Hope
It is so shiny. The bearded one knows that, and he knows that I want it. He dangles it in front of me, but he doesn't let me own it. I want the shiny. It is so pretty. Why does the shiny belong to him and not me?
A voice speaks to me. It is not Mother, the dark one or the beard. It is new and pretty, much like the shiny.
"Take it." It says.
And so I do.
Mother is scared. I am scared too. The dark one is chasing us. Mother says she won't give in, that she won't ever stop if she knew about me. The dark one would find and end me if Mother doesn't do something.
The basket she puts me in is cold and wet. I miss her warmth already. I don't want her to leave me. I want to stay with her, in her arms where I belong.
She cries as she kisses my forehead. She tells me she is sorry and that she wishes there was another way, but that the dark one would never stop. She said she'd always love me as she pushes me away.
The voice tells me that Mother could stop her, if she loved me enough. But she doesn't. She loves the dark one more. And so, she abandons me.
Father loves me. He told me so. He is the only one.
My mother abandoned me and my new family tried to kill me a month after they saved me from the river. They tried to burn me as they shouted to the world that I was a demon.
They are all dead now. Father was so pleased. He told me he was proud of me and that I was the perfect daughter. He asked me if I wanted to make him happy. There's nothing in the world I'd like to do more.
Well, maybe one thing.
I listen eagerly as he gives his instructions. After a year, he has decided that I am ready to do his bidding. He tells me he wants to destroy the one that took my mother away from me. I could not have asked for anything more. To prove my love for Father and to punish the evil one was all I could have hoped for.
The day of Dahak will come.
Aunty Callisto and I share a common interest – revenge on the one she calls Xena. I like her. She doesn't fear or hate me. She understands me.
Father dislikes her though. He says she should be used merely as a tool and that I should not get too attached. He reminds me about what happens to everybody I love. He says that nobody but him will ever understand me, and that his love should be the only thing that matters.
Aunty forgets her place again. She must be punished.
I forgot how much I missed my mother until I saw her again. I remember her cradling me in my arms when I was a baby, her warmth and light filling my world with a joy I had long since forgotten.
"She abandoned you." Father reminds me.
He is right of course. If she had truly loved me, she wouldn't have abandoned me. She would have killed Xena to protect me. Father knows she could have done it. Mother is the only one she trusts.
I look at her again, and I can't help but think how much better my life would be if she was there to make everything right. Maybe if she got to know me, she could love me. Father loves me, but he isn't here. I long for the warmth of loving arms, like I see so many children around me experience.
Father hears my jealous thoughts and longing and he is displeased. I try to push those feelings deep down, fearing what would happen if Father left me as well. He is all I have.
I played my part perfectly, and now Father is very pleased with me. He told me he couldn't have asked for a better daughter. I am happy.
She hugs me. Her warmth and love is everything I had hoped it would be. My whole world seems lighter as I realise that she loves me. She well and truly cares for me and she is sorry for abandoning me. It wasn't that she loved the dark one more, it was just that my mother didn't believe she could physically stop her. She doesn't fully appreciate her abilities.
I wish to tell her about how everything is going to be alright, about how I am going to get revenge on Xena for keeping us apart and how Aunty will stop anything bad happening to me. I wanted to tell her that we could be together. That me, her and Father could be a family again, with Aunty Callisto, of course.
But I can't. It isn't safe.
She takes me to him, just like Father predicted she would. Xena's son. What punishment would be more fitting than to take her son away from her, just like I was taken away from my mother?
The boy is dumb looking, just like his mother. I smile in excitement. I am going to enjoy this.
This is it. One final performance and then my mother and I can be together. I am happier than I have ever been. My parents love me and I have crushed the one who took my mother away from me.
I run into her embrace and begin to tell her the story Father told me to say.
He screams at me when I mention Solan's name. He calls me a stupid, fool of a child. The words hurt more than any pain I have ever felt.
I think quickly, and tell Mother that she told me his name. I think she believes me.
I ask her if we can leave, and she says yes.
She takes me into a beautiful clearing and sits down and talks to me. She asks me about my life and I tell her all that Father lets me. She looks sad. I guess she is upset that she missed so much of my life.
My throat begins to get parched after talking so much. My mother notices and asks if I want a drink.
I thank her as I accept the water pouch she hands to me. I drink thirstily, before handing it back to Mother. She starts to cry as she holds me in her arms.
It feels so right here. So safe. Her warmth is making me sleepy.
She tells me that she's sorry and that she'll always love me.
I try to tell her that I love her as well, but I can't form the words. I am so tired. I shut my eyes and let sleep take me, knowing I can tell her when I wake up.