Knocking on Heaven's Door
There was nothing special about the tune. It wasn't even really a song, just the idle strumming of a young man who was no writer and only a passable guitarist. Of the two who sat out on the porch that evening, it was the girl who was the song writer, though they were both singers first at heart. Their unseen audience supposed that if there was any discernable pattern or way of predicting what notes Takuto would play next, Mitsuki would be adding lyrics in the same half-thoughtful way he was playing. Instead, she was lying on her back, hands reaching towards the sky, telling Takuto about things someone special had told her long ago. But she didn't talk about Eichi the way she used to and Takuto didn't get jealous anymore. He just listened, because her voice, whether singing or speaking brought him some level of peace.
For some reason he wasn't sure he wanted to place, Izumi was also drawn to the girl. He told Jonathan nothing about the times he would find himself wandering down to Earth to watch her, mostly because the ghost was just damn annoying, but also because he had no justification for such visits. He had no business with Kouyama Mitsuki or Kira Takuto.
Izumi was about to float off for the time being with his usual unheard farewells of "Ta-kun, Miki," when the girl changed her subject.
"I heard once that Heaven is on the moon. The person who told me that might have made it up, but I want to believe it's true."
"I did make it up," Izumi said, but no one heard him.
Takuto stopped his strumming to think about this. Most of what Mitsuki told him about the moon and stars was scientific fact and something she just liked to recite to fill empty air. She wasn't much of a philosopher.
"When you look at the moon from Earth, it's so small. I could almost reach out and grab it. If angels are on the moon, then I feel closer to them. If Meroko is on the moon then we're still all together."
"Meroko?" Takuto questioned as if to say who's that?
"Me-chan?" Izumi questioned as though his heart had stopped beating.
Izumi once told Jonathan that those three—Mitsuki, Takuto and Meroko—no longer mattered. Mitsuki was no longer dying; he had no business with her. As for Takuto and Meroko, he'd assumed they became ghosts for saving the girl's life. Takuto, he had known, was teetering on the edge between Shinigami and ghost for months. It was only right to think he'd fallen as punishment for his deeds and his memories. As for Me-chan, she followed where Takuto went. Surely if she was unable to keep him from becoming a wandering soul, she would become one as well.
When Takuto appeared as a human, Izumi settled in to wait for Meroko's second lifetime. He toyed with the idea of stealing her soul to keep with him briefly, but really, just being able to watch her would be enough, even if she couldn't see him. Sure, he might have to take action if he suspected she was beginning to fall for someone else, or the same someone, Ta-kun, but even that would just be a last resort, if she still continued to deny the reality that no one could be trusted, much less loved.
The Meroko that Izumi knew, after all, was much too innocent, much too naïve. She was quick to bestow her love and trust, too stubborn to guard her own heart. She went about everything in a childish way, reckless and never getting anything done, never seeing more than what was on the surface. Really, Izumi reasoned, if he didn't protect her, she'd just wind up getting hurt over and over again, for all of eternity. She was hurt by Takuto, hurt in her human life to some great capacity that caused her to give up entirely. Shinigami were the punished souls of those who committed suicide.
But Izumi, apparently, had miscalculated yet again. Just like Miki didn't die, Takuto didn't become a ghost and Meroko didn't give up on love and trust. She did the opposite. She transcended from Shinigami to Angel. Such a thing was appalling to Izumi; he hated Angels. What was worse, Meroko existed still in the same ethereal world as he, but beyond his reach as a punished soul.
Frowning, Izumi left the human world for his own, wondering what, if anything, could be done about this development. He was a high ranking Shinigami who'd made requests to the Death Master before—to split up his partnership with Meroko, to send Negi Ramen after Mitsuki and in the process trigger Takuto's memories before he was able to handle them. Perhaps asking to team-up with her again would be enough to pull her out of Heaven and return her to him.
When she was back where she belonged, by his side with rabbit ears and little wings, he would just have to bite the bullet and explain. He had been afraid. Of her, of trusting her, of the idea of being an "us." But he was afraid even more of what she might be, what might happen to her, if he was not there to protect her. He'd seen what was happening when Meroko was near Takuto, how much better off she'd have been if they never met and realized he'd made a mistake. Takuto had been cruel and uncaring—which was exactly what Izumi had been talking about the entire time. Getting Takuto out of the picture proved harder than it should have been and the whole thing finally blew up in his face when Meroko became an Angel.
Izumi, in his quest to see the Death Master, bypassed most of the bureaucracy and his fellow Shinigami. The Death Master herself was a tall and imposing blonde woman whom most of the death gods feared. Izumi was an exception to this—there wasn't much she could do to him that would punish him more than his very immortal existence did. It was probably because of this seeming bravery that Izumi got his way so often. And because he was so used to getting his way, he was not surprised that he was allowed to barge into the Death Master's private realm, as he'd done so many times before. He was not surprised that he got no admonishment or even a slap on the wrist. She merely looked at him calmly with eyes that never seemed to bare any emotion and waited for him to speak.
"I formally request the reformation of Mirumaiku. I understand now that splitting up my partnership with Meroko Yui was a mistake. As much as I thank you for the opportunity your graciousness afforded us both--"
"I cannot do that."
Izumi's expression turned sour and he dropped the phony charm and docile attitude.
"Why not? Look, I was wrong, I get that. Just fix this and let's forget about it."
"Rikyou Moe's punishment has ended. She is no longer your concern."
"'Rikyou?' I'm here for Meroko!"
"The one you call Meroko has redeemed herself and regained her true name. Do not speak of her to me again." In her finality, the Death Master pushed Izumi from the spot of reality he'd occupied, straight into downtown underworld.
Izumi punched the ground with his fist, glaring seemingly at passerby. Meroko's friend with the ram horns noticed him and muttered something he couldn't hear to her companion as they passed him. Now, it seemed, he was some sort of damned joke.
"Neeeeee, Izumi-kuuuuuun." If that wasn't bad enough, he'd attracted Jonathan's attention as well. Not wanting to hear whatever the ghost had to say, Izumi stuffed what could be called his body into that obnoxious top hat. Funny, how top hats were never obnoxious on Meroko.
Sometime later, Izumi had decided his next plan of action: become an Angel himself. It couldn't possibly be difficult to convince the Death Master he'd learned to respect life. He'd simply not harvest the souls of his targets and let the dying children live. After all, that was more or less what Meroko and Takuto had done for Mitsuki. Eventually, someone would have to figure that he was acting out of the good of his heart or some such crap and send him along his way to Heaven, where he could properly look after Meroko, or whatever it was they were calling her now.
He let Jonathan in on the plan because as his partner in Yami-Nabe, he had to, otherwise the ghost would start asking questions, or worse, report him for ignoring his duties. It wasn't about the job anymore, Izumi had to explain, now, it was about Heaven. Even though he doubted a ghost's ability to get to Heaven, he'd said "they" were going, in case Jonathan got any ideas in his misshapen head to stop Izumi for a perceived crime against his partner.
So, the two partners waded through their cases, pretending to see the tragedy and answer prayers. A few potential victims of his arrow and tiny cage lived happily ever after, though it was far more often the case that another set of operatives went in after Yami-Nabe to clean up the mess they'd made. Izumi ignored the particulars of each case, each child, and handed them life even when death would have served the individual better. He ignored the ill ones who had given up on living so much that they could seen the Shinigami and ghost clearly and let them live with their pain until someone else came for them. He ignored the young ones who cried for parents who did not come for them. He ignored the lonely ones who would have been greatly comforted by a stuffed yellow puppy wearing a vest and hat.
And no matter how long it took, Izumi would fly through the Earth's sky, citing such woe for what he had seen, pat himself on the back for being such a good person and smile to himself for thinking up such a fool-proof plan. Infinitely better, he decided, than his one to get rid of Takuto. Takuto, who sat on the porch of the side house of the Kouyama estate with Mitsuki, while Izumi, unseen, watched them.
And he had been watching when the Angel came.
"God can see through your lies." Such a familiar voice, so much softer and sadder than he remembered, but oh, how Izumi was thankful to hear it. Her hair was shorter, her wings larger, but she was still the same Meroko who held her arms out to him, beckoning. While Izumi did float closer, he wasn't sure what to make of her offered hug. She'd never asked to hold him before, but latched on whenever she wanted. Permission was requested in the past for a shoulder to cry on or a lap to rest her cheek on. She'd never held her arms out, waiting for him to come.
She moved closer to him instead, wrapping him in an embrace. "He loves you all the same."
Being held had never felt this warm before; it was making his mind feel fuzzy. "Then I can go to Heaven," he murmured, as his cheek fell against her shoulder.
"No," she wrapped her arms tighter around him, while real tears mingled with the one painted—or was it tattooed?—below her right eye. "You can't, Izumi-kun."
His arms had found their way around her waist of their own accord. "Of course, I can, Me-chan. I've become good like you."
She pulled away from him, still crying. "This is not goodness, Izumi-kun. It is selfishness. You have caused pain in a quest to possess a soul which is not yours to own."
"No, Me-chan, you need me to protect you." He gripped her shoulders, which aside from the spaghetti straps of her dress, were bare. "Without me, you'll just get hurt."
Meroko—Moe—broke eye contact, turning her head away. "Of all the people in the world, the one who hurt me the most was Izumi-kun. He let me think he loved me, then turned me away."
"That—that's not true," Izumi protested. "That's not what happened at all."
"You can't lie to God or His Angels, Izumi-kun, please stop trying. I don't want to see you disappointed, that's why I'm telling you now. The road to Heaven was never paved by selfishness."
Izumi withdrew his hands as though her skin had burned him. "If I'm so damned selfish, why are you even bothering?"
"I love all the people of the world."
Oh, so that was it. No personal affection for him. Just the same super-imposed love placed on every Angel. That was why he hated them, Izumi decided then, they cited universal love that they couldn't possibly feel.
"But I love Izumi-kun the most." The Angel clasped each of his hands in one of hers, kissed his cheek and fled to Heaven, where she hoped to hide from his anguished screams of her name.
Searching for a Full Moon…
Disclaimers: Full Moon wo Sagashite and all related characters and likenesses are property of Tanemura Arina, Ribon, and which ever anime company it was that made the cartoon this fic is so heavily based upon.
Author Notes: While this was based mostly on the anime, a lot of back story and concepts came from the manga. This is a little confusing, so just to clarify, for some reason the Shinigami names go given name-family name, while all others go family name-given name. Meroko was her given name as a Shinigami, but Moe was her given name as a human.