Disclaimer: Disclaimers? We don't need no stinkin' disclaimers.
AN: All right, two things: 1) I've always thought that the Kyuubi would actually be pretty wise (as the most powerful of nine ancient, immortal demons it's probably had time to learn a few things) and, thanks to being inside Naruto and depending on him for its continued survival, has probably grown a little attached to the boy. Just a little. 2) I like to think that when Naruto goes to visit Kyuubi in his mind, he just sort of zones out in the real world. Stares off into space, maybe drools a little... That's all. Enjoy!
"Hey fox! I want to talk to you!" Naruto stood, as patiently as possible (so not very), in the murky calf-deep water that sloshed through his subconscious, waiting for the Kyuubi's glowing eyes to appear from the depths of its cell. His semi-patience was rewarded when, after several minutes, the fox demon lumbered out of the shadows to face him.
"'Hey fox?' You're quite a rude little brat, aren't you? Especially for someone who's come to ask a favor."
"H-Hold on a second! How did you know I was going to-?" The Kyuubi laughed behind the bars, the same growling chuckle that used to be heard as the demon swept across the countryside leaving chaos and ruin in its path.
"You only ever visit me when you have something you want, boy. Now what is it?"
Even though he knew the fox was imprisoned there deep within his mind, Naruto couldn't help but be a little intimidated by the sharp demand. Trapped or not, Kyuubi was scary! Scratching his neck and feeling as if he'd just been yelled at by Iruka, Naruto sucked up his courage and asked.
"Fox, you know a lot about me that I don't know, right?" The demon gave a rumbling growl and nodded, boosting Naruto's confidence just a little. "So... Do you know why the inside of my mind is a sewer? I've been wondering about it ever since I first came here. I thought it'd look like a library or something..." He trailed off, looking up hopefully at the glowing eyes before him.
"Well why do you think your brain is a sewer? You're a pervert! Your Sexy Jutsu, Harem Jutsu, constant peeping... There's a reason the saying is 'get your mind out of the gutter.'" Kyuubi snorted and Naruto could just make out the white tips of all its nine tails swishing through the dark cell in irritation. "I'm surprised you even had to ask."
From the way Naruto stared at it, a gaze full of surprise and tinged with acceptance, Kyuubi knew the genin had got the message and growled one last time before giving its vessel the verbal boot. "All right kid, you got your answer so scram. There's somebody outside who's talking to you."
- X -
Naruto knew Kyuubi was usually pretty good at being aware of the outside world when they talked, so he wasn't the least bit surprised to find a peeved Sakura yelling at him when he finally snapped back to reality. He wasn't surprised, but he wasn't happy either; especially not when he heard what Sakura was yelling about.
"-Ignoring me to stare at that billboard! Ugh, I don't even want to know what you're daydreaming about right now!" The huge vein pulsing in Sakura's forehead was always a bad sign, made even worse when Naruto realized what billboard she was talking about.
The giant advertisement for the newest volume in the Make-Out Paradise series.
He must have been facing it when he went to see Kyuubi. That meant he was sitting there staring blankly at it for... Way too long! Naruto quickly brought a hand up to his mouth to make sure he hadn't accidentally started to drool while he was out, that happened sometimes and he just hoped this wasn't- Crap. This was one of those times. This was bad, he was in deep trouble.
"W-wait, Sakura, I didn't even notice the billboard until you mentioned it!" Naruto cringed, expecting to hear a mighty "Cha!" and receive a brutal right hook any second. Sakura just glared.
"Oh, so now you can hear me. Well, if you weren't drooling over the billboard, then what were you doing?"
Damn. Naruto knew he couldn't tell the truth. "Oh, I was just talking to the crazy fox demon who lives sealed inside me. You know, the one who almost destroyed our city when we were all born?" Yeah, that wouldn't go over well, but he didn't have any other believable excuses to fall back on either. There was only one option: Stammer like an idiot, then suffer.
"Ah, well, I was... Um..." Naruto took a step back, his face a mask of terror as he saw the vein in Sakura's forehead start throbbing again.
"Naruto! You're just as bad as Kakashi!" Sakura's howl was painful, but what really hurt was the expected right hook and the left that she threw in gratis. "Get your mind out of the gutter!"
As Naruto lay there on the ground where Sakura's fists flung him, watching her stalk off in a post-pummeling huff and feeling the bruises and bumps start to swell and poke their way through his spiky 'do, he realized something: Kyuubi was always, always right. If Sakura actually thought he was as bad as Kakashi... His mind really was in the gutter.
AN: There you have it! Seriously thought, Naruto has always been rather bad about being a little perv, but add to that the fact that throughout the series he trains with Kakashi, Ebisu, and Jiraya? Talk about bad influences! (And to all you Sakura/Naruto shippers out there: I didn't mean for a relationship between the two here. Sakura's just smacking him for the collective honor of the women of Konoha.)