Behind The Façade

By: Haze



I have always thought that I could stand alone

But no

You proved it otherwise



You annoy me much before

But then

It all changed



When did it start to change anyway?

Or rather

How did it change?



Was it because of your efforts?

Those diverse efforts

To thaw out my icy wall and reach into my soul?



Was it because of your cheerfulness and caring disposition?

Or was it simply because

I longed for you from the very start



Perhaps I just persuaded myself

To think

That I am annoyed with you



Perhaps because I was afraid

Very afraid

To love and hold someone dear only to lose them



But whatever reasons there are for everything

It has one end

And that is you have a special place in my heart



Yes. heart

I have one after all

Because you gave me one to love you with



I want to hold you

To protect you

And to make you smile in a certain way



I want to help you

To comfort you

And to love you this way forever



I want you to look at me

In a special way

That tells me that you love me more than a friend



But that can never be

It never will be

No matter how much I wish



For from the very beginning

You never were free

You had your destiny to keep



You were never mine to hold

Never mine to protect

And never mine to make smile in a certain way



You were never mine to help

Never mine to comfort

And most of all you were never mine to love this way forever



You will never look at me

In a special way

That tells me that you love me more than a friend



All your pains

And joys

Are not mine to share



No matter how I would wish it to be

They are not mine to share

You are not mine to keep



Those tears and laughs

They are for someone else

For him. your destiny



I want to stop this pain

This pain I feel

Whenever I see you with him



I want to stop this pain

This useless pain

Of hurting for a wish that can never be



But however I want to stop this

It can never be stopped

Because I would have to stop loving you then



To stop loving you is something that I can never do

Because it would be like taking away my air

And it would be like stopping my heart from beating forever



All I can do is cry silently in my heart

Cover these tears with my icy exterior once again

And live forever wishing you were mine



All I can do is endure this pain

Smile for you and tell you

That I am and will always be happy for you and him



All I can do is look at you from afar

Love you secretly and feel this pain yet

Still smile for your bliss



I wish I can just tell you how I feel

But this is love I suppose

It endures till the end



And now it is clear that I will never be free

Free from all this pain

Pain of loving someone I can never have



But despite all this

I can never stop loving you

I can never let go



And because of that

No matter what happens

Things will never change



I will always smile for you even though you're with him

I will always love you even though you're not mine

And I will always wish for you happiness



I will never let you go

And this I know well

I'll still be here even though I know that you will never come













Author's Note: I'm kind of new so please be nice enough to criticize my work so I can improve. By the way, please check out my other fanfic. It's a Slam Dunk fic entitled Maybe. Thank you ^^