A/N: This is a challenge response to babecakesrus's October 2011, Plum-of-the-Month: Two for the Dough, Week 2 challenge. I had never done one of these before, but it was fun and I thought I'd post it here.

HUGE spoilers for Seventeen.

Warning: I did not write this story with the intention of making Morelli look bad at all. In fact, my motivation was more sympathy for Morelli if he were to see what happened in the Porsche. However, I didn't anticipate the way some people would take it and thought I'd better put a Cupcake warning here.

…

I clicked my cell phone closed and got up to walk to Ranger's office and rapped lightly on the door frame. Ranger looked up from his computer screen and asked, "What's up?"

"Morelli wants to meet us at my apartment. He has some evidence he wants our opinion on. Something to do with a case he's working."

Ranger sat back and raised an eyebrow. "Right now?"

"Yeah, he's on his way over."

"Interesting," Ranger said.

"What is?"

"Didn't wait to see if I was available. He usually checks or makes arrangements to meet."

I shrugged slightly. "That's probably my fault. I told him you were in your office doing paperwork."

Ranger looked at me for a few seconds and then stood and grabbed his jacket. "Let's go."

I followed him to the elevator and climbed in with him when the doors opened. "Why do I get the feeling you're suspicious?"

"I'm always suspicious. It's my nature."

I didn't have a response so we rode the elevator down to the garage in silence. Ten minutes later we pulled into my parking lot and Ranger began unloading his personal arsenal from his body.

"Do you think that's necessary? Morelli knows you carry, he's never done anything about it before."

Ranger held out his hand and I looked at him blankly. "Gun."

"Oh. Right." I bit my lip and shrugged. "I didn't bring it. We're only meeting Morelli." Ranger stared at me silently for a beat and I said, voice slightly raised, "Hey, this isn't field work and I'm off the clock."

With a slight shake of his head, Ranger reached under his seat and pulled out a lock box. He used a key from his key ring to unlock it and put both of his guns and his knife inside, then locked it and slid it back under his seat. Next, he pulled out his cell phone and pressed speed dial two. "Car in ten." He clicked off without a goodbye, no surprise there, and opened his door.

I opened mine and climbed out of the car. "Is something going on that I don't know about?"

"Just taking precautions."

My spidey senses started to tingle, but I shook them off. It was Morelli. He wanted our help. No big deal. "Okay…"

We walked across the lot and went in through the side door. Ranger surprised me by going to the elevator instead of making me trudge up behind him on the stairs. "Now I know something's off."

"I'm being nice."

"Uh huh. Is that why you called Tank to come clean up the evidence?"

He ignored my question and said, "I feel naked without my guns. Elevator's safer."

I might buy that excuse … if I were Joyce Barnhardt! I rolled my eyes at him and leaned against the hand rail as the elevator whined and squeaked its way up to the second floor. I wracked my brains to figure out why Morelli wanted our help specifically and here instead of at the station. More importantly, why did Ranger seem apprehensive about it?

When we reached my apartment, I pulled out my keys and unlocked the deadbolt, swinging open the door. I looked at Ranger, but he merely motioned me inside. Hmm, he didn't feel the need to check my apartment. Yep, he was skeptical, all right. It made me wonder if I should be, too.

The weird situation set my nerves on edge, so I went to the kitchen for a beer. "Want a Corona?" I called out to Ranger.

"No."

Rolling my eyes again, I grabbed one from the fridge and popped the top, taking a long swig, then another, before heading out to the living room. Ranger was seated in one of my chairs, so I took the couch. The only sound in the room was the sloshing of the beer in the bottle as I took sip after sip, draining it quickly.

No sooner had I swallowed the last of it than the knob on my front door turned and Morelli walked in. He removed his jacket and tossed it over the back of the vacant chair, then sat down.

"Want a beer?" I asked him.

Morelli shook his head slightly. "No thanks. I'm on duty. We need to get started. I'm on a tight schedule today." He glanced at me, then at Ranger, who nodded. "I was interviewing some shop owners on a homicide and took several surveillance videos into evidence last night. I finally had a chance to view them today. There's something interesting on one of them and I'd like both of you to see if you can identify the suspects."

I wrinkled my brow in confusion. "We know the same people, how could I help?"

Morelli smiled at me and shrugged. "Women change hairstyles all the time. I want to be sure we get the right people."

His answer seemed odd to me. Morelli doesn't always see the big picture, but he can't help it. He's a man. Still, he never forgets a face and is very good at spotting people. Then again, maybe it was faster to have a woman look for a woman. We notice things like personal style and fashion. Morelli couldn't tell Coach from Louis Vuitton. "Are you looking for someone specific?"

"Maybe, but I'd rather have you look and see if you come to the same conclusion as me."

I shrugged slightly. Seemed reasonable. Ranger didn't say anything. I glanced at him, but his expression hadn't changed since we'd left Rangeman. Calm façade, emotionless expression, blank eyes. He watched as Morelli stood and walked over to my DVD player. I turned my attention to Morelli then, admiring his ass as he bent over the machine.

Once the DVD was rolling, Morelli walked back to his chair and sat down. "This will only take a few minutes."

A black and white image of an empty alley pops up on the television screen. There are two brick buildings on either side, an overflowing dumpster, and several bags of trash on the ground beside it. The image doesn't change for a couple of minutes and then a small white dog comes sniffing into the alley. It sniffs at the bags of trash and paws at a couple of them, then moves on and begins to sniff the ground.

I sat forward, concentrating on the dog. I hoped to God Morelli wasn't asking us to witness the poor thing's murder. There was no way I could watch animal cruelty on video.

Thirty seconds later, a medium sized dog that looks like a cocker spaniel mix of some kind enters the alley. It makes several low growling noises and the white dog responds with a couple of whines. A few seconds later, the larger dog approaches the little one and growls again, but it isn't the sort of sound that means attack. It's more playful, like a form of communication. The little dog whines again and the larger dog gets closer and then proceeds to mount the smaller dog and…

"Really, Morelli. If I wanted to see this, I could watch Animal Planet."

Morelli stood. "Okay, if you're in that much of a hurry." He pressed the skip forward button and stopped for a second to check the position. The video showed two young teens smoking behind the dumpster. He pressed the button again and the image blurred into hyper mode.

"Chose the wrong alley," Ranger said.

Morelli looked at Ranger and nodded. "Tell me about it. You wouldn't believe how common that is."

Ranger smirked in response, which made Morelli clench his jaw for some reason. What were these two up to? Morelli's statement, or rather his tone of voice, sent my spidey senses humming again. Maybe Ranger was right to be suspicious. I certainly was now.

The screen shows only the alley now, which stays empty for a couple of minutes.

"Oops," Morelli said. "Just a bit further." He pressed the button again for several seconds. When he stopped, a large delivery truck lumbered by the alley on the road. "Okay, here we are." He went to his chair and sat down again.

The alley is empty for another minute, then a sleek black car pulls in and the engine is cut.

I immediately recognized the car and panicked. "Morelli…" My palms began to sweat and I rubbed them on my jeans. "What is this?"

"A crime being committed. Just watch."

After a few minutes, a couple inside can be seen making out and maneuvering around. They stop and the woman, with wild curly hair, opens the passenger door and rounds the front of the car clad only in a thong and her shirt.

I leaned forward and gripped my hands together so I wouldn't throw something. Then I decided I didn't want to be that close to the action and went to sit at my dining table. I thought maybe if I was far enough away from the TV, I could pretend it was someone else having sex on video. "Stop the tape, Morelli."

Morelli turned his head and gave me a neutral look. "Just watch the damn tape. I need you to help me make a positive ID."

"Cut the shit, Morelli."

"You shut the hell up, Mañoso, and watch." Morelli leveled a glare at Ranger and the two stared hard at each other, unblinking, for several seconds before Ranger raised his hands in acquiescence and nodded.

Ranger kicked back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. Morelli in a less aggressive, more indolent slouch. Me on the edge of my seat, elbows on the table, ready to jump and run should they decide to have a shootout just for the hell of it.

The woman opens the driver's side door and climbs in to straddle the man in the seat, leaving one leg out, foot on the ground. The interior can't be clearly seen because of the tinted windows, but soon the car starts moving rhythmically and a horn can be heard at regular intervals.

"I mean it, Morelli. Stop the damn tape."

Morelli didn't look at me this time, but continued to stare at the screen and the rocking, honking car. "Almost finished."

"No, now!"

"Morelli," Ranger said in a warning tone.

Morelli ignored both of us and stood, walked over to the machine, and put his hand on it.

The female climbs out and rounds the front of the car to head back to the passenger side.

Morelli paused the video with my face in focus on the screen. I began to tremble inside from a mixture of rage and horror. "Talk about Animal Planet," Morelli said, turning to look at me, scowl at Ranger, and then look at me again. I blushed. "Now, care to make an ID?"

My jaw went slack. Morelli continued to look at me with a neutral expression on his face. No anger, no hurt. Just a plain look. He might have been watching the news. "You're not serious," I whispered.

Morelli shrugged. "Public nudity and lewd conduct. Both misdemeanors. You've had skips with those charges before, Stephanie. Think about it."

Ranger stood slowly and crossed his arms. "You've made your point, Morelli."

"I haven't made any point, yet." He reached behind him and pulled a pair of handcuffs out of his back pocket. "You're both under arrest for the crimes shown on this video," he said as he took a step toward me.

Moving quickly, I jumped up and put the chair between us. "You can't arrest us!"

"I think," Morelli said, "you'll see that I can. Very easily. A crime was committed and I've found the perpetrators. It's my civic duty to make the arrests."

He moved to go around the chair and I jumped back. When he reached for one of my arms, I slapped his hand away. "Care to add resisting arrest to the charges? That move you just pulled bumps this up to a felony."

Anger welled up within me and spewed over the top. "You're only doing this because you're pissed, Morelli."

"Why should I be pissed?"

I gestured around the room and then at the TV. "Because, we—"

"What? Fucked like monkeys in broad daylight in an alley? A kid could have seen you. Hell, anyone could have seen you. I certainly did. That's why it's illegal — because people can see you."

Ranger spoke up, his voice quiet, but firm. "Do what the man says, babe."

I whirled on Ranger. "No! I'm not going to jail for — for that!" I flung my arm at the TV to make my point.

"Yes, you are," Morelli said.

I turned pleading eyes to Morelli, who ignored me and tried to grab my arm again. I pulled back and said, "You're doing this to humiliate me."

Morelli laughed mirthlessly. "Trust me, if I wanted to humiliate you, I'd play this porn film at Pino's during dinner rush. The fact is, what you did was against the law. It's my job to uphold the law. Now put your hands behind your back."

"Babe, do it."

Morelli sneered at Ranger. "Shut up, Mañoso. I don't need you to do my job. Just like you didn't need me in that alley. See? We don't need each other's help."

"If you wanted a threesome, you only had to ask," Ranger said with a slight smirk.

"Ranger!"

Immediately, Morelli forgot about me and stomped across the room to Ranger. He grabbed his arm and slapped the cuff on, then turned him around and pulled his other arm back to cuff it. After reciting Ranger his Miranda Rights, Morelli told him to sit down and Ranger complied peacefully.

Sheesh. The man was a mercenary who went off into God knows what hostile environments doing God knows what kind of dangerous jobs across the board. One would think he could get us out of this mess.

"I can't believe you just cuffed him. Hey!" I danced out of the way of Morelli's hands and he followed me — right into the corner in the kitchen. Shit, now I was trapped. He reached for me and I put up my hands, avoiding his. "No way. I'll go to the station with you, but you're not putting those on me."

"Sorry, Stephanie. It's standard procedure." He grabbed my forearm and snapped the cuff on my wrist before I had a chance to react. Then, using a clever maneuver, turned me around and had the other cuff on before I could blink.

"You rat bastard, Morelli!"

Morelli proceeded to recite my Miranda rights to me and then led me from the kitchen. "Stand up," he commanded Ranger. Ranger complied, all the while his facial expression never changed.

When we got to the door, Morelli turned around and said, "I'm only going to say this once, so listen closely." Both Ranger and I stared at him, silent. "You can both go to hell."

He walked out of the apartment and, just before he closed the door, said, "Don't go anywhere. Carl and Big Dog are on their way up to take you in."

After the door shut, all I could think to say was, "Shit."

"I thought he took it well."

I sent Ranger an incredulous look and then narrowed my eyes as a thought hit me. "You knew what he was doing. You knew what was going to be on that video!"

Ranger shrugged. "I didn't until I saw the alley."

"I didn't recognize the alley."

Ranger grinned. "It was a pretty memorable alley, babe."

"Shut up!" I lowered my head and shook it back and forth, the words 'why me?' running through my head. "Why did you let me talk you into that? You knew I had the vordo!"

"I like to live dangerously."

The door knob turned and, together, Ranger and I faced the doorway to await our fate. Maybe I'd live this down in fifty years. If I moved away. Far, far away.