal and loves Stars Hallow."
"Nice list."
"Yes, why don't you just ask him out already?"
"What?"
" Luke, why don't you just marry Luke already!"
" I'm sorry, have your drugs just kicked in, or are you having a temporary moment of insanity here?"
" I'm just saying, this list all fits Luke.."
" I'm sure it fits tons of people."
" None in Stars Hallow!"
" He doesn't have to BE from here, just wants to live here!"
" I'm just pointing out.."
" Well point elsewhere!"
" Touchy, are we?"
" No. It's just.. Luke."
"Luke."
" Luke."
" Can we stop saying his name now, or are you still processing? Need to repeat it a few times to get the full image of him naked in your mind..?" Rory joked.
" Lorelai Gilmore! You did not just make a dirty comment to your own mother."
" I believe I did. Seems you taught me something after all.."
" I can't marry Luke."
" Not without dating him, you're right."
"You think I should date him?"
" Do you want to date him?"
" I want to go to bed."
" What about our lists?"
" Lists are overrated."
" Are not!"
"Fine, I take it back. At this moment in time, lists are unimportant."
" Okay, maybe you do need to go to sleep, you seem kind of out of it, mom."
" I'm just.. Yeah. Sleep would help."
Lorelai headed upstairs, thinking about her list and Rory's comments. Maybe she was right?
" Mom?"
" Yeah?" she turned to look at Rory at the bottom of the stairs.
" Don't think too much about it..."
" I won't.."
" Goodnight, Mom."
" Night, hun."
She lied. She thought about it all night. Was Rory right? The more she thought about it, the more she thought Yes. Rory's always right.
Luke. Dependable, loyal, handy, successful, good looking Luke.
She laughed to herself. And Rory said the perfect man doesn't exist... Let alone in Stars Hallow. Obviously, she wasn't thinking straight.
She forgot about Luke.