The Most Annoying -- Ch 1: Advice

Summary :: I was watching TLK, okay? Simba's thoughts during a few selected scenes during TLK... don't worry, it's funny.

Disclaimer :: Disney. I'll say no more.

Notes :: Hey, I was bored. I was watching 'The Morning Report' scene... and I came up with this, randomly. I tried to fit in the scenes that didn't seem funny at first, but make them funny in the thoughts. Besides, I had to make the cracks go on and on and on. Like they always do in my work. Remember ALTOIDS?? That was ongoing, and it wasn't that bad, was it? Even The Lion King has 'em. You know, 'monkey's uncle', 'I told you never to mention that name', and of course, who can forget Pumbaa's little... ah mishap. (Scar's too, in my work every single time)

"...And so we are all connected in the great circle of life." Truthfully, I didn't care if we were connected in the great circle of life or the nasty circle of poo and vomit. I just wanted to be king.

"Good morning Sire!" Of course, he had to show up.

Zazu. The classic annoyance. He was, as always, here right on time to spoil the "fun." Oh well, I could always use excitement. Sometimes Dad would show me something cool about Zazu, or let me torment him. That would be fun.

"Good morning Zazu." Why did Dad greet him? Did he deserve it? No way!

"Checking in with the morning report!"

"Fire away!" No, don't. I HATE the morning report. It's SO boring.

And he starts singing a dumb song. My songs are WAY better than that. Uninterested in Zazu's blabbing and tattling, I began pouncing for a gopher. It seemed to want Dad's attention. Was I going to let him have it? NO! It was much funner to chase these little guys, for a cub growing up in the dull life of these pride lands. Oh, it was humiliating though, when I happened to smack my head -- and more importantly, my MANE -- on a rock. Ow! Why do I...? That's gonna leave a mark...

"What are you doing son?"

I thought for a moment of my answer. There was always the simple approach. Then there was the jokey make-fun-of-my-previous-action answer. Of course I could start sobbing pitifully, and make him show sympathy on me and thus give me anything I want ... nah. I didn't feel like it.

"Pouncing." I decided to take the former.

"Let an old pro show you how it's done." I wasn't about to pass THAT up!

"Stay low to the ground." I lowered my massive and golden, famed body, grinning devilishly, my eyes on Zazu and only Zazu.

"Yeah, stay low to the ground. Right." I had this one DOWN, baby. With a bit more prodding from good ol' Dad, I started pouncing on the guy, joining in on his song. Constantly I popped up in front of him, scaring him out of his mind. But he got me back. He started pecking me! How dare he! That was no way to treat your future king! Besides, that was already sore from my previous encounter with the rock... Oh well. If worst comes to worst, I can always ask Uncle Scar what to do with him. Scar was an expert at only three things. These things did come in handy, all the same. One: getting rid of Zazu. Two: self pity. Three: dealing with pain -- heck, Dad beat 'im up so much that 'e was always dealin' with somethin'. Why he did this to such an enjoyable guy as Scar, I didn't know. After a few joyful seconds, I had of course to end my paradise.

"That's very good." Yay! A compliment from Dad?! Cool!

"Sire! Hyenas -- in the pride lands!" Zazu. Oh great. Not again.

"Zazu? Take Simba home." He depended on that brute?

"Aww, Dad. Can't I come?" Please, at least let me come! PLEASE??

"No son." And he ran off. Show off.

I sighed. "I never get to go anywhere." Sulking, I slumped back to Pride Rock.

"Oh, young master, one day you will be king. Then you can chase those slobbering, mangy, stupid poachers from dawn until dusk."

I'd rather get rid of HIM. Whoop! Time to get advice from the old scarred uncle