Author's Note: Don't own it, with I did LOL Using . as paragraph breaks
Prompt: Macri
What's a little light death between friends?
It's funny, but I can clearly recall how numb I felt when I asked Helen that question. It was as if I hadn't really dealt with it yet, which I suppose I hadn't at that point in time. I kept thinking about why I had come back, and whether I had actually wanted to. Thing was, at the moment I agreed to die in order to try and contact Kali one last time, I was ready to stay dead. I agreed because I had accepted that, with the Macri gone, I was a dead man anyway; so what harm was there in trying to go out in style, by saving thousands of lives? Having come to terms with the fact that I was dying, and accepting there was no way to change it, coming back was something of a surprise. The way I felt then, it wasn't a pleasant one; I kept thinking that maybe I had been cheated out of Heaven by returning to life when I had been ready to die.
.
I realised, as I was standing in what Fallon calls the 'Avatar Chamber' that speaking to Kali as the host to the Macri and as myself were two entirely different things. I often wonder whether the face Kali saw, as she was talking to me, was perhaps the face of the original host. When she ran from me playfully in the streets, was she seeing me, or him? And when I appeared in the fields with her, was she disappointed to see me and not him?
.
It took dying again, in Praxis, to realise how much life is worth though, and how fragile it can be. When I talked to Fallon about our experiences of speaking to Kali, I realised that her contact had been very formal, whereas mine had been far more personal. The Macri was an extraordinary creature that allowed its host to communicate with its cousin, and that means that it wasn't a 'simple' life form. Its own intelligence, and experiences with each host, helped it to bond with Kali, and in doing so, helped me bond with her too.
.
When it chose me as a host, and it could have chosen anyone at that point, it also changed me in ways I am still trying to comprehend. I recall experiences that I know aren't mine, and know they must be memories left behind by the Macri. I have feelings that I know are left over from my time as host, and wonder whether they are the feelings of the previous hosts or the Macri itself. I see people and places that I know are long gone, lost in the sands of time and forgotten by all but a handful of people.
.
Sadly, with Praxis gone, and Fallon murdered, I cannot find out the answers to my questions. I can never know how long the Cult of Kali protected the Macri, keeping it safe and helping to translate the will of Kali. I can never find out how many hosts had carried it faithfully before it chose me. And most importantly, I can never find out whether the name she called me, 'Dur-ga' was the first host, a pet name or perhaps, it was the name of the Macri itself...