Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me. Nor do the challenge lines set at HBX.
August: Mac: It works better if you put your arms around me.
July: Harm: Have you ever had your life turned upside down?
Mrs. Gale: Have you ever had your heart stop?
June: Mac: Why are you doing this?
Harm: Because it's the right thing to do.
I've stopped trying to stop you.
Author's Notes: This is my first JAG story in a while and I have rolled the last three months challenges into a one shot. I'm about to start a JAG/SVU crossover and decided I needed to revisit these two for some inspiration.
Thanks to Kathy for her friendship, and the title... happy days ahead, right?
xox coming to terms xox
It was supposed to be a dinner to celebrate Bud and Harriet's wedding anniversary. It was a time to reflect on their married life; celebrating their joys and remembering their tragedies. These extremes were equally responsible for making Bud and Harriet stronger as individuals and even stronger as a couple.
Yet in the run up to the dinner, the Roberts' were the last thing being focused on at JAG Headquarters. Attention was firmly set on Harm and Mac and their inability to be in the same room without major fireworks and not of the pretty, entertaining kind either.
Whilst no one specifically knew the cause of this most recent disagreement, it didn't matter. It was just another difficult period they all had to endure, something which had become commonplace in the time since Paraguay. From a strangers perspective nothing was amiss, they were two very professional officers who were strangers. There was nothing familiar in their exchanges, nothing to indicate they even knew each other.
Harm and Mac had both agreed to the dinner well in advance of the date, cases permitting, now with the dinner that night and no pressing cases or issues, both faced their own dilemma – how to get out of it without upsetting their dear friends.
Both caught up with Bud at different times during the day and gave their apologies and he accepted them with the graces which were intrinsic to his good nature. Harriet, on the other hand, wasn't as receptive. Increasingly frustrated at the inability of her friends to communicate and having all her matchmaking attempts reduced to dust, Harriet had been forthright and honest when she called them back late in the afternoon.
"I know things are difficult right now," she had told them both. "I appreciate how uncomfortable it is for you when you are not getting along. However, as our friends, and on our special occasion, I ask you put it aside and come to dinner with us. You have been an integral part of our lives and it wouldn't be the same without you there. If this is really something you can't do, then I guess it's something we'll have to live with."
Guilt having the magic powers it does, Harm and Mac arrived at Alfonse's Restaurant within ten minutes of each other ready to put any personal issues aside and reciprocate the friendship Bud and Harriet had always shown to them.
Mac was sitting at the bar, a mineral water with a lemon twist in her hand, when Harm arrived. He spied her at once, taking a moment to take in the cherry red, knee length, backless dress she had on. He had to admit it did amazing things for her body, and to his.
Taking a deep breath, he strolled over to her.
"Excuse me, ma'am," he began. "This seat taken?" His smile was small but genuine.
"No, please, go ahead," she replied, gesturing towards the stool. If he could play nice, so could she.
"You look lovely, Mac," he remarked as the bartender came over. Harm ordered a beer before turning his attention back to Mac.
"You look pretty good yourself," she smiled, scanning his navy blue suit, pale blue shirt and striped blue tie. She always loved him in blue.
Small talk followed and although there was no animosity, there was still no personal connection, to those around them they could have just met for the first time and not been so close for most of the last decade.
After Harm checked his watch for the third time, Mac sighed, it was obvious to her that he wasn't enjoying himself in the least.
"I'll call them," she said, pulling her cell from her small black clutch.
A brief, one-sided call later and Mac closed her phone and put it back into her bag.
"Bud and Harriet send their apologies but Nikki has a fever and severe earache and they are taking her to the doctor, they have to cancel," she reported, picking up her glass once more.
"Oh, I hope it's not serious," Harm commented, looking at his empty glass and wondering whether he should get another one, whether Mac would be agreeable to another drink or whether she just wanted to get out of there.
"You can go," Mac said. "No point you staying if they're not coming."
"Are you going home?" he asked her, standing up.
"Might as well," she replied wistfully. She'd hoped things would have gone much better than this.
Standing in front of him, Mac smiled sadly. It wasn't supposed to be like this, to be this hard. Despite everything that had transpired between them she had to admit, if only to herself, that she still loved him, she still wanted him.
"What?" he asked, watching her sadness wash over her. "Mac?"
"Nothing," she replied dropping her head and stepping away from the bar.
"No, it's not nothing," he said, gently taking hold of her elbow and keeping her from leaving. Realising she wasn't resisting; Harm dropped his hand, letting it slide into his pocket.
"What do you want me to tell you, Harm?" she asked, turning to face him.
"The truth, always the truth," he whispered as he stepped into her space.
"The truth," she laughed, "I don't think so." She pulled her shawl around her shoulders, ready to depart.
"Then at least give me a version of it," he pleaded quietly, his hand coming out to rest on her arm. "Please?"
As the restaurant lights dimmed and the band started playing, couples moved to the dance floor. Mac sighed deeply at the scene of bliss around her. Everyone seemed happy; content to be there … everyone except for her ... for them. It seemed to be the story of her life. Closing her eyes briefly, Mac allowed the music to seep into her being, soothing her nervous energy with its slow and steady tempo.
"I don't want to fight with you anymore, Harm," she began before opening her eyes. "I don't want to be an acquaintance or just someone who works in the same office."
"I don't want that either," he replied, studying her intently.
"I want some semblance of what we used to have, when we actually still liked each other," she sighed, shrugging her shoulders.
"Mac, through all this, I never stopped liking you," Harm replied. "Despite everything, I still consider you to be my best friend. We just haven't been very friendly of late."
"That's an understatement," she remarked, her heart heavy.
"Yeah, I know," he agreed, nodding. "Hasn't been easy, has it?"
"Nope," she sighed, the toll of recent times clearly evident in her eyes.
Harm smiled as he noticed Mac swaying in time with the more upbeat song which was playing.
"Would you like to dance me, Mac?" he asked, nodding towards the dance floor.
She thought about his offer as the word 'no' danced on her tongue, but "Yes" was the word she uttered.
Leaving her bag and shawl at the table which had been reserved under the Roberts' name, Mac followed Harm onto the floor. They stood facing each other, both moving in time with the beat but not touching. As the new song began, Mac realised it would be a slow song and looking at Harm she knew he wasn't sure what he should do about it.
"Um, Harm, I think dancing works better if you put your arms around me," she said, stepping into him and smiling as his arms wrapped around her, his warmth filling her with a sense of security and comfort she had missed terribly.
"I think you're right," he whispered as his cheek came to rest on the side of her head. "This is a much better way of dancing."
For a long while nothing was said; both more than content to be in the presence of the other without complicating it with the troublesome things like talking. It was Harm who broke their silence first.
"Mac, have you ever had your heart stop?" he said so quietly, Mac almost missed it.
She pulled back a little. "Yeah, I have. You?"
"When you said 'never' in Paraguay … mine stopped and I don't think it started beating again until now," he explained in hushed tones, his clear blue eyes clouding at the memory. "I mean it's a simple five letter word we use all the time but when you said it … well, …" his voice disappeared. He had no words to describe the deep and unrelenting pain he had felt that night, and since.
Deciding to talk this through rather than just argue, Mac moved her arms up so they were draped around his neck.
"Have you ever had your life turned upside down?" she asked, and watched as he nodded. "Mine was upended that night. I wasn't thinking clearly and said things which I have regretted since."
"Things like?" he prompted, pulling her a little closer.
"I'd been through a very traumatic episode and my head and my heart were spinning. I shouldn't have said anything that had such permanent repercussions… I wasn't in any state to give a considered answer," she rambled.
"I shouldn't have pushed you … I should have realised you needed some time to sort things through," Harm conceded, running his hand through her hair.
The music became faster and more upbeat but Harm and Mac remained entwined, their movements slow, steady and finally in sync for the first time in a long time.
"Where to from here then?" Mac asked. "We can't just forget it happened. We can't go back in time…"
"What if we just accept that it happened, we were both equally responsible but we've learnt our lesson and it won't happen again," he replied, his fingers still tangled in her hair.
"When did you become so rational?" she asked, her smile lighting her eyes.
"Since I realised that although I can live without you, I don't want to," he admitted, lowering his eyes.
"I don't want to live without you either," she replied, ducking her head to make eye contact with him once more. She found him grinning widely.
Harm slowly brushed his lips across her cheek.
"So, where to from here?" Mac repeated, her eyes closing as his lips lingered on her skin.
"I think I'd like to buy you dinner, then dance some more," Harm murmured. "After that, we'll just see what happens ... no never, no forever, just us…just now …while we sort things out, okay?"
"Yeah, more than okay," she whispered as his lips travelled across her cheek once more.
Deciding there was one thing she wanted to sort out right now; Mac tilted her head and captured his lips. Slowly she kissed him, swiping her tongue along his lips as her hands moved into his hair, keeping his head in place. Harm's lips parted and her tongue slipped between them, tangling with his as she started to explore his mouth.
Outside the restaurant
Bud and Harriet stood near the front door, looking in through the huge picture windows.
"Aww, it worked," Harriet sighed as she caught sight of Harm and Mac still entwined on the dance floor.
"Why are you doing this? Spying on our friends?" Bud asked, uncomfortable with the whole setup.
"Because it's the right thing to do," Harriet smiled. "If they were upset or arguing we'd have to go in and soothe things over. As it is, I think they are happy enough to be left on their own, don't you?"
"Yeah, I guess," mumbled Bud, glancing at the loving picture his friends made.
"I'm surprised you let me lie about Nikki being ill," she said, taking her husband's hand and heading back to the car.
"I've stopped trying to stop you," he admitted, opening the car door for his wife. "Besides, after what we've just seen, I don't think you'll have to match-make for them anymore."
"I know," Harriet beamed as Bud slid into the driver's seat. "But there's this new teacher at AJ's school and I think he'd be perfect for Jen… I could…"
The End
xox comingtoterms xox