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"So you think I'm being stupid?" Marissa asked Ryan nervously. "Rissa it's not my place to judge or question. If you think you need to go, then go. If you think you can stay, then stay." Ryan explained. "I just wanted to tell you now, before graduation. I think you at least deserve that much. You deserve to know that this is not about you. It's about me and my needs for once." Marissa explained, brushing a strand of her hair out of her face. "I know that. How about we go graduate, and we can talk afterwards?" Ryan proposed. "Let's do this all together." Summer proposed, wrapping her hand around Marissa's shoulder, smiling broadly. "Let's go." Ryan agreed, a smile on his face.
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
"So, you're really doing this? I mean going to Greece with your dad?" Summer asked nervously. "I have to Sum. I have to find myself, and I can't do it here. I have to do it alone." Marissa responded. "So what am I going to do without you?" Sum asked, tears in her eyes. "Well, I'm not gone yet, am I? We still have tonight. Come on guys." Marissa ordered, pulling on Ryan's hand. The four friends ended up spending the night at the model home, sitting around and talking about the past, the present and the future. "So you'll come back here eventually? Ryan asked. "I will. I promise I will." Marissa responded seriously. "Can I ask one last favor of you?" Ryan asked embarrassingly. "Whatever you want." Marissa agreed. "Can I take you to the airport? You were the first person I met when I came here, and I want to be the last person to see you before you go." Ryan explained. "Deal. I don't think I could deal with saying good bye to you anyway." Marissa responded. The next morning found the four friends still sitting around the model home, wanting to cherish every minute together. "I should go home and pack and start saying my goodbyes, so I'll see you there." Marissa commented, standing up from the bench she was sitting on. "I'll come with you. See you soon guys." Summer agreed, following Marissa to her car.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
"So seriously, how are you doing?" Seth asked curiously as he and Ryan drove to the Cooper-Roberts residence an hour later. "I have no idea. I mean I want her to be happy, and this obviously makes her happy, but I've gotten used to saving her, and now I can't do anything." Ryan explained. "You can. You can be on her side and don't make her doubt herself." Seth responded. "I won't. I'm proud of her and of the steps she's made in the right direction, but I'll miss her." Ryan analyzed. "I know, we all will, but we have to be strong for her." Seth responded. "Since when did you get to be so smart?" Ryan asked. "It's the line I'll have to use when Summer is crying on my shoulder about missing her crime in partner." Seth responded.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
"So what will you miss the most?" Summer asked Marissa as she packed her suitcase. "The diner, spending time with you, being your step sister." Marissa responded as she put her neatly folded tops in her suitcase. "Not Ryan?" Summer asked curiously. "Of course Ryan, but we're not getting back together. He's one of the reasons I'm taking this trip. I need to focus on myself, not on rekindling our romance." Marissa responded. "I know and I understand that, but would it be so bad if you two got back together?" Summer questioned. "Right now yes. The next time Ryan and I get back together it has to be for good. I can't be stuck in a relationship where we break up one day and make up the next. I deserve better and so does Ryan. Now help me finish packing here?" Marissa pleaded.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
"So, you'll call when you get to Greece?" Summer asked, tears streaming down her face. "Of course I will Sum. I'll miss you sweetie." Marissa commented, hugging her best friend warmly. "You better come back with a tan, and tell me if you meet a cute Greek by and decide to live there." Summer ordered. "So, I'll be here when you get back." Seth commented shyly. "Yup, and we'll have some Marissa-Seth time. You can even teach me how to use your dreaded playstation." Marissa responded, hugging Seth. "These are for you. For the plane ride and for the boat." Seth explained as he nervously as he handed Marissa a plastic bag filled with comic books. "Thanks Seth. You and I never got off to the best start, but take care of Summer for me. I can only trust you with her. Of course if you break her heart, Ryan has my authorization to kick your ass." Marissa joked as she hugged Seth one last time. A few minutes later Marissa was done saying her goodbyes and she walked with Ryan to her waiting car, turning around to wave at her friends and family. Even when she got in the car, she turned around and waved happily, looking at the people who loved her until they turned a corner and she didn't see them dissolve into tears. Marissa did not see Seth hold Summer as she shook from the force of the tears streaming down her eyes, she didn't see her mother go inside and cry in the privacy of her own room and she didn't see Kirsten apologize for failing to keep Marissa safe and out of trouble.
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
"So, you've got everything?" Ryan asked embarrassingly. "I do. Listen Ryan, I can't trust myself to tell you everything I want right now, because I'm too emotional, so I wrote you this letter. Just don't open it till I'm gone. I don't want you to react to everything in it till I'm gone." Marissa explained as she handed Ryan a sealed envelope with his name printed on it. "Are you sure?" Ryan asked hopefully. "If you open it now I'll either never get on the plane or I'll never come back. I always need to have my hope to keep me going." Marissa explained as her flight was announced over the loudspeakers. "That's me. So take care of yourself and we'll see each other again soon. I promise." Marissa whispered as she buried herself in Ryan's arms. "I know I can't save you Rissa. That's the only reason why I'm letting you go. So do this, and then we'll see where you and I go." Ryan responded as he kissed the top of Marissa's head. "So we still have a chance?" Marissa asked hopefully. "We'll see Rissa. Just go do this for yourself, you know. Concentrate on being healthy again." Ryan ordered as he brushed the stray tears that had fallen down Marissa's cheeks. "I'll miss you Atwood. Just watch over everyone for me. I need you to keep them all together." Marissa explained before turning to leave. The minute she turned around the corner Marissa dissolved into tears, leaning against a wall, slowly falling down it. Marissa was still crying when she reached her departure gate ten minutes later. Just as she was leaving her cell phone beeped, telling her that someone had sent her a text message. Marissa sighed as she opened her cell phone and read the message which read. "Please don't go. I know what you made me promise, but I can't keep this promise. Come back to me." Marissa smiled through her tears and held her ticket in her hand, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly a smile appeared on her face and she took her cell phone and dialed a familiar number. "Hey dad? I hope I didn't wake you up." Marissa began her conversation, walking away from the departure gate.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
Ryan walked to his car, tears stinging his eyes, but he didn't let them fall until he got into his car. He also decided to open the letter Marissa had written to him right then and there. It was a one paged note which read: Dear Ryan, I've been up half the night trying to decide what and how much to tell you, and then I remembered something. You and I have always been honest with each other, so here it goes. Herein are all the things I want to say to you tomorrow, but will probably not be able to due to the emotional state I will be in. I'll start easy: I will miss everything about Newport Beach. My friends, my family, the beach, the shopping, the diner, the bait shop, but above all you. I'll miss you with every breath I'll take and every day. I'll miss seeing you smile and spending time with you. But know this: You will be with me every time I want to take a drink or take drugs telling me I deserve better and the quicker I become better the quicker I can come back to you. I never meant to hurt you and I am sorry for all the times I have. I am sorry for DJ and Alex. I am sorry for disappointing you and letting you go. Above all I am sorry I have to leave you now, when I need you the most. But if I don't, I'll never be able to stand on my own two feet. I'll always need you to save me, and now I need to save myself and that scares me, but maybe that's a good thing. I trust you to be the glue that keeps everyone else strong. I want you to tell Kirsten time and time again that this was not her fault. Spend time with Seth. He'll need someone to rely on and keep his mind off Summer who will be a wreck, but Seth will be her rock and her true north (or I hope so). Tell Dr. Roberts that I want to spend time as a family when I come back and that my mother might push him away but he'll have to persevere. As for me, I'll rely on myself and the knowledge that I'll be coming back to all of you soon and that I'll miss you all terribly. Lastly, I love you truly and deeply Ryan. Having said that I also want you to know that I hope you'll wait for me to come back. By now you're either in tears or you're thinking that I am crazy. Promise me that if you're in tears you won't try to stop me, because you'll be able to. Let me do this for myself so that I can come back to you stronger than ever and we can give our relationship one last go, if you want to. I'm telling you these things now, because I have nothing to loose. I can't be stuck in a relationship where I am breaking up and making up with my boyfriend all the time. It's just not fair to you or to me. I am tired now, and this letter has already run over what I thought it would. Take care of yourself and I'll see you in a few months Atwood. Marissa. Ryan wiped the tears that were now flowing freely down his cheeks and he picked up his cell phone to send a text message, hoping he wasn't too late.
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
As soon as Ryan walked into the pool house he smiled broadly at the sight he faced: Marissa sitting on a corner of his bed. "Hi" he greeted sitting down next to her. "I was just about to leave. I was at the gate in fact when I got your message." Marissa uttered. "When I read your letter I couldn't let you go like that. I thought you might forgive me for breaking a promise." Ryan responded as he approached Marissa tentatively. "I'll still need to go to rehab. My will isn't enough any more." Marissa explained. "We'll do this together, step by step. Saving you is my thing. If you take that away from me, what will you leave me with?" Ryan asked. "A poor boy from Chino with fists of fury." Marissa jokingly responded. "So what happens with us next?" Marissa asked seriously. "We take it slow. You go to Suriak, and then we'll see. We might even go to Berkley together after Christmas." Ryan responded. "Sound good to me." Marissa agreed before leaning to kiss Ryan deeply.
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